The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

Two: Under the Tree

KOKIRI FOREST

(Kokiri Forest tune, full blast)

Navi: (flies around Kokiri Forest, ignoring the laughs and jeers of the Kokiri children)

Kokiri Children: (laugh) (jeer)

Navi: (not looking where she is going) Where does that kid live again…? (hits fence) OOF!

Kokiri Children: HAHAHAHAHA

Navi: I hate my life. (flies off)

INSIDE LINK'S TREEHOUSE

(Kokiri Forest music playing softly in background)

Navi: Wake up, damn it!

Link: (grunt) uuhhhnnnn (turns over)

Navi: (jumps him) GET UP YOU-

Link: Waa! A fairy! GET OUT!

Navi: Gladly. (mutters under breath about shitty trees and damn kids these days)

Link: NO! I meant, 'get out' as in, woah! I have a fairy! (jumps up and down with enthusiasm)

Navi: Aw crap, I thought I was outa this one. Oh, yeah, I'm Navi, and you must be Zelda. The Grea-

Link: What the hell, its Link.

Navi: Fine. Link. Anyway, the Grea-

Random Cow: Moo.

Navi: The-Great-Deku-Tree-Summons-You-To-Get-The-Hell-Over-There (pant pant pant)

Link: Wow, you talk fast!

Navi: Really. (rolls eyes) Now let's go.

OUTSIDE LINK'S TREEHOUSE

(KOKIRI FOREST)

(Kokiri Forest music getting gradually louder in background)

Link: Kay. (proceeds to walk down ladder)

Navi: HEY! LISTEN!

Link: Waa..? (falls down impossibly long ladder and hits ground)

Navi: There you go! Now you're getting there! Move faster! Hey, listen!

Link: Shut the $# up, Navi.

Saria: (walks over to them) Wow, Link, what is that flying-challenged fairy doing near you? She belongs to Mido.

Navi: Excuse me?

Saria: (shrugs)

Link: Go away, Saria. Nobody likes you anyway.

Saria: But… but…

Link: Leave us alone, friggin loser. We're trying to go to the Great Deku Tree.

Saria: Oh! The Great Deku Tree! Ya know, I heard tha-

Navi: Hey, I think it's this way. (points to neon sign saying 'Great Deku Tree's Clearing')

Link: Ok, you know best. Although I thought it was this way. (points to sign saying 'Definitely NOT Great Deku Tree's Clearing') Anyway, YAY! I HAVE A FAIRY!!!!

Kokiri children: (smirk)

Saria: (stands there dejectedly)

Navi: C'mon, Link. We need to cross that river.

Link: But I can't swim!

Navi: Screw this, dammit! Jump across the rocks, moron!

Link: What rocks?

Navi: Nevermind. We'll just go around.

GREAT DEKU TREE'S PATH

(Kokiri Forest music gets increasingly louder)

(Link and Navi proceed to enter Great Deku Tree's Clearing)

Mido: Halt. You may not pass without a sword and a shield. Get them. Or else. Blah blah blah. (sighs)

Navi: Umm, I'm a fairy, I can't carry a sword and shield. Duh.

Mido: No, not you, my former fairy, the crappy loser kid, dammit!

Navi: Well, that wasn't on the sign… Link?

Link: (reading sign) Yeah, it was. I think. (points to fine print at bottom) 'You must be 18 years or older to call'. Hmm, whats that mean?

Navi: Uh, Link, that's an ad for something-that-is-not-sold-in-stores.

Link: Oh, well this sign says that the Great Deku Tree's Clearing only accepts sword and shield people, in fine print. What's fine print? Is it a new tunic?

Navi: (rolls eyes) It's gonna be a long saga.

AT THE KOKIRI SHOP

(catchy shop music!)

Shopkeeper: I told you, we don't sell swords.

Link: Sure ya do!

Shopkeeper: No.. we don't.

Link: Fine, I need a shield.

Shopkeeper: 30 Rupees, please.

Link: I only have 29!

Navi: Haha.

Shopkeeper: Too bad, Sonny.

Link: waaaaa I wanna shield!!

Shopkeeper: Okay, but you owe me 5 rupees (gives him shield)

Link: ok, I owe you 5 rupees. dadadadun! You got a shield! I mean, I got a shield! (attempts to lift it) ummph, I can't! Damn!

Navi: Hey, look, I found a sword!

Link: Where?

Navi: Somewhere of mild importance. Can you lift either one of them?

Link: Nope.

Navi: Damn. Well, let's just leave them here and pick them up later. Okay, come on, to the Great Deku Tree!

dadadadadada dun!!

GREAT DEKU TREE'S CLEARING

(Kokiri Forest music continues to increase in volume)

Deku Tree: … and so you must go inside me, you damn kid. Get inside my crappy trunk and kill the evil monster. Ok?

Link: Aye aye, sir!

(Kokiri forest music gets so loud it creates an earthquake)

(Objects go flying and hit Link on head, and Deku Tree opens mouth and gets knocked out)

Link: Hey, look, it's my sword and shield! And for some miraculous reason I can lift them now!

Navi: Who cares. Just get inside the friggin tree.

Deku Tree: uuhhhhnnnnn (groans)