Lover's Flu
All these characters and their world belong to J.K.R.
Chapter 6
I've that within for which there are no plasters. Garrick
Flashback: The garden, three days after the death of Sirius Black
"You shouldn't drink alone," Tonks said quietly from the hedge row watching a very disheveled Remus Lupin pour himself another drink with a shaking hand.
He didn't look up, but answered dryly, "Go away."
Tonks entered the quiet opening which was covertly nestled between a holly hedge and a row of white roses. Sitting down beside her friend on an ancient stone bench, "I'm afraid I'm a bad habit."
There was a long silence as she listened to the sounds of night—crickets chirping, wind rustling in the leaves, muggle cars rolling by in the distance of Number 12. There was another sound, something she'd rarely heard from Remus; the sound of a man in anguish. A strange syncopation of heavy breathing and the clicking of a whiskey bottle against crystal, but there were no tears, there was no weeping. Tonks wondered if he ever cried for Sirius.
Remus looked up from his scotch, eyes bloodshot, "Why are you here?"
Tonks wrung her hands, "To comfort you."
As soon as she said it, she knew it was a lie. She was in no state to comfort anyone. Her emotions swung wildly between fits of fierce anger and tears of wailing grief and regret. Even the smallest confused emotion brought on bursts of storm cloud tears. No, the real reason she was here was completely opposite. She needed comfort and for reasons she couldn't explain to herself, she needed Remus.
His voice was hardened with sarcasm, "What would you know about comforting a man?" Then chucking bitterly, "Oh wait, I'm a werewolf."
"Remus!" Tonks exclaimed, grabbing his forearms and causing him to drop his glass to ground.
His eyes were black with the madness of mourning, "What Tonks? What do you want me to do?! Hold you like I held Harry? Tell you everything is going to be okay? Well it isn't!" His voice caught in his throat, "It isn't going to be bloody okay." Tears welling in his eyes, "I've watched them die. Murdered, all dead and murdered, but me! Why? For Christ's sake, why?"
The tears were rolling down his flushed cheeks, and Tonks' hands swiftly moved from his arms to his sides, embracing him in a ferocious hold. Then suddenly, he was kissing her. Soft at first, then hard and deep; lips violently crushing against her lips, the salty taste of his tears on her tongue mingled with the sweet twinge of liquor.
Pulling back, a hot whisper against her ear, "I love you, Nymphadora." His hand pulling, knotting through her hair, breathing harsh and fast, "Stay with me… Make love to me."
That's when she felt herself break. It was as if a giant bolt of electricity cracked through her heart and ripped ever last stitch of sanity from her mind. Metaphorically, she had let go of the edge of reason and she was falling; fast and furiously falling. It began as a few staccato sobs then burst suddenly into a body wrenching wail.
Remus pulled back, shocked and fearful.
"Tonks?" It was Bill standing by the hedge row. He looked straight at Remus as he headed for the sobbing girl; then eyeing the bottle of scotch, "What's going on?"
Lupin stood in silence and looked at the handsome man, comforting the crying Tonks in his arms.
"Remus?" Bill asked again, awaiting an answer, but there was no answer.
Turning his back, he walked away into the darkness. The next morning Nymphadora received a note written in a very small, concise handwriting, which read:
"Dear Tonks,
I am sorry to have upset you last night. Drink leads one to say things they soon regret. Please forgive my words and my actions.
Remus"
Going to Tonks' flat proved to be quite an adventure due to as Tonks said later, "The good weather."
To Remus, snowy meadows were only nice when viewed from heated parlor windows. However, when he was with Nymphadora Tonks, everything felt warmer and more colourful, even white snow.
They had a nice walk through Hyde Park, which lead to a flyer that touted, "Madame Tussuard's Wax Museum." Of course, they had to go. Next came lunch at Harrod's; they couldn't very well eat at the Leaky Caldron attached hand in hand, could they? That was followed by a very snowy tour of London Tour because Tonks had never seen it in the snow and it would be so beautiful! Remus reminded her that the tower had been a dungeon, but that didn't dull her enthusiasm.
Finally, around five in the afternoon, they arrived at her small studio flat.
"I'm so ready to be out of these filthy work togs!"
Remus laughed, "Well, we certainly came the most direct path back to your home."
Tonks gave Lupin a playful smack, "You had a good time today, admit it."
His whole heart smiled, "I had a wonderful day with you." The most important part of his statement was contained in the last two words.
Tonks milled around the small flat collecting things here and there and Remus obediently followed. Not that he had that much choice. She did spare him the blindfold this time as she quickly disapparated her old garments and apparated back in to clean ones.
"Ahhh…This feels so good. I feel like a woman again. Not a Ministry slave."
Remus's eyes widened as he took in her polished appearance of dark jeans coupled with a black sweater, purple velvet jacket and silver stiletto earrings.
"Who the hell are you?" He asked befuddled.
"Ha, ha, Remus. Can't a girl dress up nice once in a while?"
"You look very nice and very… mature."
Tonks smiled at herself in the mirror as she fumbled with her make up bag. "Thank you. I call this look Posh Tonks."
She could hear Remus snicker from behind.
"I think it looks more appropriate if I dress my age when I'm with you. It makes us look less May- December than if I were to wear jeans and a tee."
"Do we look that odd together?" He asked lightly, ego slightly bruised.
They were standing in front of a bedside mirror prompting Tonks to take a step back and look at their portrait in the silver glass. Actually, we're very handsome together, she thought. But after a momentarily consideration, she replied, "I think we're quite handsome for a two headed monster."
His expression lightened at her joke, "Here, let me do that."
Tonks had begun to struggle with brushing her hair with her left hand. Being that she was right handed and that hand was indisposed, many of her normal routines had become vastly complicated. Remus took the hair brush from her and stepping directly behind her, began to stroke her raven like hair.
"Thank you," she whispered as the brush tingled against her scalp and the intimacy of the situation began to take hold.
"Why did you change your hair yesterday?" Remus asked quietly as he pulled the brush through the tangled locks.
"Just needed a change," Tonks replied, looking at her shoes and then adding quietly, "No, that's not true. I changed it for you. I don't think you like wild colors and silly cuts."
Remus paused momentarily from his grooming of her and they looked at one another in the mirror, then looking away, Remus added, "Don't ever change yourself for me."
Tonks didn't reply.
"Did you hear me, Nymphadora?" He asked, still stroking her hair.
"Yes, I heard you."
"I like you every way that you are," then dipping his head, lips alighted for a mere second upon her dark crown.
Tonks turned upon her heel, unable to contain her reaction to his gentle petting and to the complete admiration that was in his words and his lips. "Remus, about this summer--"
"Forget it, please," he asked, closing his eyes, dropping the brush to his side.
"What if I don't want to forget? Remus, you never gave me a chance to explain."
"That's the point, Tonks. You don't need to explain." The truth was he couldn't bear to hear the words of rejection. Didn't she know her tears that night were enough?
"Yes, I do!" Tonks exclaimed, voice panicky.
Remus stepped back, but was cornered between the bed and a very beautiful witch.
"Remus, you can't run away from. Literally!" She added, holding up their conjoined hands.
"Damn it, Tonks, I don't want to discuss it!" His voice was angry.
But somewhere deep down, Tonks felt that Remus was acting like an injured animal. It wasn't the pain he was afraid of, but rather the fear of the unknown. Pressing her hand against his heart, she waited three beats, he needed reassurance; "I love you."
Raising a cautionary hand, eyes wide, voice warning, "Don't say that."
"Why not? I've been wanting to say it all day."
His heart crushed like a deflated bellow, "Don't you see, it's just an illusion. These feelings, this idea of 'us'; it's a creation of the virus."
"The virus doesn't effect the mind," Tonks stated.
"But being together effects the heart," Remus said pleadingly. Tonks smiled, and Remus continued, "It's not real. I'm lonely, you're lonely. Suddenly we're together and it feels nice not to be alone, but that's not love."
"Then what is love?" Tonks asked, brow knotted.
Remus turned away from her burning eyes, "It's…it's…" But he couldn't answer, because he didn't know. Sitting on the bed exhausted, he rested his head in his hand, "Don't do this to me now. Don't do this to me when I can't escape. It all feels too real. Even for me," he admitted solemnly, "it feels... real."
Tonks flopped down on the bed. "Then what if it is real? What's the harm in saying it? What's the harm in acting on it?!"
"And what if we do act on it?" Merlin knew he'd had the fantasy a thousand times before, but fantasies were safe, this was dangerous. "It will feel good now, but what about the next morning when the virus goes away and we don't have to be together? What about then Tonks?"
But she answered only with an exhausted sigh as she realized Remus had no clue about love and she certainly was not going to change his mind through verbal argument. No, it would take action, a certain kind of devious action. She smiled, now getting in trouble—that she did love!
Remus stood, "Come on we've got a meeting to attend."
From the bed a fallen Venus smiled upon her would be lover, "Yes, pet."
He tugged her upward, highly unamused, "I am not your pet."
Reluctantly, she stood and followed, happily whispering, "That's right, lead the way puppy."
Author's Note: Sorry for the extraordinarily bad editing. I will try to better myself. In regards to reviews: Heather: Yes, you've got it. Swimchick1614: Palms stick to palms, lips to lips, etc. So any other combination of the two is okay. Please reference A History of Magical Disease available where ever fine potions are sold. ;)