-------------------------
(This excerpt is from The Complexities of the Heart by:
katemary77)
"Harry!" Sirius exclaimed, striding into Harry's gloomy room
two days later. "How are you?"
"Good, Sirius," he said curiously. "What's wrong?"
"Wrong?" Sirius said brightly. "Why would you think
something's wrong? Nothing's wrong! What's wrong with me
wanting to talk to my godson?"
"Then why are you acting so bizarre?"
Sirius blanched. He sat down opposite Harry on Ron's bed. He
nervously gazed around the room, looking anywhere but Harry.
"Sirius?" the bespectacled boy asked. "Sirius, what's wrong?"
Sirius heaved a sigh. "Well, um...well, let's see..."
Harry sniggered. "Really, Sirius, just come out and say it."
He smiled nervously. "Well, Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry. You're
fifteen now, and I thought perhaps it was time for us to...you
know...have a talk..."
Harry grinned. "A talk?" he said innocently. "What kind of talk
would that be?"
Sirius growled. "You know..." he said sourly. "A 'talk'"
"No, Sirius, I really don't know."
"Well, you know, you're at a time in your life when you'll start
to...you know...notice things..."
"Sirius, are you trying to talk about puberty to me?"
Sirius choked.
"Because if you are," Harry continued, "There really isn't much
point. Dudley delighted in telling me all about puberty and sex,"
he emphasised, enjoying Sirius's discomfort, "last summer.
Seems that Dudley had some, er, experience with girls and
thought he would enlighten me, rather vaguely at that. Besides,
we had all those sex education classes at the end of primary
school."
"Oh," Sirius mumbled. "Well, why didn't you tell me that?"
"Because I really enjoyed seeing you squirm like that."
"Horrible child," Sirius said, throwing a pillow at Harry, which
he deftly caught with his seeker skills.
-------------------------
(Anonymous excerpt)
Remus's answering machine clicked on, and Remus grinned at
the sound of his own voice, "'Ello! You've reached Remus
Lupin! If this truly is important, leave your name and a number
after the beep...and I'll get back to you a) if I feel like it and b) if
I can. Unless of course your name is Sirius Black, in which
case: Sod off you git! I'm tired of listening to your memories of
the good ol' days at school when you showed off Malfoy's hot
pink boxers!" BEEP!
"REMUS!" roared Sirius Black's voice (obviously magically
magnified) over the speaker, "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO
SOD OFF?! PICK UP, YOU GIT! IT'S IMPORTANT! I KNOW
THAT YOU'RE THERE...REMMY!...MOONY! DON'T
MAKE ME CRY! YOU KNOW I WILL! OKAY, MAYBE
NOT, BUT I CAN SING! STILL NOT ANSWERING? FINE.
YOU ASKED FOR IT! THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER-" Beep.
Remus laughed loudly as the machine cut his friend off, and was
not at all surprised when it rang again seconds later.
"'Ello! You've reached Remus Lupin! If this truly is important,
leave your name and a number after the beep...and I'll get back
to you a) if I feel like it and b) if I can. Unless of course your
name is Sirius Black, in which case: Sod off you git! I'm tired of
listening to your memories of the good ol' days at school when
you showed off Malfoy's hot pink boxers!" BEEP!
"Your stupid machine cut me off! Stupid Muggle invention!
Anyway. THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER
SPOUT! DOWN CAME THE RAIN AND-!"
"Alright! Alright! ENOUGH!" Remus shouted into the phone
after snatching it up, "Good god Sirius!"
"Ha, HA! I win!"
-------------------------
(Anonymous excerpt. Sirius's PoV)
I actually considered cloning myself once, but James insisted
that one was more than enough...Was I insulted?
-------------------------
(This excerpt and the one following it are from Draco's Party
by: Shadow Dragon Boss)
Back in the house, Lucius held up his shirt proudly that spelt the
word;
Snape: Pim?
Lucius: What?! No! It's supposed to say Pimp! Grr...the last
letter must not be showing up clearly enough! Stupid paint...
Snape held his up, and it said; 'I'm with stupid.' And it showed a
hand with a finger pointing to the right.
Sirius: (standing on Snape's right) That's funny! Hey! Wait a
minute! Does that mean I'm stupid?
Snape: What do you think?!
Sirius: Here's mine!
Sirius held up his shirt with sheer pride, and it said; 'I spent 12
years in Azkaban Prison, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!'
Remus: Not bad there, Padfoot!
Sirius: Moony! When did you get here? And what's that you're drinking?
Remus: Oh! This is a slurpee. You can have it.
Sirius: Yaay!!!
Sirius took the slurpee with glee and drank it all down in one
gulp. McGonagall looked thoroughly disgusted at this.
--------------------
McGonagall: I'm done!
McGonagall held up her shirt, which said; 'D is for Lysdexia!'
Sirius: Doesn't Dyslexia start with a D?
McGonagall: Yes! That's the whole point!
Sirius: Huh? Oooooh! I get it! (laughs really loudly)
-------------------------
(This one is from Nothing Can Come Between Us by: Lunacy
Fringe05 who I forgot to mention last chapter. I'm soo sorry!)
"Finally we're here. I don't think I could of lasted another five
minutes. I'm starving." Sirius said as they got off the train.
Everyone else agreed with him. They all got a horseless carriage
together that would bring them to Hogwarts.
"Come on, can't this thing go any faster?" Sirius whined loudly.
"No. So stop banging on the window." James replied.
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How was that? Sorry if it was rather short, but I wanted to get it up as soon as possible.Thanks again to everyone! I love you all! And please, I'm sorry I keep asking and pestering you guys, but if you have any ideas or suggestions PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! Did you read any funny Sirius/ marauder fics? E-mail me or review and tell me your favorite Sirius or marauder moment/s! Thanks!
Lunacy Fringe05: I am soo sorry! I totally forgot to add you in the last chapter when I mentioned the sources. The next chapter is dedicated to you and Padfoot the evil elf. Thank you all so much for letting me use parts of your stories. I love you all!
RebelWriter: No problem! Thanks for reviewing. And, yes I would love to read yourfic when you post it! It sounds hilarious and very random! Random is good! I love random! Anyways, hurry up and get it posted. I can't wait!
TO ALL READERS!
The next chapter, depending on whether or not I get the replies from the authors, will have a theme. If I don't get the replies by the end of next week, I will just do a regular chapter. But I'm hoping to do a theme as planned. So does anyone know any drunken Sirius moments? C'mon you must have read at least one story wherethey cracked out the fire whisky?!Thanks again. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!
Love Always,
Siriusly Deluded