Part III: The New Year's Eve Party

Tifa, Aeris, Cloud, Cid, Red XIII, Yuffie, Vincent, and Cait Sith are lounging around in the Seventh Heaven bar. Almost everyone is drunk and saying weird random things. Aeris and Tifa are the only ones who aren't drunk.

"This is boring," says Tifa.

"Yeah," replied Aeris. "What the hell is everybody doing?"

Tifa points at everybody still chugging down sake and cheap beer. She notices Cloud flailing his arms around. His eyes are bloodshot and he is foaming from the mouth.

"And I says to him...You better shut up or I'll Omnislash your ass!"

With a deep sigh, Aeris says, "He's been bragging about how he beat up Sephiroth for two hours..."

Vincent, who is also extremely annoyed says, "Can somebody shut him up?"

Tifa gets an empty bottle and grins at both Aeris and Vincent.

"Watch this; it'll be hilarious."

Tifa slowly creeps behind Cloud and smashes the bottle on Cloud's spiky head. Shards of the bottle fly everywhere and Cloud falls into the floor head first. Everyone laughs at Cloud's unconscious body.

Pointing at Yuffie, Aeris says, "If you thought that was strange, you should see Yuffie."

Yuffie is sitting in the corner with a bottle of sake in her right hand. Her cheeks are bright red. In a loud, scratchy voice, she begins to sing 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'.

"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me! A PARTRIGE IN A PEAR TREE!"

With earplugs on, Tifa says, "She intends to sing the whole song?"

Also with earplugs on, Tifa and Vincent wail, "Oh the agony!"

Yuffie continues to sing the song until it is over. Yuffie bows, thinking everybody enjoyed her degrading performance.

"Thank you everybody! I'll be here all week!"

Tifa grabs Yuffie by her hair and throws her out of the bar.

Gliding through the air, Yuffie screams, "You won't be hearing the last of me! I'll be back fools!"

Tifa then throws a bottle at Yuffie's head as she flies out of the bar.

"OW! You BITCH!"

Tifa wipes her hands and gives a sigh of relief until she smells cigarette smoke.

"What the hell! Who is smoking in my bar?"

Aeris and Vincent point at Cid, who is smoking a cigarette by the jukebox. Tifa walks up to Cid and punches his gut.

"Cigarettes are not allowed in this bar! Didn't you read the rules?"

Cid shrugs his shoulders and says, "No, I guess not."

Pissed, Tifa shouts, "If you wanna smoke, get out of my bar!

Crossing his arms, Cid shouts, "No! I'm staying!"

"THAT'S IT, ASSHOLE! You are kicked out of here forever!"

"WHAT! You can't do that!"

"Yes I can! GET OUT!"

Cid begins to cry as he runs out of the bar.

"You are so mean, Tifa! I'm telling Shera!"

Laughing, Tifa exclaims, "Fine! I never liked you anyway! Your Limits sucked!" Tifa returns to the bartender's area and gives a deep sigh.

"Serves him right! I only allow cocaine in this bar."

Aeris squeals in delight.

"COCAINE! Can I have some Tifa?"

Aeris puts out her hand and so does Vincent.

"I want some coke too, Tifa."

Tifa gets out a hammer and smashes both of the hands that they put out. Vincent and Aeris both scream in pain.

"Hell, no! I'm the only one that can sniff coke!"

Tifa then puts Aeris in a bag and sends her to the City Of the Ancients.

"UPS is so helpful these days."

Confused. Vincent asks, "Um...why didn't you send me as well?"

"I guess I didn't want to. I always hated Aeris," replied Tifa.

Sitting in a nearby table, Cait Sith raises his glass.

"More damn it!"

Tifa throws a bottle at Cait Sith in anger.

"Get it yourself, you bum!"

Rubbing his head, Cait Sith says, "Tch, fine. Besides, I never liked this outfit anyway."

Cait Sith unzips his back zipper to reveal that he's Sora from 'Kingdom Hearts'.

Tifa screams in joy at the sight.

"Hey! It's that weird Disney kid! Let's take his clothes and keyblade and auction them on e-Bay!"

Sora screams in terror when he sees Tifa slowly walking towards him, with drool coming out of her open mouth.

"Oh my God! I am SO outta here!"

Sora puts himself in a bag and sends himself to the Destiny Islands. Tifa cries in horror.

"NO! Come back weird Disney kid! I want that keyblade!"

After Sora's cameo, Red XIII, who is sort of drunk says, "I guess this wasn't much of a party."

Vincent nods in agreement.

"You're right, let's go find more booze."

Miroku-san (the author) suddenly appears in front of Vincent and Red XIII in a swirl of pink cherry blossoms.

"What the hell is with the cherry blossoms! I asked for leaves...stupid ninjas!"

Vincent and Red XIII look at each other in confusion.

"What is the author doing here?"

"Whoops!" replied Miroku-san. "I forgot to say...You better party NOW! I'm running out of ideas."

Tifa gives another sigh.

"Yeah, this story is sucks."

With a gasp, Vincent exclaims, "IT DOES NOT!"

Vincent tackles Tifa into the ground.

Tifa, with her voice muffled, says, "Okay! I'm sorry!"

"How thoughtful of you, Vincent," says Miroku-san. "Here is a late present for you!"

"Thanks!"

Vincent opens it and it is a book called '1001 Ways To Skin An Ancient'.

"Wow! Here I come, Aeris!"

Vincent then runs out of the bar to the City Of the Ancients with an evil grin plastered on his face. As soon as he is gone, Tifa begins to pray.

"Vincent, I hope you find and kill Aeris because she took my Cloud away. Skin her good! MWUAHAHAHA!"

Looking around the bar, Red XIII says, "I just noticed...where is Barret?"

"Oh crap! I forgot to put him in the story," replies Miroku-san. "I have bad memory you know."

Tifa raises her glass and proclaims, "A Happy New Year to everyone!"

Along with Tifa, Red XIII says, "And a Merry fricking Christmas too..."

Miroku-san raises his glass in agreement.

"This isn't exactly what I expected for a party..."

THE END...I think.