Hey! That was the LONGEST I've ever gone without posting a chapter. My dad REFUSED to pick up the computer this weekend. Plus, I had to study for Part A of my English final I had today. It was hard!! My mind was not in the right place today to be doing an essay. It just about killed me (tear). Aw well, it's all good now. School's over for the day and I have been looking forward to being able to write this bad boy. However, forgive me for any mistakes that may be made. I am balancing my Spanish homework while doing all this. Haha. This will be the second last chapter and a very long one, so I'm doing my best to wrap this all up so you're all satisfied. Keep reviewing!

"You ruin everything and you kept fucking with me." – Limp Bizkit

The Monument of the Heart

-Stan's POV-

Over the next week, Kyle and I had agreed that we wouldn't let things get weird. Don't most people do that when a kiss as passionate as that one had gotten do that? We could've carved it in stone. It wouldn't have made a difference. When do things never get weird? Fuck.

It had gotten weird.

In the hall, our hellos were awkward and short, often filled with an uncomfortable silence. At lunch, Kyle hung out more with Madison than he usually did, leaving Cartman, Kenny, and I to our own devices. I hated how he shot me looks in class. His favorite was confusion. I hated to see it. I hated Madison. I hated myself.

I wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Why doesn't the Jew hang out with us at lunch?" Cartman asked, his mouth full of bread and some kind of sandwich meat.

Kenny peered curiously at me for the answer too, but I was pretty sure he knew it. Kenny knew everything about me, it seemed. It bothered me. I didn't like when people pried into my soul, trying to figure things out that even I didn't know.

I shrugged and shuffled my fork through my macaroni.

"Beats me."

Cartman shrugs and continues eating but Kenny's eyes were still fixated on me. They were burning a hole through my very mind. My soul. I didn't like what I knew he could see. What right did he have to focus on my private life?

-Flashback-

I pulled away from Kyle after a few seconds that seemed like an eternity. I could still taste him on my lips.

It was all I ever wanted. More than anything in the whole world. More than world peace. More than world hunger to be solved. Just that kiss. It was my one fantasy. Now what did I have to

As badly as I wanted it, I could've been selfish and taken Kyle all to myself. But it wasn't me. I knew Kyle didn't want this. He was as emotional as I was.

"Kyle, I'm sorry."

He smiles and wipes my tears away with his thumb.

"What for?"

Why doesn't he see the problem in this? Why didn't I see it until now?

"I'm sorry I put all this on you. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I mean it. I just was dying for someone to listen."

He looks at me confused, and he cocks his head slightly.

"Stan, I kissed you."

"I know, Dude. But, we can't let things get weird. No matter what. We have to try to keep this as casual as possible. I think I had better be getting back home." I was rambling on and I felt awkward.

I wanted that kiss so badly but now that it had happened, I knew everything would change. What was I thinking? I shouldn't have bothered him.

Kyle nods; looking slightly puzzled and a bit hurt. I wish he didn't look at me like that.

"O-okay, Stan. It's up to you."

We both decide it's best I go through the window, climb down the ivy, and jump the last few feet. It's better than risking waking his parents.

I run home, the wind burning my eyes.

Kyle didn't push me away. I pushed him away.

-End of Flashback-

"Hey, Dudes. I need to go get some extra help from the teacher. I'll catch ya later."

Kenny ignores me but Cartman waves as I get up, grabbing my books and ditching my lunch tray. I know Kenny is mad at me. Mad for not telling him what was going on. I had been lying for months. I didn't care. It was no one's damn business what had been going on.

In the past few months, I had fallen behind in almost every subject. It was my own fault. Spending all that time at the hospital hadn't been good for me. Mom had told me that how many times now? The times I didn't spend at the hospital were spent thinking of Kyle. Simply staring off into space. I wonder what Kyle's doing. I wonder if he's sleeping. I wonder if he's wondering about me. I wonder …

The hall is mostly empty except for a few cliques that don't eat in the cafeteria. It's quiet except for the occasional ringing of laughter. Most people hate silence where it's so quiet you can hear your heart beating. Not me though. I needed the peace. I needed to be alone with my thoughts.

Why had I brushed off Kyle?

Sighing, I turn the corner and-

SMASH!

Books and papers and a person are scattered about. How many times had I bumped into people this year?

"Holy crap. I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. Here, I'll help you pick up your stuff."

I pick up an English Honors poetry book and when I look up I find that I'm staring into the heavily made up blue eyes of Madison, but I'm more focused on Kyle's hand on her arm, helping her up.

"That's alright, Stanley. Thanks." She purrs.

Right in front of Kyle? Sweet Jesus.

Kyle doesn't notice though.

His lips are set in a thin line and the look on his face is strained.

"Are you okay, Dude?" Kyle's voice softens hers.

I nod, my face turning red. Why did we have to kiss?

He turns away from me, looking down at his sneakers, Madison winking behind his back. I wonder what she would say if she knew what we had done. I'd love just to see the look on her stupid whorey face.

"Good. Hey, you still on for this tonight? Cartman and Kenny are coming."

"Huh?"

Kyle raises an eyebrow. "Don't you remember?"

How could I have forgotten? Before all this had happened we had plans to hang out. It was Friday today. I nod, a little too anxiously. Why is he still inviting me?

"Yeah, of course, Dude. I'll be there."

He grins slightly, shuffling his feet and digging his toe into the ground.

"Okay, well. See you then."

I nod and watch as the love of my life walks away … hand in hand with Madison.

You let him do this, Stan. You were the one who let it get weird.

I sigh, shaking a few pieces of black hair out of my eyes and continue my way down the hall.

-------------------------------------------------

It was the dark outside by the time I reached Kyle's, even though it was only 6pm. The streetlights were flicking on and spotlighting my steps. I watched my shadow as it walked beside me. The only thing that was beside me through this whole ordeal.

Great. I've become a troubled teen with a whole shitload of angst.

I can see the moon in the sky from a perfect view, standing on Kyle's porch. It shines down on South Park and is so beautiful and pure that it almost brings tears to my eyes. Why couldn't the rest of the world be like that?

I ring the doorbell and hear footsteps racing to the door. It swings open and Kyle's little brother Ike stands there, shyly.

"Hey, Ike."

He smiles and hides a bit behind the door. I almost can't hear him when he tells me that Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are in the den.

I had always liked Ike. As shy as he was, he had always been a nice kid. Well-mannered and untouched by the evil of this world. Kyle's Mom had always kept her boys sheltered. Didn't she think of how they were planning on making it in the world when they moved out?

I could smell popcorn and the stinky socks of youthful feet. Kyle was sprawled out on the floor, stomach on the ground, legs in the air, wildly clicking away at the game controller. Kenny was watching on the couch and turned away as soon as I entered. Cartman paused for a moment from the game and gave me the middle finger, one of his many favorite greetings. I returned it and grinned.

"Hey, Marsh."

"Hey, who's winning?"

Kyle laughs out loud and points an accusing finger at Cartman. "Fatass thinks he's winning but I'm really beating his ass to the ground."

It seems that he has momentarily forgotten that things were still weird.

"Aye! Watch it, Jew!"

My heart soars just to see him smile like that. I gave it all up just because I know he'd never be happy.

Kyle clears away some magazines and bits and pieces of popcorn so I can sit down.

For the next two hours, it's just us four, taking turns on the game sphere, just like old times.

Just like old times.

Kenny stretches out luxuriously on the couch, yawning wide like a cat. He bends his toes, making them crack and I can see a hole in the big toe of his sock.

Cartman scratches his armpit and boosts himself off the carpet where he had been separating Kyle and I.

"Guys, let's break. I need to whiz. Hey, Jew, don't you have anymore food?"

Kyle glares at him but his look on content returns shortly after. "Yeah. I'll go get some. Stan, why don't you come help me?"

I look at him, a little surprised. Why had he asked me? Why not Kenny? Maybe he wanted to keep any suspicions from occurring. I didn't want to be alone with him again. I was afraid of what might happen. I couldn't forget about what happened last time we were only together. Whatever the reason, I got up and followed him into the kitchen.

He pushed the swinging wooden doors of his kitchen open and went in first. I passively followed, afraid of what was to come. I had always been slightly taller than Kyle and I can see how his red hair falls into tiny frizzy ringlets. I remember how he held me close and I could smell it.

He shuts the kitchen door behind me and leans against it, arms crossed.

"Stan. Things got weird. I'm not quite sure why you're avoiding me but I think maybe it is for the better. We haven't had a normal conversation since that whole thing happened. I don't know why I did it but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for forcing myself on you like that, especially when you were vulnerable. It was all a mistake."

His words stung me and opened my healing wounds. He made it sound like he had pushed away that night. I was the one, Kyle! Me! I was the one who decided it was best for both of us. You didn't have to break my heart like this.

My anger took over me. Mom had always told me not to make decisions when I'm angry. I just end up regretting it afterwards.

"A mistake? Thanks a whole fucking lot. So I suppose our whole friendship was a mistake too! I was the one who stopped it. I know it isn't what you wanted.I guess everything was fake. The whole fucking time. It was all a sham. I'm sorry I ever wasted your time. I'm sorry I almost dropped out of highschool because I was so busy visiting you in the hospital, my so called 'best friend'!"

I knew I was yelling and by now, Cartman and Kenny had come in to see what all the yelling was about.

"What the hell are you guys fighting about?" Cartman butted in. My final nerve was racked.

Kyle looked shocked and I turned on my heel, stomping away from my problems for the second time that week.

The last thing I heard was, "Stan, it was what I wanted."

I didn't know where I was going as I ran down the empty streets. My footsteps pounded on the pavement and my head ached with each moment. I was trying to block out my name. Kyle was running after me, screaming my name, and causing porch lights to flick on from motion detectors or from angry neighbors.

"STAN! STOP!"

No, Kyle. Not this time. You won't be able to mend my heart. Just leave me be.

I crossed the bridge, Kyle trailing behind. All this running couldn't be good for him. His heart was still weak. I had to lose him. I needed him to stop running and trying to make it better.

I ducked behind a building, breathing hard. I watched as Kyle ran right by and suddenly realized that Cartman and Kenny were far behind him, but still doing their best to follow. Kenny was having troubles keeping up. Probably all the years of smoking were finally taking their toll on him. Cartman was falling behind because, well, he was a fatass.

I almost laughed out loud. I don't think I even realized how close I was to hysteria at the time.

"Well, if it isn't Marsh."

My heart jumped into my throat from shock and I whipped around. Four shadowed figures emerged from the darkness and the moon shed her light on their features.

Eli.

He was stumbling about and holding a partially empty whiskey bottle. All citizens of South Park drank whiskey. We didn't need any high-class alcohol for a trashy town. The three guys that were with him all seemed drunk too; laughing and shoving each other.

"You know, Stan. I'm getting really fucking sick of you. This time, we'll be finishing our business."

He was so corny. It was like he had practiced all his lines from a script and this was one really badly thought out movie.

I wanted to call out for Cartman and Kenny. Even Kyle. But my voice seemed lodged in my throat. It wasn't that I was afraid. I just couldn't believe my luck. First I lose my best friend and now a run-in with the town asshole.

What next, God? What next?

Eli grabbed me, shoving me against the brick wall. My head throbbed from the impact. I could feel his breath on my face and it reeked so heavily of liquor, I turned away.

"Stan!! Stan! Eli! Let go of him, asswipe."

Eli's grip on me broke and I fall to the ground. I can taste the metallic lingering of blood in my mouth and through my half open eyes; I can see Kyle and Cartman standing a few feet away. I wonder vaguely where Kenny is.

"What the fuck are you two doing here? This isn't any of your fucking business so just fuck off."

He's taken all the fun out of the word 'fuck'.

"You stupid douche, Eli. Let Stan go. He hasn't done anything to you, you son of a bitch."

Cartman says this and I almost smile. I can't remember the last time Cartman stuck up for me. I thought he'd be glad to see me get my ass kicked.

Eli stepped threateningly up to Cartman. He was at least a whole 3 inches taller.

"Say it again, Cartman. I dare you."

One thing to know about Cartman; he never knows when enough is enough.

"Come on, Pussy. God, you're such a fag, kid."

"You're going to pay, Fatass."

Eli lunged for Cartman, shoving him down and throwing the first punch. Cartman, although bigger than Eli, was in no physical condition to beat him in a fistfight.

The three other kids just stood there, cheering on Eli. I wondered why people got such an adrenaline rush from fights.

Kyle rushed over to me. He helped me up and I felt that same shoot of electricity throughout my body.

"Stan, I'm sorry. This is my entire fault. Are you okay?"

I shook my head, still bitter towards him. His words would always have their place as a scar on my bruised heart.

Cartman was really taking a beating and I suppose that's when Kyle realized, for he raced over, kicking Eli in the side and trying to pull him off Cartman.

"Hey, Kid! Stop interfering. Your fatass friend deserves this!"

Kyle ignored him, still pulling at Eli, swearing under his breath.

"Hey! I told you to stop. Fuck off!" The kid waddled over, withdrawing an object from his pocket.

Even if I wanted to, I will never ever forget that very moment in my life. The moment when the world stopped.

A clap erupted through the air, which I recognized as a gunshot. Kyle's body flew back slightly from the impact and he fell to the ground and onto his side.

Cartman and Eli stopped dead as the sound exploded through the night.

The kid who had fired stood there in stunned silence. I could see his eyes, wide open with shock. The gun dangled from his fingers for a moment before he dropped it to the ground.

"You fucking shot him?!" Eli seemed angry as he jumped up from where he had been lying.

"I …I … didn't mean to."

"Fuck! Let's get the hell out of here!"

Eli ran from the alley, dragging his buddies behind him. The gun lay on the ground, cold and smoking from the shot.

Cartman scrambled up and slid down to Kyle's side.

"Kyle? Kyle? Hey, can you hear me? Are you alright?" It was a rare occasion where Cartman called Kyle by his real name, but when it happened, you knew something was very wrong.

"Stan! I don't think he's breathing! Come on, Kyle. Wake up!" The fear is evident in Cartman's voice and I thought I saw a tear slide down his worried face.

I drop down to Kyle's side too. Blood is seeping through the wound that has made its place in his left side. His eyes were half open and all color has left his face. His mouth is set in a grim line and I know he's dead.

I break down, sobbing and reaching for his hand. It feels so cold. I brush it along my cheek, hold it against my hair, and kiss it lightly. I let my fingers trail along his cheekbone, down his temple, across his lips.

A hand gently grabs my shoulder and squeezes. I looked up at Kenny through teary eyes. He kneels down between Cartman and I.

"Oh, Kenny …"

"Shhhh, it's okay. Don't look at him, Stan."

Kenny puts his arms around me and wraps me in a hug. I bury my nose in his shoulder and see Cartman over it. He's hunched over, sobbing quietly into his hand, refusing to believe what he was seeing. I reach over to him and he takes my hand. Kenny pulls him into the hug and we all huddle together at Kyle's side, crying into the night.