Whitney: Here it is! Chapter Two: Act One, Scene One!

Hector: in the on-going saga of my tortured life...

Heath: Ha, I get to be a STAR...

Nino: hey, that's a spoiler!

Erk and Jaffar: glare at Heath

Lyn: hey, would that count as the two of them co-operating?

Hector: THAT should go down in the history books.

Eliwood: you and the history book...

Whitney: thanks to my reviewers, I love ya!

Erk: you don't even KNOW them!

Serra: We don't own FE, Twelfth Night,

Karla: or that evil "DOOM" glare thingy

Whitney: #with french beret and director clackboard#

Erk: Where did you get those?

Whitney: err...

Matthew: #counts gold coins#

Whitney: #clacks board# Act One, Scene One! Let's go!

Math seemed to be dragging along slower than usual. Trig was boring. So was algebra. And everything else mathematical. So what? He never claimed to be a numbers person. But mandatory math was still a pain. Why couldn't he have gone to one of those other schools that were close by? They didn't have mandatory math. But nooo, he was stuck here. Not that he minded, usually. But math class always made him question coming here.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!...

Geez, his school was so cheap they couldn't even afford to install a BELL. Instead, they had one little person run around the hallways ringing a cowbell instead. And they were never on time either. They always ran late, but you could hear them coming a mile away. It was a wonder to Hector that none of them had gone deaf yet, but it was only a matter of time.

"Ready for English?" Eliwood grinned as the class trooped out to enjoy a brief respite before the last two classes.

Hector groaned. "I'm never ready for English class. Especially not now."

"I'm excited," Ninian piped up from behind Eliwood. "I hope I get a part."

"I hope so too," Lyn said, looking a little worried. "But I did a little research of the play last night: there are only, like, three female parts in the whole thing."

"There are eight girls, and only three female parts? That's gonna be rough." Hector said.

"Hey Hector, I knew you could count!" Eliwood grinned evilly with his arm around Ninian.

"I really should hurt you for that Eliwood," Hector growled.

"Yeah, you should, but you won't. C'mon, the bells gonna ring soon."

"Yeah, we better move before we get DEAFED from the ringing." Hector grumbled.

"Oh lighten UP Hector. There's nothing wrong with the bell!" Lyn chided him. Hector just rolled his eyes and started walking down the hall.

Like always, Ms. Spencer was late. She came running through the down five minutes after the bell rang, papers falling out of every arm. "I'm sorry class, Fluffy had a breakdown, and I had to copy the parts by hand..."

"How do you copy the play parts from an animal, Ms. Spencer?" Nino asked as Jaffar and Erk glared at each other over her head.

"Oh..." Ms. Spencer blinked. "Fluffy's my computer. He's been acting on the fritz lately... I guess I'll have to send him in for repairs." She sighed.

"..." the class just stared at her.

"She NAMES her computer?" Matthew asked. "Hoo boy."

Hector looked at Eliwood and they both nodded. They had just confirmed what they have both suspected for a long time: Ms. Spencer was just about ready for the loony bin and Happy Hills.

"Anyway, I know you're ALL excited to know who got what parts..." She smiled as some of the girls yelled, "So, here we are. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess..." Hector mumbled.

"C'mon Hector, it can't be that bad!" Matthew leaned over and whispered.

"If I just get an extra part, I'll be fine. If not, I think I just might slit my wrists. Oof!" He exclaimed as Lyn elbowed him. "Ow..."

"Alright!" Ms. Spencer chirped. "Starting off: the male parts. Duke Orsino: Heath."

"All right!" Heath exclaimed, then stuck his tongue out at Hector.

"Shut up Heath, or do you want me to rearrange that face for you?"

"Boys!" Ms. Spencer interrupted them. "Um, Sebastian: Hector."

"WHAT?" Hector groaned. "Oh, MAN..."

"What's wrong, you got one of the main parts," Eliwood grinned.

"Shut up Eliwood..."

"Antonio will be played Eliwood."

"Sweet..." Eliwood said, leaning back in his chair.

"Oh, Eliwood, good job!" Ninian exclaimed, giving her boyfriend a quick kiss on the cheek. Eliwood winked at her and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

"Wil will play Valentino, and Rath will be Curio." Ms. Spencer continued.

"Yay! I got a part!" Wil grinned, making the "V" sign.

"Sir Toby Belch will be Sain..."

"Wow, typecasting doesn't get any better," Eliwood teased.

"Hey, that hurt," Sain twisted around to look at Eliwood, a hurt look on his face. "So I happen to like girls. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. But you take it too far, Sain," Lyn snapped at him.

"Hey, calm down Lyn. We all know he's not about to hit on you again," Eliwood tried to calm the two of them down, but Lyn remained frosty.

"Sir Andrew Aguecheek will be played by Erk..."

"Erk! You got a part in the play!" Nino squealed, giving him a hug. Erk smiled smugly while Jaffar glared daggers and cracked his knuckles. Serra glared from the front of the classroom.

"Malvolio will be played by Jaffar..."

Quite suddenly all the colour went out of his face and he stared at Ms. Spencer with a kind of horror on his face. "...God..."

"Jaffar! You got in too!" Nino was almost bouncing up and down in her seat before giving him a hug too. That seemed to make him feel better as Erk started planning his revenge.

"Feste will be played by Matthew."

"Everybody knows Matt's a fool, but how did Ms. Spencer find out?" Hector asked Eliwood before getting bombarded by crumpled pieces of paper, courtesy of Matthew who was busy ripping pages out of his notebook.

"And Fabian will be played by Kent."

"...Cool?" Kent shrugged.

"You could be a LITTLE more enthusiastic," Lyn muttered.

"Moving on to the girl's parts," Ms. Spencer went on, ignoring the few groans of disappointment from the guys. "Um, Olivia will be played by Lyndis."

"Awesome!" Lyn exclaimed smiling.

"Nino will play Viola."

"That's great Nino! You made it too!" Erk smiled. Jaffar casually put his arm around her while Nino smiled her face off.

"And Maria will be played by Rebecca,"

"Yes!" Rebecca punched the air.

"I never understand why girls always WANT work," Hector muttered.

"Oh grow up Hector," Lyn punched him.

"As for the extra parts, Viola's Sea Captain will be Guy, Oliva's servant will be Florina, the Officers will be Lowen and Karla, the Priest will be Ninian, and the attendants will be Serra and Priscilla. All right, I think that's everyone?" Ms. Spencer asked, looking around as people groaned.

"Whadda ya MEAN I'm just an attendant!?!" Serra wailed. Hector covered his ears. He really needed some reason to get away from her.

"Alright, I think that's everyone. If we have enough time we can go over the first scene..."

CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG...

'Goddamn bell...' Hector thought.

"...Or not. Alright everyone, grab a play on your way out, and we'll start Act One Scene One tomorrow straightaway."

"Yeah, so long as your not late, right?" Hector mumbled to himself as he dragged himself towards the pile of papers on the table.

"Ah, it won't be THAT bad Hector," Matthew grinned as he continued to pelt him with paper balls.

"Good thing Hector wasn't Feste," Lyn grinned. "I doubt he can sing very well. I hope you sing Matt, or this thing's gonna be hell."

"What?" Matt gave a wounded look. "You doubt my prowess?"

"Yes."

"You WOUND me!"

"Get over it Matt."
#Next Day#

"Wow, If I'd known it was so important they'd cancel math class for us I would have asked to start the play a lot sooner!" Hector grinned as they walked down the hall.

"Remember we probably won't get any breaks though: Ms. Spencer almost always misses the bell." Lyn made a face.

"You'd rather be in math class?"

"W-ell, no, but..."

"Then stop whining!"

"Geez Hector, when did YOU get so involved in the play?"

"As soon as I realized it meant no more math class."

"Only until the play's over though," Eliwood said. "As soon as it is, we have no more English class, and double math."

"Aw crap..."

"Hurry up class!" Ms. Spencer stood at her classroom door, waiting. "I want to get started A.S.A.P!"

"Leave it to Ms. Spacer to wait until now to start remembering when class started," Hector grumbled.

"Geez man, is all you do grumble?" Matthew asked running up.

"No. I also mutter, complain and threaten annoying people. Anything else you want to know Matt?"

"Yeah, how have you managed to avoid Serra for this long?"

"Oh that was simple," Hector waved a hand dismissively. "I simply run away whenever I heard her, and left the school via the windows."

"You went out the WINDOW?!?" Lyn yelled.

"KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWN, WE HAVE CLASSES HERE!!!" A teachers voice echoed down the hall.

"Yeah. So what? I got Erk to put a ladder outside the classroom."

"How did you get Erk to help you?"

"Well, two ways: one, I said I'd hurt him if he didn't, and two, I threatened to hand him over to Serra if he didn't."

"So basically you threatened him into doing it," Lyn asked, disgusted.

"Well, I also said I'd do the same for him if he ever decided to elope with Nino or needed to get away from Jaffar."

"Boys. You're all so BARBARIC!" Ninian shook her head.

"Come on class! I know you all can't WAIT to get started!" Ms. Spencer's bubbly voice called them from the hall. Hector groaned and followed his friends into the room.

"Does everyone still have their scripts?" Ms. Spencer asked, looking around the room. A few hands went up.

"Yes?"

"Ms. Spencer, my script went missing from my locker this morning. Can I look on with Nino?" Erk asked, looking hopeful.

"Oh, here's an extra. Do you need on too Heath?" Ms. Spencer asked, ignoring the glare she was getting from Erk, as well as the smug look on Jaffar's face.

"Yeah, mine's gone too for some reason."

"Alright, if everyone's ready, why don't we try the first scene? Orsino, Curio, you're up."

Heath and Rath rose and went to the front of the class. Heath was grinning, but Rath just kept the same look he always did on his face.

"Start boys!"

"Yes Ms. Spencer," Heath said.

Orsino:"'If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. That strain again! It had a dying fall; O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound That breathes upon a bank of violets,'"

"How can he say all the with a straight face?" Hector whispered to Eliwood who shook his head, his eyes a little wide.

Orsino:"-'But falls into abatement and low price Even in a minute! So full of shapes is fancy That it alone is high fantastical.'"

Rath looked at his paper, silent for a moment before giving a sigh of resignation and beginning:

Curio: "'Will you go to hunt, my Lord?'"

Orsino: "'What, Curio'?"

Curio: "'The hart.'"

Heath sighed theatrically. Orsino:"'Why, so I do, the noblest that I have. O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first, Methought she purg'd the air of pestilence! That instant was I turn'd into a hart, and my desires like fell and cruel hounds, E'er since pursue me.'"

Hector groaned. "Lyn, you researched the story, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Does this become a love triangle?"

Lyn grinned slyly. "Nope. More like a love octagon."

"Oh GREAT..."

"Alright, Valentine, get up here!" Ms. Spencer interrupted them as Wil bounced to the front of the class.

"'How now, what news from her?'" Heath snapped

Valentine:"Ah... 'So please my lord, I might not be admitted, but from her handmaiden... do so return this answer:... the element itself, till seven years' heat, shall not behold her face at ample view; ...but like a cloistress she will veiled walk, and... water once a day her chamber round with eye-offending brine; all of this to season a brother's dead love, which... she would keep fresh and lasting in her sad remembrance.'"

"That was good Wil, but try not to lose your spot, alright?"

"Got it Ms. Spencer."

"Alright, continue."

Heath put a hand over his heart, rolling his eyes skyward looking wistful. Orsino:"'O, she that hath of that fine frame to pay this debt of love but to a brother, how will she love when the rich golden shaft hath kill'd the flock of all affections else that live in her; when liver, brain and heart, these sovereign thrones, are all supplied and fill'd her sweet perfections with one self king! Away before me to sweet beds of flowers, love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.'"

"Very good Heath!" Ms. Spencer cried as the class started clapping.

"Two things: how did he do that without stopping, and how does he understand what it means? I don't get it!" Hector complained to Eliwood.

"Like I do? Huh. I dunno, but it seems Shakespeare has a thing for body parts huh? Liver, brain etc..."

"Yeah, really. Now all I gotta do is figure out what this all means..."

"Honestly: Valentine is a messenger, sending a marriage proposal to Olivia. Olivia's brother just died, so she's in mourning, and claims a mourning period for seven years. Orsino says that if she goes into such deep mourning for a brother, image what she'll do for her husband, which he thinks is going to be him. ... What?" Lyn asked when she saw the two boys staring open-mouthed at her. "Oh, c'mon get a clue!"

Hector turned to Eliwood. "How the HELL did she get that?"

Eliwood just shook his head, his mouth still open.
Erk: that was a kind of abrupt ending.

Whitney: What? That was Act One, Scene One!

Hector: Where did you get the idea for the cowbells?

Whitney: My school actually has cowbells! I've almost forgotten what it's like to have bells that ring on time, and don't kill your ears as they go by...

Hector: Well thanks for killing MY ears too!

Whitney: oh, lighten up.

Hector: huh.

Whitney: We're still early on in the story, so for the people/person who was worried about pairings... don't be. I am still avaliable to change them, and it doesn't much matter to me. Erk and Serra works, 'cause Nino can't have two. -

Erk: WHAT? You're... you're going to HAND me over to Serra?!? Hector, I'm calling you back on that ladder debt!

Hector: How? There's no way to get out of here.

Erk: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

switch to farm scene, many miles away

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heath: ... wow, in just three seconds, Erk did what Serra couldn't do in three months. He broke my eardrums.

Erk: sob

Whitney: sorry about the strange way of writing the play, but I thought I should probably write who was speaking actor-wise as well as book-wise. If it seems confusing, I'll post a full casting list at the beginning of each chapter.

Karla: read and review!

Nino: We hoped you liked it!

Erk: sob...