Disclaimer: What do you think? I mean really?
A/N: First off, we apologise for the delay. My part-time job suddenly became full-time to cover someone's holiday hours and I've been very busy and tired.
Also this is a particularly important chapter and I wanted to make it, well, good. It's hard to get the balance between things and not make it too mushy or melodramatic.
I bow down to my readers and reviewers whose kind words keep me afloat. Do you really think Robert's going to get over Elizabeth? And me being the cliff hanger queen? Thought not.
Susan returns-I really have to do a fanfic with her one of these days.
This is actually one big chapter chopped into two because it was too long.
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Elizabeth stared out of the window. The yellow sunlight trickled through the blinds and drew streaks across her bed.
Since waking briefly in the night, she had slept again and was now so awake she thought she would never sleep again.
Her head was thick, her chest hurt and her eyes were dim. She felt slow from painkillers and medication, but on another level she was firing on all cylinders. Her mind observed the coming and going of nurses and doctors with acute alertness, identifying words and conditions and names as if she was observing them from a few centimetres away.
It was strange and a little dull. Anspaugh, Edson and Davidson had all been in at various intervals to check on her and had been extremely professional and polite. Even Edson. She couldn't thank them in any coherent form but felt they knew how grateful she was anyway. Anspaugh in particular seemed softer than he usually was, smiling and patting her hand.
The first thing she had asked about upon waking was about Ella. The nurse in charge had looked a little confused then Jacy, whom Elizabeth suspected had been eavesdropping, came over with a mischievous smiled on her face and explained everything.
Elizabeth had regarded her with disbelief as she told her about Chris' flying visit and Robert literally holding the baby. She briefly wondered if she was still dreaming. She vaguely remembered Chris having problems with her hours at the moment, but Robert actually agreeing to take Ella home with him? How long had she been asleep?
Jacy had laughed and said the little girl looked quite at home with him. As the nurse walked away, Elizabeth suddenly remembered her words to Robert during their brief phone conversation. She had asked him to take care of Ella. And he had. God, I could ask him to jump off a bridge for me and he'd consider it, she thought.
The dream she had had whilst asleep was so vivid, so real and so full of emotion. She still couldn't quite grasp what it meant, if it meant anything at all. She was sure it did.
She remembered Mark's words about finding herself again and not running away. Elizabeth didn't know if she'd be able to start her life again, knowing how they had broken, but felt a strange reassurance nonetheless.
In the still light of morning, surrounded by people teetering between life and death, thoughts jumped around her head.
She wondered how she would react when she spoke to Robert again. She ached to see Ella. She heard gunshots echo down the corridor.
A visit from a psychiatrist later, she was still far from better and wanted to see someone familiar. So it was with delight that she noticed Susan Lewis walking, or rather hovering around the doorway.
'Susan!' she called.
Susan's round, smiling face poked through the door and looked around.
'Any Stalinist nurses about? I hear they're pretty strict round here,' she said.
'No, no, you're safe. I'm just so happy to see a familiar face. I mean apart from the nurses and they're so busy,' answered Elizabeth.
Susan entered and crept to her bedside.
'We heard you were awake. Everyone downstairs was battling to come up so we drew straws. Carter won, but I beat him with an IV pole and came instead,' she said, grinning.
'I'm glad you did. Although I hope his injuries weren't too bad, we don't need anymore doctors out of it around here,' said Elizabeth.
Her head was clearing slightly and the painkillers were certainly doing their job. Susan sat and Elizabeth spent a few minutes discussing how she was feeling, the fate of Jane Graham (doing fine) and catching up on gossip. It was silly, trivial stuff but it made Elizabeth feel much better. It was normal and comforting. Susan had a knack for putting people at their ease.
'So, I heard what Dr Romano did,' said Susan, finally.
Elizabeth sighed. Back to reality.
'Yes. We spoke a little whilst I...well you know. It's the most bizarre thing, I can't get my head around it.'
'Took a lot of guts I know that. At the moment its so much hospital rumour but I heard it direct from Kerry. Quite a shock to me too. I saw him after you came out. He looked so tired, but then who wouldn't.'
Elizabeth gave a small laugh.
'You don't seem to hate Robert as much as some others. Why?'
Now Susan chuckled.
'I don't know. I guess he just doesn't bother me and he's a good doctor,' she explained.
Elizabeth closed her eyes briefly. She was still so exhausted but didn't want to sleep. She heard the creak of a chair and opened her eyes to see Susan standing again.
'You need to rest. You've been through, well, a whole load of crap and I'm just disturbing you.'
'No you're not. I've slept so much I don't want to anymore. Besides, talking helps keep my head clear, as strange as that may sound.'
Jacy appeared beside Susan.
'I hope you're not bothering our patient,' she said, lightly.
Elizabeth waved her hands.
'Both of you stop it. I may be an invalid but I hate being treated like one,' she said firmly.
Jacy shook her head.
'The worst patients,' she said, knowingly, 'I have news you're going to like. Dr Romano's bringing your daughter in. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of saying you were up to it. Figured you'd love to see her.'
Elizabeth was transported with joy. As Jacy walked away she began to prop herself up.
'Here, let me,' said Susan and Elizabeth let her.
'I thought I might never...well I don't know what I thought,' confessed Elizabeth as the other doctor padded her pillows.
'It's okay you don't have to explain to me,' said Susan, 'there lie back and, this is a little delayed but-Dr Romano took Ella home?'
Her face was wide-eyed and Elizabeth realised how she must have looked when Jacy told her the news.
'Yes. He's obviously going for his Superman badge. I can't think...I mean, Chris has been having problems with her hours but-for him to do it?' Elizabeth said, half to herself.
'Well its you isn't it,' said Susan, standing again, 'its pretty obvious...never mind.'
Elizabeth looked up at her, suddenly alert.
'Pretty obvious?' she said, imploringly, 'What is? Come on Susan, you've been honest with me so far.'
Susan dithered for a moment, but Elizabeth knew being an invalid had some advantages, like people not wanting to cause you more pain.
'Just the way he looks at you. I...I've been the target of un-requited love before but those looks. It's probably only obvious to me though,' she shrugged.
The notion of Mark hung in the air between them. It had always been something of a barrier between them, Elizabeth struggling to understand their shared history and the woman she knew he had loved. But hadn't Mark told her to get on with her life? Not just in a romantic sense but in other ways too-to find herself and find other people.
'It's difficult,' Elizabeth murmured.
'He's a difficult man,' said Susan, 'only you seem to be the only one who understands him too. I mean, you're his friend, I'm more an acquaintance he doesn't shout at.'
Elizabeth looked away and studied her hands. It kept coming back to Robert didn't it? Susan's pager jumped into life and she grabbed it.
'Damn-MVA. Life never stops does it?'
Elizabeth shook her head.
'I have to go. Its been wonderful seeing you Elizabeth.'
She disappeared quickly, Elizabeth feeling she was grateful for the escape route. They'd just strayed into some fairly awkward territory and Elizabeth felt more confused than ever. Everything was so chaotic. She felt lost, abandoned in a new place where she was just meeting the locals.
She blinked at the sunlight. A strange new day.
*
Robert wasn't sure if he should visit Elizabeth this early into her recovery, but decided that she would definitely want to see Ella and he could make a hasty getaway.
He rang Chris and told her the news in the morning, telling her that she could pick Ella up from the hospital. He would go in, drop Ella off and get the hell out of that room before all his good intentions fell down around his ears.
His resolution to get over Elizabeth seemed a somewhat strange memory but he was determined to go through with it. Thinking about it made his stomach hurt and forced him to take deep breaths.
Ella was not a morning girl, but he steadfastly ignored her protests and calmed her with the news that she would be seeing her mother soon. He dressed and fed her and got her into the taxi as quickly as possible. Before leaving he rang the hospital again to check Elizabeth was up to visitors and Jacy said she was.
In a blur he was driven to the hospital, climbing out of the car, paying the driver and stepping into the lift. Ella, cuddling her toy dog and leaning against his shoulder, looked about her hopefully.
'Nearly there,' said Robert, 'Now remember-Ella look at me-remember how I said Mommy is very sick?'
The little girl nodded.
'Okay. So we have to be very quiet and very good. Well you have to be. I have to go.'
'Rob go?'
'Yeah.'
'Whereit?'
'Well, we adults have exciting things to do called jobs. Believe me, you wouldn't want to come.'
The lift doors opened and there was no going back. He stepped onto the surgical floor, the familiar sounds and smells sweeping over him. This was home. Correction, this had been home.
Yesterday seemed a world away, but he was reminded of it by the few policemen who were about the place and the police tape that littered the area. Blood still splattered the floor and he passed quickly, skirting the nurse's desk.
'She's awake,' said Jacy, barely looking up from her clipboard, 'I told her you were coming in.'
He thanked her and walked down the corridor towards ICU, just like he'd done a thousand times, just like always. Only this time it wasn't to see an anonymous patient it was to see someone far more important.
Remember Robert, you're turning over a new leaf. A strange new day.
*
Elizabeth heard shoes squeak to a halt in the doorway. Her bed was positioned so she could see out of the door easily, but for a second she did not move. She was gazing into the sunlight. Then she turned her head.
At first, seeing Robert in the doorway threw her back into her dream, back into an uneasy place filled with emotion.
But this time, there was no shadowed face, no aggressive stance and most importantly, no gun.
There was an odd symmetry to the image. He looked stiff and nervous, his arm clasped around a small girl instead of an instrument of death. A beautiful, baby girl with golden curls. Her child.
'Ella!' she gasped.
Ella's own face lit up and she held out pudgy arms. Robert moved forward swiftly and re-untied mother and daughter, Elizabeth enfolding her child in huge hug.
Robert felt the need to make some kind of remark to diffuse all this emotional nonsense, but for the life of him he couldn't think what.
Seeing Elizabeth, bathed in golden light, her hair like fire had, for a second, made all his resolutions disappear. In his eyes, she was nothing but beautiful. His resolve returned, but it was weakened and he murmured,
'Chris'll be by to pick her up soon. I've got her stuff here. I'll...I'll leave you two alone.'
He stroked Ella's head then caught Elizabeth's eye, full of something unidentifiable, and pulled his hand away. He turned to go, willing himself not to break.
'Robert wait!'