Here I am, standing at your funeral, thinking of the note you sent to me that cold, winter morning. We had caught a serial rapist the night before. The case had been tough on the both of us. I logged onto my computer to check my e-mail and I saw the message that you sent me.
It read:
Dear Elliot,
I am sorry that I have to leave you this way, but I feel that I can't be strong anymore. Being the only woman left in SVU has always been a tough thing to deal with. I have to keep my emotions in check and tuck them away so that no one will see how emotionally each case affects me. The truth is, with each and every case, a little piece of me has been taken away. I am down to nothing, El. I am truly sorry because I knew that you would always have my back, but I feel I can no longer have yours.
Ever since I laid eyes on you, I knew that you were the one. I quickly glanced down at your left hand and knew that our relationship would always remain strictly professional. For five years now, I have seen you marriage and you family being ripped apart by my presence in you life. I can't live with myself knowing that your kids might not be able to see their daddy every day because I am in you life.
I don't really want to say good-bye to you, so all I can do is thank you, for always having my back and always being there to pick me up on especially rough days. I have been thinking about this for weeks, and I am certain that this is what I want to do. I will surely miss you, El. I want you to know that I promise to go in a way that I won't suffer. Live and remember for me. I'll be watching over me. I love you.
Love always,
Olivia
I sat at my desk and stared at the screen. I wanted to run to your apartment and stop you, but I knew that I would be too late. I knew that this was your decision. The only thing I regret is that I never told you how much I loved you. You were my angel and you always will be.
I look at your body in the casket. You look so peaceful, so perfect as you lie there. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Seeing you every day filled me with happiness and joy. You were the light of my life, the highlight of my day. I miss you, Liv, and I will make sure no one forgets you.
I now watch as your casket is being lowered into the ground. At other funerals we had attended together, you would have been standing right by my side, comforting me, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. I can still feel your presence, but its not the same.
Losing you has taken part of me away. I know the light you gave off will always remain with me. I don't want to say good-bye, but I know that I have to. I loved you, Liv, and I still do. I look at your tombstone above your grave:
Olivia Benson
15th January 2005
The light of the world,
in life, and death.
I now know that you will truly be watching over me. At this very moment, I can only wish that I had been able to see you one last time. I promise we will see each other again. I'll never forget you, Liv.
a/n: this is my first fanfic, please R&R!