Title: If Only Once More
Arthur: Secret Agent Girl (SAG)
Rating: Hard PG-13 (mainly because I don't feel it's R
but a touch more than PG-13)
'Ship: S/V
Spoilers: Everything is up to Countdown is fair game.
A/N: And here I was thinking that I was going to be able
to do nothing but write all day long. Too bad I have to go to summer school to
improve my math grades (didn't fail. just need to improve.) But I'm going to at
least try for once a week. Hopefully. As always, please review!!
Ch. 10
47. That number seemed to be a sick fascination with them. 47 was the number in which his life almost lived by now. Page 47. The one page in a journal of many that caused so much pain and destruction. 47. He hated that number and everything about it. Especially now.
Sitting in the hospital room he realized what it might have been like for her to have seen him when he was sick. What it must have been like for her to know that he would have never gotten sick had he not followed her to the end of the earth and back. And knowing this, he wouldn't change a thing.
And even in that instance there had been the presence of that number. Warehouse 47. The place where it all came crashing down around them. And even in light of that, this time, what that number represent, was 47 times worse.
When he had been evaluating her in that cold room, pressed for time and simply overjoyed at the fact that he was holding her, looking at her, hearing her voice that he barely registered how much damage they had done. He knew that it had been extensive but he had never imagined it to be like this.
27 third degree burns, 14 second degree burns and 6 first degrees. All added together, 47 burns in total. Just thinking about it made his stomach curl. And that was just the burns. She had 47 cuts lacing her body. All of which seemed to have been made with a dull blade. Thinking about who had done this to her, his ice blue eyes, bleached blond hair and arrogant cocky British accent made him furious. Knowing that he was dead didn't necessarily help the situation either. In Vaughn's opinion he had died much too painlessly.
He watched as she lay in the hospital bed. Most of her burns having already begun healing and the cuts having started to seal themselves. He had, after all, been sitting in that chair for close to a week. He usually wasn't alone in his silent vigil over her. Usually accompanied by Jack or Dixon or Will, he was very rarely given the privilege to just watch her as she silently struggled to heal and wake.
Over the last week, he had been reassured over and over again that she was going to make it though. Not just by those who loved her, but by her doctors. Though she had slipped into a coma, it wasn't life threatening. It was simply her body's way of trying and heal itself in the face of so many injuries.
When he was giving the rare opportunity to sit in watch her in solitude, he couldn't help but marvel how beautiful she was, even with all the brutality that had been done to her. He would simply sit and admire her as he thought back to all the times that they had spent together. The few times when they were able to just sit lazily in bed in the mornings, or the late night conversations they would have about the most inane subjects. Things like that surprised him.
He found it wonderful just how much she enjoyed sitting with him and simply talking about things that she never knew about him. Playing conversations over in his mind became one of the only things that soothed him as he watched her fight her silent battle.
"If you weren't here, where would you be?"
"What?"
"If you were not here, right now in this very moment, where would you be?" She asked again as she leaned against him.
"Thinking about being here."
"Vaughn…"
"I'm serious." He insisted as he ran his fingers slowly up and down her arm, delighting in the way goose bumps began to rise along her skin. "When I'm not here, I'm thinking about being here. It's been that way for a long time now."
"Even when you were…" She trailed off as she suddenly grew shy, distant.
"Even when I was what?"
"Nothing. Never mind." Her voice was quipped, sharp. Her answer short and straight to the point. Without warning, she suddenly stood and threw on his shirt. "You want something to drink?"
"No. I want to know why you are acting so strange."
"I'm fine. Just thirsty. I'm going to get a glass of water." She replied quickly before turning and leaving, not giving him the allowance to stop her.
He stood quickly and threw on his boxers before following her into the kitchen. He found her standing against the counter, a glass of water in hand, as she slowly sipped it, staring off into space.
He walked over to her and clasped her hand in his, dragging her behind him as he turned back to the bedroom. Shutting the door behind them he turned to her. "Ask me. I have a feeling I know what you want to ask me and I want you to."
"Vaughn. There is nothing that I need to ask you. Really. I'm fine."
"Wow."
"What?"
"I never thought you'd lie to me." He folded his arms over his chest as he stood staring at her.
"I did not lie to you." She insisted, a bit taken back at his accusation. "Vaughn, it's not important and really very stupid and we don't need to talk about it."
"Yes we do. We haven't talked about it yet and I know that bothers you. So please… ask me about Alice."
She sighed and placed her glass of water on the table next to the bed before taking a deep breath and turning back to him. "Why did you… why did you start seeing her again?"
"In a word, Noah." He answered truthfully. "I was hurt when you came back and I knew something had happened between you to. I don't want to know Syd," he held up his hand stopping her from explaining. "I don't need to know. Alice, I saw her at a party a few days after he had come home with you from Vienna and she was… familiar. Something that I needed when I realized just how deeply I was falling for you. It was scary. It was almost like, if I went back with her, I could go back to a time when you were just my asset. Just the agent who yelled at me in a bloodmobile and rarely listened to me."
She smiled and laughed softly as a smile played across his face. "I thought that if I went back with her, I could some how escape what I was feeling for you. Obviously it didn't work." He slipped a finger under her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. "So what was the original question you were going to ask?"
"Did you think about being with me even when you were with her?" She asked quietly as her eyes drifted downward again.
"Every moment." He whispered, forcing her face back up so that he could capture her lips in his. "So much, in fact, that we hadn't been intimate since Taipei. So much in fact that I found myself constantly going to church on the weekends because I felt so guilty. So much in fact, that I said your name in my sleep and she called me on it."
"You didn't."
"I did." He smiled as she laughed lightly. "Needless to say she wasn't very happy." He smirked and winked at her as he leaned down and kissed her softly. "Anything else you'd like to know?"
"Yeah, just one more little thing." She smiled slyly at him as she took the wrist that was holding up her chin in her hand and slowly began to walk backwards. "How do you plan on making it up to me?"
He smirked at her, his hands playing with the buttons on the shirt she was donning. "Well, it may take some time."
"Really?"
"Mm-hmm. If fact, it may take so much time, I think I should probably paying you back right now." He leaned down and kissed her deeply, cradling her head as it softly hit the bed.
Tears, the constant set of tears that threaten to drop were once again in his eyes as he blinked rapidly, hoping for them to disport. Sighing deeply, he leaned closer to her in his chair as he took her hand in his own.
"Sydney. Sydney you need to wake up. I'm…I'm not doing to good here without you. I'm really not sure how to get along without you here anymore. I'm not sure…I'm not sure if I can get through this without you. Please wake up." His voice wavered as he spoke and he finished at a whisper, his head moving down to lay on his forearms as he held her hand softly.
Suddenly his head bolted straight up. Glancing down at their hands his eyes widened with realization as it happened again. The tiniest of squeezes upon his hand.
Sydney was waking up.