Chapter 3 – Bean's Confession

Lunch. Not bad considering the location, which come to think of it, he actually had no idea of. Sitting down with Alai, Petra, Dink, and the others, he felt small. VERY small. He had grown a reasonable amount since the day he had arrived at battle school, and felt small every day, but today was different. It must have been him trying to be invisible to the others sitting around him. Petra seemed to have forgotten about last night, but he still had the sensation that the others felt different about him today. Maybe he was just being paranoid. They were laughing at the jokes Alai was telling, and Bean wasn't interested. Usually things such as interrogations or insults did not sway him. But lately his old Rotterdam instincts were slipping. Paranoia. Another side effect on insanity. If Ender truly is insane, then I can become insane as well. He is stronger then I am. "Never." Said a little voice back in his head. "If Rotterdam can't break you, nothing can." Except something that can break Ender.

"BEAN!" Dink had obviously been attempting to get his attention for a little while now. Everyone was staring at him.

"What?"

"Nevermind. I'll tell you later, when you're in your own head."

"Okay then."

- -

The buggers. I killed them all. Every one of them. I'm the most evil man in the world. I committed Genocide by annihilating an entire species. And if I weren't confined to this room, I might have killed all of humanity. Today there was only one guard making sure I didn't escape. A little midget that was on the far side of the room.

"Ender" he said. Who was this Ender? I bet he wasn't as evil as me.

"Do you know who you are?" He asked me. Of course I do.

"Adolph Hitler." I replied. The little midget said something else, but I couldn't hear him.

"Yes?"

"No. You are not."

"I most definitely am."

"Okay then." He seemed disappointed. What an odd little fellow. He wasn't even moving.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Bean, Ender." This Ender again. What a popular person. And Bean. That wasn't even a name. It was a food.

"You're a bean? I doubt it."

"No, Ender, my name is Bean."

"I am NOT Ender, and bean is not a name! Actually, Ender isn't a name either." Why couldn't this little one understand? I couldn't explain it anymore.

"Are you going to at least try to remember?" He wants me to play games.

"Okay. I'll play," I said, it was the least I could do. "But you better not come close, for I am far too dangerous"

"Okay, Ender."

"I'm to play as Ender?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Bean."

"Now, Ender, I need you to understand… I want to try to make you realize that you are really Ender."

"What's wrong with my name?"

"Adolph is NOT your name! It's Ender, and you're a reasonable and nice person!" Wow. The boy couldn't decide what he wanted to do.

"Well goodbye, then!"

- -

The talk to Ender was an improvement, as he spoke to him more than usual, and understood some things, but no matter how much Bean tried to snap him back to reality, there wasn't much success. He began to think that there was no future for Ender, and he would continue for the rest of his life the way he was going about it now.

"Bean!" Called a familiar voice from behind him.

"Ho Dink!" He answered, but with less enthusiasm then he had intended.

"I wanted to talk to you in the lunchroom, but it was too crowded for a private conversation."

"What is it?"

"Come to my room." Dink's room was basically the same as everyone else's, but it had a few decorations on the wall such as shuttle pictures and engineering schematics.

"Nice place." He could think of nothing else to say.
"Thanks. I'm thinking of becoming a shuttle engineer, that is, if I ever get out of

this place."

"I wonder if we'll ever." Bean replied.

"Anyway Bean, I've been worried about you. You've been acting differently, and I'm pretty sure it's because of Ender. Petra told me about last night, and I think I know exactly what it's about. Petra has known longer than I have, Bean. To tell the truth, I wasn't the one who was going to come to you. She was, but she wasn't sure whether you would like it or not."

"She was right to hesitate," He said, "I don't want her to know. In my entire life, from Rotterdam through battle school, I have been strong. Not physically, of course, but mentally and socially. I have bent to world my way, and never, until now, have I faltered. And you're both right, I think, in assuming that it was because of Ender. Ender was maybe not my closest friend, but he was more. He was like superman to me. He was just like me, but could achieve things that I couldn't. And every time I doubted him he pulled through. Every time I thought battle school's teachers were pushing him too far, he just advanced enough to pull through. So I got to trusting him. Just when it seemed that he was impervious to stress, the most unusual thing got to him. What HE did bothered him. He destroyed himself. I'm afraid that will happen to me. And, in a way, it is. I would never have told you this if my old self were in control."

"Then I'm glad you're old senses aren't in control."

"Ha. You could say that, Dink, but I don't like it. As much as it may benefit you, or even me, it doesn't feel natural. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel trapped inside yourself, like you can't move."

"You're too attached to Ender. He might not get better; he might always be consumed in false guilt. There comes a point at which there's not much you can do."

"Maybe so, but trying isn't always a lost cause."

"That, Bean, is true."