Legendary Bloopers: Randomness Prevails

Chapter 10: Going Up/The Thecret Thinithter Alliance

PART 1

(A/N: From now until chapter 13.5, each chapter will have 2 titles. One is Link's title; the other is Navi's. Our two main characters are separated for various reasons which I shall not yet reveal. Read and find out!)

(A/N: Chapter 10, being immensely long, has been separated into two parts. Just so you know :P)

THE OUTSKIRTS OF KAKARIKO

(kakariko, duuuhhh)

Link: Errr… soooo…

Guard: Soooo… Just give me the letter already.

Link: (shifty eyes) (slips him letter all spy-like and secretive) (whispering) You can never be too careful… there are bad types all over the place these days, mate. (glances in Navi's direction warily)

Navi: (rolls eyes) Okay, I've had enough of this, Agent Link. (glares at Link mockingly) Who here wants to see Darunia doing DDR?

Link, Random Guard, and other Random Passerby(s): I do!

Author: I don't!

Navi: Shut up. Okay, sooooo….

Link and Random Guard: sooooo…

Navi: Arrgh.

Link: Soooooo let's go see Darunia doing DDR.

Author: I REALLY don't want to, guys.

Navi: (ignores her) C'mon, Link. (Flies lopsidedly past the gate)

Link: (1 foot behind her) WAIT FOR ME!!!!!!!

DEATH MOUNTAIN TRAIL

(Hyrule field)

Navi: Hey! Listen! Up ahead there's a-

Link: EEEEKKK!!!! A SPIDER!!!!! ACHOO! ACHOO!

Navi: It's a tektite, moron. You really shouldn't be sneezing. Eew! (gets sprayed with snot)

Link: Help meeee!!!! (flings Navi into the face of the oncoming tektite and runs away, screaming like a… well, screaming like a Link. After all, he is one.)

Tektite: (snatches Navi into its red-mouth-thingy and scuttles away)

Navi: Lin-k---! (muffled by the Tektite's red mouth thingy)

Link: AIIIEEEEEEEE (approaches rock) OOohh, a rock. Navi! How do I get rid of it?

(Silence)

(Tumbleweed rolls by)

Link: NAAVVVIII??!!

(Meanwhile…)

SECRET SINISTER ALLIANCE COMMAND BASE

(A/N: The tektites, at least in Legendary Bloopers, have a lisp… so this next part may be confusing, lol. Just in case you don't know, a lisp is a speech impediment that causes a person to say 'th' instead of 's' or 'z'.)

(erm… secret sinister music, I guess. I dunno.)

Navi: uuuhhhmmmmnnnnmmmnnm, where am I?

Tektite Guardsman: It hath awakened, mathter.

Royal Tektite: Good, bring it forward!

Tektite Guardsman (hereafter known as Bobbert): Aye aye, thir. (thrusts the half-awake Navi into the Royal Tektite's presence)

Navi: uuuhhhmmmmnnnnmmmnnm….?

Royal Tektite (hereafter known as Swack): Ahem. Bobbert.

Bobbert: (to Navi) Thilence! Thou ith now in the prethence of Thir Thwack the Thinithter. Thpeak only when athked, fairy.

Navi: (wakes up fully) What the crap?

Bobbert: (agitated) Thith ith Thir Thwack the-

Swack: It'th Thwack, you idiot, not Thwack! Jeeth, thee what I have to put up with?

Navi: Ermmm…

Swack: Now, tell me, fairy. What doeth Darunia plan to do?

Navi: Huh?

Bobbert: THILENCE! THOU MUTHT BE POLITE IN THE PRETHENCE OF THIR THWACK!

Swack: It'th Thwack, not Thwack! Fairy, you are a peaceful being. We of the Thecret Thinithter Alliance detetht peaceful beingth becauthe they thide with the Goronth. We of the Thecret Thinithter Alliance are prethently at war with the Goronth.

Navi: uhhh…

Bobbert: Thoooo….

Navi: (gets an idea) Sooooo…

Bobbert: Thilence!

Navi: Hehehaha! You've got a lisp! (smiles stupidly)

Bobbert: A lithp? Thir Thwack, what'th a lithp?

Swack: (looks puzzled) I am unthure, Guardthman Bobbert. Fairy, explain to uth what a lithp ith.

Navi: (breaks into fits of endless laughter) Hehehehehehe.... hahahaha… a lithp- I mean lisp… it's…. hahahahehehe!

Swack: (obviously annoyed) Take thith crathy being out of my prethence. Now, thoilder!

Bobbert: (bows awkwardly) Ath you withh, mathter. (drags the laughing Navi down the hallway and hits her over the head to get her to shut up)

Swack: Yeth… Darunia hath better learn to fear uth! We of the Thecret Thinithter Alliance will win in the end, he mutht thee! Now that I've got the fairy to reveal hith thecretth, I thhall unleathh my greatetht weapon - King Dondongo! (dun dun duuunnn!) Guardth!

Random Tektite Guardsman (hereafter known as Snick): Yeth, Thir Thwack?

Swack: Thummon the monthter King Dondongo (dun dun duuunnn!) and his minionth and theal the rock cavernth!

Snick: At once, mathter. (salutes awkwardly and leaves)

Swack: Yeth.. I thhall win the red thparkly thtone from the Goronth! Mwahahaha!!!

(meanwhile…)

DEATH MOUNTAIN TRAIL

(Hyrule field)

Link: (hiding behind a rock) N-Navi? Did that rock just move? (shiver)

Random Goron (hereafter known as Goron 1): uuhhhnn, uuhhhnnn. (ya know, that weird noise they make) Hullo? Hungry…

Link: AIIIIEEE NAVI IT'S A TALKING ROCK!!!!

Link: Oh crap. I forgot I lost Navi.

Random Guard: (panting) pant pant Mr. Hero, you forgot… to get… a shield…. pant pant pant

Link: What?

Random Guard: Here…. take mine… pant… (collapses as he hands Link the Hylian Sheild; which he never bought at the market thanks to Navi)

Link: Heh, cool. (shrugs) Thanks!

Random Guard: (unconscious)

Goron 1: uuuhhhhnnn, uuuhhhnnnn. Sooo… hungry… uuuhhhhnnn, uuhhhnnn.

Link: (blinks)

Goron 1: Oh, hullo. Have you got some food?

Link: Um, no. Why do you ask? (puzzled)

Goron 1: I'm a Goron. I'm hungry, 'cause the rock caverns are blocked.

Link: So?

Goron 1: I eat rocks.

Link: Ohhh, that explains- Huh?? You eat ROCKS?

Goron 1: Yup.

Link: (raises eyebrows) So, the cave with your food is blocked?

Goron 1: You might say that. (points to giant rock)

Link: Hmm. Why did you block it?

Goron 1: I didn't block it, stupid. The Secret Sinister Alliance did.

Link: The who?

Goron 1: Secret Sinister Alliance.

Link: What's that?

Goron 1: It's an army of mostly tektites-

Link: (shudders) spiders…

Goron 1: And we're at war with them. Rumor is, they're the ones that blocked the cave and sent the dondongos back inside of it.

Link: Dondongos?

Goron 1: (sighs) That cave is Dondongo's Cavern.

Link: So, if its Dondongo's Cavern, what's the harm of having Dondongos there?

Goron 1: I give up. uuuhhhnnn, uuhhhhhnnn. (rolls up again)

Link: Hrrrmmm. (proceeds to walk up cliff)

(5 minutes later)

Link: (in the distance) EEEKKK!!! ITS COMING RIGHT FOR MEEEEEEEEEE (runs away from rolling Goron)

(meanwhile…)

SECRET SINISTER ALLIANCE COMMAND BASE - BARRACKS

(nothing)

Bobbert: Tho then the lethther being, the fairy, it thayth to me and Thir Thwack: 'hahaha you hath a lithp!'

Random Tektite Guardsman (Snick): And then what? Did it thay what a lithp ith?

Bobbert: Nah, it didn't, Thnick. Thir Thwack thent it away before it could tell uth.

Snick: Awww, ratth!

Bobbert: (sigh) I thure withh it had, Thnick. I am awful curiouth ath to what a lithp ith.

Swack: (enters the guard barracks) What ith the meaning of thith, thoilderth! Back to work!

Bobbert and Snick: Yeth, Thir Thwack. Whatever you thay, Thir Thwack.

Swack: How many timeth do I have to tell you?! It'th Thwack, not Thwack! Bobbert, make your report. Hath the fairy thtirred ath of yet?

Bobbert: Not yet, Thir Thwack.

Swack: Thnick, what about you? Hath the dondongoth been placed back in the cavern?

Snick: Yeth, Thir Thwack.

Swack: And the King Dondongo (dun dun duuunnn!)? What of him?

Snick: He ith in there, Thir Thwack. The cavern ith altho thealed up tightly, ath you athked. The Goronth thhould be thoon dead of thtarvation, mathter. Hahaha! Darunia will thoon learn not to methth with uth!

Swack: Yeth, indeed. Now, back to your pothtth, thoilderth.

Snick and Bobbert: (bow) G'day, Thir Thwack. Thankth, Thir Thwack.

Swack: And remember, thoilderth:

Snick: Yeth, Thir Thwack?

Bobbert: Thir?

Swack: Nevermind. Back to your pothtth.

empress here. sorry it took longer for me to get this up: one, i actually had to write it because i had only written bloopers up tp chap 9, and two, i couldnt get on cause of the server updates n stuff. so, here it is, and no worries, part 2 has got the whole ddr bit and more, and i am adding it... right now. so there! mwah.