TERMINUS GENESIS
the sequel to "Broken Toy"
by Nenya Entwhistle
Note: I've italicized he when the pronoun doesn't refer to Severus when it's especially ambiguous. That's because Harry doesn't think of himself as Harry yet. When he does, I'll start using Harry.
Part 1
Primary
He woke up. He opened his eyes, and he knew nothing. He saw things, and knew what they were but what he didn't know was more important. He had no idea who he was. The concept of "him" he didn't know. He looked around the room, a nice room, he thought, wondering if there might be clues as to who he was.
He saw that there were pictures on the wall, pictures of people laughing and waving. He didn't recognize any of them. But he did know what they were. They were wizards. They had to be because the photos were wizarding photos. They moved unlike muggle ones. It was odd, he thought, that he knew facts but he didn't have memories. Was he suffering from amnesia? Had he had a terrible accident? Maybe, he decided, and it was good to know he still knew things if he didn't know his life. It was better to know something than to know nothing.
He went back to studying the pictures, noticing that quite a bit of the collection was of a smiling green-eyed boy. The boy always looked a bit wistful and shy, he noted. The boy had quite messy hair, but it didn't look too bad, and neither did the glasses. He wondered who the boy was, and what the boy meant to him. He had to mean something or else there wouldn't be so many pictures of him. Who was the boy?
"You're awake!"
He didn't recognize the voice, but he turned anyway to see if maybe--- if somehow there might be some recognition. He turned and saw a dark haired, dark eyed man who he didn't know. Nothing was familiar; then again he wasn't even familiar with himself. He didn't know his name, didn't know his age, didn't know much of anything. It would probably be wise to learn something soon. It wouldn't be good to be left this ignorant. It might be dangerous, though he didn't know why.
"You've finally woke up." There was emotion in the strange man's voice, and it sounded like he couldn't believe that he was awake. Why was that? Had he been sleeping for a long time? He frowned and tried to remember but there was nothing to grab to remember. "It's been a week. I almost thought, I--- we were worried."
The strange man sounded worried, but there was something else. Something that he couldn't quite identify. "Have I been sleeping a long time?"
"Yes," the strange man responded abruptly. "Yes, you have."
"Oh." He didn't know what to say to that. He really didn't know how to react to this man either. He might have seen one picture with the strange man in it, but he'd been scowling in that one. The strange man hadn't seemed that important. After all, one picture compared to the dozens the green-eyed boy was in? But still, the strange man might be important.
"Who are you?" he asked first, then felt foolish. The strange man ought to know who he was, and he should have asked that instead.
"Severus Snape," the strange man replied. "My name's Severus Snape."
"Who am I?"
The strange--- Severus Snape smiled, and it transformed his face. The--- Severus Snape didn't look so severe when he smiled. He actually looked rather okay. "You're Harry Potter," he said.
"I'm Harry Potter," he repeated. He didn't feel like Harry Potter. Who was Harry Potter? He didn't know. It was just a name. It was a name that meant nothing to him. Just like the man in front of him, meant nothing. Everything meant nothing. There was no context because he had no life to draw any meaning from. He couldn't even feel miserable, though he did feel lost. "Harry Potter."
"Yes," Severus said. "Yes, you are."
"Who am I?"
Severus' dark eyes seemed to get lost in thought, contemplation before they turned and looked into his eyes. What color were his eyes, he wondered. He didn't know. He should ask for a mirror. Everyone ought to know what they look like. He'd also like to know how tall he was and how much he weighed. But he'd settle for know what color his eyes were.
"You are a beautiful, sweet, and earnest young man. You're someone who has a pure heart, who gives without taking," Severus whispered, his dark eyes staring intensely at him. "You're…"
Obviously, this man felt something for him. He might have thought that Severus was his father, he certainly was old enough and he felt that he was young enough. But the way Severus was talking about him wasn't the way a parent talks about a child. Severus definitely wasn't his father. But what was Severus to him?
"What are you to me?" he asked abruptly.
"I'm…" Severus seemed to be fishing for words. "I'm your friend… and your caretaker."
"Because I'm sick?"
He didn't felt sick, but he definitely wasn't okay if he didn't remember anything about his life. He thought it was odd that he knew concrete facts about things, but he didn't know anything about anyone and nothing about himself. But definitely knew facts, and he could definitely think things logically. He ought to be hysterical, knowing he had no idea who he was, but he wasn't. It wouldn't do any good to get worked up. It wouldn't help. Only asking questions that would help him find out, would do any good.
Severus frowned. "You're not sick."
"But I've been sleeping for a long time?"
"Well, you haven't been well."
"But," he protested, "wouldn't that mean I was sick?"
"Being sick indicates a physical illness, and you haven't been physically ill," Severus answered. "You have been unwell in other regards."
"In the head," he remarked thoughtfully. "Right?"
Severus winced. Obviously, the older man didn't like his blunt answer. But it was true. Unfortunately. He didn't see a reason to tiptoe around the issue. He didn't see what good it would do. He thought it best to rush forward rather than to try to be subtle about it. He didn't think he was a very patient person, and he thought he was rather the type that was inclined to rush into something without thinking. He wondered if you lost a part of your personality when you forgot who you are or not?
"What happened to me?" he asked. "To make me forget everything?"
Severus cleared his throat, as if he was really uncomfortable in the position he was in. He supposed it was a hard position to be in, after all Severus was going to have to explain what was wrong with him. "You didn't forget everything," Severus stated, his dark eyes looking clouded. "You might think you have retrograde amnesia, but that isn't case. It isn't a case of forgetting anything. You asked to have your life's memories erased. And I'm sure you're wondering how that's possible, but it is because---"
"Of magic," he finished. "You're a wizard, aren't you?"
"How did you know that?" Severus inquiring, looking taken back and he figured that wasn't a normal reaction for Severus.
"I know things, stuff, but I don't know anything about who you are as it pertains to me or even who you are as pertains to you. But I know you're a wizard because the pictures are wizarding pictures, so I assume that this is a wizarding house. And you said you were my caretaker, so you must be a wizard then to live in such a house."
Severus looked fairly stunned, and the expression looked weird on him. "I am a wizard," Severus confirmed. "And you are right, this is my house. But I have to say… I'm impressed with your logical deduction."
"Was I not logical before?" he asked. Again, Severus looked a bit taken back. "You seemed surprised, is all. So I'm guessing I wasn't…"
"You tended to rush into things without thinking," Severus murmured. So he was right then. He had been a headstrong person. "It's hard to think you thinking logically of things when acted so often without thinking."
He smiled, and he heard Severus catch his breath. Severus definitely acted like he was more than a friend. He didn't really know why he knew this, he just did. Like he'd known the pictures on the walls were wizarding ones. It was nice knowing he could think of things like that. That he wasn't an entire blank slate, especially when it looked like he wasn't going to get any recollection of his past life back.
"I feel like wanting to rush headlong and ask you a bunch of questions," he admitted. "I'm restraining myself, right now."
Severus' lips quirked up a bit with amusement, he thought. The slight smile really did transform Severus' face. It looked half attractive. He could almost see himself in a relationship with the man. Were they? "You don't have to," Severus murmured. "I was expecting to fulfill your curiosity."
"Am I curious person?"
"You are."
He bit his bottom lip. He wanted to know, he needed to know… "I'm not ever going to get my memories back, am I?"
Severus shook his head. "No, no you aren't. The spell that was used to erase your life memories is far more powerful than the usual memory forgetting charm, obliviate. Even if you wanted to reverse it, it can't be done. It's already gone. You could see your life again, from another person's point of view, through a pensieve perhaps. But other than that, your life as you have known it, is gone."
"Why did I want to forget?" he whispered. "You said I asked to have my memories erased."
"You did," Severus replied. "I think it's better if we wait a while before tackling that issue. Is there anything else you want to ask me?"
He laughed. "Is there anything? There's a lot!"
"Then ask away," Severus said generously.
Confronted with a source of supposing limitless knowledge about himself, especially compared to what he knew, he was drawing a blank as to what to ask. No, it wasn't that he had nothing to ask, it was that he had so much to ask that he didn't know where to start. Did he ask about his life before? Or did he ask about more abstract things, like Severus' opinion of who he was?
"What color are my eyes?" He asked this because it was safe to ask. And it was something more about him to know.
Severus raised his hand, as if to touch him. But his hand dropped back down before it was even halfway there. "Your eyes," Severus answered," are green."
"Green? Olive green? Hazel green?"
Severus shook his head. "No, no, they're like emeralds. They're a brilliant, forest green."
"Oh."
"You have beautiful eyes, Harry."
His body jerked when Severus called him that. He stared at the man who was calling him something he didn't feel like he was. He blinked; he blinked his green eyes. He was a young man, according to Severus, a beautiful and earnest, sweet man with green eyes whose name was Harry. He could believe the green eyes, they were a physical fact. He didn't know if he believed the rest. And the name still didn't feel right. But if Severus had said his name was something else, like… he didn't know, Daniel, he would feel that was strange and not him, too, wouldn't he?
He wasn't so sure.
"Harry?" Severus reached for him, and he flinched before the man could even touch him. He saw the pain in Severus' eyes, and it only confirmed what he'd suspected. Clearly, he was more than a friend to Severus. He was willing to bet, they were lovers. But how long had he been Severus' Harry? "Are you okay, Harry?"
Was he okay as Harry? He didn't know, but he answered, "I'm fine."
-
Author's Note: Basically, Harry has no memories of his life but he knows facts about things. He has no memories of anything that would pertain to his life or know anyone, but he does know general facts of existence. I didn't really want to start him as a child and have to build him up again. So basically, he's like someone with retrograde amnesia, but there's no chance of him getting his memories back. Though I might have Harry observe some of his past life in the pensieve Severus has. Anyway, how do you like the start of this? It's tentatively scheduled to be 4 parts long, and I'm usually good at predicting how long my stories are. The sequel's not quite as beautifully written as "Broken Toy," but I think I got the bewildering feel of Harry and his very mechanical way of thinking b/c he's trying v. hard not to be hsyterical. And man... was it hard to write. And of course, this is all my imagination. BTW, anyone know why I named the title like I did?