Note that italic texts in parenthesis, eg. "Kenshin...", are 'thought' texts, whilst others are emphasis. Enjoy!
Part 2: Fallen Elegance
Kenshin sat outside his porch in the middle of night. It had only been a day of a return trip to Kyoto, but many things took place so suddenly that he felt as if he was tangled in a web of uncertainty. A moment he was trying to cheer Kaoru, then guilt forced him to the thought of Tomoe. Later, it was Kaoru's strange attitude that drove him back to ponderment. It doesn't make any sense at all.
"All these years, I've forgotten Tomoe-san. I've found Kaoru-dono. But today Tomoe-san raced to the present, and left me with this oddest feeling..." The full moon enlightened the dark earth beneath the twilight sky, reminding Kenshin of Tomoe's words the other day...
"The brighter light... the true light..."
He closed his eyes. "Tomoe-san..."
"Yes?" Kenshin was surprised to hear the voice again. "Tomoe-san?" He opened his eyes to find both of them sitting next to each other on a bench in the garden they were previously in. The blossoms seemed to remain undiminished, and brimming forever. The sky doesn't seemed to recognize night, and the sun never sleeps. One word to describe it - heaven.
"Have you figured it out?" she asked him. Kenshin admitted, "Honestly, no."
"You can't see the true light??"
"I don't know," he replied, looking down. "I'm confused."
"Your sword blinded your visions of love," she uttered, and wondered aloud, "But it's very obvious. And you still can't see it?" Tomoe observed him. He might be a man of strength, a samurai of infinite skills... but his heart was still of a child - innocent and unsure. For long, his heart was only devoted to his sword that he lost sight of the feeling called love. It was easy to love everyone, but to recognize the true soul mate... it would be a challenge for him.
"Tomoe-san..." Kenshin glanced at her. Senses gradually built in him. If there were questions he couldn't answer, this is one of them. Because by now, his eyes were opened. He began to scrutinize love deeply, with an indecisive outcome. No wonder he was confused. No wonder he was perplexed. No wonder...
"Think hard. Is it because you're confused... or you're just, keeping an answer that you refuse to tell?" Tomoe's query seemed to stimulate the challenge even more.
Kenshin dazed, "What...? She knew...?!" ...............
"Ken-san..."
Kenshin was awaken. He thought he heard that voice breaking the silence of his wonderment a while ago. He glanced behind him. No one was seen. Retrieving back to his previous position, he sat at the verandah, and sighed. Making up his mind about the strange encounter with Tomoe, he told himself, "Tomoe-san. Kaoru-dono. Both are close to me."
"Tomoe-san was my wife... the one I used to share my life with. She stayed with me - through dread and horror. She never coomplain. Although I was the one who killed her fiance, she loved me..."
"Kaoru-dono... she accepted me despite my bloody past. She took care of me. Her laughter brightens everyday. Her anger sometimes amuses us all. And her compassion... she's an angel..." he gulped, "And I... -- her..."
Kenshin couldn't complete the phrase. "It's unfair to Tomoe-san. Although she's gone, she's still my wife --"
His thought was brought to an abrupt stop again. "Ken-san..." the voice softly called again. It was sweet and beautiful, like the person itself.
"Megumi-dono...?" he called out.
A figure emerged from the wall that was concealing her from his sight before. As she stepped into the rays of moonlight, her dark locks were seen, sweeping her shoulders. Her eyes twinkled, reflected the light. However, Kenshin noticed that it wasn't joy inside them. Her pale face would have told him the same. She was in deep bleakness within her heart, despite all the flirtatious act she performed. It was all just a cover - for an unanswered love.
"What is it?" Kenshin asked her. She looked down, mourning to herself. Her heart was whispering - whether to pour her feelings out, or to keep them rotting into eternal sadness forever.
"Should I tell him... or should I keep this and suffer in pain?? It's now or never. But what if he doesn't feel the same? What if he refuse to love? What if??? I can't bear the pain of rejection. But I can't leave this matter unsolved. It's about my heart... and matters of the heart shouldn't be taken lightly..."
"Megumi-dono... what's wrong?" Kenshin tried to console her. He attempted to place his hand on her shoulder, but something restrained him from doing so. There was a limit between his skin and that purple fabric covering hers. Perhaps it is anxiety. Or maybe he was nervous. But why?
"Ken-san," Megumi uttered for the third time. As she lifted her head, trails of her tears wet her cheeks. Kenshin watched her with surprise and worry, trying to get the answers to his questions out of her. "Tell me... please tell me..."
"There... he's concerned. He's concerned about me. Oh, how I wish that would last for a lifetime... if only he hadn't loved Kaoru-san... I might have the chance... I could have owned him... I could have..."
"If Kaoru isn't around..." she asked, sobbing, "... would you have feelings for me??" Her eyes glanced to gaze into his, attempting to seek into the core of his heart. Kenshin was taken aback with shock, "Oro?" He didn't know what to tell her. He, himself... wasn't very sure. After Tomoe's riddles that confused him, plus his complicating quest for the answer, he was lost.
"Would you have loved me??" she repeated clearly, hoping for a positive outcome. He just sat there, speechless, gazing her with wide eyes, unexpecting that hard question which crunched his brain.
"Megumi..." Kenshin uttered, recognizing her desperate quest for the answer. "Would you??" she forced the query. He knew she longed for a 'yes'. It was all she wanted in the world. Nevertheless, he couldn't answer it. He couldn't give it to her.
"Tomoe-san... Kaoru-dono... and now Megumi-dono..."
It could never be a 'yes', and it could never be a 'no'. With a 'yes', he would lie to himself. He would sin against his best friend, Sanosuke. But if he said 'no', it will result pain to Megumi's feelings. Kenshin was tied in between, overwhelmed by guilt. He might have strong will, but his heart is softer than silk, and love could tame him anytime. The guilt filled him, and his mind span in confusion. He was lost in a labyrinth of perplexion.
"You do, don't you??" Megumi watched him perceptively. Her hopes were flying high. Kenshin looked up to her. His eyes were warm, yet they were vague expressions of bewilderment. To Megumi, however, they were as if assuring the truth is the one she was asking for. Therefore she didn't delay her wish for any second longer, "Then hold me if you do! For this once, Ken-san... ONCE!"
When she confessed that, Kenshin was even more puzzled - caught in his own web... between the wife of kindness Tomoe, the angel of charm Kaoru, and the seeker of love Megumi...
"Megumi... don't do this... I may give you an answer but I fear that it will only hurt you."
"Please, Ken-san!!" she grasped his hands and placed them on her cheeks. Her tone was high - getting increasingly agitated and despperate. Kenshin saw himself pushed beyond the limits. His fingers were feeling the moist on her skin, as her cheeks rise and fall with her sobs, "Hold me!"
Kenshin was numbed. His nerves weakened, and it wouldn't move his hands to proceed with what Megumi would expect. It was like having a glass wall in between them - visible and touchable within a distance but never flesh to flesh. In the midst of his running thoughts, all of a sudden, she threw herself to him, embracing his slim body hidden underneath his gi. "Oh, Ken-san!!" she shrieked, weeping unendingly. "Give ourselves a chance, will you??"
His hands began to hold her gently. He tried to feel her, at the same time seeking deep inside himself the answer for her. She leaned herself against him, pressing closer on his chest.
"This close..." he said to himself. "... and yet, I feel nothing..."
He knew that a 'no' would torment her, but honesty is indeed the best policy. If he doesn't admit it now, when else? After the sufferings? After the lies? For once in this game, he scored for an answer.
"Megumi-dono..." Kenshin told her, in a very comforting tune, trying not to hurt her with his final response, "I can't." Her eyes widened, as she gradually released her grip to look at him, "Ken-san..."
"Gomen nasai, Megumi-dono... for the friendship that we have, yes, I do love you... but for matters beyond that..." he swallowed a gulp of air, "... I'm afraid it's the answer you wouldn't want to hear..."
"Ken-san..." Megumi said, sobbing. She fell helplessly behind. Her eyes bathed in tears, facing her greatest fear - rejection.
"Megumi-dono..." Kenshin bent towards her, telling her, "Please listen to me. I can't guarantee you happiness with my feeling this way. Gomen if I hurt you, but I can't lie." She was speechless - partially embarrassed, the other - surrender. He grasped her shoulders calmly, as a friend who consoles, saying, "Listen deeply. Listen to the real voice calling. It's not me, ne?" Megumi turned to him.
"What do you mean?"
"You're only listening to your heart, till your ears couldn't hear that voice trying to reach you, wanting for you to listen..." Kenshin told him. After a short gaze on him, she sighed. "Yes... I know." The first image that came into her head was that good friend of Kenshin. "Sanosuke..." She sighed again, "But I can't..."
"You didn't give him a chance. In life, you have to learn to live. Likewise in love - you have to learn to love..."
Megumi stayed in silence for a while. Then, she retrieved herself after recovering. Making a bow to Kenshin, she said, "Gomen nasai. I shouldn't follow my feelings just now. You're right..." she lamented, "In this life... you have to learn..." Kenshin just smiled. "With that I suppose there's nothing that can stop me."
"Stop you from what?"
Megumi grimaced lightly, "Going back to Aizu."
Kenshin was fairly surprised. She explained, "I was asked to open a clinic in Aizu some time ago. I had thought of it continuously, but since you are in battle, I decided to stay. Besides Yahiko and that rooster-head Sanosuke always get themselves in so much trouble that they caused me some, too." For a minute, Kenshin was amazed on how Megumi held herself after such mental blow. Her strength and maturity was enough to keep up her wits. And he was confident it was enough to keep her up with her life as well.
"I know it's hard to cope, but I'm grateful that you told me the truth. Arigato," Megumi thanked him in a morose elegance. Kenshin nodded, hopeful that soon, she would discover her real love. The man who would care for her, and love her endlessly - Sanosuke. She stood and walked away. Just before the corner, she glanced back.
"Kaoru-san is very lucky to have you, Kenshin..." she uttered, "Very lucky..."
"Kaoru... Kaoru-dono...?" Kenshin's mind whispered. Tomoe's voice came in a flashback --
"Your true light..."
The answer he refused to tell. Is this the one??