Interlude- Marcus
(A/N- next part will be a while in coming, since I need to edit it a bit. They're still not mine, sadly, and they were still treated unfairly back then. Making no profit but my own enjoyment. Thank you to everyone who sent reviews- I love y'all, you make me all warm and fuzzy inside.)
Marcus' return to Minbar was far quieter than some of his fellow Rangers would've liked, but far more public that he would've tolerated under different circumstances. The fact that he was greeted as a returning hero rather than as the failure he was grated on his already unstable nerves, and after ten minutes out of the shuttle he was ready to scream, run away or die all over again just to get away. Fortunately, ten minutes were all it took Delenn and Sheridan to come and sweep him away. He bowed to Delenn, then to Sheridan, in silence, afraid to speak, unable to around the choking lump in his throat. They, too, said nothing. Delenn gestured for him to follow her through the winding corridors and open courtyards that made up the main complex, and into her private office. He did his best to ignore the awed looks and whispers that trailed in their wake, but still took a moment to savor the silence and privacy afforded by the closed room they ended up in. Once there, he stood awkwardly, waiting to be yelled at, thrown out of the Rangers, for anything other than what happened, really. Delenn hugged him, pregnancy and all, lay her head on his shoulder and drew a deep shaky breath. Which quite effectively ruined any hope he had of maintaining his composure. Sheridan was tactful enough to stand back and allow them to wear themselves out laughing and crying before moving in with coffee and words of welcome.
"Would you believe," Delenn said an unknown while later, "that for a time I truly thought you lost?"
"I thought so too." Marcus agreed. They were sitting on the couch in the office, Delenn holding Sheridan's hand in one of hers and Marcus' in the other, "I was all ready to march beyond the veil, sacrifice myself nobly and here I am again." He tried to make it a joke, but knew there was little he could hide from Entil'Zha. Her eyes registered the underlying pain in his. "What a waste."
"Hardly a waste." Sheridan said. "You did bring Susan back, and since you somehow managed to survive as well, I think everyone's a winner here." Years of tension seemed to have dropped off him in the past year- or was it only the past few months away from B5 and the Human world?
"Hm...I suppose so." But Marcus wasn't certain. Everything felt out of kilter. Coming back to life was going to take some getting used to. He looked at Delenn, "So, tell me everything I missed. Draal wouldn't give me any details, and, well-"He glanced at her middle, "This is a surprise." She rested the hand previously holding Sheridan's on her stomach, just now starting to show the new life growing there.
"I was a surprise for us as well, but a cause of great joy to us both. Doctor Franklin should be coming to visit soon to see how I'm doing. In fact," She checked the timepiece on the wall, "His liner should dock in about three hours. He never gave up hope, you know. He's the one who helped me get you out of Medlab and down to the planet."
"It'll be good to see him." Marcus nodded. "Where's everybody else?"
"Garibaldi said he might arrive in a few days- he'll let us know." Sheridan supplied, "G'Kar and Lyta are exploring and far out of communication range, but we sent a message. We hope they'll get it and maybe come back. I'm sure G'Kar would like to see you again. Everybody else is busy." There was one glaring omission, but before Marcus had a chance to ask, Delenn broke into the conversation, shooting her husband a dirty look.
"Captain Ivanova is also on her way, Marcus. She should arrive tomorrow or the day after." her face said Sheridan would hear more about his teasing later. "She doesn't know you're here. None of them do."
"What will you tell them?" Delenn still didn't look angry, but for all his experience he couldn't read Minbari very well. And what about the others?
"I think we'll let you decide that." Sheridan replied. "It's up to you whether we tell them in advance or not."
"Maybe you should. It was a shock to me. The others..."
"Will be overjoyed." Delenn said, sounding awfully convinced of it. Marcus wasn't nearly as certain, and it was getting harder to concentrate on anything but the growing misery roiling in his gut. Delenn, of course, caught on almost immediately. "Why are you so nervous, my friend? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Marcus looked away, unable to face his leader, "Everything. I keep waiting for you to yell as me, tell me I'm a failure, and an idiot, and that you're furious with me and I'm not worthy of being a Ranger." It came out in an explosion, best to get it all over with quickly.
"Marcus, look at me." Delenn said sternly. He didn't move. "Marcus Cole, are you a Ranger?" She asked, this time with the commanding force of Entil'Zha behind the words. The answer was wrenched straight out of his soul.
"I am a Ranger. I live for the One, I die for the One." But the words were a lie, he realized as he said them, and there lay the problem. He'd died, not for the one, but for himself, for the woman he loved. He was a failure.
"Then look at me." He finally looked up. She took both his hands in hers, "I ought to be angry. Do not think that the fact you were willing to kill yourself will go undiscussed. But you disobeyed no orders, broke no rules. You did what you did for another living creature, out of love. I can only be proud of that, and happy and grateful your sacrifice was less final than we thought. You are a man. You live and die for yourself, as well as the One." She paused, squeezing his hands to silence him when he would've spoken, "You failed no one, Marcus. Least of all me. Is that clear?"
Once again Marcus found himself unable to speak. He looked down again to hide his tears. He didn't quite believe Delenn, and it only helped alleviate some of his guilt, but at least he was still a Ranger, and he still belonged, and maybe life was still worth living. "Thank you." He whispered at last. She squeezed his hands again, then let him go.
"Don't thank me so fast. As soon as you're declared fit for duty I want you out in the field again." She smiled, "But not before everybody arrives."
"Respectfully, Entil'Zha," He replied unsteadily, "I'll thank you whenever I want." There was genuine amusement in his eyes. She mock glared at him and he backed away, laughing, "As you say, Delenn."
"Finally, he's learning." Delenn glanced at her husband. Sheridan, embarrassed by watching such a personal conversation, simply nodded.
"He is, and I think he should get some rest. Come on Marcus, let's find you a room." He stood up and pulled Delenn with him. "We'll have plenty of time to talk over dinner this evening. Until then I'm sure you want to get settled in, and there are about a dozen Rangers and trainees who want to see you."
"Aw hell, can't they wait?"
"I doubt it. Try to be nice to them- you've become quite a legend."
"Valen protect me." Marcus groaned. Facing down hordes of eager young Rangers at his current state was almost as good an idea as facing a Shadow vessel in a flying bathtub. "Fine, if they get too much I'll simply declare meditation time and send them all away." He looked down at his uniform- still presentable, but- "Delenn, where is my pin?"
"Oh." Delenn wouldn't quite meet his eyes. "You pin and you pike. Captain Ivanova has them. I'm sure she'll give them back to you when she arrives."
(A/N- next part will be a while in coming, since I need to edit it a bit. They're still not mine, sadly, and they were still treated unfairly back then. Making no profit but my own enjoyment. Thank you to everyone who sent reviews- I love y'all, you make me all warm and fuzzy inside.)
Marcus' return to Minbar was far quieter than some of his fellow Rangers would've liked, but far more public that he would've tolerated under different circumstances. The fact that he was greeted as a returning hero rather than as the failure he was grated on his already unstable nerves, and after ten minutes out of the shuttle he was ready to scream, run away or die all over again just to get away. Fortunately, ten minutes were all it took Delenn and Sheridan to come and sweep him away. He bowed to Delenn, then to Sheridan, in silence, afraid to speak, unable to around the choking lump in his throat. They, too, said nothing. Delenn gestured for him to follow her through the winding corridors and open courtyards that made up the main complex, and into her private office. He did his best to ignore the awed looks and whispers that trailed in their wake, but still took a moment to savor the silence and privacy afforded by the closed room they ended up in. Once there, he stood awkwardly, waiting to be yelled at, thrown out of the Rangers, for anything other than what happened, really. Delenn hugged him, pregnancy and all, lay her head on his shoulder and drew a deep shaky breath. Which quite effectively ruined any hope he had of maintaining his composure. Sheridan was tactful enough to stand back and allow them to wear themselves out laughing and crying before moving in with coffee and words of welcome.
"Would you believe," Delenn said an unknown while later, "that for a time I truly thought you lost?"
"I thought so too." Marcus agreed. They were sitting on the couch in the office, Delenn holding Sheridan's hand in one of hers and Marcus' in the other, "I was all ready to march beyond the veil, sacrifice myself nobly and here I am again." He tried to make it a joke, but knew there was little he could hide from Entil'Zha. Her eyes registered the underlying pain in his. "What a waste."
"Hardly a waste." Sheridan said. "You did bring Susan back, and since you somehow managed to survive as well, I think everyone's a winner here." Years of tension seemed to have dropped off him in the past year- or was it only the past few months away from B5 and the Human world?
"Hm...I suppose so." But Marcus wasn't certain. Everything felt out of kilter. Coming back to life was going to take some getting used to. He looked at Delenn, "So, tell me everything I missed. Draal wouldn't give me any details, and, well-"He glanced at her middle, "This is a surprise." She rested the hand previously holding Sheridan's on her stomach, just now starting to show the new life growing there.
"I was a surprise for us as well, but a cause of great joy to us both. Doctor Franklin should be coming to visit soon to see how I'm doing. In fact," She checked the timepiece on the wall, "His liner should dock in about three hours. He never gave up hope, you know. He's the one who helped me get you out of Medlab and down to the planet."
"It'll be good to see him." Marcus nodded. "Where's everybody else?"
"Garibaldi said he might arrive in a few days- he'll let us know." Sheridan supplied, "G'Kar and Lyta are exploring and far out of communication range, but we sent a message. We hope they'll get it and maybe come back. I'm sure G'Kar would like to see you again. Everybody else is busy." There was one glaring omission, but before Marcus had a chance to ask, Delenn broke into the conversation, shooting her husband a dirty look.
"Captain Ivanova is also on her way, Marcus. She should arrive tomorrow or the day after." her face said Sheridan would hear more about his teasing later. "She doesn't know you're here. None of them do."
"What will you tell them?" Delenn still didn't look angry, but for all his experience he couldn't read Minbari very well. And what about the others?
"I think we'll let you decide that." Sheridan replied. "It's up to you whether we tell them in advance or not."
"Maybe you should. It was a shock to me. The others..."
"Will be overjoyed." Delenn said, sounding awfully convinced of it. Marcus wasn't nearly as certain, and it was getting harder to concentrate on anything but the growing misery roiling in his gut. Delenn, of course, caught on almost immediately. "Why are you so nervous, my friend? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Marcus looked away, unable to face his leader, "Everything. I keep waiting for you to yell as me, tell me I'm a failure, and an idiot, and that you're furious with me and I'm not worthy of being a Ranger." It came out in an explosion, best to get it all over with quickly.
"Marcus, look at me." Delenn said sternly. He didn't move. "Marcus Cole, are you a Ranger?" She asked, this time with the commanding force of Entil'Zha behind the words. The answer was wrenched straight out of his soul.
"I am a Ranger. I live for the One, I die for the One." But the words were a lie, he realized as he said them, and there lay the problem. He'd died, not for the one, but for himself, for the woman he loved. He was a failure.
"Then look at me." He finally looked up. She took both his hands in hers, "I ought to be angry. Do not think that the fact you were willing to kill yourself will go undiscussed. But you disobeyed no orders, broke no rules. You did what you did for another living creature, out of love. I can only be proud of that, and happy and grateful your sacrifice was less final than we thought. You are a man. You live and die for yourself, as well as the One." She paused, squeezing his hands to silence him when he would've spoken, "You failed no one, Marcus. Least of all me. Is that clear?"
Once again Marcus found himself unable to speak. He looked down again to hide his tears. He didn't quite believe Delenn, and it only helped alleviate some of his guilt, but at least he was still a Ranger, and he still belonged, and maybe life was still worth living. "Thank you." He whispered at last. She squeezed his hands again, then let him go.
"Don't thank me so fast. As soon as you're declared fit for duty I want you out in the field again." She smiled, "But not before everybody arrives."
"Respectfully, Entil'Zha," He replied unsteadily, "I'll thank you whenever I want." There was genuine amusement in his eyes. She mock glared at him and he backed away, laughing, "As you say, Delenn."
"Finally, he's learning." Delenn glanced at her husband. Sheridan, embarrassed by watching such a personal conversation, simply nodded.
"He is, and I think he should get some rest. Come on Marcus, let's find you a room." He stood up and pulled Delenn with him. "We'll have plenty of time to talk over dinner this evening. Until then I'm sure you want to get settled in, and there are about a dozen Rangers and trainees who want to see you."
"Aw hell, can't they wait?"
"I doubt it. Try to be nice to them- you've become quite a legend."
"Valen protect me." Marcus groaned. Facing down hordes of eager young Rangers at his current state was almost as good an idea as facing a Shadow vessel in a flying bathtub. "Fine, if they get too much I'll simply declare meditation time and send them all away." He looked down at his uniform- still presentable, but- "Delenn, where is my pin?"
"Oh." Delenn wouldn't quite meet his eyes. "You pin and you pike. Captain Ivanova has them. I'm sure she'll give them back to you when she arrives."