Chapter XXIV: Release Me

"Should we wake him?" Gimli asked in a low voice as he watched the Elf.

Legolas was awake, but his last desire was to move. All night he had been plagued by memories of everything, things he thought he had escaped. The pendant was cold against his skin and it had given him such false hope he wanted to throw it into the river, but he knew he could never bring himself to. It was such a miraculous gift and it was his family.

"If we do not leave now we will be found and there is little we can do against Uruk-hai," Aragorn said as sternly, but only with concern for the Company's safety. "Boromir, wake him. I will get the hobbits up."

The Son of the Steward did not know why he wanted to protest. He chance left, however, and he had to do what he was told. Kneeling down, he removed his hand from beneath his cloak and touched Legolas' upper arm. His fingers were still cold and he had felt sick in his chest all morning. "Legolas, wake up. We have to go."

Legolas did not think of the blood on his back. He thought of the scar it would leave. It was no different than any other of his scars; he would remember how he received it for the rest of his life, would recall the face of the one who gave it, would live forever with the memory of whatever or whoever he had lost that day. Calen, his eldest brother, had tried to kill him. Green eyes glittered maliciously on dark skin, white paint in the shape of a hand tattooed on his face. He had lost everything.

"Legolas," Boromir said kindly.

The Elf sat up carefully. There was no dawn, only clouds and fog that shifted languidly over the river. "You are still cold, Boromir."

"My very blood was cooled by the Anduin's water," Boromir said almost lightly. "I will be fine in time."

"How is Merry?"

"He's not awake yet," the Man replied. "How are you, Legolas?"

"I do not know myself," he answered. "I am feeling many things."

"Boromir, Legolas, pack quickly," Aragorn's voice came from the other side of the camp. "Legolas, I want to check your wounds before we leave."

Legolas nodded and complied with his companion's requests. After, he went with Aragorn behind the reeds where there was a small pool of water.

"It is not infected and is not too deep," Aragorn said as he re-dressed the injury. "It should be healed in short time, but will you be?"

"I am not fit to answer that question, mellon-nîn. I thought that I had taken all the trauma deserved by one being, immortal or no, in the past six years, but I was evidently incorrect. I can only hope that this will be over soon," Legolas said, holding his last thread of hope tightly. Long ago he thought he had no more hope, but somehow he always managed to find something to believe in, to suffer through the pain for.

"Legolas, I must ask you: if you come across Lurtz again, what will you do?"

Legolas had been waiting for the question since the previous night. "I do not know—"

"Would you kill him?"

Legolas turned around and looked at Aragorn. The Man was afraid, terrified, but no as much as his Elven companion. "Please, do not make me, Aragorn."

"I would not force you to, Legolas, but if it was between life and death, would you kill him?" Aragorn was allowing the calmness to fall from his voice and show true concern. He knew that miserable fate would bring Lurtz to them again.

For a moment the Elf was quiet. "I do not know what I would do."

Aragorn bowed his head. "Would you be upset if I killed him?"

"Aragorn—"

"Legolas, he is not your brother anymore. I know it is a hard fact to accept, but you must! If you do not kill him I will. He is a danger to you, your family, and our cause. You are afraid, and rightfully so, but do not let that blind you to what must be done."

Legolas was quiet again, mild anger sparking in his chest. How could Aragorn think he understood what he endured? It was not an easy thing to comprehend, killing his brother, but Calen was all he had left. Closing his eyes, Legolas tried to damper his resentment. "Do not even begin to think you know what this feels like, Aragorn. You have lost your mother and your father and I am sympathetic for that, but can you imagine if you had to kill one of them? The only tie you had left to who you were and you are asking me if I would kill my brother? No, Aragorn, I would not! His life is not mine to take, nor is it yours!"

The hobbits heard the yelling and felt a cold sphere in their stomachs.

"What are they fighting about?" Pippin asked.

"That thing that hurt Legolas last night was his brother," Sam replied, using his keen ears to listen closely. "Legolas refuses to kill him."

Frodo felt worried. Legolas was an important asset to the Fellowship and Frodo always felt protected when the archer was with him. It was unnerving to know that if he was attacked, Legolas would not save him.

"Fain ta, Aragorn!" Legolas snapped as he emerged from the reeds. He snatched up his bow and pack and loaded it onto the boat without another word.

Aragorn came shortly after him, just as disquieted and stubborn. He did not need to say anymore to get the Company into the canoes and they were soon in the hands of the current of the Anduin.

(…)

"Good morning, Êlanna," Haldir greeted, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "Would you like something to eat?"

She slowly opened her eyes and saw Haldir smiling weakly at her. "Yes, please, if it is not too much trouble. I know you have a battalion to command, especially after the attack. I am probably the last thing you should be tending to."

"Of course not," the Elf-captain said, pulling back the covers and lifting Êlanna off the bed. "You are my closest companion's wife and a dear friend. I would do anything for you." He set her down in a chair and laid a blanket over her knees then fetched her robe for her and put it over her delicate shoulders.

"Where is Eryn?" Êlanna asked as Haldir busied about in the next room.

"She was awake early this morning and went down to see Lord Celeborn to listen to a story," he answered as he brought her a chalice of warm tea. "Is it alright that I let her go?"

"Yes, of course, Haldir. I cannot keep her in her room forever and it is good that she is enjoying herself in times such as these," Êlanna said sadly. She took a sip of her tea. "Is it already midday?"

"It is. You have been sleeping well these past days and Lady Galadriel said that is a good sign," Haldir said, giving her a bowl of fruit and a fork. He sat down on the chair across the room with less proper posture than he usually had. "Êlanna, I do not have to return to the flets until the moon come up. Would you like me to stay with you? We could go to the ground if you'd like and you could read or—"

"I'd like that very much, Haldir, thank you," she said. Her head started to drop over her bowl and a few tears fell onto her breakfast. She had cried every morning since her husband left and at least once more during the day after that. A deep void had been left in her and from past experience Êlanna did not know whether or not to expect his return.

Haldir watched he cry every morning, but did not touch her. She was so frail he was afraid she would break and he knew that her outburst of sorrow would spread to him. He missed Legolas and his mind was constantly plagued with thoughts of worse times when Legolas had been gone for a year. Every morning Haldir had to suppress every emotion he had.

(…)

"Lad, you cannot stay mad at him forever," Gimli said. He had been able to sense the tension between the front and rear boat for the entire morning and it was at the point where it was almost a tangible thing. "I don't think you were mad at him to begin with." Even just from Legolas' back Gimli could see that he was wrong and that the Elf was rather infuriated.

Boromir brought his boat alongside Aragorn's. Merry and Pippin were sitting in front of him, huddled close together under three blankets and Boromir's cloak, still chilled from swimming in the Anduin for hours the previous night. "Aragorn, you must talk to him eventually."

"He will not listen to me," Aragorn said coldly. He was silently wishing that Gandalf were with them. "We'll stop at dusk to be safe. We will not wait until the moon is up tonight."

Boromir agreed and slowed his paddling to fall slightly behind and take his place in the middle.

"Have they ever fought before, Boromir?" Merry asked.

"I do not know, Merry. Not that I am aware of," the Man answered.

(…)

"No!" Aranorn screamed, thrashing against the Orcs' hold as they pulled him towards a scarcely open door. "NO!"

Menel with his short hair after the Orcs had cut most of it off, fought through the groups, pushing those in his way to their knees. He reached the door as it was closing. "Aranorn!"

Pulling his younger brother away, Taure brought Menel back to where the other Mirkwood brothers stood.

"Release me!" Menel cried, fighting his brother's grip.

(…)

Legolas tried to close his mind, tried to lose himself in the repetitious movement of rowing, but that only seeming to make it worse.

(…)

Ilmen stood with his dark green eyes staring out, unfocused, was leaning more to his right side. A dagger glistened in his hand. His brothers watched him intently with fear.

"Ilmen…" Mallorn said, carefully approaching him as though he were a wild buck instead of a prince. "Ilmen, we will escape—"

The older prince laughed humourlessly. "No, we'll never escape. We will never see Ada, Legolas will never see Êlanna or Eryn. We are trapped like mice, brothers. There is no hope. We might as well all die! Valar, release me." He poised the dagger above his head and plunged it into his heart, falling dead at an instant.

(…)

The Fellowship stopped when the sky was gold and orange with the leaving of the Sun. They pulled the boats onto shore and made a fire. Legolas set himself to watch in the high branches of a tree.

"He will not allow me to help him," Aragorn fumed, standing in front of the fire so his thin shadow was cast long across the bay. "He has panic attacks and is injured and I try to do my duty as his friend and help, but I am alone. How can I help him if he will not help himself? He would bleed to death before stopping and dressing the wound."

"I think you are underestimating him, Aragorn," Boromir said. He chose his next words carefully; aware of what thin ground he was treading on. "I agree he is very stubborn, but it comes from having brothers. I say so and I only have one younger brother, not fourteen older. He does not stop because he knows that something else may attack and he does not want to be caught off his guard."

"I know," Aragorn snapped. His voice suddenly changed. "I just do not want anything to happen to him."

"No one does," Boromir said. "The moon is high. You should get some rest, I'm on watch."

Legolas wanted to listen, but his mind had been drawn away by other things – things he did not wish to think about.

(…)

"'We'll never escape,'" Legolas repeated. He could not bear to recall such things anymore and leapt out of the branches, landing lightly, hardly disturbing the sand, but making Boromir jump. "My apologies for disturbing you. I could not sit by myself."

"It's fine. I could use the company. What were you thinking about up there?" Boromir asked. Legolas had shared thoughts with him before and it always seemed to take a small bit of the burden off his shoulders.

Legolas sat down beside the son of the Steward. "I was thinking about Ithil."

"Your brother who was blind?"

"My brother who blinded himself. I was looking for him in the stables…"

(…)

"Ithil?" Legolas called. His voice was still quieted by all he had seen—all the deaths he had witnessed, the dead brothers he held in his arms, his protectors. Ithil was all he had now. "Ithil?" he called again. "Ada wishes for—"

Ithil was lying on the floor with his limbs bent in odd directions as though he had fallen. A rod was only inches away from his hand, the end lifting tendrils of smoke into the air. Blood caked on his cheeks like tears of blood.

"Ithil!" Legolas ran to his brother's side, took his hand. He ran his fingers over his sibling's face and gently touched the blood when Ithil snapped awake. His eyes were red, the sight burned out of them.

"I can still see it…" he whispered.

Legolas was beginning to tear. He and Ithil had made it this far, they were the only ones left and had to continue for themselves and their father. It was difficult enough to endure with only on of the pieces of himself still alive, but Legolas knew that alone he would fall apart. "Ithil, what have you done?"

"I wanted to be released from the memory," he answered, his face blank. "I do not want to see my brothers dying all my waking moments… I only wanted to be released…"

(…)

"That's horrible," Boromir sighed. It was the last thing he remembered saying before drifting off into sleep.

(…)

Legolas paddled mindlessly, thinking of inconsequential things such as the shapes of the clouds – anything to keep his mind occupied with thoughts without bloodshed. He was doing quite well until he sensed movement to his left. His head immediately turned to the side, his blue eyes narrowed. He could see Orcs and Uruk-hai running alongside them and locked with a pair of green eyes that seemed to demand a challenge.

"What is it?" Gimli asked when he noticed the Elf's dramatic change in breathing.

"We are being followed," Legolas replied. He started to paddle harder to float abreast with the other two canoes. "Aragorn," he said, the first words he had said to the Man in a day.

Aragorn did not seem to hear. His eyes rose up to the sky. "The Argonath… long have I desired to look upon the kings of old…my kin."

Legolas had noticed the statues long ago and they were glorious, but there was a more pressing matter at hand. He opened his mouth, but could not bring himself to say anything.

"We will stop here," the Ranger said.

A/N – I know, a bit of a filler chapter, but I have a bunch of spare time this week and my goal is to get it finished. I must say that I am proud of myself for not causing too much pain this chapter. I was talking with my good friend, the Lady Elendil, and said that if I had to suffer studying physics all weekend, then chances are characters in all my stories were going to suffer too. She said, "There's your author's note right there." Happy belated Ukrainian Christmas and New Year's!!