I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The song written and sung by Steven Bishop. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.
Life as it is
Four
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Saturday Night – The Dance
Hei there guys and gals! Keitaro Urashima here! How's everybody doing? Me? I'm good… actually… I'm doing great! So far it has been an enchanting night… a night I could never forget. Although I could say that I've been with all sorts of people… have seen my share of company with interesting and coveted social circles… I could honestly say that none of them made me feel what I feel now.
I mean… I feel so… part of it. Part of everybody. It's really something. Here I am talking with the people that share my beliefs, my cultural tastes, languages… familiar words and the like every now and then… unlike my undertakings overseas wherein most of the time I find myself in constant shock at how different they are from me. In here… I am with my people.
It's nice to be home.
"Do you remember that girl I introduced you during my first year here at Tokyo U?" Shinobu asked Kitsune who quickly brightened.
"Yeah! I think her name was… uhm… Rei… wasn't it? How is she?" Kitsune asked while sipping here glass of red wine elegantly.
"You won't believe it but she's already married!"
"Really!" Kitsune said with a hint of shock.
"Oh… oh… I remember her! She's the gal with the funny eyes… short blue hair…" Kaolla added with girlish interest waiting and willing for Shinobu to say more.
"That's not nice Su… is that true Shinobu? Rei's already married? That's very surprising… from what you've told us before… she's a little bit shy around guys… and to think that she's actually accepted a proposal…" Motoko chirped in, moving herself closer to Shinobu.
That was weird. Motoko's actually interested with marriage and stuff. Well… now that I think about it. I did almost marry her once a long time ago. And for a moment I found myself outside their circle. The girls talking about the people they met before… someone they knew… someone who has been a part of their lives and still. Isn't it nice to know that you could still talk with them? That you could watch them grow. I felt a little bit jealous. I felt left out.
Overseas I met people I call friends but all of them just come and go like the seasons that passes in my life. Most of them rarely remember my name… but that's how it is. It's sad. I thought I have done something for myself when I graduated in America. I thought I've made a life I could honestly say successful. But the painful truth is. I just missed the most important part of my life that could make me grow – be with the people I'm comfortable with. It's tiring to keep on pretending that you're happy when in reality you just missed the crowd you're used to.
I felt so lonely.
"It's nice you know… to know that there is someone out there destined to be with you forever," Motoko sighed, sipped her glass of wine, looked at me for a second then looked away.
Then I saw Kitsune glanced at me for a fleeting moment then stared at Motoko and said, "You know Motoko… that someone could be sitting right in front of you,"
Then there was an awkward silence.
What was that all about?
What in the world are they talking about?
Women are so moody. One time they're chatting happily about somebody else's lives then all of a sudden there's a breeze of cold air… I mean chillingly cold air. What's up with them anyway? As I look around… Shinobu's avoiding my questioning eyes… Kaolla's staring at her glass with that sad look in her face… Kitsune's just staring off into space… and Motoko… Motoko's just seems a little bit distracted… why? I want somebody – anybody to fill me in. But somehow I got this weird feeling that they just hanged me in the air by my lonesome… WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON WITH THEM?
Time… I've been passing time… watching trains go by… all of my life…
The band started playing that old lovely nostalgic tune. I suddenly felt that pang of sadness within me. I don't know. Love songs like this one always make me feel a little bit down. I tried not to show how I feel.
Narusegawa used to love this song. She used to dedicate it to me.
Lying on the sand… watching sea-birds fly…
"Sempai?"
I looked up and found Shinobu staring down on me with a smile.
"Sorry Shinobu… I didn't hear you… I'm a little bit… uhm… there's something in my mind… sorry…" I stammered as usual. My only way out of this obvious and silly predicament.
Wishing there would be… someone waiting home for me…
"It's okay sempai… uhm… would you like to dance?"
Something's telling me it might be you…
"Uhm…" Shinobu seems enthusiastic with the idea although I'm not really all for it. At the moment all I wanted to do is be alone… this song just brings back too many painful memories of her… of Narusegawa, "I… uhm…"
It's telling me it might be you…
Shinobu gently held my hand and she forced me to stand up, her smile didn't falter. She just stared at me as she led me to the dance floor. Guided my hand on her waist as she put hers around my neck and whispered, "It's okay sempai… I'm here… we're here for you…" she leaned closer, "it's time to let go…"
All of my life…
And so we danced. I drowned myself in Shinobu's round lovely eyes… feeling her close to me… her sweet perfume engulfing me… and I ached. She has grown into a woman I have always wanted but never had.
Looking back as lovers… go walking past… all of my life…
"Shinobu… I…" I wanted to tell her how much I appreciated what she's doing for me.
Wond'ring how they met… and what makes it last…
She gently placed her finger on my lips, smiled, whispered into my ear, "You don't have to say anything sempai… I love you… I always have…"
If I found the place… would I recognize the face…
"And I will always love you…"
Something's telling me it might be you…
"But there's someone who truly loves you… someone who truly deserves you…"
"Huh?"
What does she mean? Who is it?
Narusegawa?
Mutsumi?
Shinobu closed her eyes, leaned closer and gave me a light kiss on my cheek. Then she let go. Bowed then left me on my own. My mind was still in clouds of confusion and I couldn't concentrate. Shinobu was so serious when she told me what I think she told me. I might have accomplished so much. But I'm completely incompetent in the matters of the heart. My only weakness… my only curse.
And as I look up. There she was.
Right in front of me.
Staring at me.
Unsmiling. Serious.
And breathtakingly beautiful.
Motoko.
Yeah, it's telling me it might be you…
I know. It's weird. Nobody would probably believe me when I say this… but at this moment I felt something I haven't felt for a long time. Something I have hidden deep within me as the waning years of my hard working days passed by. I have forgotten all about it. I have forgotten how it felt like.
Love.
So many quiet walks to take… so many dreams to wake…
Is this what I feel now?
And we've so much love to make…
Do I… love her?
I think we're gonna need some time…
Do I really… love her?
Maybe all we need is time…
For a moment, I don't know what to do. I honestly don't know what to say. I'm totally lost. Why just now? Is it really true? Is Shinobu telling me the truth? Are you the one Motoko? Do you… love me?
But why?
Why now?
And it's telling me it might be you…
I've been alone for so long. Drowning my self pity. Trying to sate the pain in my heart. Memories of Narusegawa that haunts me until now. How many nights have I lay down on my bed crying my heart out… missing the people I know terribly… trying to block her face… her smile… pretending to be strong… all those long hard years, trying to make a point.
All of my life…
Finally I found the strength to walk towards Motoko. Her expression unchanged. Unreadable. I don't know if she's upset or happy. I couldn't tell what she's going to do once I reach her. I'm not even sure what I would say.
I've been saving love songs and lullabies…
And then I reached her.
And there's so much more… No one's ever heard before…
We stared at each other for some time.
Something's telling me it might be you…
"Motoko… I…"
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you…
"Shinobu told me something and I…" I felt silly. I feel so uncomfortable. Could you just ask a girl about love? I know I couldn't, "I… I just want to know… if… if… I mean… what…"
And I'm feeling it will just be you…
Motoko just stood there looking at me. I could see sadness in her eyes. And she just waited. Just waited for me to finish. I could see her beautiful she was. Her lovely face, perfect eyes, thin lips, long black hair… everything about her just suddenly engulf me.
"I just want to know if… if it's you Shinobu's talking about…" I know I'm blushing like a bloated tomato.
All of my life…
Motoko's expression suddenly changed. Her eyes rolled almost in exasperation. I think she's annoyed to some extent. And I really think she's annoyed with me. Gosh… now I'm feeling really stupid. I wish I didn't ask her THAT question. How could I assume as much? I can't keep on thinking that every other girl around me is inlove with me? How foolish and arrogant am I? Things like these only happen in Anime or the movies… this is real life. This is life. Life as it is. When will I grow up?
Motoko stepped closer to me. Her scent almost melted me. I could smell her sweet breath. She whispered with venomous melody, "I'm sorry Urashima, I don't know where you got that idea… but to tell you frankly… I don't play a second hand game,"
And with that Motoko stormed out of me.
Again… I'm left alone.
I felt really foolish.
Gosh… I am really stupid with women.
"Keitaro…"
Huh?
A familiar voice behind me.
Why is my heart racing so fast?
Who?
I turn around and my world suddenly came crashing down on me.
I paralysed.
There she was. Looking at me with a smile I know too well. The face that gave me sleepless nights. The eyes that haunted me where ever I go. The one person I tried to forget and yet I couldn't. The one person I loved and yet have pushed me to my limits forcing me to leave Hinata Apartments and live overseas to start anew only to return with a wounded heart unhealed.
Narusegawa.
Why did I ever come here?
That's life Keitaro. Just hang in there buddy. Cheers!
nivremous