Pride

AN: Fear not! I have returned! Yes. Anyway. I seem to have reduced several reviewers to tears (or near it) in the last chapter, so I thought I'd cut you all some slack. This chapter is much, much lighter (even, dare I say it, on the fluffy side?) in comparison to the last one. Probably just my knee jerk reaction to writing angst. But yeah, we're back to my pathetic attempts to inject humour into what would otherwise be a very angsty situation. Except this chapter isn't really angsty at all. It is also the first time I've included the wrest of the crew in a chapter. I don't know. I'm a Trancer at heart. I just couldn't write another bit without her sneaking in to screw with my head! This takes place about a week after the last chapter, but before 'The Test'. More angst in the next chapter!

ANS4Christ: Say no more! You don't need to! I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

Jade Rhade: Don't cry! Everything's gonna be okay. Promise. In like... four chapters. And this chapter is basically giving Rhade a break from the angst-trip I've been sending him on. So all will be well! Have fun!

Oenone: Well, open up the windows 'cause here comes the light! Enjoy!

Miikka: Dry your tears! Have a cotton wool fluff! They're drifting all over this chapter! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others.

Christieanne-Anna: Did you cry? Awww. Cheer up! Have some fluff!

Iara: Thank you! It get's lighter now, so enjoy!

CeredwenFlame: I'll deal with what happened to his kids as soon as it comes up on the show (if it ever does). My brief for this fic is to stay as close to canon as possible. I put the kids in because he mentioned them, and it made sense that if Louisa was haunting him, his kids certainly would be. However, I sense fuel for an angst-fest, so I'll probably put them back in later on. Enjoy!

Vee017: Yes, isn't it fun treating Rhade like an emotional punch-bag? But I'm giving him a little bit of a break in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it!

jenn11: I hope you did okay on your final! We've got a lot more humour in this chapter, so I hope you like it. The wrest of the crew are in this chapter, and I hope I got them as in-character as I did Andromeda... enjoy!

Dancer of Dreams:There is nothing wrong with having no life! (Trust me, I'm in the same boat. At weekends, I tend to exist purely on the internet, unless one of my friends comes over and hauls me out of the house, kicking and screaming). Have fun reading this!

Jamieson Z: Thank you so much! Seriousely, seriousely flatteredby what you said about the last chapter. I hope this one lives up to expectations!

Donna Lynn: Well, I thought this needed somethign eye-catching ;). Anyway, I hope you like trhis chapter as much.

prin69: Have a tissue. And thank you! Don't worry, this chapter is much lighter, and I hope you like it as much.

shastalily: Thanks! I like gnawing into Rhade's head. It's a really screwed up place. But there youg go. Enjoy!

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Hello, good morning,
How you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in,
I never, never thought,
That I would fall like that,
Never knew that I could hurt this bad,

I'm learning to breathe,
I'm learning to crawl,
I'm finding that you,
And you alone,
Can break my fall,
I'm living again,
Awake and alive,
I'm dieing to breathe in these abundant skies.

-Switchfoot 'Learning to Breathe'.

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Beka was grinning at him.

The sensation was… disturbing. Especially considering recent events. But there she was, grinning at him over the top of her cards. She looked distinctly… smug. Rhade eyed her nervously, then his cards… damn, not a good hand… took an uneasy swig of water, then back at Beka who was… still grinning. He glanced at Doyle, on his left, then Dylan, on his right, with Trance knelt up on the bench beside the captain, to see if any of them had noticed, but… apparently not.

After a few more seconds, he shook his head, and glared at her, "what?!"

Beka's grin only widened. "Nothing." Her eyes were sparkling. She was laughing at him! He took another sip of water. A head ache was threatening to hack it's way through his temples.

Doyle threw in two more coins, "I'll see your four, and I'll raise you two."
Beka dropped her eyelids, scanned her cards, then laughed, spreading them on the table, "full house, boys, read 'em and weep."
There was a collective groan. Dylan threw his cards onto the table in disgust, "oh come on, Beka! How'd you do that?"

Beka raised an eyebrow at him, "Dylan, having the sparkly person on your side doesn't guarantee success. I keep telling you, Trance is my lucky charm, not yours. Always has been, always will be, right Trance?"

Trance stared at Beka innocently, "if you say so. I don't really remember much of that."

Dylan sighed, standing up and offering Trance his arm, "come on, Trance. I've still go enough money to buy you a bag of crisps."

"Okay," she grabbed his hand and scrambled up, "was I really purple?"

"Yup," Dylan confirmed, as they walked away.

"With a tail?"

"Oh yeah. But it got shot off a while ago."

"Shot off?"

"Yeah… long story."

"So that's where I got my scar from…"

"You have a scar?"

"Oh, yeah, right over my back. Wanna see?"

"Uh… not here, Trance."

"On the Andromeda?"

"Maybe later."

"Sure?"

"What kind of crisps do you want?"

Doyle rolled her eyes, "I still don't see the logic in this game," she complained, as Beka smugly counted her winnings.

"It's really very simple, Doyle," Beka pointed out, "you have a winning hand… you win."

"I still don't see the point," Doyle looked sulky as she stood up.

"Ah, you're just jealous," Beka waved her off.

Doyle smirked and swept away, leaving Rhade to continue nursing his head ache over Beka's gloating smile.

"What?" He asked again, after a few more seconds. She was still smiling, in a more conspiratorial manner, as she counted her winnings.

Beka shook her head, "I told you, nothing."

"You seem kinda happy over nothing."

"I just won. I girl can smile if she wants."

"So direct it somewhere else. You're giving me the creeps here."

Rhade waved her off and made to stand up, but the world swam unexpectedly, and his head ache throbbed. He lapsed back into his seat hoping the collapse hadn't been too obvious. Somewhere in the back of his mind, that little voice hissed the barely audible name…

Louisa…

He shook it off. Not now. Not ever again. Not now… A sip would be enough to silence it… just one little…

Rhade shut off that thought. He wasn't going there.

Besides, Beka was still smiling at him. "I said, direct that elsewhere, Beka," he growled.

She only shook her head, still counting up her money.

He took another gulp of water, trying to cool the almost constant throbbing behind his eyes. Last night had probably been one of the worst he'd seen in a while. Damn, he'd thought it was getting easier! And there he was, up all night, marching the streets of Seefra, trying desperately to out-run the voices.

Beka was done. Slipping coins into a pouch strung to her belt, she stood up and stretched. Her hair fell past her shoulders and shivered furiously as she tossed it back. Rhade concentrated on the window.

"You want some more water?" Her enquiry broke his thoughts like the surface tension on a lily pond.

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah." He shrugged, wondering whether his legs would bare his weight if he tried to stand up again.

"Aspirin?" That grin of hers. Why was she grinning at him? And how did she know there were a few million little men in hob-nailed boots doing a clog-dance on the inside of his skull?

"That would be good." He agreed.

"Harper! Aspirin!" Beka headed for the bare, leaving Rhade to contemplate the stack of cards in front of him. He picked them up, then noted the single crystal sovereign Beka had left on the table, and picked that up too, turning it over in his hands. The coin with the hole in the middle, one of Dylan's, from the commonwealth days.

Trance's flipping coin.

Easily recognisable, really. She normally wore it around her neck on a ribbon. So why had she left it there? Better give it back though… With a sigh, he reached across the table to pick it up, then snapped round just in time to intercept the tiny missile that had been flung towards the back of his from the bar.

An aspirin pill lay in his hand.

Beka stood at the bar, grinning from ear to ear. Harper, standing beside her, applauded silently. Dylan raised his eyebrows, then his glass, and drank. Trance looked rather smug.

He'd caught it. He'd caught a bloody aspirin pill! Rhade stared at the white oval in the palm of his hand, for a second awe-struck by the wonderful insignificance of the moment. He hadn't done that in a while.

Triumphant, he leaned back, tossed the aspirin pill into the air, and caught it in his mouth, swallowing before the foul, acrid taste could stain his tongue. The taste of victory, perhaps. Or just one more dragging step on the long road to… what? Happiness? Clarity? Reality? Self respect?

Beka…

The little voices hissed and giggled. He shrugged them aside. The woman in question marched back to him and thrust a glass of water under his nose. "Wouldn't fancy taking one of those on it's own, Rhade."

"Why are you grinning at me?" He attempted a baleful glare, but managed only a half hearted grimace.

Beka laughed. The sound hit him like a brick wall. Enough to take his breath away. Enough to leave him bruised. But good, like getting drunk, a kind of fatal attraction.

"No reason," She shrugged, and then did something entirely unexpected.

She leaned down, and kissed him. Swiftly, gently, and for a second her eyes were devoid of humour, "proud of you, is all."

Then she was gone, walking out of the bar before anyone had any chance to make remark.

Trance was the first to move, skipping innocently over to the somewhat stunned Nietzschean, holding out her hand expectantly. "Can I have my coin back?"