I've noticed a lot of stories lately revolving around the idea of Kagome being a "punk", Inuyasha being a "prep", and the zany hijinks they create. Although some of these stories are of reasonable quality, I must admit that a vast majority are rather ... awful. I mean no insult to the authors of stories like this and the following is just for entertainment.
That being said, this is supposed to be a parody of such fanfics. I tried to incorporate all the cliches I could think of, and I would appreciate any criticism you can provide.
Kagome woke to the sound of her alarm clock at precisely 8:30 AM.
"FUCKING ALARM!!!" she shrieked, picking up the small plastic clock and hurling it across the room with full force. It collided with her left bedroom wall and shattered into a million pieces, ending the incessant beeping noise.
Kagome sighed, rolled out of bed, and put on her usual school outfit: a black tube top that said BITCHY HELLIAN, a short black skirt covered in various chains, fishnet tights, and combat boots. She glanced in the mirror at her raven black hair with red stripes and then started off towards Shikon High School. She was already half an hour late, and it took fifteen minutes to walk to school, but Kagome was late everyday and was not worried.
She moseyed into her high school nonchalantly, ignoring all the stares from her classmates. She arrived at her homeroom and started to walk towards the back.
"Kagome! You're late!" said her teacher from the front of the classroom.
"What's it to you, BITCH?" asked Kagome, putting her hands on her hips in a stance of defiance and rebellion.
"Kagome, I've had enough of your misbehavior!" said the teacher. "Go to the principal's office!"
"FUCK YOU!" yelled Kagome, flicking off her teacher as she left.
All of Kagome's punk friends cheered and clapped from the back, while all the goody toe shoes preps rolled their make-up laden eyes in the front. One prep, named Inuyasha, watched Kagome with interest, however.
'Wow, Kagome is one tough bitch.' thought Inuyasha, his golden eyes brimming over with tears of admiration. 'I wish I could be as punk as her.'
LATER! AT LUNCH!
Kagome got her lunch and sat down at the Punk Table with all the other punks, who were also badass.
"That was so awesome what you did in homeroom." said Kagome's friend, Sparkle.
"Yeah. I was really impressed." said one of her guy friends, Angst.
Kagome paid no attention. People gave her glowing compliments all the time.
"It was nothing. I just had to show that fucking damn bitch whose boss." said Kagome. Sparkle and Angst laughed.
"I wouldn't be so mean to the teachers if I were you." said Kikyo, the preppiest girl in school, who had just come up behind Kagome.
Kagome whipped around with cat-like precision.
"You might not get into a good college." continued Kikyo.
"Yeah, well at least I'm not a damn fucking slutt-o bitch like YOU!" snapped Kagome.
The Punk Table roared with laughter. Milk sprayed out Angst's nose.
Kikyo blushed while Inuyasha came up behind her.
"That was AWESOME, Kagome!" said her other friend Moonglow, giving Kagome a high five.
"Just doing my job." said Kagome, cracking her knuckles. "But seriously, Kikyo, I really wanted to ask if you wanted tickets to the show."
Kikyo glanced at Inuyasha, who shrugged.
"What show?" she asked confusedly.
"The GUN show!" replied Kagome, holding up her arm and flexing her bulging biceps. The punk table erupted once more.
"Oh, please, stop, Kagome! My side hurts!" said Angst, laughing hysterically and clutching his abs.
"Hey, you got a problem with Kikyo, then you gotta problem with me!" said Inuyasha.
"What, you wanna fight or something?" asked Kagome, standing up from her chair.
"Kick his ass, Kagome!" cheered Angst.
"Show him whose boss!" said Moonglow.
'Uh, oh... now I have to actually fight this chick.' thought Inuyasha. 'And she looks tough.'
"What, you scared?" demanded Kagome, rolling up her sleeves and exposing her bulging veiny muscles.
"Weren't you wearing a tube top earlier?" asked Inuyasha.
"Weren't you wearing a BRAIN earlier?" spat Kagome.
Angst began to weep with laughter.
"How dare you insult me, you little punk bitch?" screamed Inuyasha angrily, advancing on her.
No gothic little punk girl spoke to The Great Inuyasha that way!
"Hey, did I hear lunch bells?" asked Kagome suddenly.
"No. Why?" asked Inuyasha.
"Cause you just got SERVED!" and with that, Kagome punched him in the face.
Inuyasha shrieked and fell backwards, a stream of blood spurting from his nose.
"I'll get you WENCH!" he shouted, leaping back up to retaliate.
Kagome dodged him easily and then turned around to kick him in the crotch.
"OW!" howled Inuyasha, falling down to the ground.
Kagome leapt on him and started beating him with her muscular arms which had the strength of three buffalos wearing sombreros.
"Hey, what's going on here?" asked a lunch attendant named Jo Anne.
"I'm fucking teaching this fucking bastard a fucking lesson in PUNKOLOGY!" shouted Kagome with a smirk as Inuyasha's skull caved in.
The preps all screamed while throwing their trays carelessly into the air in unison, and then dashed off towards the door.
"THAT'S IT! Detention... for BOTH of you!" said Jo Anne.
"Fuck off!" replied Kagome. She turned back to Inuyasha. "Be glad that your mommy was here to save you... THIS TIME."
Inuyasha whimpered as Kagome stormed off to her next class.
!!!!!!!#$!!!!!! AT DETENTION !!!!! !!!!!&&&$$#!!!!!!!!!!!11111oneoneone
Kagome walked into detention and sat in her usual seat, next to her gothic friend, Sango.
"Hey, Sango, how's it hangin'?" asked Kagome.
"How's what hanging?" asked Sango, but before Kagome could respond, the teacher, Mr. Dumbass-chan, shouted "HIGORASHI AND SANGO! KEEP QUIET!"
Kagome rolled her eyes. She hated being in detention with her stupid teacher and detention-mates. Now, most students in detention get bad grades and aren't that smart but Kagome was the exception. She was actually the smartest student at Shikon High School and got straight As. In fact, she skipped most of her classes just because they were so boring.
"What'd you do this time?" whispered Sango as their teacher entered an oblivious stupor.
"I kicked the ass of some preppy boy with silver hair." said Kagome.
"You mean Inuyasha??" gasped Sango in wonder.
"Yeah, I guess that was his name."
"Inuyasha is the most popular boy in the school. No one stands up to him." said Sango.
"That's right." said Inuyasha.
Kagome whipped around. Inuyasha had been listening in on their conversation.
"What do you want, dog boy?" asked Kagome.
"To let you know you're going to pay for this. I have a lot of power in this school." said Inuyasha.
"Oh, please." Kagome rolled her eyes. She didn't care about popularity or what anyone thought of her. She was an individual. That's why she bought all of her unique clothing at a very secret and unknown store, Hot Topic.
"I can just tell all the teachers to expel you." said Inuyasha.
Kagome and Sango burst into laughter.
"They wont listen to you!" guffawed Kagome.
"Of course they will! My father owns TechnoStuff Incorporated! He's insanely rich!" bragged Inuyasha.
"Yeah, well my father owns UltraTechnoStuff Incorporated! He's the richest person on Earth!" said Kagome.
Inuyasha wondered why someone so rich would be a punk, and not a prep like all other rich people. Kagome wondered why Inuyasha was a prep, when he could be a punk like all other bad ass people.
Sango wondered why the richest people in the world sent their children to public school.
"It dosent matter how rich you are! You're still a bitch you wenchy wenchish WENCH!" shrieked Inuyasha.
"DON'T CALL ME A FUCKING WENCH YOU FUCKING... INSERT MASCULINE VERSION OF WENCH HERE!!!!" shrieked Kagome, leaping ontop of her desk.
"Uh, oh. Now you did it." said Sango, hiding under her binder.
"Did what?" asked Inuyasha.
Kagome roared as wings sprouted from her back.
"Kagome is half dragon! When she gets really mad, she has the ability to transform into a dragon to kill her enemies!" explained Sango
"Since when?" asked Inuyasha.
"Since now. Once she's reached her full dragon form, she can kill two million slightly overweight men in one second!" said Sango.
"How do I stop this crazy wench?" asked Inuyasha as Kagome's black nail polished... ...uh, nails turned into claws.
"WORSHIP ME, PUNY DOG BOY!" roared Kagome as her shirt burst into flames.
"Oh, she also can shoot fire from her armpits." said Sango.
"FEEL MY STRONG-ENOUGH-FOR-A-WOMAN WRATH!" screamed Kagome.
"I'm sorry! I'M SORRY! Turn back!" pleaded Inuyasha.
Kagome paused.
"What did you say?" she asked.
"I'm sorry." said Inuyasha grudgingly.
"Okie dokie!" chirped Kagome, morphing back to her human form, a sweet smile on her face.
"Wow, Kagome. It is so darn cute when you go psycho and then suddenly turn all nice. You don't do it enough." said Sango lovingly.
"I know. I need more practice." said Kagome, extinguishing her pits of fury.
"Hey, what's going on over there? Are you three passing notes?" asked the teacher, turning up from his puddle of drool to look at the students.
"No, but YOU'RE passing... PASSING OUR LOSER TEST!" snapped Kagome.
Sango snickered. Even Inuyasha found it hard to hold back laughter at Kagome's witty retorts.
"Well, just sit down and pay attention." said the teacher.
"YOU JUST FUCK OFF YOU MOTHERFUCKING FAGGY BITCHO DAMNU SHITTA FOOKOOPOLY!" screamed Kagome.
Before the teacher could respond, Kagome and Sango grabbed all of their stuff and ran laughing from the room.