I don't own Love Hina. Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu. The story though is an experience I'd like to share. For all grammar and spelling mistakes, I apologize in advance.

Life as it is

Seven

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Saturday Night – The Garden under the night sky

I'm not sure what it was. But I could feel something's coming on my horizon. All of a sudden the sky was darkened by cluster of clouds. The wind became colder. And in my heart I could feel a sad foreboding.

Narusegawa has been staring at me for quite a while now. We're alone here at the garden under the cloudy night sky. I don't know what to say. I glimpse at her every now and then, feeling her eyes boring through my skin. She looks as engaging as I remembered. Her long brown hair lay neatly down, wearing a black dress that exposes her flawless shoulders.

I could feel my heart beating.

I sighed.

I haven't changed.

I haven't changed at all.

I'm still a slave to her beauty.

No matter what I try, no matter what I do.

"Keitaro…" Narusegawa began. She avoided my eyes as if what she's about to ask was embarrassing, "Why did you leave us?"

I sat a few meters away from her. I stared up in the sky and watched the clouds. I sighed again, "You know the answer to that… I need to finish my studies overseas and gain additional qualifications,"

A pause.

Narusegawa glanced my way, "I mean… really… why did you leave us for so long?"

Well… there's no point holding back. I was planning to tell her everything, right?

I stared at my shoes, "I hated you…"

Silence.

I could feel her eyes on me again. I could feel her shock. I didn't look at her. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. Her questioning eyes. For some odd reason… I don't feel anything. A long time ago… such ideas wouldn't even cross my mind, no matter how much she tortured me. But now… it's different.

Perhaps Narusegawa understood why. Perhaps she knew that I was finally at the end of my straw. Being constantly cruel to somebody doesn't really put you on the good side. And God knows I have put her on my good side long enough. I've had enough of her.

"I hated you so much…" I continued. I could feel it again. That pain. That sad lonely feeling. Desolation. "I left the Hinata Apartments so I could get away from you… and forget everything about you,"

"And did you?"

I don't know what to answer that. Then I looked at her. She was staring at me with a searching look that almost broke my heart. It was the look that I fell in love with. That promising look of love. And all of a sudden… I felt happy. I've waited for so long.

"I couldn't," I confessed.

Then Narusegawa looked away. "Why did you come back Keitaro?"

"I… I… I'm not really sure why…" and that was the truth. I'm not really sure why I'm here. To finally settle what has not been settled eight years ago? No. It's more than that. It's more than just a broken promise. A broken future.

Narusegawa blushed, "Mervin… the guy from before… uhm…" she was having a hard time to continue, "Mervin has been asking me to marry him,"

Silence.

It was more than I could bear. I felt anger. Part of it I finally understood, the real reason why I was invited here at Tokyo U.

I tried to control my feelings. I don't want to show how much that last statement affected me. I looked away and breathed slowly. And when I finally spoke… I spoke with thin calmness, "So… that's why you wanted me here… right? So you could finally end this… so you can have the last laugh!"

I'm not sure what it was. But rage broke through my weak grasp.

"That's not it Keitaro," Narusegawa stood and tried to comfort me.

But I just blew it, "FINE! IS THIS IT? IS THIS HOW YOU WANT IT? SO YOU COULD TELL ME THIS AND LAUGH AT MY FACE! THEN LAUGH! LAUGH NOW!"

I was shaking with anger.

"LAUGH AT ME NOW! DO IT NOW! COME ON! I FLEW A THOUSAND MILES AWAY DESPITE MY SCHEDULE SO YOU COULD FINALLY LAUGH AT MY FACE!"

Narusegawa was tearful, "Please Keitaro… please… it's not what I meant…"

"IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME ANYWAY! I GAVE YOU MY ALL! I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! I DIDN'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME! FOR EIGHT FUCKING YEARS I TRIED SO HARD TO FORGET YOU! AND NOW I COME BACK JUST SO YOU COULD FINALLY LAUGH AT MY FACE!"

Narusegawa just sat in the corner of the garden and cried.

But I wasn't done yet. Eight years of anguish came flowing out of me. That deep resentment locked inside, the pain that has been hurting me for so long. Nothing has changed. It's still the same game.

"YOU WIN! ALRIGHT! YOU FUCKING WIN! I GIVE UP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU WANT FROM ME! I DON'T FUCKING CARE! IF YOU WANT TO HURT ME, FINE! HURT ME NOW! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR DAMMIT? HURT ME NOW!"

Then I cried.

I cried because what we have… no… what I had with her was lost. I tried so hard. For so long all I could think of was her. I was hoping with all my heart that she would change. That she would finally realised that I mean something to her. Even a little… I don't ask much. I just wanted a little recognition. Gratitude maybe? No. Just a simple appreciation should be enough.

But for her to be this kind to a stranger is… for me is just too much. She ignored me for so long. Denied me the love that I craved. And for a stranger to be comfortable enough to ask her hand for marriage is almost an insult to what I've been through. I was wrong. I was wrong all along.

Damn… I'm such an idiot.

Then silence.

The clouds flashed. The wind blew colder and harder. It's going to rain.

I looked around. I found Narusegawa huddled at the corner staring into space. I felt a pang of guilt. I didn't really mean to hurt her. And I don't want to see her like this. We've been through a lot. And I guess… she's still a good friend. The question is… will I let her be a friend after this? I'm not sure. Probably after tonight nothing will ever be the same. Well… things have changed a long time ago ever since I fell in love with her anyway. I just made a mistake… that's all.

I walked towards Narusegawa. I felt ashamed to what I did, "I'm so sorry Narusegawa… I didn't mean to…" I whispered. I couldn't even say what I did.

A pause.

A gust of wind.

Then after a while Narusegawa sighed. She wiped her tears, "I… I heard that you kissed Mutsumi…"

I sat beside her now. I kept my mouth shut. I'm not going to apologize for that.

"Keitaro… you… you're very special to us. You know that? Shinobu, Su, Mutsumi… even Kitsune and Motoko… they all love and adore you in their own way. You touched our lives and changed us. And I… I'm not really sure if I could take that. I'm not even sure if I deserve you at all. It seems all I could do is hurt you. I felt so jealous with the others… it's like everyday with you is a constant competition for your attention… and maybe… I… I just couldn't take that kind of pressure…"

I sighed. It would have been different.

"I… I felt that anybody else but me would be good enough for you. I tried so hard to forget you. But every time I meet somebody… I just couldn't help but compare them to you Keitaro. And the sad part is that… you're not like any of them at all. Most of the time I found myself hoping you'd come back to me. And sometimes I just dream that we'd just ran away from all of this and just be together… forget about Hinata Apartments… just the two of us,"

Why just now Narusegawa? Why?

"And Mervin… asked me to marry him… and I was scared. I didn't know what to do…. I've been waiting for you… but you just disappeared on us. That's why I wanted to see you again. I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know if you still love me… because… I… I still do…"

I gently placed my arms around Narusegawa and she leaned closer. She buried her head on my neck and cried again, whispering all the while, "I missed you so much Kei-kun… my Kei-kun… my Kei-kun," she held my hand tightly, afraid to let go.

Then it rained.

I looked up at the sky and let the rain soak me. Narusegawa didn't seem to mind. We just sat there at the corner of the garden, the rain wetting our clothes, hands together, her head on my shoulder, my mind in confusion.

What should I do now?

Could we just move on after this?

Will everything be the same?

I'm so confused.

It was the love that I've been dreaming of for a long time. And yet, now that its finally here… why don't I feel any better? What does it mean? Am I just fooling myself? Is this true love?

Beside me is the love that I knew. The love that I dreamed of. Comforting. Familiar. But somewhere out there is another love. A new love that is as promising as its scary. A new love with no assurances. A new person to be with.

Who should I choose?

It is as if... if I choose one from the other... I might be missing someone very incredible... that I might miss the one true love meant for me.

And if I should choose one from the other… what should I say? How could I just ignore someone's feelings?

Narusegawa drew closer. I felt her warmth beside me. She shivered and whispered, "I love you so much Keitaro…"

Help me… anybody… please! What should I do now?

Just follow your heart Keitaro... although I'm not sure what your readers and reviewers would say about this. And better get out of there soon man before you and Naru catch a cold! Catch you later! Cheers!

nivremous