I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

Life as it is

Two

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Saturday Night – On to the Tokyo University Alumni Grand Reunion

Hi there guys and gals! Keitaro Urashima here! I'd like to express my deepest gratitude to those who were kind enough to stop by and leave a little note for me. I'm glad to know that there are people out there who still care about me. Ehem… enough of that.

While I fumble around looking for that ticket that I'm pretty sure I have forgotten to bring with me and left it at my hotel room although I vehemently refuse to admit my uncanny clumsiness, I made a decision to clear what true feelings I have for the girls or what feelings I think they have for me… I mean… it's bound to come out one way or the other, right? So this is the perfect time to deeply analyse (what a word!) these confusing emotions. Seriously… inside that Tokyo University celebration hall… I will have to face them - all of them (gulp) again.

First stop – Kitsune. Well… even though she never studied in Tokyo University… I bet Narusegawa would find a way to add her name on the invitation list, so I'm pretty sure she'll be there. Kitsune is – fun to be with. Seriously… anybody who knows Kitsune would definitely say – she's got the hottest body… the biggest knockers… and the most alluring charms. Sheez! I remember those days when I was still a 'kanririn' at the Hinata Apartments she'd do her 'thing' on me so she could squeeze some money out of me. And ofcourse! How can I forget that little game of ours – remember? I get to squeeze her breast in exchange for a free one month's rent! And mind you – hers was the very first breast I ever squeezed! (It's so sad to be a virgin… sniff) Honestly… what guy in his right mind would say it isn't fun?

But the burning question is – did I fell for her? Did I feel something for her? Kitsune did make me feel special in her own way even though she made fun of me all the time. And I would be lying if say I didn't fantasize her… gosh! Confronted with a pair of breasts like that every morning… who wouldn't! I could say she got comfortable enough with me for her to do things she wouldn't normally do… the excruciating tease… the first and second base scores (hey you guys! You should know what I'm talking about!)… her walking around me with nothing but her lingerie. I guess I felt that there is some sort of connection between us. Subconsciously. Although I never got used to her advances (if I could only collect the amount of blood I bled I could have run my own blood donation campaign) she treated me like a child. I was emotionally young back then (aside from my obvious virginity), I wasn't ready to face real or manly responsibilities… and I think that's what Kitsune was looking for… a real man. I wasn't man enough for her. To put it bluntly – I wasn't ready for her at all.

I wonder… would I be man enough for her now?

Next… let's see… how about Shinobu and Kaolla? Ehem. They were very young at that time. So I can honestly say that I love them like my own younger sisters (Oh come on guys! Don't give me that look! Even though we live under one roof I wouldn't even think about fantasizing cute little girls!). Although I have to admit… I have to be blind not to notice Shinobu's affection towards me… but I always dismissed it as a childish crush. Nothing unusual there… I was the only man (or boy) on that apartment. Same with Kaolla… as long as you can say that being punched and kicked all the time is a sign of deep affection. Seriously… I love them both like family. Shinobu and Kaolla graduated at the same time at Tokyo University, so you can only imagine how proud I am with them. I'm extremely proud of them.

Hmm… I just wonder… would it all be the same now that they've grown? Now that we've separated our ways and lived on? How would I feel around them now? They're not kids anymore – they've grown up… what was that old saying? That girls grow faster than boys… that to become a woman means to inherit wisdom and experience. I wonder…

Next… Mutsumi. I love her as a friend. That's it. To tell you the truth… whenever I think about Mutsumi I always remember the times we had together. I always feel that sadness in me… that unmistakable pang of guilt. She loved me. She cared for me. She wanted me. And what did I do? I dumped her for a lesser woman… for a girl at the thought of that… really. For me, Mutsumi is the embodiment of full womanhood. She's always smiling… her clumsiness is almost in-sync with mine… it's like we're made for each other. Gosh… just thinking about it now… I made a horrible mistake… how can I love someone else when there's someone who truly loves me right there in front of me. And I can't just go to her now and say – I'm sorry I should have chosen you… I made a mistake… I want you now… or something mushy like that. That wouldn't be fair for her. It would be wrong. As I remember… I just left her on the road by herself.

No. It would be wrong to say that I love her because there's no one else now. I can't just ask her. It will have to come from her, what she feels about me or what I mean to her. I just don't deserve her at all.

Next… er… Motoko. I like Motoko. Really. Seriously. Motoko is part of a rare breed of women. Women with strength discipline and innocence that is so seductive. Ehem… yes… its true… I did fantasize Motoko before. And I'm guilty as charged (Come on guys! Just look at her! Long beautiful legs, fair sized breasts, nice curves, strong and lovely face) There were nights back then when I would just lie down on my bed thinking of her body. Geez… don't you remember? I saw her naked more than once before. And the more she got angry about it… the more I actually craved for it. Sigh… this only show that I'm just a normal guy… right? (Come on… don't say that… I'm not a pervert! Well… not entirely!) They say that hate can turn to love with the test of time… well… in my case… I reckon Motoko actually hated me at first and so she physically abused me then after months of pure torture… she actually fell inlove hurting me! Nah… that's what I think anyway.

Seriously… I sometimes catch Motoko staring at me, it's probably nothing, but the way she's looking at me… it's… well… how can I say this… there's something in it. I started to notice… I think after my adventures at the Pararakelse Island. We actually became close after that… well… come to think of it… I almost married her. But the weird thing is… every time I look back at her she just blushes and look away… I mean… what's with that? I'm used to it with Shinobu… you know… Shinobu usually does that to me… but Motoko? Weird… isn't it? Well… I just brushed it away… probably because I have more pressing issues in mind at that time. Besides… she cleared things for me.

It was the night before my flight to the United States. Motoko came to my room… apologizing and all about coming in uninvited and such… I was meaning to talk to her privately about the way she's looking at me… I was extremely worried (because all that time I was wondering maybe she learned a new sword attack she'd like to try on me… whoa… I was shivering at that thought back then… it gave me sleepless nights!) Turns out… she just wanted to tell me that I have to make sure that I come back… I asked her why… she just told me that someone special will be waiting for me then she just took off.

Then after a while I realised what's really been going on. For them… Motoko, Mutsumi, Kitsune, Shinobu and Kaolla… I'm nothing more than just a personal property. Who? Narusegawa ofcourse. No matter how harsh she was with me… I'm basically a 'hands-off' person. If I thought they felt something for me… they automatically think that I'm no good… because of Narusegawa. Doesn't that suck? Even though I was treated lesser than an animal (being called a pervert all the time is not really my cup of tea you know) these girls think that I'm only for Narusegawa… that I should be lucky that Narusegawa even look at me. But really… as I think of it now… does Narusegawa deserve me?

And ofcourse lastly… what do I feel about Narusegawa? Yep… I was inlove with her. It took me two years to finally convince her that she feels the same way for me… although it's almost like I forced her into it. I don't know… I'm not really sure what's going on inside that lame brain of mine. But my heart was set on it. I actually believed that I love her… and I fought the odds for it. Only to realise that I was wrong all along.

Years of wasted time. So much emotional efforts gone. Who's to blame? My stupid fickle heart.

That's the past now. Atleast I kinda sorted out where I stand. I'll just have to face them once more and find out where I stand with them… or if I stand with them at all in my case. Geez… I can't be a loser all the time. A guy like me can always hope.

Now… JUST WHERE IN THE HELL IS THAT TICKET!

"Keitaro?"

A voice behind me. I turn around. And… whoa! I think I skipped a heartbeat. Seriously… for a moment there I thought I felt my jaw dropped to the floor.

It was Mutsumi.

And she looks heavenly.

Her beautiful long brown hair waving in the cold night breeze, her stunning flawless face with that lovely thick brown eyebrows, tin red lips. She's wearing a sparkly black dress, skirts down to her ankles, white silvery sleeves.

And for the nth time I blamed myself for not seeing how beautiful and breathtaking she was before.

She smiled. It almost knocked me off my feet.

"Ara! Hi there Kei-kun. It's nice to see you again," she said with the same calm and caring look she always gives me.

"I… uh… I…" I stammered. I couldn't concentrate properly. And to tell you honestly… I've never been with a stunningly beautiful woman before. She just looks different. She looks astoundingly gorgeous.

"Don't worry Kei-kun. I'm here to give you a ticket," flipping the ticket out, she handed it to me, "here you go,"

"Huh?" I looked down dumbly on my hands, "You mean… you…"

"Well… I know you'd forget it so I waited for you just around the corner over there," Mutsumi pointed a few yards away near the Tokyo University entrance, "and when I saw you start grabbing yourself… well… I knew I was right… Ara, ara!"

Oh Mutsumi… you know me more than I do… sigh... if only... maybe we could...

"Ara, ara… we better get inside now Kei-kun… everybody's waiting for you,"

"Everybody?"

"Yes… everybody's waiting,"

I gulp. And she probably saw the worried look in my face. I think I'm going to pass out. I don't think I'm ready to face them again. It's just too much for me… I…

Mutsumi moved closer and placed her arms around mine. Her gentle hands touching mine, reassuring and caring.

"Everybody's excited to see you again Kei-kun… it's about time we get together again like family. It's been a long time,"

Sigh. Fate will show her kind and cruel face to me tonight. And I guess I can't keep on running. I have to settle down somehow. The pain in my heart needs to heal. I can't keep on dreaming anymore… I need to live one atleast. There are no ifs… no buts. This is the moment of truth. What's it gonna be Keitaro Urashima? Will you be a man tonight? Love can be just inside that hall.

I nod. My eyes frowned into a conviction I could only feel inside my heart (although to tell you the truth my knees are shaking like hell!)

"Thank you Mutsumi," I sigh, gently squeezing Mutsumi's hand, "I'm going in…"

Wish me luck guys! Here we go!

Make the most of it Keitaro. I'm counting on you! Cheers!

nivremous