Both Sides Now

I disclaim.

Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

A/N: This is an amazing song. I can just see Ginny looking at the clouds. Just for the slightly less genius of you, it's a flashback. The first paragraph is present, and so is towards the end. When she is back in bed.

She twirled the thin band on her finger. A glinting diamond was surrounded by tiny ruby stones on the ring. Lying back onto the bed, she was swept away to a day only five years ago.
Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air

and feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way.

Ginny Weasley was lying on the grass outside of the castle. Her normally waist-length curls were splayed out around her. There was no question, she looked like an angel. Or rather, she would have looked like an angel, had anyone seen her. However, this little angel was outside for precisely that reason. No one ever saw her. She was sixteen now, having gotten over her petty crush on Harry Potter nearly three years ago. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, but there was no one there to wipe them away, and that only made them run faster.

When Ginny was a little girl, her father would lay down with her and look at clouds. Clouds could keep her emotions at bay. She sorrowfully remembered last year, the only time clouds made the pain worse. Her father had died, and the clouds only made her remember him. There had been no one to hold her then. Ginny felt like she had lost everything that had ever loved her. She had lost Tom, Harry, Ron, her father, herself... The only things she knew were clouds.

But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.

So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.

Small droplets of water started to fall on her face, but Ginny made no move to get up. The rain combined with her tears as they fell down her pale cheeks. She didn't care that it was raining. Rain made her feel cleansed, like somehow it washed away her troubles as it did with her tears. The rain started falling harder, but Ginny still did not move.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,

from up and down, and still somehow

it's cloud illusions I recall.

I really don't know clouds at all.

Suddenly, it occurred to Ginny that a cloud above her looked like a snake. In a fit of anger, pain, and betrayal, Ginny picked up a rock next to her and threw it as high as she could, only to see the rock fall down a few feet away. Looking up, she realized that the cloud was no longer a snake, it was now a heart.

Ginny felt herself hating the clouds. First reminding her of what she hadn't wanted, but what she had gotten, then showing her what she wanted, but didn't get. She felt her father inside of her, but she no longer felt what he had for the clouds. She HATED clouds. Ginny's mind was reeling. Daring the cloud to piss her off once more, she looked up and was promptly faced with darkness rushing towards her body…

The same taunting cloud had now transformed itself into a dragon.

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way that you feel

as every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.

Ginny was flying, what a sensation! She wasn't on a broom, she was just floating there. Not going up or down, now that she looked closer. Moving foreword, yes.

Attempting to pull apart her heavy eyelids, she was greeted with an image of all light. The clouds had parted, revealing the sun. The sun, in turn, was reflecting off something shiny rather close to her face. All of a sudden, Ginny remembered the clouds. This realization caused her to make a rather shocking conclusion. She was not flying, in fact she was being carried, and by someone with white blonde hair no less.

But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go

and if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

"Fuck," she muttered to herself. The boy showed no reaction and just kept carrying her small frame as though it was the last thing he would do.

Her next thought, however, did get a reaction from the boy.

"Malfoy?!"

"No, dearie, it's just me, your loving boyfriend, Saint Potter. You see, I've dyed my hair blonde due to the fact that I am extremely jealous of the oh-so-handsome Dra—" She interrupted him. Draco looked at her like she was ill, and then, realizing that she very well could be, increased his pace a bit.

"Potter's not my bloody boyfriend, you git, and no one could really love me!"

He frowned, but only for a second. A second later, Ginny was sure she had imagined it.

"Ah yes. Not one single person could love someone dressed in such disgusting robes. I'm going to have—" She interrupted him again. He made a face.

"Wait, let me guess!" she exclaimed with false enthusiasm. "You're going to have to burn those robes! You, Ferret-arse, should really get some new insults under your belt." She spat every word at him, as though she could really not bear to see him breathe.

I've looked at love from both sides now,

from give and take,

She looked at Malfoy. She took in his hair, his patrician features, his pale skin, and lastly, his silver eyes.

"Why the fuck are you carrying me?"

"You passed out. As far as I can tell, it was at least a day ago." A tear escaped the corner of Ginny's eye. He watched it fall. "Ginny? How… Why…why wouldn't anyone notice that you were gone? I figured you were sick or something. But then…" His voice faded away at the look on her face.

"You…called me Ginny. And you noticed that I was gone." Both seemed locked in each others gaze. But only before he managed to cover up what he had said once again with his trademark smirk.

"Yes, well. I only noticed the lack of Weasels around. I was truly only getting in half the teasing that I usually can." He snorted back his awful laughter.

and still somehow

it's love's illusions that I recall.

February 10th

"Hey, Weasel." Draco called out to the girl running towards her common room, tears in her eyes.

"What the fuck do you want now?" Every word was accented with immense hatred.

"Umm, nevermind, I guess. Maybe we should talk later?" Malfoy looked taken aback, maybe even hurt by her anger.

Ginny softened at this. "Oh, no, sorry, bloody brother getting on my fucking nerves. Wants me to go to the fucking St. Valentine's ball with fucking Potter!"

"Oh. Umm, what did you say?" He glanced up at her eyes, all the hatred welling up inside. But not for him, never for him. "Okay, I guess not." She giggled. The sound of her laughter made Draco remember why he had called to her anyway. "I was thinking, maybe, you'd go to the ball with me?" He almost stuttered.

She looked into his eyes for the first time that night. Really looked, trying to figure out how sincere he was. She opened her mouth, found she couldn't speak, and closed it again. He looked nervous.

She stood on her tip-toes, snaked her hand into his hair and pecked him innocently on the cheek.

He sighed with relief and handed her a bow, wrapped beautifully.

When she returned to her dorm, she closed the curtains on her bed, cast a silencing spell, and untied the silver bow. Gently pulling off the paper and pulling the gift out of the box, Ginny stared with wonder. She was holding the most exquisite forest green dress robes she'd ever seen. A note fell onto her lap. She laid the dress on her bed and opened the letter.

Ginny,

I can't wait to see you in this. I know you will be stunning. Please meet me outside the Room of Requirement at 6:30 on the eve of the ball.

Draco.

Hugging the dress to her chest, Ginny sighed and fell into a content sleep almost immediately.

I really don't know love at all.

February 14th

6:52 pm.

Shit, he thought, she isn't coming. I knew this was too good to…

Draco's thoughts trailed away as a flash of her blood red hair turned the corner.

Thank Merlin!

7:01 pm.

The doors to the Great Hall were thrown open by some invisible force. The students rushed in and started looking at the beautifully decorations the teachers had set up.

Ginny and Draco had walked in silence from the Room of Requirement for most of the way before she stopped walking near the top of the stairs. He turned and looked at her patiently.

"Draco? Why, umm, why did you ask me to the ball?" He looked at her and tilted her chin up without warning. Crushing he soft lips with hers, he kissed her so gently that she'd barely sensed the contact.

She looked up at him after the kiss, relishing in his touch. He took her fingers off her lips and gently placed them on his.

"You see, Ginevra, there's this girl at my school. She has beautiful emerald eyes, and fire-red hair, and beautiful pale skin, and … well, actually, there isn't anything about her that isn't beautiful. She's the only Gryffindor worth fighting with; none of the others can come up with come-backs half as brilliant as hers. In fact, I can name quite a few times where I made her mad just to see her eyes sparkle, and hear her voice. But you see, the trouble is, she doesn't love me back."

Ginny looked up at him, and smirked, an expression she had clearly learned from the blonde boy in front of her.

"Hey!" he started. "You stole my smirk! That's my tradema—"

His voice was cut off by her lips.

A few minutes later, she stopped kissing him. She leaned into his body, turning her head towards his.

She placed one tender kiss on his temple and whispered, her lips brushing against his cheek with every movement, "You see, I understand how you feel. There's a boy at my school. I can tell that he is not what people think, not, in other words, his father. This boy has the most radiant blonde hair you'll ever see. His eyes…well…they are quite captivating. You see, I fancy myself in love with him. But I fear he could never love me back, a girl of my background, and my—"

He moved her in front of him and kissed her fiercely. "Don't ever, ever say something like that again!" Then, regaining his calm demeanor, he grinned and said, "Well, a lucky boy, if you ask me. We'd best hurry inside."

They walked into the Great Hall holding hands. A song finished and another began, much slower this time. He looked her in the eye, with a sly smirk taking over his features.

"May I have this dance?"

She nodded. As they walked towards the dance floor, students and teachers alike, pointed at them, whispered about them.

She leaned her head on is chest. He felt a drop of water fall right beneath her head. Gently pulling way from her, he looked at her and she nodded, trying to tell him she was okay. He used his thumb to wipe away the only tear running down her cheek, and then bent down to kiss the same spot. She laced her arms around him and leaned into his body again.

"I love you."

Neither was sure who said it, but both looked ecstatic at the words.

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say "I love you" right out loud,

dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.

When their song was over, the entire room had noticed. Ron and Harry were turning hilarious shades of red. They confronted the couple as they were walking to sit down. The two boys couldn't speak, instead they gestured madly between Ginny and Draco. She giggled and walked away, taking him with her. Behind her, Luna, Parvati, Hermione, and Susan stared.

But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say

I've changed.

Feeling the glares of her best friends on her back, she glanced over her shoulder. Her stomach flipped at the four girls looking ready to kill her.

"Ginny…It'll be okay, I promise…if you want to…go, I'll understand…"

She snapped her head around and looked at him. "Don't ever, ever say something like that again!" She returned his words from earlier. Before he could say anything, she tilted her head up and stole his breath with a kiss.

She believed him; she knew it would be okay, even if she only had him.

Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

Waking from her reverie, Ginny felt strong, familiar arms wrapping themselves around her waist. She looked up into silver eyes.

"What were you thinking about?" He was whispering, as though he wasn't sure if she wanted to stop thinking.

She replied after some thought. "Us. I was remembering the time when I loved you from far away. And then you let me in, you let me love you close up. I can't explain how brilliant that felt…there are no words…" She looked up at the man with a soft smile.

"You don't need to explain, I felt the same thing." At his words, he rolled over, kissed her gently, and whispered, "Listen, I love you and all, but try and get some sleep. Okay?"

She nodded, and slowly drifted into a deep sleep. They were both fully content. In that moment, they were safe in each others' arms, hearts beating in sync.

I've looked at life from both sides now,

from win and lose, and still somehow

it's life's illusions I recall.

I really don't know life at all.