The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!
Three: Achoo.
GREAT DEKU TREE'S CLEARING
(Kokiri Forest music is back to its normal, happy tune)
Random Rooster: Cocka doodle do.
Navi: Wake up, dammit!
Link: This is sounding oddly familiar. 'Cept, this time, no! I don't wanna!
Navi: Then this should sound familiar: HEY! LISTEN! GET INSIDE THE FRIGGIN TREE!!
Link: I'm goin'!
INSIDE THE DEKU TREE
(whatever music that plays inside the Great Deku Tree plays)
Link: Woah, I didn't realize the Great Deku Nut was so HUGE! (looks around)
Navi: (sighs) Great Deku Tree.
Link: Sure, whatever.
Navi: Look, a door.
Link: I know, let's go through it!
(they go through door)
Deku Scrub: patoooeee! (spits rocks at Link)
Link: Holy. Crap.
Navi: Just deflect the rocks with your shield, okay? (sigh)
Link: What shield? Oh, you mean this shield??
Navi: Yup.
(Link deflects one rock at the scrub. The scrub fires another rock. Instead of deflecting, it crashes through Link's shield)
Link: Run away! Run away! (runs out of room screaming, leaving his broken shield behind)
Deku Scrub: Cool, a pile of wood splinters.
Navi: Hey, Listen. I think we should go over there.
Link: (sees spider web) EEK! SPIDERS! I AM DEATHLY ALLERGERIC TO SPIDERS!
Navi: (gasp) Uh, what happens when you go near a spider?
Link: I sneeze! Ever since I realized I had an allergic reaction I was afraid of them! Don't make me go over there!
Random spider: scuttle scuttle scuttle click clack click.
Link: AIEEEEEE
Navi: Any other allergic reactions I should know about?
Link: Horses, swords, gold things shaped like triangles, Lon Lon milk, heart containers, cukoo chicken-y things. Rocks, rupees, grass, the sky, fish, oh, and fairies.
Navi: Great. You aren't serious, are you?
Link: Well, you win, no. Only fairies make me throw up, and Lon Lon milk gives me a rash. Swords are the worst; they make my ears get all pointy. Sometimes rupees will give me a sore throat, but not always. Fish make my nose itch.
Navi: Damn. Well, get ready to sneeze, kid, 'cause this place is full of spiders. Now, climb up there, then jump through that spider web.
Link: No. Way.
Navi: (pokes him with Deku stick)
Link: (falls through spider web) ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO!
Navi: (gets drenched in snot) EEEWW!
da da da da da da da dun!
Link: (splash, falls in water) Look, a door that is locked! (tries to open it)
Navi: Hey, listen! Use those Deku sticks to make fire and light all of the torches.
Link: Okay. (Takes stick and gets it on fire) (trips and falls in water, torch goes out) Damn!
(many tries later)
Link: That's it! I'm sick of this damn wood! Navi, get the hell over here!
Navi: (comes, sighing)
Link: (takes navi and sets her on fire) GO FLY AROUND THE ROOM AND LIGHT THE TORCHES!
Navi: $#! you, Link. (lights torches, gets burnt, falls in water)
Link: Hurry and get out before I drown you myself.
Navi: I'm here!
da da da da da da da dun!
Link: The door's open. Yay! (proceeds to walk through door)
Navi: Wait, don't…!
Gold Scultula: boss music scuttle scuttle click clack click
Link: (sneezes uncontrollably on spider and Navi) ACHOO! ACHOO! Achoo! (nose turns bright red)
Gold Scultula: (falls to the ground blinded by sneezes)
Navi: Quick, Link, stab its underside with your sword!
Link: But my ears… (stabs and kills it)
Gold Scultula: (dies)
da da da da duuunnnnn!
Link: (feels pointy edge of ears) Hmm, maybe the girls who like elves will actually find these kinda hot…
Navi: (rolls eyes) Get the Gold Scultula token and get through the door, dammit!
Link: (does that) (door closes with a slam behind them) Crap.
(boss music)
(room is full of spider webs, giant Scultula thing that you find in there comes down. No, it's not Gohma time yet.)
Link: ACHOO! ACHOO!
Navi: Eww…
Link: (sneezes real hard and knocks Scultula out. Stabs with sword and admires pointy ears)
Scultula: (dies)
da da da da duuunnnnn!
da da da da da da da dun!
(chest appears)
Link: da da da dun! You - I mean, I got a slingshot, dungeon map, and compass! The unreadable freaky note says its cause the authoress decided to be nice and add the map and compass free of charge with no shipping and handling. The best part is; it's duty free!
Navi: (sighs)
(they leave room, Link sneezing because of webs. Many rooms later they get a key. Then many more rooms later they find the boss door)
Link: Gee, I wonder what this key goes to.
Navi: Sages, what the hell is the matter with this kid?!
Link: … hey! The door opened and the noise played again!
da da da da da da da dun!
Navi: (sarcastically) I wonder why.