Whitney: I'm baaa-ack!

Erk: Yippee

Whitney: -.-;; shaddup

Heath: On our next instalment of Shakespeare and Hector...

Hector: KEEP ME OUTTA THIS!!

Whitney: too late.

Hector: NOOOOO!!!

Serra: I want my date!

Whitney: you'll get it, don't worry...

Erk: Please tell me I am not going to be gullible enough to fall for Hector's scheme...

Whitney: Heath?

Heath: You're going to be gullible.

Erk: NOOOOOOOO!!

Whitney: well, I didn't tell you. Anyway –

Erk: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Whitney: Today on Twelfth Night –

Erk: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Whitney: We have Sain, Rebecca –

Erk: NOOO-

Hector: #WHAM!#

Erk: #KO#

Whitney: ...and Erk.

Karla: I hope he has an understudy.

Whitney:... er... Anyway! Let us begin!

::CAST::

Main Characters:

Orsino - Heath

Olivia - Lyn

Sebastian - Hector

Viola - Nino

Antonio - Eliwood

Maria - Rebecca

Valentine - Wil

Curio - Rath

Toby - Sain

Andrew - Erk

Malvolio - Jaffar

Feste - Matthew

Fabian – Kent

Extras:

Captain: Guy

Attendants: Serra, Priscilla

Servant: Florina O

fficers: Lowen, Karla

Priest: Ninian

"What are you doing?" Lyn asked, staring at the two boys, slumped as low as they could go in their chairs.

"Is Serra in here yet?" Hector hissed.

"Uh... Yeah, she's sitting near by the back. Sulking, like always. Why?"

"Oh.., uh, no reason," Hector said, straightening up.

"Suuuuuure..." Lyn raised an eyebrow before sitting down beside Hector.

"Um... Hey, Lyn, could you do me a favour?" Hector asked, looking around nervously. Erk and Jaffar were still glaring daggers at each other, but they were on the other side of the room. Nino was talking with Rebecca and Ninian, near the doorway. Ms. Spencer was late, like usual.

"Like what?" Lyn asked, noticing Eliwood's raised eyebrows and Hector's nervousness.

"Well... you remember Serra making me take her on the date?"

"Yea, 'course. I still can't believe you did that though."

"Quit laughing. You've never done something stupid?"

"I became friends with you."

"...Thanks, Lyn."

"No problem. Now, what was the favour?"

"OK," Hector took a deep breath. "Remember how Serra likes Erk?"

"Y-eah... but what does this have to do with you-?"

"I'm GETTING to that! Erk would never believe me, but... do you think you could get him to believe that Nino wants to meet him for dinner? At the place were Serra wants to meet me?"

"... You mean send Erk in you're place, but tell him it's with Nino, not Serra."

"Right."

"... You're nuts."

"So you noticed."

Lyn shook her head. "I don't think it'll work."

"It's worth a try! Anything's better than a date with Serra!" Hector looked furtively over his shoulder. "...Hey. Where'd Eliwood go?"

"Huh?" Lyn leaned over, looking at Eliwood's empty chair. "What- Oh. He's over there, talking to Ninian." Lyn sat back down looking at Hector.

"Is he in on your little plan?"

"Yeah. It was his idea to use one of the girls."

"Really?"

"Well... indirectly."

Lyn sighed. "You're hopeless."

"You've told me. Over and over and over and over and-"

"I get the picture!" Lyn snapped.

"Hey Hector, Lyn" Eliwood greeted his friends as he sat down, Ninian taking the empty chair on the other side of Eliwood.

"Did you tell her?" He asked Hector, nodding in Lyn's direction.

"Yeah," Hector answered glumly. "I think the answer was no."

"Hector, putting Erk on a date with Serra is just as much torture for him as it is for you –"

"But I think Erk likes Serra," Ninian smiled. "Or, at least he did in Jr. High."

"Really?" Hector asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Ninian giggled. "He didn't dare admit it though. The guys teased him enough as it was, he didn't need more because he liked the class loudmouth. I think Serra found out though: it was in Jr.High that she started chasing him... well, if you want to call it chasing."

"Wow. I didn't know they went to the same Jr. High. You must have gone to the same one as them, Ninian?" Lyn asked.

Ninian nodded. "Yeah. I was a transfer student in the last year of Junior High."

Eliwood smiled. "If Lyn won't do it, I think Ninian will."

Hector stared opened mouth for a second, then smiled. "Really?"

Ninian smiled. "Sure. Besides," she gestured towards Jaffar and Erk. "We need to separate those two before they start another world war over Nino. We really don't need two friends trying to murder each other, you know?"

Hector was still staring with his mouth open. Lyn elbowed him hard in the back, and Eliwood was trying very hard not to smirk. Hector was trying to think of something to say when Ms. Spencer came sweeping in to the room. No one noticed the sweeping part, but everyone saw when she tripped over a chair and sprawled on her face. The noise of the chairs was more than enough to get everyone's attention.

"Oof! Alright –ouch- class, time to go over –thank you, Priscilla – Act One, Scene Three. Um... Rebecca and Sain, you two are up, Erk, be ready on cue."

Rebecca and Sain got up to the front and stood on the stage facing each other. Sain had a silly grin on his face, and Rebecca was trying to act like she didn't notice. She kept fidgeting, though, so everybody knew SOMETHING was up.

Sain took a deep breath and struck what he thought was a heroic pose as he read the lines. He didn't even look at the script in his hand. "'What a plague means my niece to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.'"

"Don't tell me he-he actually memorized that," Lyn said, trying not to laugh. The pose Sain had assumed had at least half the class tittering, but they were trying to keep it quiet. Rebecca was having a hard time though. She had her script covering her face, and was shaking so hard the paper rattled.

"Maria! Your lines!" Ms. Spencer called.

"Y-yes m-m'am." Rebecca giggled. "B-By my t-tr-troth, Sir T-Toby, you must c-come in earlier o'... o'..." Rebecca gave up at that point and burst into hysterical giggles, which set the rest of the class off as well. Ms. Spencer looked around with wide eyes as everyone – excluding Sain – laughed.

"Enough!" Ms. Spencer clapped her hands, trying to restore order. Finally she resorted to the bullhorn she kept under her seat. "CLASS!"

The general noise subsided, but a few infectious giggles could still be heard. Sain stood on the stage looking at Rebecca who was on her knees laughing. She bit her lip to stop and stood up when Ms. Spencer used the bullhorn. She seemed reasonably under control now.

"Try that again, Rebecca!" Ms. Spencer snapped.

"Wow, looks like she's in a bad mood," Hector commented.

"I wonder why. She's usually in a good mood," Ninian wondered, eyebrows raised.

"'B-By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier, o' nights. Y-Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.'" Rebecca managed to keep from laughing, but only just.

"'Why, let her except, before excepted!'" Sain cried, trying to re-assume the pose of a heroic man.

"Doesn't he know he's supposed to be a drunkard?" Lyn leaned over and whispered.

"You'd think so, since he memorized him lines," Hector returned.

"'Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.'" Rebecca was starting to giggle again, and Hector couldn't blame her.

"'Confine?'" Sain looked shocked. "'I'll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; and they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.'"

"'That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I heard my lady talk of it yesterday; and of that foolish knight that you brought in one night to be her wooer.'"

"'Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?'"

"I still can't believe he's memorized all that, but can't remember half of him homework assignments, even with them written down for him." Lyn shook her head

"Same could be said about his memory for girls names, opposed to the names of the first ten periodic elements," Hector shrugged. "If it gives him a chance to show off, he'll do it, regardless of anything else."

"That's true, I guess..." Lyn conceded.

"'Ay, he.'" Rebecca sighed at Sain.

"Looks like she's finally done laughing and starting to get into it, huh?"

"Looks like it," Eliwood nodded.

"'He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.'"

"'What's that to the purpose?'"

"'Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.'"

"'Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats. He's a very fool and a prodigal.'" Rebecca said haughtily.

"'Fie, that you'll say so! He plays o' the viol-de- gamboys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.'"

"What the hell is a viol-de-gamboys?" Hector stared at his paper.

"Uh... for once I have no idea. Eliwood?" Lyn looked across Hector to Eliwood, who just shook his head.

"'He hath indeed,'" Rebecca replied scathingly. "'almost natural; for besides that he's a fool, he's a great quarreller; and but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave.'"

"'By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him. Who are they?'"

"'They add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.'"

Sain waved his hand dismissively. "'With drinking healths to my niece. I'll drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and a drink in Illyria. He's a coward and coystrill that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo! For here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.'"

"Hey... isn't it supposed to be Aguecheek?" Hector looked at his paper.

"Well, he's drunk, right?" Eliwood said, also looking over his paper. "Is he supposed to screw up?"

"He must be. Sain wouldn't memorize that wrong." Lyn said, equally puzzled as the two boys.

"ERK! Stop staring at Jaffar and get up there!" Ms. Spencer yelled with her bullhorn. There were a few laughs from students as Erk, red-faced, rose and went to the stage.

"Uh... where are we?"

"Weren't you paying ATTENTION?" Ms. Spencer asked acidly.

"No."

Ms. Spencer held her head and sighed. "I need aspirin... We're on page 5, 'enter Sir Andrew.' Got it?"

"Yes. 'Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?'" Erk said, quite without enthusiasm.

"'Sweet Sir Andrew!'"

"And... 'Bless you,... fair shrew.'" Erk nodded weakly at Rebecca, who curtsied.

"'And you too, sir.'"

"'Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.'" Sain cried to Erk, who looked at Sain like he'd lost his mind.

"What the f- er... 'What's that?'"

"'My niece's chambermaid.'" Sain grinned.

"'Good mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.' What the hell?" Erk muttered. "This guy's a bleeding idiot."

"'My name is Mary, sir.'" Rebecca smiled sweetly.

"'Good Mistress Mary Accost-'" Erk turned bright red from the titters of classmates. He was one of the smartest students, and here he was, playing the play's greatest idiot.

"'You mistake, knight. "Accost" is front her, board her, woo her, assail her,'" Sain grinned.

"'By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?'" Erk's eye was starting to twitch.

"'Fare you well, gentlemen," Rebecca smiled falsely.

"'And thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword again.'"

"'An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?'" Erk looked like he was about to have a seizure.

"'Marry, but you shall have-and here's my hand,'" Sain bowed with a flourish, offering Rebecca his hand with a smile.

"'Now, sire, thought is free,'" Rebecca said, backing away. "'I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.'"

"Wherefore, swe- SWEETHEART?!?'" Erk's eyes went wide and his head drooped. "God, I'm going to get my teased to death. 'What's your metaphor?'" he finished with a small sob.

"'It's dry sir.'"

"'Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?'" Erk said, eye twitching.

"'A dry jest sir.'"

"'Are you full of them?'" Erk asked.

"'Ay, sir. I have them at my fingers' ends. Marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.'" Rebecca bowed and left.

Hector turned to Lyn. "Did you get that?"

"Uh... Maria thinks that Andrew is an ass, a bore, and foolish, but Toby thinks he's perfect for Olivia, his niece. Um...Andrew keeps making a fool of himself by making mistakes with Maria's name, and she's disgusted because what she thinks is more or less justified for her." Lyn wrinkled her nose. "I didn't get all the details, but that's the gist."

"Gotcha."

"What? No thanks?" Lyn demanded.

"Thanks Lyn," Eliwood and Hector chorused.

"Your welcome," Lyn said smugly, settling back in her seat.

"'O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary. When did I see thee so put down?'" Sain queried.

"'Never in your life, I think,'" Erk sighed. "'unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man gad; but I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.'"

"'No question,'" Sain agreed.

"'An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home to- morrow, Sir Toby.'"

"'Pourquoi, my dear knight?'" Sain asked, looking like he didn't REALLY care.

"'What is 'pourquoi'?'" Erk asked, rolling his eyes skyward. "'Do or do not do? I would I had bestow'd that time in the tongues that I had in fencing, dancing, or bear- baiting. O, had I but follow'd the arts!'"

"'Then hadst though had an excellent head of hair.'"

"'Why, would that have mended my hair?'" Erk rolled his eyes.

"'Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by nature.'"

"'But it becomes me well enough, does't not?'"

"'Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off.'" Sain scoffed.

"Ms. Spencerrrr..." Erk turned to the teacher. "Can we skip this? The entire thing is nonsense!"

Ms. Spencer flipped over the script. "Fine. But next time I expect to hear more feeling in your voice, Erk, and be prepared to dance during this scene, or I'll flunk you."

"Yes Ms. Spencer," Erk ground his teeth together.

"Fine, you can come down now. Viola and Valentine, you're up, Orsino, Curio, and attendants, you're on standby."

Wil and Nino got up on the stage, while Heath, Rath, Serra and Priscilla moved closer.

"'If the Duke continue these favours towards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanc'd; he hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.'" Wil, who just earlier had been slow in reading his lines, was now reading so fast people stared open-mouthed and more than one person wailed about him going too fast.

"'You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love. Is he inconsistent, sir, in his favours?'" Nino looked at him with wide eyes.

"'No, believe me.'" Wil answered as Heath, Rath, and the two girls came walking onto the stage.

"'I thank you. Here comes the Count.'" Nino nodded to Wil.

"'Who saw Cesario, ho?'" Heath asked, addressing Nino. From the seats, Jaffar and Erk glared.

"'On your attendance, my lord, here.'" Nino said, bowing to Heath.

"'Stand you a while aloof, Cesario, thou know'st no less but all. I have unclasp'd to thee the book even of my secret soul. Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her, be not denied access, stand at her doors, and tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow till thou have audience.'" Heath commanded in a strong voice. Several girls behind Hector giggled and whispered.

"'Sure, my noble lord, if she be so abandon'd to her sorrow as it is spoke, she never will admit me.'"

"'Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds rather than make unprofited return.'" Heath nodded.

"'Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?"" Nino asked, always the innocent.

"'O, then unfold the passion of my love, surprise her with discourse of my dear faith; it shall become thee well to act my woes: she will attend it better in thy youth than in a nuntio's of more grave aspect.'"

"'I think not so, my lord.'" Nino disagreed.

"'Dear lad, believe it; for they shall yet belie thy happy years, that say thou art a man. Diana's lip is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound, and all is semblative a woman's part. I know thy constellation is right apt for this affair. Some for or five attend him – all, if you will; for I myself am best when least in company. Prosper well in this, and thou shalt live as freely as thy lord, to call his fortunes thine.'" Heath said patronizingly , then praising Nino. Even though it was in the script, Jaffar was glaring sharp daggers at the back of Heath's head.

"'I'll do my best to woo your lady,'" Nino nodded, then turned her back on Heath. "'Yet, a barful strife! Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.'"

"Very good!" Ms.Spencer nodded. Alright, you're all free to go. Let's try and do two again tomorrow, alright?"

"Yes Ms. Spencer!" The class yelled as they stampeded for the door.
"Hey, Ninian," Hector called as Ninian walked ahead with Eliwood. They both stopped and allowed Hector to catch up.

"Hey Hector," Eliwood greeted as Ninian nodded.

"Ninian, are you going to do it?" Hector asked, nervous.

Ninian nodded. "Yeah. What were the dates? I'll talk to him now. You'll have to talk to Serra though: she'll probably want to be picked up. Get her to meet you there, or everything's screwed. 'Kay?"

"You got it," Hector nodded in relief. "The dates set for two days from now, at 6, at Il Mercado."

"Saturday at six?" Ninian thought for a moment, then nodded. "Alright. Eliwood, help Hector find Serra. I don't need you hanging around right now. He might suspect something."

"Alright. I'll meet you by your locker then," Eliwood said, not looking all that happy about it. Ninian nodded, and walked off towards Nino's locker, where Jaffar and Erk inevitably were.

"Come on," Hector sighed. "I might as well find Serra now so I can get this over with."

"'Kay, let's go." Eliwood agreed.

It took them about five minutes to find Serra, talking with Lyn and Priscilla. "Shit..." Hector muttered. "Do you think Lyn'll keep her mouth shut? Or – "

"Hey, Lyn is Lyn. She'll keep her mouth shut, don't worry." Eliwood grinned. Stop worrying, Hector."

"Alright, alright," Hector grumbled. "Let's go."

"Hey, Serra," Hector called when they got close to the group. Serra turned and smiled.

"Hector! There you are! I have some more plans about what to do Saturday – "

"Yeah, about that," Hector interrupted her. "Serra, do you think you could MEET me there?"

"Why?" Serra shrieked.

Hector winced/ "My car's in the shop. It won't be ready until 5:30 Saturday, and it might take longer. I wouldn't want to miss the reservation, so if I am late, wouldn't it be a good idea to meet you there?"

Serra thought about that for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right," She smiled maliciously. "But you owe me for meeting you there!"

"He'll buy you flowers. How's that, Serra?" Eliwood offered.

"Yeah, OK! I like that! I looooooove roses, Hector, I want a dozen red ones, alright! Long stemmed, all wrapped up, oooh, maybe a corsage too? Alright? Alright!"

"See you then, Serra!" Hector said, almost grinding his teeth.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it Hector?" Eliwood grinned as they walked away.
Whitney: And that's the end of this episode!

Heath: Hey, you did two scenes in this one!

Whitney: Yeah, well, I took a break so I felt I owed 'em. Plus, if I did one chapter per scene, we'd be here for a LOOONG time.

Heath: that's true.

Erk: You hate me, don'tcha?

Whitney: what gives you that idea?

Erk: Oh, NOTHING. Just EVERYTHING!

Whitney: Get over it.

Erk: #sob#

Karla: Anyone seen my brother? I'm looking for him.

Whitney: Er... maybe I can bring him in later?

Erk: Why not make him the new math teacher?

Whitney:... or English teacher...

Erk: Sweet Elimine, NO!

Heath: We'll all die!!

Whitney: How about Wallace then?

Wil: Excuse me, I think I'll go jump off a cliff.

Whitney: Anyway! Hope you enjoyed it, sorry 'bout the break, see you tomorrow or something close to that.

Jaffar: ... ... ...

Nino: Jaffar says "we hope you enjoyed it, and please review!"

Jaffar: ...