(o)(II)(o) The Time to Say Goodbye (o)(II)(o)
One week before Morris scheduled return to the village, Ben Hyuga finally came home.
He was surprised that Anne was all alone when he came inside the house. His wife had fallen asleep in the window sill; the wool sweater she was knitting for Yuri lay on top of her lap. Their little son grew up so fast, at a rate that astounds even his parents, that though Anne would give extra allowance for the wool sweater, by the time winter came, the sweater would fit Yuri nicely and by the next cold season, it would be too small for him. Thus Anne had to knit Yuri a new sweater each spring.
Quietly he studied his wife as she slept. Wisps of fiery hair escaped the chignon on the nape of her neck, and Ben knew from memory how glorious her hair is unbound and free, spread against the pillows or lifting in the air like a living flame. He longed to go to her and hold her for he had missed her so much, but Ben still stood there, savoring the moment he could watch her while she sleeps.
When he could not stand the longing any more, he walked to his wife, caressed the soft curve of her chin, marveling how smooth and creamy her skin is and how beautiful she looked. It reminded him of the first time he had seen her, she was also asleep that day.
Anne opened her eyes at his touch, her pupils dilating in recognition as she saw him.
"Tadaima." Ben whispered in his native tongue, smiling at her, then kissed her lightly.
"Ben!" She cried in joy, reaching up to wrap her arms around him. "Okaerinasai." she whispered against his neck and then she was hugging him as tightly as he held her, laughing and weeping from sheer happiness to see him again.
"If this is how you greet me every time I return koishii, I would be tempted to stay away from home more often." Ben teased.
"Oh Ben!" Anne protested, wiping the tears from her eyes. She stepped back a little to look at him. Her gray eyes traveled all over him, searching for any sign of injury. Ben stood there, savoring the wifely concern, taking in his fill of her at the same time. She looked beautiful to him more and more each time he returns home.
"Where's Yuri?" He asked her, a little worried. Usually his son would be dashing through the door to greet him.
"He's outside playing. He has a new friend." Anne said. She began to set the table, checked the stove for the beef stew they had for lunch, that she missed the glint in her husband's eyes as he watched her every movement.
"Are you hungry?" Anne asked, lighting the stove to heat the stew.
"Yes, but not for food." He said, walking closer to her.
Anne gasped as he held her in an intimacy that had become familiar through the years of their marriage but never failed to excite her.
"Ben…" She whispered, worried that Yuri might come anytime.
"I know." He said, but couldn't resist slipping his hand beneath her clothes, seeking the warm swell of her breasts.
They both remembered the night Yuri almost walked in on them while they were reaffirming their love in the most intimate, physical way; he was only 3 years old at that time. It was fortunate that their child interrupted them earlier, because Ben knew that if Yuri had come on them while they were engaged in a more intimate dance, Ben wouldn't have the strength to pull away from his wife, even at the risk of their own son witnessing something he should never have.
Ben knew he had to satisfy himself with mere kisses and caresses, but he couldn't resist sucking her breast through her clothing, making Anne gasp in pleasure.
"Koishi…koishii…" Ben groaned against her lips, kissing her hard. "How I have missed you, dreamed of you every night…"
He had unbuttoned her clothes, baring her breasts to his hungry eyes. "Kirei...kirei…God! You're so beautiful!" he groaned, bending his head to taste her nipple that begged for his touch. Anne arched against him, Yuri forgotten.
It would be so easy to unbutton his fly and have her there standing, but before they could even think of doing that, Ben heard the joyous cry of their son outside.
Abruptly he pulled away from Anne, helped her button her clothes, laughing as both their hands shook too much from frustrated desire to do it right. Anne finger combed her hair and walked to the stew she had forgotten, fortunately it was only boiling, not burned to char.
Ben re-buttoned his coat like an armor, preparing to meet his son.
Yuri burst through the door, and spying his father as Ben stood there, Yuri gave a whoop of laughter and ran to him. Ben caught his son and swung him high in the air.
"Aww Dad." Yuri protested yet he was smiling. "I'm not a child anymore."
"Is that so?" Ben said, putting him down, and then hugging his little son. Then Ben saw the little girl behind Yuri.
"Is she your new friend?" He asked, a little surprised. When Anne told him about Yuri's new friend, he thought it would be a boy. A little girl with blond hair and violet eyes was someone Ben never thought he'd meet here.
"Yes Dad. Her name is Alice Elliot." Yuri said, then turned to her. "Alice, this is my Dad."
The young girl curtsied politely, making Ben smile. "How are you Alice?"
Then he turned to his son. "She's a cute one all right. Where did you meet her?"
Anne came and touched her husband's arm. "I'll tell you later. Why don't you have something to eat first anata…" She indicated the table. Ben nodded, realizing that he was hungry.
The kids joined him on the table filling him in with their daily activities while he was away. Ben listened attentively, laughing at some of the things they have done, nodded his head with obvious pride as Alice related the story of how Yuri saved her from the horses.
Yuri scratched his head in embarrassment. "Aww it was nothing."
Later that evening as Yuri and Alice sat on the front porch, gazing up at the night sky, the two adults talked about Alice's father.
Anne had opened the door a crack, to call the kids inside when she heard the conspiracy of the two children.
"Alice, listen…would you mind if you sleep in my bed from now on?" Yuri asked in a hushed voice. For a moment, Anne was shocked to hear what her own son had suggested, surely he didn't mean—!
"No, not at all, but why do you ask?" Alice said. "Your Mom said that your Dad would be the one to sleep with you."
"Yes, I know, but Dad told me." Yuri said.
"Told you what?" She asked curiously.
"When mommies and daddies are together, they can make babies!" Yuri confided, making Anne clasp her neck in shock.
"Really?" Alice said eagerly. "Is that how it's done?"
"Yes!" Yuri said excitedly. "I asked Dad after dinner for a little brother or sister and he told me that he and Mom just needed some time alone, but he said making a baby is not easy, that they have to work real hard so we should not disturb them."
Anne was still standing there, not knowing what to do when Ben wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her neck and felt her tense body.
"Douka shita no? What's the matter koishii?" He asked.
"You told Yuri that we shouldn't be disturbed?" Anne said.
"Uh… yeah." Ben said, ah so this is what it's all about! He thought.
"Jinpachiro Hyuga!" Anne cried making him wince, for Anne only took that tone when she's really upset with him.
"How could you tell our son such things! He's still a child—"
"I didn't tell him all koishii, I just told him we need some time alone undisturbed so we could make him a baby brother—" Ben winced again as Anne pinched him at the side.
"The things you teach our little boy!" Anne accused.
"But I hardly told him anything!" Ben protested, fighting not to smile. He adored this side of her, so desperate to do what is prim and proper.
"I could have been more descriptive koishii, told him things that would make even ol'timers blush." Anne shut her eyes in embarrassment, wondering how her husband could calmly talk to their son about such intimate matters!
Ben felt the heat of her embarrassment suffuse through her clothing and laughed. "Come on koishii, you got a husband that has been away from your fire too long…let me warm myself in you."
He led her to their bedroom, the room she had shared with Alice all these nights.
"Ben!" Anne protested. "It's not bed time yet!"
"So?" Ben smiled roguishly. "Our son would be most pleased to know that we are taking his request seriously."
Before Anne could protest anew, Ben swept her off her feet and kissed her, then when she was flushed with longing that had been denied for many months, Ben carried her to their room.
He kicked the door shut with his boot. "Lock it, koishii." He said. Anne did as he said.
Then he carried her to the bed. She wanted to tell him to hurry up but Ben stopped her with his mouth.
"No more arguments." He said, his eyes smoldering with promise.
Anne smiled naughtily, her hands sliding down in the front of his body until she cupped the part of him that ached more than any bruise could, making Ben groan hoarsely.
"Who's arguing?" Anne said, pulling him to her.
(o)(O)(o)
Alice knew she shouldn't feel this way, but for the first time she dreaded the day her father would come and take her away, take her back to England. She really missed her father, but the thought of leaving behind this place, the friends she have met, of leaving Yuri made Alice cry in bed at night.
While his parents occupied their room, Alice had slept in Yuri's bed. He held her like he would a little sister, comforting her when she would cry, though he himself felt like crying whenever he thought of the day she would leave. They would sleep spoon fashion, as if even in sleep they could not bear to be apart. He would pillow her head with his arm, ignoring the numbness every morning as they would get up.
Now, they would dread each sunset, when once they have sat there on the hill admiring the glorious setting of the sun, for it marked the end of another day, drawing their eventual parting closer and closer. They tried to cheer each other up, but at night, each fought with their own battle with tears.
It was their last day together for she would be leaving China to return home to England tomorrow. Yuri tried to make the day happy for both of them, but he found it difficult to even smile.
The two kids secluded themselves, climbing the hill that has always been their favorite place. They were silent, each didn't know what to say, both were choked up in emotions. Already they sensed the loneliness that would be their constant companion once they were apart. They could already feel the cold claws of forlornness embracing them, telling them how much they would miss each other.
Suddenly Alice clung to him and wept. "I don't want to go! I want to stay here with you!"
Yuri was too choked up with his own pain and sadness to say anything. He wished she could stay with him forever too.
He caressed her hair, very much the same way he had seen his father caress his wife, tenderly, gently as if caressing the most delicate treasure in the world.
Then he felt her digging her side pocket.
"I want to give you this." She whispered, handing him a talisman. The talisman was made of gold, shaped into a horizontally inverted number nine, set with a blue stone that shimmered.
He was shocked with the gift, it must have been very precious. "My father said this talisman would warn me of any evil spirits, but I don't know how, something…about the stone turning red..."
"I…I have a gift for you too.." He said sheepishly.
Alice turned to him eagerly, smiling despite the tears in her eyes.
"Really? Where?"
He handed her a silver cross pendant. With reverence Alice touched it.
"This is for me?" She asked.
"Yes, I want you to wear it…always… to…to… re-remember me." He said.
Alice hugged him, weeping again.
"Of course I'll wear it, I'll never take it off my body I promise." Yuri fixed the clamp of the chain around her neck, Alice touched the cross once then slipped it beneath her clothes.
He was glad she didn't ask where he got it. For as sure as the sun would rise tomorrow, his mother would be looking for it. Yuri was prepared to accept whatever punishment Anne would deign fit, but he simply cannot let Alice go without giving her something to remember him by.
That night as she slept in his arms, Yuri inhaled the sweet scent of her hair, trying to make the moment last. Her father arrived that afternoon, though he was staying at the Mayor's house for the night. Yuri knew this was their last night together. He dreaded the coming morning, for the first time in his life, Yuri wished that time would stop and allow them to be together forever like this.
He gazed at her sleeping face, tried to memorize each feature, the slant of her gold eyebrows, her slim nose, the little rosebud of her lips. Yuri had never asked himself what beautiful meant, but now, he knew that if someone asked him what beauty was, he knows the answer. Alice.
He didn't sleep the whole night, just held her there in his arms. Gazing at her profile all the time until he felt each feature was burned in his memory.
Morning came, though they both wished that time would hang suspended. Yuri tried to keep a straight face, but the sight of her tears made him want to cry too.
The adults was very much troubled, no one had ever expected that the two kids would become this attached. But part they must.
Morris shook Ben's hand, grateful for whatever bit of information Ben was able to glean about Albert Simon. His mission now completed, he must return to Europe to report to his superiors.
He caressed Alice's hair wishing things would be different. But Morris knew that this would be probably the last time he would ever visit China. Anne hugged the little girl with teary eyes, the little girl she couldn't love more had she been her own daughter.
Finally, it was time to go. Alice looked at him for the last time.
"Goodbye Yuri. Promise you won't forget me okay" She said tearfully.
"I won't." Yuri said gruffly.
Morris closed the carriage door gently, and signaled the driver to go ahead.
Anne gasped as Yuri ran after the carriage, she called her son once, but Ben stopped her, silently telling her to give their son the chance to work out his sadness for a moment alone.
Yuri ran after the carriage even though it sped up, taking her far, farther away from him, she looked through the window at the carriage's back, crying and crying for him until he cannot see her face anymore. Still he ran and ran, despite knowing it's futile, that he could never catch up, Yuri ran until his legs finally gave in, causing him to collapse on the hard ground and the carriage was now very, very far for recognition, a mere dot in the horizon. Yuri sank to the ground in his knees, calling her name at the top of his lungs. Alice!
He didn't realize that he had clawed the hard earth with his hands, making his fingers bleed, the pain of not knowing if he'll ever see her again eclipsed that of his bleeding hands.
He felt unmanly tears course through his face, and he tried to rub them away with the back of his hand, but more came to replace the tears he had wiped, it's okay, he thought to himself, no one is there to see, no one is there to see the tears he cried, no one to see how alone he felt, alone as never before...
Now, he knew a glimpse of what his mother feels whenever Ben would leave for work, now he knew a measure of that loneliness his mother must have felt whenever his father is away. Yuri knew now, and he finally understood.
Alice…wait for me…I'll find you…I'll find you and…the next time we meet, nothing and no one will come between us again…We will never part… Yuri swore silently. He clasped the talisman she had given him, willing the tears to stop so he could finally walk back to the village, but he couldn't find the words to console himself.
Suddenly his father was there and gently picked him up. Yuri didn't want to face his Old man like this, he wanted to be strong like him, but he felt utterly defeated by sadness. Helplessly he clung to his father's neck and sobbed, the sound harsh even to his own ears as he had tried to stop it.
Ben rubbed his son's back as Yuri began to hiccup. He had never seen his son like this, but then he knew that Yuri had always tried to be strong for Anne, to cheer her up. But, even the stoutest oak has to bend a little with the storm or break. Yuri is still a child, though he often tried to act like an adult for his mother's sake.
Then he saw the Talisman Yuri was holding, it was suspended in a thick thread that was supposed to be white, but the blood on Yuri's hands soaked it, turning it crimson.
Gently Ben inspected the lacerated wounds on his son's hands, knew that they need immediate attention.
"Come my son. Your hands need tending."
"No Dad. Not yet." Yuri said, his voice hoarse from crying. "I don't want Mom to see me like this."
"Hush, my son. It will be all right." Ben was touched by his family's devotion to each other. He gently clasped Yuri's hand to help him stand.
"Can you walk?"
Yuri nodded. Ben tried to think of what t say to help his son. Then he remembered the crimson thread.
"You know, there is a legend in Japan I've heard when I was a kid." Ben said as they walked through the wild fields.
"What is it?" Yuri asked.
"They say that when two people are destined for each other, they are bound by a crimson thread from the moment they are born…"
"A crimson thread?" Yuri asked looking at the Talisman he was holding.
"Yes. It was also said that this thread binds the destiny of the two people, that they are fated to meet again and again, no matter how many times the may get separated…it seems, the crimson thread has intertwined their fates into one."
Ben looked at his son. "Your Mom is Russian, and I'm Japanese, yet see how fate works? If that girl is the woman of your destiny, never doubt my son that you'll meet her again."
Yuri contemplated his father's words, and felt a little better; perhaps tomorrow this loneliness would lessen. He had never thought of things like marriage or anything, it's just that when Alice was near, he never felt alone. For the first time, Yuri was able to be himself, he didn't have to be strong, to prove himself to her, to hide his weakness, for she had seen him and accepted who he is, not what he can be. She's a friend who had really listened to his dreams and never laughed at them, no matter how farfetched or ridiculous they may be.
"Though I know I will meet her again, I cannot stop this pain." He confessed to his father. It was worse than the pain of seeing his father leave, but then he always knew that his father would return.
"That's because you care for her, my son. But you've got to be strong."
Yuri sighed, then his chin firmed. He wiped the tears against the sleeve of his shirt and tried to smile.
Ben nodded his approval. Lovingly he rumpled his son's hair, then without further words they walked back. There, at the edge of the village stood Anne, waiting for the two of them.
(o)(0)(o)
Index of Japanese terms: (Stolen from Komagata Yumi's fic Heart's Ease)
Anata - (Wife to husband) Dear or Darling.
Douka shita no? -What's the matter? / What's wrong?
Kirei - Beautiful
Koishii - Beloved, Darling
Okaerinasai - Welcome home
Tadaima - I'm home