The ORIGINAL Legendary Bloopers!

Six: Princess Pox

CASTLE GARDEN CLEARING

(Zelda's lullaby playing softly in background)

Link: Well, that was good! Now all we have to do is go find Zelda!

Navi: (reading 'Nintendo Power' players guide) Zelda is supposed to be in this garden, by that window, right there. (points)

Link: (looks over to the window and sees blueberry bush) That ain't Zelda! (eats a berry) Uhnn… I don't feel too good…

Navi: (sighs) Hey, listen, who's that?! (points to window)

Link: You mean the orange-haired freaky gay guy with issues?

Navi: (bonks head) Of course! That's the Gerudo Thief Lord Ganondorf!

Link: I knew that.

AS SEEN IN THE WINDOW

Ganondorf: Blah blah, blah blah blah.

King: Blah blah! Blah blah blah blah blah?

Ganondorf: Blah. (bows and leaves)

CASTLE GARDEN CLEARING

Link: Hey, Navi, look! In a window parallel to ours on the other side of that room! It's Zelda! And she's staring at me... from the opposite clearing…

Navi: Damn dumbass.

Scene: (blacks out)

Link: Eep!

CASTLE COURTYARDS/GARDENS

Navi: Damn. Nice going, moron.

Link: What the hell!? Not my fault there are two courtyards both overlooking that room!

Navi: There's only one thing to do…

Link: CHICKENS…!

IN THE OTHER CLEARING

(Zeldas lullaby playing softly in background)

Link: Well, that was good! Now all we have to do is go find Zelda!

Navi: (reading 'Nintendo Power' players guide) Zelda is supposed to be in this garden, by that window, right there. (points)

Link: (looks over to the window and sees girl covered in red bumps) That ain't Zelda! She's supposed to be pretty!

Person who ain't Zelda: I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule. Who are you?! And, duh, I am the most beautiful girl you have ever seen! (blinks long-eyelashes at him)

Link: Uh, I'm Link.

Navi: I'm invisible.

Zelda: Nice to meet you. What'd ya want?

Link: Well, I could totally answer that if you weren't covered in red bumps. They make you look ugly.

Zelda: About that… I have, like, the chicken pox!

Link and Navi: (back away)

Zelda: Don't worry, by now, you'll have caught it too… what did you say you wanted again? (scratches bump on forehead)

Link: Remember me? You called me cute! (grins)

Navi: We're actually here on orders from the Great Deku Tree.

Zelda: (frowns) When did I call you cute?

Link: In this dream where that freaky gay guy with issues (points to window) was riding after you and this other lady… she was ugly.

Impa: Excuse me?

Zelda: You mean you had that dream too? In my dream, you called ME cute!

Link: Uggh.

Zelda: Anyway,

(important legend music begins to play)

Zelda: (in a Legendary-Important-Long-Annoying-Story voice) I have a prophecy that a fairy boy from the forest will come to Hyrule and sav-

Navi: Uh.. no.

(Music shuts off. Zelda's lullaby resumes)

Link: Ditto.

Zelda: Fine. Well, take this letter and go see the Gorons on Life Mountain or something.

Impa: (from the doorway) Death Mountain. Either way, you aren't leaving until I teach you this song -

Link: (gulp)

Navi: (smirk)

Impa: (plays Zelda's Lullaby) This is called Zelda's Nightmare. It's the secretly exposed melody of the Royal Family.

Link: (nervously) Cool. Bye!

Navi: Link, mind you manners. (giggle) You can't leave 'til you play the song.

Link: Holy crap, no! (flees the scene)

Zelda: (calling after him) Wait, young hero! You must save me from the wrath of Chicken Pox, since you, too, have been exposed!

Impa: (shakes head wearily) See what I have to put up with?

Navi: I feel your pain. (flies after Link)

HYRULE FIELD, ONCE MORE

Link: (scratches small bump on stomach) Prolly just a mosquito bite.