Disclaimer: I own nothing. FOX and Josh Schwartz are the geniuses. And I am the bored teenage girl writing about his characters. Don't sue, thanks.
Summary: "Summer, do you mind sharing to me why you're crawling through my window at 3 AM in the morning?" All-dialogue. S/S.
"Summer, do you mind sharing to me why you're crawling through my window at 3 AM in the morning?"
"I couldn't sleep, Cohen."
"Right. So that equalizes to you barging into my room in the middle of the night, a la Dawson's Creek? You could've warmed up some milk, or taken a few of your stepmom's sleeping pills. I hear her mix of Nyquil and tequila sure does the trick."
"Too risky. I didn't want to risk myself looking like Joan Rivers in the morning. You know, all that medication does that to you."
"Mmhmm. So why'd you come here, to the Cohen Residence, anyway? Don't you have Marissa or your boytoy to wake up?"
"I, well…I guess I didn't really think of them. I mean, Marissa would probably be knocked out right now; I totally saw her slip some Vodka into her purse last night. And Zach. Well, Zach I couldn't go to."
"Why not?"
"Seeing as he's a Congressman's son, I don't think his security could tolerate a teenage girl crawling through their son's window. Bodyguards would think I'm trying to, like, mug him. And then they'd send the watchdogs. And what do you know? There goes my perfect Jimmy Choo shoes."
"But you're not wearing your Jimmy Choo shoes. They're…hey, cool. I always wanted those Cookie Monster slippers. My mom never got them for me, though. Thought they were too vulgar. But she let me read violent Avenger comics. Doesn't make any sense."
"You talk way too much, Cohen."
"It's part of me, what can I say?"
"But can't that part of you, like, shut up once in a while?"
"I happen to think that you like that talkative part of me. As does the rest of the female population."
"Cohen, the world does not have a population of 0. Try again next time."
"Will do. So, getting back on track, why are you here?"
"I…well. We…We need to talk."
"So let's talk."
"Okay. Um, how's it going with what's-her-name? Alicia?"
"Alex."
"Yeah, Alex. So, care to share?"
"She dumped me."
"That blunt, huh? So she jumped off the Seth Cohen train, ay?"
"Yep. Said she wanted to explore other options. Whatever that means."
"Hmm. No idea."
"Yeah."
"Look, Cohen. I was hanging out with Zach the other day and I was looking at him. Like, really looking at him."
"Oh yeah? You noticed that pimple on his nose too? I wanted to mention it to him, but I figured it was embarrassing enough to see it every time you look at yourself."
"Shut up. Let me finish."
"Sorry. Carry on."
"And so I looked at him. And he seemed too perfect. His posture was straight, his hair looked amazing, and the way he talked. It was so slow and sturdy. You actually understood what he was saying 99.9 of the time. He's strapping, a nice guy. And really conditions. I mean, that hair is wow. He drives a gorgeous BMW; built with all the little optional nit-picks that you don't really need. And he reads four newspapers a day. Talk about genius. He's the kind of guy every girl needs. He's perfect."
"And you're telling this to me because?"
"I...Well, I'm not like other girls."
"You're not?"
"No. I don't want perfect. I want someone with bad posture, with the most wild, unruly hair. I want a guy to talk so fast and ramble so much that you wouldn't be able to comprehend what the hell he's trying to say. I want a guy who skates an old, rickety skateboard to get to where he needs to be. And I want a guy who doesn't read the newspaper, but options to read a gazillion comic books and likes to gawk at half-naked drawings of Wonderwoman."
"I...Geez, Summer. For once you render me speechless."
"I want you, Seth Cohen."
"And Sum, you know I want you."
"I know."
"I mean, I've been in love with you since the third grade. That has to count for something."
"It does. Seeing as how I'm in my worn pajamas and have just climbed through your two-story window, declaring how much I want you back in my life."
"Yes, that does count. Got me there. Look, Sum, I'm so sorry about everything. Seriously. If I could wish back time, I wouldn't have climbed on that boat, or if I had, I would have totally asked you to come with me. I spent days on that thing, and not once did I ever not think of you. And how much you hated my guts."
"I didn't hate you. I cried over you."
"And see! That killed me. Because I caused you pain. Immense pain. And being with Alex…You're not her, Sum. She may have a kickass taste in music, be majorly attractive, and run an uber cool bar, but that's all. I felt like I had to measure up and meet her standards everyday. I never even mentioned my love of comics."
"You're serious? And to think, I took you in, Captain Oats, comics, and all."
"Precisely. Summer, Alex wasn't you. She didn't know me the way you knew me. She didn't make me happy the way you made happy. And seeing you with Zach hurt. Like a bitch. But seeing you here...Totally makes up for everything that we went through these past couple of months."
"So where does this lead us to, Cohen?"
"Wherever it'll take us."
"Good. Because you better not leave ever again. If that ever happens again, I'll call up my dad's friends and have you castrated."
"Your dad's friends cut off peoples' balls?"
"Well, no. I don't know. I was just trying for that threatening sort of tone. I guess I went overboard."
"Ah, you have me shaking in my boots, Sum."
"But seriously. I don't cry over bitches on boats, Cohen."
"Well if anything, I would take you with me. And we could be two bitches on a small catamaran."
"But I thought I was The Boobs? You can't have two bitches on a boat when I'm The Boobs."
"So, I thought I was The Brains?"
"You have to earn it."
"Will do. Seems like a plan."
"Right. Now shut up and kiss me, Cohen."
"Gladly."
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End.