A/N: Yes, I'm taking a while between chapters, I know. Let's just say that the final part of this tale is now being edited, with a sequel in the works. This promises to be at least a trilogy, so...To all those wanting to see more of Marcus's inner monologue, I have a small confession- I like writing Ivanova a lot more than Marcus. Whenever I try, he comes out slightly whiny. So there'll be more Ivanova in this here tale. But here's a nice little Marcus bit to start us off, yeah?
Oh- Berry (I think it was Berry)- my NC-17 Buffy fics can be found at Fonts of Wisdom, and the URL is . I'll add it to my author page, too.
"She's not coming." Franklin reported, coming back into Sheridan's office, "Feeling any better?"
"Not really." A large bruise was purpling on Marcus's face, which otherwise looked like the definition of anguish. He had, foolishly perhaps, allowed himself to hope that maybe she'd understand. But as always, Susan had a way of fulfilling all his expectations and letting him down at the same time. And he still loved her. And she- "She hates me, doesn't she? She doesn't even want to listen."
"Not yet, at least. And no, she doesn't hate you." Franklin set himself down on the couch, "Give her a while to adjust to the idea of you being alive- she'll come 'round by morning. And next time, you're the one talking to her."
"Stephen, are you insane?" Marcus asked, appalled, "I've only just come back to life- I'd like to stay alive for a while longer, this time." He deserved anything she did, though, didn't he? No, maybe he bloody well didn't, after all. Maybe it wasn't all his fault. Marcus just didn't know anymore.
"I'm glad to hear that." Delenn commented dryly from her position by Sheridan's desk, "But I agree with the doctor, Marcus. He's pronounced you fit, except for being underweight and short on vitamins- and she will not really hurt you."
"She already has." The Ranger sighed, "The face I can handle, but..." he clutched his pin convulsively, "She really carried this with her all year?"
"Yes." Stephen confirmed. "She really took your death pretty hard, man. Your return, too. Give her time."
"Give yourself time." Delenn added.
Marcus sighed again. Time. He didn't know how long he could stand it.
An insistent beeping woke Susan up. Out of habit she raised her link hand to her mouth and croaked, "Ivanova, go." Before realizing where she was. The beeping continued, piercing in the windowless room. She was on Minbar. And Marcus was alive. "Yes?" The screen cleared, showing Stephen. Stubborn man, Stephen. Could get him into a lot of trouble one day. "What?"
"Are you alright, Susan? It took you nearly ten minutes to answer."
"I was asleep." She growled, searching for a clean outfit. At length she decided that as her doctor, Franklin would be able to handle talking to her in her pajamas. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing- but do you know what time it is?" She looked at the time piece, not understanding until she converted the shorter Minbari day into Earth hours. She gasped.
"It's afternoon? I slept sixteen hours?" She squeaked, "Computer, lights, windows." Windows in the adjoining bathroom opened, allowing cool Minbari sunlight to shine through. It was, apparently, a beautiful day. "God, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I guess you needed it. You're looking better already." The doctor smiled, "So, are you coming out today?"
"Is he around?" Susan didn't want to have to ask this. On one hand, she was hungry, and being cooped up inside wouldn't be much fun; on the other, the thought of running into any Rangers, not even that particular one, made her want to simply go back to Earth, get a mission so far from anything civilized that she wouldn't even have to try to forget- it would just happen. She didn't want to have to deal with this. Not yet, anyway. Stephen pursed his lips.
"He's here. He lives here, you know. I doubt you could avoid him. You need to talk to him."
"What I need to do," She replied calmly, "is leave here and forget this ever happened. But I won't. I deserve my time off, and it's a big planet. I'll be out, sure, but I'll be out on my own. There's a whole world outside this compound- I'll have plenty to do." She was determined to enjoy her time on Minbar, ignore Marcus, then leave. A week at the most. "I think I'll go hiking."
"Are you sure, Susan? I think it's a bad idea. You can't ignore this." Stephen tried again.
"Watch me." She commed off before he had a chance to react. It took her three minutes to unpack, another half hour to shower again, and she was out of her room, out of the compound and in her flyer again, heading out. She left a message for Sheridan in case anyone wondered, grabbed a tourist guidebook she'd gotten on Earth at a moment's whim, and flew out towards the capital. Watchword of the day- forget.
Four days passed. During these four days Marcus rejoined the Rangers, starting to get back into shape, pushing himself harder than ever in an effort to ignore the fact that he couldn't, wouldn't, reach for the one he wanted. He needed, desperately, to talk to Susan, but was terrified of it, of her. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want to see him, she was angry and he deserved it. The litany kept up in his head all the time, pushing sleep and concentration away, earning him defeats that should never have happened. He was entirely miserable.
Though he didn't know it, Ivanova wasn't doing much better. She'd spent one day out of the compound, then shut herself in her room. She cursed herself for not having the will to leave, but found she couldn't. It was an impossible situation, and driving her insane. She paced for hours, ignored messages from Stephen and Delenn, didn't bother to eat. After three days, her vodka ran out, and of course there wasn't any to be found on Minbar. Things were looking worse.
On the morning of her fourth day on Minbar, there was a new message waiting for her when she woke up. She still wasn't used to the shorter Minbari day, and wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but called it 'morning' anyway. Out of boredom, she played it. Her attention was sharpened, though, when the screen revealed Draal, his face less than happy.
"Trouble, you've gone and done it again. You're making everyone miserable, including yourself. I thought you liked surprises." That was the message in its entirety. She played it again just to be sure.
He thought she liked surprises. He was wrong, and Marcus...he was more than a surprise. He was a shock to every cell in her body. But if it was making him as unhappy as it was making her...And if they called in Draal to talk to her, it must me pretty bad. Besides, she contradicted herself, ignoring previous thoughts, she was not unhappy. Looking at the clock, she realized it was nearly lunchtime. Mentally berating herself for losing every speck of combat readiness she had, she dressed and straightened up her room, and left it for the first time in three days. She intentionally chose an outfit she knew looked good on her. People stared after her as she made her way to Sheridan's office, but no one stopped her. It was a bright, beautiful day, and as Ivanova looked furtively around corners in order to avoid a repeat of the first day, she noticed the drone of chanting voices from various classrooms and remembered that the compound was first and foremost a school, training Rangers to face every nasty thing in the known universe. It made her feel slightly better, for some reason.
The guards outside Sheridan's office stiffened to attention when they saw her, but made no attempt to stop her. She raised her hands to show they were empty.
"It's alright, I'm not here to attack anybody. Is the president in? Is he busy?"
"Always, captain." The human guard replied soberly, "but he said we're to let you in, as long as he's not with people, to avoid any unpleasantness." They both moved aside.
"Smart man." She nodded to the two as she knocked politely. At the invitation to enter, she did.
"Susan." Sheridan nodded from behind his desk, where he was going over some papers. "Feeling better?"
She realized she hadn't even said hello properly yet, but pushed the guilt aside and answered honestly, "Some. Still angry."
He frowned, "Really, captain, how long can you hold a grudge?"
"Longest so far? Since I was eight and still going strong." She smiled, "But I'll get over this one."
"I hope you do." Sheridan motioned for her to sit, "I know it was a shock, but I'm very glad you're here. I'm just finishing here- stay for lunch?"
"You bet." She noticed she was starving. A few minutes later, he was done, and they stood up. Before Susan had a chance to retreat to a safe distance, Sheridan hugged her.
"I've missed you Susan. It's good to see you again."
"I've missed you too," She returned the hug with equal emotion if slightly less force, "And I'm sorry I wasn't there all year...I just, I couldn't."
"I know. It's OK." John hugged her even harder.
"I could become terribly jealous if you don't stop soon, you know." A voice commented from behind them. Susan stiffened but John refused to release her.
"Really, Delenn. She's only just stopped being angry with me- can't I be nice to her?" He winked at his wife over Susan's shoulder. She gave him a look that would've been absolutely nauseating in any couple but them, but was simply sweet and loving for her. When her husband finally let go, she came forward to greet her friend as well, taking her hands in formal welcome.
"My friend, are you truly done being angry?"
"Almost." It was hard, staying angry with Delenn looking at her like that. "I'm willing to put it aside, for now."
"Good. Very good." Delenn nodded, contented. 'Now, are you done here, John?"
"Yes, and starving." He took her hand, "Let's go." Susan followed in their wake, feeling redundant. Those two were so self contained as a couple they needed nothing and no one to complete them- it almost made her envious. She didn't ask who would be joining them, not wanting to know. Her small exhalation of relief at the empty room they entered turned into a hiss when she realized the low table was set for five. She stopped dead in her tracks, feeling panic rising.
"John-"Her voice caught painfully. He put a hand on her arm, which was all that stopped her from bolting.
"Stay, Susan. You need to eat, and you need to talk to him, and you will, here, with us."
"I can't." She choked, "Not yet. I'm not ready." She couldn't breathe, her heart was pounding, "I can't."
"You will." Delenn was implacable. "You're hurting yourself and you're hurting Marcus. Four days is long enough for you to dance around each other."
Susan took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She wanted to run, and if anything pushed her into leaving for Earth immediately, this would. But she had to concentrate. They wouldn't let her leave. She would never beg or be reduced to hysterics over Him. She would simply have to sit through lunch and hope for the best. "I hate this." She said bitterly.
"I know." Delenn nodded, "Sit, please." She gently pushed her down to one of the cushions, where she continued to fume for a few seconds, then closed her eyes and ran herself through every non-vocal calming exercise she knew. By the time the door opened again she wasn't hungry anymore, but neither was she heading into a panic attack. She heard the familiar voice and opened her eyes. Stephen had his hand on Marcus's shoulder, just as Sheridan had his on hers, to keep her down where she was. Marcus was a vision of wild eyed, deer-in-headlights fear, and Susan was suddenly attacked by a wave of guilt- was it her fault? Did she really scare him that much? At the edge of her perception she could hear the voice that haunted her dreams rising in anger, having the exact same conversation she'd had with Delenn moments earlier. She was getting angry again as well, come to think of it, tired of being manipulated, even if the others thought it would do her good. She shrugged off John's hand and rose. "That's enough. You're treating us like children. If we want to talk, we'll talk, alright? This isn't fair."
"She's right." Marcus agreed, to her vast surprise. "And when we do," He stressed the 'when', rather than the 'if', "it'll be without an audience." He took a step forward, away from Stephen's restraining hand, "Would you like to have lunch with me, Susan?"
"I..." She hesitated. Now or never, probably. "Alone?" He nodded.
"And somewhere else."
"Yeah." She threw John a dirty look. He looked almost miffed enough to make it worthwhile, "Enjoy your lunch, guys."
"Have fun." Marcus waved. They left the room together, but a good distance apart, careful not to touch.
Sheridan glared after them, then turned to his wife. "Now what?" At the look on her face, he sputtered in outrage, "You knew! You knew this was going to happen!"
"Hoped." She corrected, smiling playfully. "Now they'll talk properly, united against us instead of against each other. We've saved them and ourselves weeks of brooding misery. If we're lucky, they'll work things out."
"What if they don't?"
"Faith manages, Stephen, faith manages."