Disclaimer!! Who is JK Rowling? And why is she stealing all my ideas?!? (If only...) As you know, I'm not JK, none of this belongs to me, so bug off!

Oh, and thanks to Moonswolf, Prongs-n-Padfoot-4eva, and Jessa-L'Ryn. Great ideas, guys. And although wolfboy 68's idea was quite tempting...I couldn't bring myself to 'split the houses...' That's me, always the one to stick to the facts, or at least try to...er-on with the story?

A/N: Here's where the funny starts-I hope. ; )

The List Starts Here

"OK," Sirius said, "Well, I've already got the number one rule--but I'm not going to tell you until you give me the other seven," Sirius sniggered at his friends.

"We could start with a no-rules rule," Remus was now sitting zealously on the edge of his seat, despite his earlier sarcasm. "How about this: 'Never follow the rules. Rules are made to be broken, and in some cases breaking rules is a necessity."

Sirius looked at him for a moment, astonished. This was not something he was expecting from 'prefect Moony.'

"What?" Remus asked, seeing the look on his friends face. "Do you honestly think that after seven plus years you wouldn't rub off on me?"

Shaking his head as if coming out of a train of deep thought. "Yeah, that's good, we'll put that in there." Sirius was taking notes on a parchment he had ready beforehand. "And another rule can be--" He was interrupted before he could finish.

"Ooh, ooh, how about one about animagus? Something along the lines of, 'you have to become an animagus if you want to be a Marauder's son?" Peter put his two cents in, which was, coincidentally, the only sense he had.

"No, that's no good! You make it sound like the kid'd be ostracized if he didn't become an animagus. Besides, that's just unreasonable to ask." James shot down the idea point blank. Peter looked at the floor and gave it a nod, saying, "OK," as he did so.

Everybody sat silent for a while, until a low hiss sounded from Sirius. "Snivellus." The others shook themselves out of their trances. At first, nobody seemed able to comprehend what their sneaky friend was talking about, but as comprehension dawned on each of them in turn, their faces contorted to reveal quite ugly faces of disgust.

"Why would you want to put him on the list?" Peter, always the clever one, failed dismally to connect the dots.

"Use your brain, Wormtail." Sirius was rolling his eyes. "And I quote-'Associating with a certain nameless, greasy-haired, hooked-nose snivellus is completely unacceptable and unforgivable. If you want to be friends with said snivellus, it is suggested that you run away and change your name.' End quote." Sirius finished, grinning victoriously.

"Padfoot, that's brilliant! Now I remember why I like you so much!" James was on top of Sirius in a flash, and the two engaged in a friendly wrestling match that only ended when Remus decided to cut in.

"You can't put that on there! That's completely prejudiced, not to mention a blatant threat." But he was grinning madly.

"Oh, come on, Moony, you know you like it! I think being a prefect went to your head!" He turned his back to Moony, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "Honestly, one of the Marauders refusing to insult Snivellus. I never thought I'd see the day..."

"Bug off, Padfoot, you know someone has to at least pretend they know the difference between right and wrong."

"And am I ever glad you're the one to do that and not me! Now, where were we? Ah, yes, Snivellus. All those in favor of inaugurating the Snivellus rule, say 'Aye.'"

The four, as one, chorused, "Aye."

"Now that that's settled, anyone got any more ideas?"

There was silence, and then-

"I can't believe nobody's come up with this yet, it's so obvious." James was looking at the other four, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Lily is going to kill me for this if she ever finds the list-mind you, we'll have to hide it somehow-" He paused, his smile making him look like he was on the edge of insanity, or that he was at least returning from the other side of it. "We have to set a prank limit. Or at least a minimum. We can't have a perfect, rule-abiding, joke-free little Potter running around Hogwarts, now can we? How's this sound-" he related the exact wording to the group.

"That's perfect, Prongs! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because your brain is too slow and can't keep up with mine?" James suggested, and a heavy pillow coming his way was the reply.

"So that's three rules so far," interrupted Remus, ticking off his fingers as he said, "Pranks, Snivellus, and Rule-breaking."

"Nice trick Moony, it won't work the next time." James glared at his friend, well aware that he only did that to prevent him from retaliating and starting an all-out pillow fight. Remus smirked to show his amusement.

"Well, as long as we're speaking minimums here, shouldn't we put in something about detentions? After all, we did some of our best prank-planning while in detention." Sirius was looking at the other three for approval, and they were all nodding at him. "All right. That makes it four down, three to go."

"But I thought you said there were eight rules."

"Wormtail, you are absolutely clueless. I told you, I already have the number one rule down. Don't you ever listen?" Sirius' voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh, I just got another idea!" Here comes Moony to save the day (or prevent the altercation, as the case may be). Everyone averted their attention to listen. "Absolute loyalty among friends is the only way to go. Lying and/or deceiving is not to be tolerated. Reserve those nasty things to be used in regards to rule Snivellus." As none of his friends were reacting, he added, "Please reserve your applause and praise for after the show." That seemed to work.

"Perfect, Moony! Can I have your brain?" Remus chuckled at his friend's pathetic attempt at a joke.

"No, Wormtail, I prefer to keep it in my own head, thank you." He shook his head good-naturedly. "So, how about it?"

"I agree. Do you agree, Mr. Prongs?"

James recognized the gesture immediately and followed his best friend's lead. "Certainly, Mr. Padfoot. Do you concur, Mr. Wormtail?" His civil voice gave the entire group the visual of a large, suited man with incredibly short, greased black hair and a matching toothpick moustache. Unbeknownst to them, this visual uncannily resembled a much larger and black-haired form of a certain Mr. Crouch.

Wormtail continued the chain. "Of course, Mr. Prongs, what do you say, Mr. Moony?"

Remus shook his head. This was a ritual within the group. Often, when they wanted to take a consensus of whether each of the Marauders agreed on something, they would start a chain of ridiculously formal and expanded replies of 'yes' or 'no.' He saw no point in stopping it now. "I say that I'm simply delighted! Thank you, sirs, shall we continue?" The other three broke into wide smiles.

"Two to go!" Wormtail reminded happily.

A sneaky smirk slowly made its way to James's face.

Sirius groaned. He knew that look. "What have you got in mind now, Prongs?"

"Oh, just a little something naughty. We can't have my son babbling about this list to a certain-ahem-Mrs. Potter, now can we?" Two of the group gaped at him, but on other was sniggering. "What?"

"Mmm, well, I was just noting the fact that you are referring to your future child as your son."

"That doesn't mean anything, Padfoot." But he couldn't wipe the smirk off his friends face. He resigned to that fact only after chucking several large pillows at said snickerer.

"Well, what is this idea that you have, dear friend?" Sirius was getting impatient.

"I forgot." More pillows came flying his way. "Oh, that's right, I remember now. No throwing pillows at James. That was it." He let out a short laugh, just before even more pillows were thrown, which was quite miraculous, as James was under the impression that he had all the pillows in his possession. "Alright, alright, I get it. Well, as I was saying before I was so pleasantly interrupted-" he glared at Sirius here "We can't have my-er-child-babbling to Lily about this list. So I suggest using up a rule strictly forbidding any mention of the list around her."

"Right, sounds good to me. So that leaves on rule to go. Any takers?" Sirius looked around the room, hoping that one of his companions would speak up. Noone did. As such, they sat in thoughtful silence for another 15 minutes or so.

"This is much harder than I anticipated."

James rolled his eyes. "Wow, Padfoot, a five-syllable word? I was wondering when you'd be getting a dictionary."

After sticking his tongue out at James, Sirius said, "You know what I mean. We've got seven good rules, and it just figured that we'd get stuck on the last one." The others sat for another five minutes, pondering the many wonders of Murphy's Law.

Sirius spoke, yet again. "How about something about grades?" The others looked like they were about to fall out of their seats. "No, no, it's not what you think. I as thinking along the lines of, 'always be the best without seeming to try the hardest.' Not that exact wording, but something that says that you're always supposed to appear care-free? Or something close to it, at least?"

"Possibly..." James started. "But I don't like the bit about seeming care-free. You never know what'll happen in the future, and it might get tough to seem care-free. Nah, I think it's best that we don't put that one in there. What if this kid isn't so good in school? It would make him feel bad."

"I suppose you're right," Sirius sighed. Suddenly, his face lit up with apparent glee. "What about girls?" His smile was no less than scandalous. The others expected nothing less from their so-called 'lady killer' friend. They all rolled their eyes and gave him looks that said, 'of course.'

"So, you're saying that you want a rule that says-in simple terms-a Marauder's son has to be-er-good with the ladies?" James supplied for him.

"Exactly. We couldn't expect anything less, what with us being who we are." He grinned happily and said, "Now that we have all eight rules, who's up for the final draft?"

Sirius pulled out a fresh piece of parchment. The group huddled together in the usual mischief-making manner and commenced discussion of the exact wording.

"No, no, that sounds ridiculous..."

"We'll put that at number 5, and this one at number 8..."

"Hey, what about rule number one?..."

NEXT CHAPTER:

The list, in its pure, true form! (Well, real, at least...) smirk...

...And-Rule Number 1! Yay!

Oh, I almost forgot-PLEASE REVIEW!!