Disclaimer: Resisting The Walton's ay? Well then I've no choice but to bring out the big guns. Sound of Music anyone? They'll break, you wait. But its not mine.

A/N: Many thanks to kind followers. Phantom of Basement most especially. Also, very much in fear of Cassi-thank her for update. Merrymime-hope you are surprised and pleased in equal measure.

Bit of bad language again.

Now I never hated Mark. Thought he was a bit of a wimp and self-righteous but I didn't hate him *ducks to avoid flying objects*.

This may not be what you expect.

Anyway-back to Elizabeth's head. Come follow.

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'We're doing well gentlemen. Let's keep it up yes.'

'Was that Romano outside?'

'I think so.'

'He has a kid?'

'No. I'm not sure who that was.'

'Corday has a kid.'

'Oh.'

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Elizabeth turned. She was no longer in the park. She was in Chicago, more specifically in a restaurant that she recognised. She'd been here before. She walked slowly through the tables and saw someone she recognised.

'Peter,' she said.

He glanced up and grinned.

'Wasn't sure you were coming,' he said, 'you're late.'

'Ladies prerogative. So-what piece of information do you have? What deep and meaningful insight do you wish to impart?' she said, archly.

Peter raised an eyebrow.

'Nope. Sorry,' he said, shrugging, 'I'm just here to eat. Take a look at the menu, the foods pretty good here.'

She sat down and sighed. She played with the tablecloth and moved the cutlery. She shifted the salt and peppershakers about. She was determined not to play, but finally gave up.

'So I still run and hide,' she admitted, 'so what? It was either that or stay and be hurt. I became the best surgeon I could be, a true career woman. I never wanted to fall in love. That's what I liked about us. No commitment, just fun and excitement.'

Peter grinned and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his chin.

'Yeah, we had fun,' he said, 'so what happened?'

Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

'You know,' she said, annoyed, 'Things got too hard. They got complicated. You and I were never meant to last. Far too much stress for either of us.'

Peter grinned. Elizabeth felt strange remembering herself back in this position. Before so much had happened to her. Marriage, motherhood, death and now...

'Don't forget to ring me,' Peter reminded her gently, 'I'll want to know.'

'No, I won't. In between my recovery and therapy I'll be in the perfect state of mind to chat. Nosy little bugger.'

She laughed and he joined her.

'There she is,' said Peter, leaning forward, 'there's the Elizabeth I knew. Man, I've missed her.'

Elizabeth felt slightly annoyed and opened her mouth to protest, then remembered-she'd only be fighting herself.

'Okay, so I've missed her too,' she admitted, looking at the wine in her glass and wondering what it would taste like.

'People change Peter,' she sighed, 'After everything, you can't expect me to remain the same.'

Peter said nothing.

'I have Ella to think of. Every decision, I have to think about her first. And every man...always a potential father. When it comes to that,' she continued.

She stared harder at the glass. The dark red liquid was glittering from the candles on the table. It seemed to grow darker as she stared and the lights began to multiply. Darker and wider, like a sea. Or a sky. A night sky.

'Mark.'

The restaurant was gone, but she was still in Chicago. She heard a familiar sound, the sound of balls being thwacked and the metal clanking of nets as they were caught again.

She walked behind the cages, stopping behind a man whose swing had a familiar look to it.

She remembered this, when she had found him here after Kerry had screwed him royally over Robert being appointed Chief of Staff.

She had hated Robert then. She often wondered why she still didn't, though she tried hard to work past it. She would have killed him otherwise. But she never expected to consider him a friend.

'Hi there,' said Mark.

He hit a ball and it sailed through the air. She stopped and slid her fingers through the metallic mesh.

'Hello,' she said.

'Considering you pretty much sucked at this the first time, I'm surprised you're back,' he joked.

She smiled and looked around the net.

'Very symbolic,' she said.

'What? Oh, the net. Yes. The wall you can not cross. Only you can, the openings there,' said Mark, pointing to the gap, then ducked as a ball came racing towards him.

Elizabeth looked at the gap, then back at his smiling face. Kind, honest-God, we could have been happy.

'Life's a bitch isn't it,' he said, reading her mind.

She nodded.

'I really want to know why I'm here Mark,' she said, firmly, 'I mean, I was hoping for something like the meaning of life.'

'That's easy,' he said, '42.'

Elizabeth smiled, but couldn't laugh. In her mind she could form everything about him, but now he was in front of her, clear as day, she felt a hundred familiar sensations run through her. She leaned her head against the metal and closed her eyes.

'You left,' she whispered.

'Sort of,' Mark answered, 'but you know I'm not gone. Not to sound like a cheap cliché, but I never will be. But you know, Elizabeth, I want to ask you a question. If I'd have lived, would it have worked?'

Elizabeth, eyes still closed, wanted to say 'yes'. Then she wanted to say 'no'. But the truth was-

'I don't know,' she said.

She opened her eyes and saw Mark shrug. She suddenly felt annoyed with all of this talking and walked into the cage, holding out her hand.

'Here, let's see if I'm any better now,' she said.

He handed her the bat and she readied herself. The ball flew towards her and she swung, somehow making contact with the ball. She watched it fly away and smiled.

'I like this game better in my head,' she said.

'I hate Robert,' said Mark, suddenly, 'you know that. I think he's cruel and arrogant and ...Elizabeth I would hate if you started thinking of him in any other way. And Ella-'

'Mark I'm'-thwack-'thinking of Ella! And you! I've been through this with Peter. Why has this conversation suddenly jumped to Robert.'

'I don't know, its your mind,' said Mark.

She glanced behind her, but only briefly, glad to have the balls to hit and stem the rush of emotions she couldn't or didn't want to identify.

Thunk!

'But...all the same, you shouldn't feel guilty about having feelings for anyone else you know,' said Mark.

'Apart from Robert of course? Not that I do.'

Smack! Did she believe that? Well, I don't hate him. I wish I did Mark but I can't...

'You know him better than me,' Mark admitted.

This isn't the point. This isn't why I'm here...

'I was your wife Mark. We took vows and I made a promise,' said Elizabeth, 'You haven't been...dead that long. Hardly any time at all. I know we weren't exactly getting on that well before but-'

Another ball flew skyward.

'-I loved you. I would be a terrible, terrible person if I suddenly fell into bed or started a relationship so soon with anyone-oh I don't know why I'm saying this. I'm talking to myself for God's sake!'

She hit the next ball so hard it exploded into purple and green dust, which shimmered in the air.

'That's new,' she said.

'Elizabeth, I'm dead. Although you may not believe it I died happy. I had a wonderful wife, two beautiful daughters and an amazing career. I had everything. And now I get to hit baseballs and sit in the sunshine and do whatever I want all day,' said Mark, taking the bat from her and readying himself.

Elizabeth watched him silently. The man she loved.

'You're alive Elizabeth. Do what you want to. Stop running from connections, emotions. Stop running from yourself. Find yourself again, Elizabeth.'

He hit a ball and she watched it sail away. Then the night sky lightened, turning whiter and whiter until it was no longer the sky but a ceiling. A white, polystyrene tiled ceiling.

Elizabeth looked about her. She was in a hospital again. She was back at County. And she was in back the room.

Blood and tears.

She was standing in the centre of the room, facing the door. But it was blocked. By a man with a gun.

'Robert.'

Hidden in the shadows, she saw only one side of his face. His eye creased a little as he gave a patented Romano smile. Tight and edgy, a Tiger's smile.

'You do blame me,' he said, with a touch of satisfaction.

She did. She didn't realise it before. She'd tried to play the forgiving angel, but it wouldn't work. She did blame him. For this and for so much more. By rights she should hate him. She nodded, not breaking eye contact.

'Yes, you're right, well done,' she said, 'I nearly died! My child would have been an orphan. All because of the games you play.'

His hand was as steady as a rock. But the gun didn't scare her anymore. Why couldn't things be simple? Had she really effected him so much that he had to do these things to her? Even now, when his own life was falling apart he still wanted to show he could still triumph over other peoples.

'Something happened to you,' she said, expanding her mind to imagine the possibilities.

'A lot of things have happened to me,' he said, darkly.

His black eyes bored into her. There was much she didn't know, so many things he hadn't told her.

'Like blood from a stone,' she said, 'I've tried everything with you and I can still barely find you. And the worst of it is, I don't know why I keep trying. For some reason best known to God, I actually care about you Robert. Your life, your welfare-'

'Easy Lizzie, you're making me sound like a dog in need of sponsoring,' he joked.

Sometimes she had thought about hugging him, just holding him and trying to...to fix him. Make up for whatever it was in the past that had broken him so badly.

'How compassionate,' he said, levelly.

'Yes,' she said, harshly, 'my biggest flaw.'

She stared at the gun in his hand and moved forward, concentrating on it.

'Lizzie-' he warned.

But she ignored him and focused on the gun, willing it away, willing it to disappear just like she had when she had been in the room.

As she watched it began to dissolve, just drip away like Dali's melting clocks. It folded in on itself and vanished out of sight. He was un-armed.

'Un-armed,' she repeated, 'without your guard up. Like in the lounge when Mark...and then...we have a good track record with the lounge don't we? You reach out to me and I run, I try to get through to you and you scowl me away. You push, I pull. Why do I try? You've done some shitty things in your life Robert. I'm no angel either but I try to not hurt people.'

He was backed against the door, his features mixed in anger, contempt and, strangely, fear.

'I won't change,' he said, through gritted teeth, 'not for you, not for anyone. Not even because of my little accident.'

'I know,' she said, with up-most belief, 'but tell me Robert. Is it more than just an infatuation?'

He straightened up and cocked his head to one side.

'I love you,' he said.

'I know,' she repeated.

'Really? Gosh, one bout of existentialism and you're quite the little know-it-all,' he said, folding his arms, 'guess you can stop asking me now then.'

Elizabeth raised a hand to Robert's face and touched her fingertips lightly against it. She looked down, then up again and they were back in Sommer's Park.

'I like it here,' she explained.

She felt peaceful suddenly. She turned away from him and stared out into the sunlight, feeling a fresh breeze run through her, cleansing her. Things would have to change. But now she knew, knew for certain. He'd argued with death for her.

'I can't do this alone,' she said, suddenly.

'Neither can I,' he answered.

She turned. He looked better in the sunlight, the menacing aspect gone. He was dressed in a dark T-shirt and trousers, hand thrust in his pocket.

'I'm going to have nightmares,' she said, matter-of-factly.

He nodded.

'I'm going to be a mess,' she continued.

He nodded again. Then looked right suddenly. She followed his gaze. Ella, bright, beautiful, lovely Ella was trotting towards her, giggling. In the midst of euphoria Elizabeth crouched down and enveloped her. Her sweet smell and soft hair were so familiar. She breathed them in, wishing they were real, then gathered her in her arms and stood up.

Robert was still watching her.

'Where's the big revelation?' she asked.

'There never was one. You just assumed there would be. But now you know better.'

They stood apart, the wind rustling the fronds of weeping willows and children cheering in the distance. Eyes locked, neither of them moved.

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Bright white. Closed eyes. Noises. Something on her finger. She felt sick. What, God, what was that pain? What's that beeping noise?

'She's awake! Amanda, get Dr Anspaugh.'

Who was that?

'Dr Corday? Its okay just try to relax. The surgery went really well. We're glad to have you back.'

*Peers out from behind chair in trepidation….*