4. Ivanova- Encounters
A/N: Now things start to get difficult...Poor, poor fictives, I'm being cruel to them. Thank you to all my reviewers, you make my day brighter. They still belong to JMS and Co., sadly, and I try to do right by them. Next chapter will be shorter, but after that they'll get longer and longer. And the sequel is already being written...
One thing, and one thing only, saved countless innocent Minbari from Ivanova's wrath- Minbar really was a beautiful planet. By the time the flyer finally touched down, she was absorbed in the scenery and didn't even have the heart to snap at the Ranger who came out of one of the White Stars escorting her. She was busy shaking herself out and working out the kinks in her neck when the other woman- a Minbari, spoke.
"Captain Ivanova, my name is Liann, and I'm your escort for the day, until you get your bearings. President Sheridan asked that you be shown to your quarters and from there to his office." Her black uniform and bright green pin were unsettling. Susan hated being unsettled. "He's sorry he couldn't be here himself, but there was some sort of problem and-"Susan waved her explanations away.
"I know, I know. Always a crisis. It's okay." She slung her pack on one shoulder. "Lead on."
As they walked the short distance to the living area, the Ranger kept mostly silent. As they entered the building, however, she turned to Susan. "Would you like anything to eat or drink before meeting the President?"
Would I everA drink would help, but not yet. She had to keep a clear mind until tonight. Besides, was there any alcohol on Minbar? "Thanks, but I'd rather put my things down and go ahead and make Delenn a widow." She joked nervously. Liann looked worried and Susan could see her fingering her pike. "I'm joking." She stopped walking, irritated at the other's literal-mindedness, "I'm not really going to kill him. Promise." Under her breath, she added, "Not in front of her, at least. Not yet."
Her quarters were pleasant, a two room apartment with a real water shower and a horizontal human type bed. Someone had been very thoughtful. "It's lovely." She complimented. The Ranger nodded.
"We are expecting several human guests. And some of the Rangers' quarters were likewise converted. If you don't require anything, I think we should go."
"I'm good." Ivanova shrugged, "Let's find Sheridan." She dumped her bag on the bed and turned to leave, almost walking straight into doctor Franklin. "Stephen, what are you doing here?"
"Since I beat you here," He smiled, "I thought I should come over, make sure you survived the flight." He was happy, she noticed. Excited, almost vibrating with it.
"What are you so pleased about?" She raised an eyebrow. He gave her an odd, knowing look.
"I'm just buzzed we're all meeting again. It's been too long. I'm a bit overexcited, I guess."
"Yeah, maybe." She agreed, disbelief coloring her voice. "Come on, I've got a few choice words John really needs to hear."
"You're going like that?" Stephen eyed her flight suit with a frown. She'd left the helmet in the flyer, but was otherwise still ready for an out of atmosphere trip. She shrugged, returning his expression.
"Don't have time to change. If he had me escorted down to the damn planet, it must be too important to wait."
"Have it you way." Stephen turned to Liann, "Thank you, I'll take it from here. President's orders." The Ranger looked confused by that, but bowed wordlessly and left. They took the other direction, heading back in the direction of the spaceport. Stephen kept up a running commentary, pointing this way and that at important landmarks. "The spaceport is down that way, as you've seen, and Sheridan's office is just around the corner-"They rounded the corner and came face to face with two uniformed Rangers.
Time stopped. Ivanova stood frozen in place, not breathing, unable to move or look away. The edges of her consciousness blurred into gray, then snapped into sharp focus. Something inside her froze and shattered- it felt like a punch in the gut, sort of like the entire front of a White Star hitting you head on-
Ivanova broke away by sheer force of will, tuned calmly and started walking away. Conscious thought was put on hold as she distanced herself from the others, still standing there. She didn't run. She walked, marched, rather, right back to her flyer. Voices called to her and she ignored them, a hand grabbed her arm and she slapped it away. She climbed into the flyer and ran the preflight checks on autopilot, and was meters high in the air before the computer's insistent alarm brought her out of her stupor. She didn't have enough fuel to clear the atmosphere, let alone make the jump to hyperspace. Swearing loudly, she flew further and further away, looking for somewhere to land and refuel. Vaguely in the back of her mind she wondered where she'd go next, but it wasn't really her main concern at that moment. She laded clumsily at a spaceport at the edge of the capital city, hands too numb to handle the controls properly anymore. Her voice was entirely steady as she ordered the attendants to refill her tank and handed her credit chip over. They asked no questions, luckily. In the silence of the grounded flyer, her mind slowly started coming back to itself.
It wasn't a vision or a figment of her imagination. She was sure of that. Stephen's gasp of dismay or shock gave it away. He was alive, or his long lost twin had up and joined the Rangers, which she thought unlikely. He was alive. The bastard.
Unbidden, her hand dipped into her pocket and brought out his pin from where she'd kept it all year. She turned it over, her eyes clear and bright as she took in the iridescent green glow of it. She opened the clasp without thinking of it, and it wasn't until the sharp pain and the sight of her blood dripping down her hand made it clear to her that she realized she'd stabbed her left thumb with it. The sting of it decided her. She put the pin on the console in front of her, thanked the attendants and took off again, back the way she came.
The Tuzanor spaceport didn't seem affected by her departure or her return, and Ivanova accorded it equal disinterest. She did notice an official looking Minbari glance at her, then speak urgently into a comm unit. Fine, let them know she was coming. Something in her face made people stay out of her way as she walked down the corridor towards Sheridan's office. The guards at the door tried to stop her, but subsided when they realized who she was, and what she was holding. She looked ready to use it, too. She didn't look around the room as she entered, focusing on one person only. Almost gently, she placed his pin and his pike on a table. "You probably want this back." Her voice held no inflection at all. She looked at him once more, top to bottom, as if verifying his existence, then punched him with all her strength. He went down hard, didn't even try to duck or avoid the blow.
"Susan!"
"Go to hell, John." Still the calm, flat voice, "All of you, go to hell and leave me alone." None of them tried to stop her when she left. But some kindness of luck she managed to find her room with no interruptions. Minbari doors came with locks, and she twisted hers viciously behind her. Then she sank down on her bed, buried her face in her bag, and wept as if her heart was being broken all over again.
The door chime sounded, an indeterminate time later. Ivanova ignored it again and again. She was sure whoever it was had given up and left her to her misery when the door simply swept open. Stephen. She glared at him through a blur of tears. "Get out."
"No." He moved in without an invitation. "I'm getting a real sense of deja-vu here, Susan. Just listen, OK? You don't have to say or do anything, but listen to me." She didn't respond. The doctor sat down on the bed next to her. She had to fight the urge to shove him off. "It wasn't supposed to be like this- we meant to tell you before you ran into him. It was a case of very bad timing." He explained. Her glare turned colder, deadly. She raised a shaky hand to her face and wiped her eyes dry, very carefully.
"You knew."
Franklin raised his hands defensively. "I guessed. I only found out about it when I got here yesterday, but I knew Delenn had him moved down to Epsilon 3 to see if Draal could do anything with the Great Machine." He said all that very fast, seeing Susan push off the bed, "I hoped it'd work, I just didn't know it would take a whole year. He's only been back about a week."
"You knew." She repeated, "And you never told me." She was quite ready to hurt him very badly now.
"You were gone by then, trying to forget him and us. Would it have helped if I told you?" Franklin looked irritatingly calm.
"I don't know! I don't care! You should've told me," She spat at him, "I had a right to know." He frowned at her.
"What right did you have, captain? Why do you think you deserved to know? You spent two years pushing him away, trying to build walls between you, and now you want to know everything?" He seemed as angry as she was, quite suddenly, "Just because you figured it out only after he died, you think you have some right to his life? Get over yourself."
Susan stared at him, stunning into silence. "How dare you?" She managed after a moment, "You have no idea what this year's been like! I mourned him, and I'd have gone on doing it if John hadn't forced me here. If I'd known there was still a chance-"She choked on the implications of it all, too big to take in all at once.
"What would you have done?' He asked, disgusted, "Come over and hit him sooner?" He wasn't really angry, but his little outburst had snapped Susan out of her self pity and started her thinking again, hopefully.
"Probably." She agreed forcefully, punching a pillow to avoid punching her friend, "I could kill him all over again, the bastard."
"You realize he had no idea, right? He never asked to be brought back." Franklin stressed the last sentence. "He was willing to die for you, Susan, and you want to kill him? You nearly broke his jaw, just so you know."
"Just nearly? I'm going soft." She grumbled, "Who asked him to die for me anyway? Idiot." She was keeping up the argument out of stubbornness now, knowing the doctor had several good points. She stood up and went to the bathroom to wash her face and get a drink. "You know Stephen, at first right after he died, I was a lot more angry at myself than at him. Now, I'm furious with him, and I'm going to stay this way for a while. Don't try to help, it won't work."
"I know. But you said it yourself- he won't hurt you, and he loves you."
"But he did leave me."
"He did it because he loves you, for God's sake. I wish you could put it behind you. You're getting a second chance here, Susan- take it while you still can." the doctor clapped a hand on her shoulder, "Now come and have dinner with us."
"No way. I'm still too angry to see straight, let alone face John and Delenn." She shook her head. "I'm jet lagged, and haven't had a proper night's sleep in longer than I care to remember. I'll join you tomorrow, maybe." It was the maybe that counted, though the rest of the sentence was entirely true.
"The president won't be happy."
"The president's not my boss anymore. Tell him, respectfully, to stuff it. Now, you're standing between me and a hot water shower, Stephen- do you really want to keep doing that?" Stephen, wise man that he was, exercised the better part of valor and retreated, leaving her alone to shower for as long as she liked, then fall into an exhausted slumber, still angry.