(A/N- been a while, yes, yes. School's started, so shoot me. I mean that- shoot me before I get eaten by schoolwork. None of them are mine, as ever. Bit of a cliffhanger in this one, but I promise the rest will be along shortly. Thanks to all my reviewers, you rock my world.)

Marcus glanced at the woman walking next to him and experienced again the strange disbelief at his audacity and luck. He was entirely amazed that she'd agreed at all, after avoiding him for four days and the way they'd been before. He didn't want to think about his death and her reaction to it. He'd avoided her as well, giving her time to cool off. He hoped it had worked. He knew she was angry with him- she had a right to be, after all. In a way it upset him that she was angry rather than grateful, but he'd been an idiot and deserved her anger.

They walked in silence, Marcus leading the way first to the kitchens, where he collected a basket of food, then out into the gardens. They found a secluded corner and he sat down on the curiously leafy Minbari grass. She hesitated again, then sat down across from him. For a long while they simply looked at each other, he with quiet admiration and she with an awed expression somewhere between fear and disbelief. As shadows lengthened around them, he took a deep breath and released it in a huff. "So."

"So." she sounded odd. Not angry, just strained, and tired, and sort of...fragile. As if she really cared he wasn't dead. As a friend, he was pretty sure she would, but this sounded like more. "What now?"

"We eat, I guess." He opened the basket and spread out various bits of lunch on the ground. He found he couldn't eat, though, and she didn't seem too interested in food either. They waited. "Or, we don't eat." He said at last.

"We don't eat." She echoed, stared at him for a while longer. Suddenly she burst out, "Why, Marcus?"

"Why what?"

"Why the hell did you do it? Who gave you the right? Who asked you to d-die for me?" She demanded, stumbling over the words, her hands clutched into fists, eyes wide and hot, "Why did you have to save me?"

"Because," This was safe ground, no doubts, not turning back now, "I love you."

"You love me." She repeated calmly, her eyes narrowing, "You love me?"

"Yes, damn it, I love you!" He exploded, flowing to his feet to tower over her, "And I'm saying it and saying it and you're not listening!"

"You couldn't have just told me!" She screamed, jumping up to face him, "Three miserable words, and you had to go kill yourself instead? You're the most impossible man I've ever met!"

"I'm impossible? ME?" Two years of frustration bubbled out of him and he took a step closer to her, "Two years I've wanted you, two years I've done my best to qualify for your affections, hoping you'd finally notice, and you pushed me away! How could I say it without you biting my head off? How could I face life without you? I love you, Susan, and I died to save you." He was breathing hard, and there were tears on his face. He stopped and retreated a step, "Of course, I never expected to come back."

"I never expected you to come back either." Her voice shook, "I thought I missed my chance. You...You have no idea what the past year's been like."

"Susan-"She stopped him with a sharp motion and he subsided.

"Don't stop me, please, this is really hard and I'm only going to say it once, and I can't do it if you interrupt, okay?" He jerked his head down once, and she continued. "Let me describe the past year to you- the War was over, and I had my promotion, and my own ship to command, which neatly put together everything I'd ever dreamed of. I spent an entire year not worrying about alien trouble or telepaths messing with my life, just enjoying and exploring space, and everything was alright. And I don't think there was a s-single day I didn't wish you'd just let me die." She paused to swipe at her own eyes, "At first I was furious, with you and with myself and with the world. As months went by, it didn't get much better. I could function, sure, but nothing had any point anymore. By that time I was mostly angry with myself, you see, because-"She took another deep breath, as if coming up against a wall she had to bring down, and his heart skipped a beat, waiting, "I knew how you felt about me." Marcus froze, "Hell, you were never too subtle about it. I knew, and I never said or did anything, because I was afraid. I was afraid you might be it, I was afraid you might not be, and then I lost you." She stopped for air. He still couldn't breathe. "I was angry with you, by then, for making the decision for me, for thinking so little of yourself that you were willing to die just like that. I heard you say you loved me, and I couldn't say it back. I wanted to so much, but I couldn't, and by the time I could it was too late." She sank down on the grass, her shoulders shaking silently.

Marcus didn't know what to think. She knew, and she wasn't going to laugh at him, or push him away. She knew, and she was still here. She knew and- "You would've said it back?" He squeaked.

"Eventually." She sniffed, "It just took a really bad shock to bring me to my senses. I was a total jerk, and I'm sorry. I should've said something, done something, instead of letting you hang like that."

Marcus knelt down on the grass next to her, "You're sorry?" He gathered her into his arms, "I thought you'd hate me."

"I tried." She confessed, "I really, really tried. It would've been easier, but I couldn't." She took his hand and turned it over, running a finger across his palm, "I can't believe you're really here. I keep waiting to wake up back on the ship..."

Seize the day, Marcus told himself again. It had worked before. He prepared himself for a repeat encounter with his Maker, closed his eyes and very gently touched his lips to hers. A simple, chaste kiss, holding all the power of two years of longing. Her mouth opened under his, probably in shock, but he took the opportunity and yes, it was better than anything he'd ever dreamed. Lunch lay forgotten as she retuned the kiss and they explored dreams turned into sudden, passionate reality. "Did I ever do that in your dreams?"

"No." She gasped, "You- you always l-leave right before that..." They were both crying, and he didn't care, holding her and hearing her heart against his.

"I'm here and I'm staying." He promised once her regained control of his emotion.

"I'll beat the crap out of you if you don't."

"I know."

"Excuse me?" A foreign voice interrupted their rapport and pulled them back to the reality of hard ground beneath them and a mid-afternoon sun above. A male Minbari in a Ranger uniform stood behind them, frowning disapprovingly. "There are bugs all over your food. I thought you should know."

"Kethann." Marcus's voice dropped to sub zero in no time at all. "Thank you ever so much for pointing that out." He turned to Susan and kissed her again, "Excuse me for a moment." He stood up, brushed himself off and stomped over to his colleague. Not a friend, Kethann, always just below him in the training results and bitter over it, unfortunately. At least he was a big enough prude not to gossip about it. "What is your problem?" He asked quietly, "I was busy!"

"So I could see." The Minbari nodded, "Me, and half the trainees going to and from classes." He could be so smug sometimes, "If you must indulge, Marcus, then, as the humans say, get a room." He turned away, radiating satisfaction. Marcus growled a curse and stomped back to Ivanova's side, but didn't sit down again.

"What was that all about?" She looked distinctly uncomfortable at the interruption.

"Some people just can't stand to see other people happy." He grumbled in response, "But he did make a few valid points." He picked up one of the boxes and shook off the scuttling ant-like insects on it, "There are bugs all over our lunch, and everyone can see us here. If we don't move somewhere private, gossip is going to be all over this side of the galaxy soon."

"That's...probably true. Move?"

"Uh huh." They repacked the food, cold and wilted by now, and moved inside again. "My quarters?" He offered. She nodded. As they walked he noticed she was keeping her distance again, physically as well as emotionally, walking as far away from him as she could. It worried him, more because he really thought she was doing it unconsciously than anything else. He room was in a different wing of the compound from hers, but it was bigger and better furnished than any room he'd ever had. Susan, at least, seemed to approve of it.

"Rangers live well when they're not on a mission." she commented.

"We try. When you're never sure what tomorrow might bring, you try to make the best of whatever time there is." He shrugged, drawing her into the room, "And maybe lunch is still edible."

She nodded, not really listening but staring at him again. He waved a hand in front of her face, making her jump in surprise. "Susan, tell me what's wrong." He was starting to remember how exasperating she could be, "Please, just...talk to me. Please."

"I..." She somehow ended up on a cushion on the floor again, arms around herself even though she wasn't cold. "It's just too much, too fast. I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do, and I hate that." She looked so confused, so helpless that he ached for her, and she still was everything he'd ever wanted. He knelt beside her.

"Susan- sweetheart, take all the time you want. I've waited two years, I can last another day or three." A blatant lie, as it was, but it was important to say it. For her he was willing to try even if it drove him insane.

"No. No more waiting, no more excuses. You could be gone again tomorrow, or I could be, or..." She huffed angrily, "This is really, really hard, Marcus. Everybody I ever loved went away, even you, but you're the only one who came back. I want to make something of this. I want to...to at least try."

"We can." He reached for her hand again, and she didn't pull away, "We will. I'm back, and I'm not planning on going away any time soon. I- I asked Draal if this back-to-life business was limited, and he said that I should have as normal a lifespan as was originally planned for me." He explained, thinking of those awful moments thinking he'd be like Sheridan, hemmed in by borrowed time. She drew a sharp breath and he knew he'd hit his mark in her thoughts.

"Is he- are you sure?"

"I'm pretty sure." He smiled, "In fact, I feel better than I have in years." The spark was back in her eyes, the worry lines starting to fade as she relaxed again. She held onto his hand like a lifeline, almost hard enough to hurt, but he didn't care.

"You know something? So do I." He wasn't as surprised as before when she leaned forward to kiss him, but it still swept the breath out of him and left him reeling. She bit his lip lightly. "Don't call me sweetheart."

"Noted." He looked around, cursing his idiotic body for calling him up on four days of neglect now of all times. "Um, I hate to mention this, but are we ever going to eat?"

"Yeah." She actively reached for the basket and helped him set stuff out this time. "Hey, this is actual human food- was this prepared for us?" At his nod, she frowned, "Do you think John knows how manipulative his wife can be?"

"I suspect he does. He lives with her, you know. Also, gossip gets around fast in this place, and apparently everyone's been watching our progress with bated breath over the past couple of days. Didn't you notice the stares on our way out, then in again?"

"I was a bit busy at the time." She half smiled. A companionable silence reigned while they ate, free of the strain of before, simply two very hungry people concentrating on the formerly ignored needs of their bodies. They stared at each other as they ate, smiling between bites. Marcus knew he was still wearing an idiotic grin, and her delighted smile, so rare and precious to him, nearly made him choke every time it appeared.

"Think they've started looking for us yet?" The question caught him by surprise, and he felt the beginning of disappointment. Rude of her to pull him down from could nine and into the real world, but Susan had always been practical like that. Then again, so had he, a long time ago.

"I doubt it, or they would've found us already. Why, d'you want to be found?"

"No! I was wondering whether we should move again before the cavalry rides in to save you from my wrath." She was still smiling, and his heart lightened. She really wanted to be with him. In fact, she was still holding his hand. He looked at it in confusion, and she pulled away with an embarrassed cough. "Sorry..." She hesitated again, "Just...I need to make sure I'm not hallucinating you, every now and then.

It's-"

"Sweet." He stopped her, twining their fingers together, "I'm willing to hold you forever, you know." She flushed and he swore under his breath. Too fast, Cole, you're scaring her. Crowding her.

"We're going to have to move anyway." She said suddenly.

"Why?"

"Your bed." She explained calmly as his puzzlement grew, looking at his diagonal Minbari style bed. "I refuse to relieve you of your virginity at an angle. Doubt we could, anyway."

And he was moving too fast? Marcus felt like he'd swallowed a live frog who was suddenly dancing a jig in his stomach. He sounded like it, too, by the questioning squawk he produced. Too fast? She'd blown right past him. And now she looked as if he was the odd one, "Marcus? You alright?"

He coughed, "Susan, did I just hear you say that-"

"If you think I said we should have sex, you heard right." She touched his face again, "Look, I know it's kind of rushed, but...The thing I regretted most, for a short while at least, after you- died- was that I was enough of an idiot to let you die without, um-"

"Boffing me?" He offered around the excited tightness in his throat. Her smile came back full glow, surprising him yet again.

"Precisely. We can have a long, ritualized courtship later if you want, but just in case I want to show you what you've been missing."

"I haven't 'missed' anything yet, honey. We have all the time in the world. Not that right now is a bad time, of course." Now that he'd gotten over the initial shock of it, he was almost delirious with joy, unable to believe him luck yet again.

Another kiss, another bite, "Not honey, either."

"Valen's name, Susan, what should I call you then?" Only she could drive him from delirium to distraction in seconds. They kept kissing, gentle touched falling like rain on parched land.

"You're the only one who only calls me Susan." She whispered right into his ear, "Keep it up." He smiled- it was as accepting a gesture as any he could hope for. "Do we move?"

"The floor won't be very comfortable, I think. Maybe this time a horizontal bed will mean very good luck indeed."