Chapter 4: Okay, Here Goes Nothing.

As promised, one week passed and I was proven wrong yet again. I got a call from him after he got off work, and I knew the minute he said the words, "We need to talk." that my worst fears were going to be confirmed.

He asked me to meet him at a small café that we had never been to before. I instantly realized that he wanted to take me someplace that was neutral ground and someplace that was quiet so I would be less likely to make a scene.

We met up outside and walked in together. We sat in a small, secluded booth towards the back. He offered to buy me something to eat; however, I declined and informed him that I had no appetite. He bought me a cup of tea instead and the conversation I had been dreading began.

"Keiko," he started, "I have made my decision. I think I need to try to make something happen between Botan and me. I really like her a lot. We have been talking a lot over this last week and getting to know each other better, but she still isn't sure if she wants to be with me. I want to give it a shot. I am very sorry. I know this must hurt you, but?"

And with that he stopped and trailed off.

So that's why he hadn't been calling me, he was busy getting to know her better. I was wrong. I should have called him more. Why do I keep making so many mistakes? Damn it!

I know getting upset and being irrational was not the way to get Yusuke to listen to my point of view. Actually that was the worst way to go about it. He would most likely get up and leave saying something to the effect of "I don't have to sit here and listen to this." But what else did I have to lose at this point? What was the worst thing he could do? Break up with me, oh wait, HE ALREADY DID THAT! I made a decision right then and there to let my heart do the talking instead of my head stopping it for once.

So visibly distressed I prompted him to continue with an explanation of why he was breaking my heart.

"But what Yusuke? Why? Why her and not me? What does she have that I don't? Why can't I get it? Why are you doing this to me? Was the night before all of this started just a lie? I love you so much, and you are just going to throw me away, throw us away like it never mattered!?"

"Keiko, that's not it," he said almost pleadingly. The drastic change in his mood caught me off guard. At first he had an air of confidence about him, now he seemed almost frantic.

"I don't want to hurt you. It's not that she has something you don't necessarily it's just there is something about her I find attractive. No, that night was not a lie. I do care for you, and everything I said that night I truly meant at that time. And yes, it does matter because like I said, I still care about you. You are my best friend. I don't want to throw you or us away. I don't want to lose you."

Okay, at this point I am totally confused.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked with exasperation mounding up within me. "You are saying you don't want me anymore, you want her, and now on top of that you are saying you don't want to lose me? I don't understand. You had better explain this better."

He looked at me with beseeching eyes and reached for my hand across the table. I instantaneously jerked my own away. A look of hurt crossed his features and for the first time I can remember, I was glad he was hurt.

"Honey listen to me," he began, but before he could continue I almost shouted, "You no longer have the right to call me that!"

"Fine, but please let me talk. I still care a lot about you. You are a very important person in my life. Botan still hasn't decided if she wants to go out with me. She said she likes me, but she isn't sure if she really likes me like that. Besides, you are her friend, and she doesn't want to damage her friendship with you by going out with me. So what I'm trying to say is, don't give up hope on us just yet. If things don't work out between her and I, then there is a chance you and I could get back together. I mean you said you love me, right? Do you understand now?"

Right at that moment, I should have gotten up, slapped him across the face and walked out of his life forever. I cannot believe he would even have the audacity to suggest that I should wait around for him just IN CASE things didn't work out between them. How could I have fallen so deeply in love with such an arrogant jerk?

But that was the problem. I do love him. I couldn't pass this chance up. So I did the only thing I could think of to do at the time.

My own personality switched dramatically and I countered with, "Alright Yusuke. I'll tell you what, if you truly believe that Botan is what you need to be happy, then I will give you both my blessing and I will help you get her. I will use my influence to make her want to go out with you. Then we will just have to wait and see what happens from there."

It was his turn to be shocked by my sudden attitude adjustment and assertion. He was very unsure of how to continue, so he chose the safe road of, "But Keiko, that will hurt you so much and..."

I cut him off before he could continue. "What do you care anymore? I know you better than you know yourself, as you said, so I realize that once you have made up your mind about something, then that is it, end of discussion. Also, you and I both know that no matter how hard I tried, there is nothing I can do to keep you as my boyfriend if you didn't want to be. If you really wanted me, then you would have said so.?

"But I said I do want you. Aren't you listening to…"

I reached up and silenced him with my hand. Taking a deep breath I continued, "Please let me finish. Since we cannot have the relationship I want, then friendship will have to suffice. And so, therefore, it is my duty as your friend and because I love you so much to make you happy. You think she will make you happy, so therefore, I repeat, I will let you guys get together. I will convince Botan that it is okay with me on one condition, she has to make you happy. Now as far as you and me in the future, my feelings for you aren't going to change. Now at the same time, I resolve myself not to interfere with your new relationship should one arise. The only thing I ask in return is please consider me as an alternative to being alone if things should not work out between you guys."

He was sitting across from me and he appeared to be letting this all settle in his mind. Several silent moments passed before he spoke.

"But I don't understand," he said now being the baffled one. "Why would you help me be with another woman if you still love me yourself?"

"Yusuke, you just said it. I love you. That is why. Love makes people do strange things that make absolutely no sense. It is because seeing you happy will make me happy. And besides, you said we are still friends, right? Do you understand now?" I said using his words back against him.

He seemed to think about it for a bit before answering, "Alright. I will let you talk to Botan and see if you can convince her to date me. But I don't want you to get hurt. If you are not truly okay with this, then I won't do it. I want you to be happy to also you know."

Right there was my chance, my out. If I said don't do it, he wouldn't. But then he wouldn't be happy because he wouldn't be with her. I wouldn't be happy because he wouldn't be with me. And she wouldn't be happy because I would be preventing them from giving it a shot. So I concluded that it would be better to have only one moderately unhappy person, versus three very unhappy people.

"Yusuke, it means a lot for you to say that to me, but isn't it better for you and her to be happy, and for me to be mildly less happy, then to have all three of us sharing the same depression boat. I care so much about you, that all I want is for you to be happy. Like I said, I couldn't change your mind even if I wanted to, so what is the use in hoping or trying? There isn't any. If she is what you need to be happy then so be it."

He uncertainly agreed. It is only looking back now that I see the reason for his hesitation.

Shortly after that we parted ways for the evening, still agreeing to be friends, but reconciling with the fact that it was her he wanted right now and not me. He gave me a hug before we left the restaurant, and told me to call him to let him know I got home okay. He didn't want anything bad to happen to me. I complied.

Leaving there that night, I really thought I could handle what was about to happen next. I honestly had myself convinced that his being happy with her was enough to ease some of the pain in my heart. How foolish could I really be?

Author Note: If you think Keiko, couldn't make any more mistakes, just wait and she what she does in the next chapter. Now to all of you Keiko fans out there, please remember, I am just using her name to tell my own twisted tale. I know she is stronger and smarter than this, but please bear with me. Thanks for the reviews.