Chapter 10
The song "Promise Tomorrow Tonight " by Danielle Brisebois and "Lie to me" by Jonny Lang
Author note: this chapter is more dealing with issues between Buffy and Angel
Special thanks to Keri for beta this chapter for me, and hopefully my other fics (hint, hint…). We should all thank her because of her I can continue to post my fic!
To Bri (Britanyca) your help was also great, thanks!!!!
After Anne left in a rush of hurt and turmoil everyone scattered around. Giles went after her but he returned an hour later and began researching the Nisuyim ceremony that Anne had referred to. He refused to share any information with the gang before finding out what, precisely the ceremony entails.
Xander escorted Dawn to school and then continued on his way to work.
Buffy, on the other hand, stayed at the Magic Box and took the opportunity to do some training in the back room. She walked past Angel and began punching the punching bag, trying to relieve some of the tension and anger that had gathered inside of her. She wouldn't think about the things that Anne had said, she wouldn't allow herself to feel. She had to be strong, a battle was coming and if she wanted to save them all, then she had to be strong.
"Buffy," Angel touched her arm gently, as if only the touch would burn him alive.
"Don't. Touch. Me" she snapped at him.
"Buffy, " he sighed, "I know you think that I'm siding with Anne, but I'm not, I still care about you."
"I don't want to hear you say that" she said bitterly, avoiding eye contact.
I forgive you
Boy, you always had a need about you
Even though you thought it wasn't that
And I actually used to lie about you
Saying that I'd never want you back
"Look, I know we said things to one another…promised things to one another when you…when you returned from…after you were…"
"Dead! Say it Angel. For god's sake, I was dead and now I'm alive, I know what you said but don't worry I won't hold it against you."
"It's…it wasn't like that, there are things that you don't know about, I know I promised you that we'd be together and I would come back to Sunnydale but something happened but I still lo…"
"Don't! Don't you dare say those words to me Angel, you have no right. How dare you come here and say those words to me? I don't need you in my life! Ever! I moved on."
Did you ever used to dream about me
Don't you miss how we used to walk in the rain
Did you ever even care about me
Did you know I'd never be the same
Answer me
"To Spike?" he growled angrily, "Was that your solution?"
"Yes! I don't owe you any explanation Angel, you decided everything for the both of us when you never came back."
"But I need to explain to you what happened, why I didn't return."
"No Angel, I don't want to hear or listen or…talk about it. It's too late now"
"It's not too late Buffy! It's never too late! Besides is it any better that you screwed Spike?" he blamed, raising his voice.
"Spike was here Angel, and you have no say in my life!"
"Yes I have!" he snapped, he held her close, "You are my mate! I will not have you fuck my childe! He's bad news Buffy. God damn it you deserve something better, why can't you see that?"
"Maybe not okay? Who said I should have better? Maybe Spike is all I should have in life, maybe this is it for Buffy, no nice guys, only bad boys who…who promise to stay with me forever and then leave. I don't know maybe I will never have a normal life or a normal relationship for that matter and you know what? I don't care! I just don't. I know that my life is constantly in danger and that I may die any day now so I'm living life each second as if there is no tomorrow, because for me there might be no tomorrow. Don't look at me like that Angel. I am not the same girl you once knew. I am not this silly clinging teenager who saw you as her everything, I have perspective now".
Yes, I always used to dream about you
Even thought I found it hard to sleep
Look at us back here again
Only fools burn twice, but the fire's been started
And though it might not've seemed like it then
I loved you more than you ever did love me
Her words hurt him, stung him and stabbed like a knife to the heart, for him it could have been a stake. She knew it, and when she saw how much her words hurt him and she wanted to take them back. Of course she had lied to him, she hadn't gotten over him, and if he begged for her forgiveness she would have jumped to the moon to forgive him. All he had to do was say that he was sorry, but he wouldn't and so she refused to even listen to him. But god she loved him so much!
"Buffy…baby please! I just need you to hear me out, to understand why I didn't return to you."
"No Angel, no more excuses, I'm done listening to them."
Angel wanted to explain it to her. After they met, when he had first found out that she was alive he cried and promised that he'd never leave her again. They agreed that he'd come back to Sunnydale and work in L.A, it was a two-hour commute but it was worth it. They even thought about the curse and how they could ask Willow to help them now that she was such an experienced witch. He came back to L.A to tell everyone the good news…but then he ran into Darla and everything got so mixed up that he couldn't leave his son or L.A. He wanted to make her understand his reasons and ask for her forgiveness. That, if she would only forgive him that he'd stay with her no matter what. But she would never forgive him. He tried again.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you Buffy, it was never my intention."
"Well at least with Spike I knew where I was standing, you see he never lied to me. He never pretended to be something he's not, he never made promises to me that he couldn't keep."
I loved you more then you ever did love me
That's not true - I swear it's not true
We're both guilty
"How can you say that? It's Spike Buffy! Spike. I don't care if he went and got himself a soul, because you screwed him soulless."
"Don't lecture me about that Angel, I don't see you suffering too much."
"When will you wake up?" he shouted at her, "It's Spike, he'll hurt you over and over again. How stupid are you?"
Tears came to her eyes as she shouted right back at him, "Don't call me stupid Angel, I wanted to be with you, but you never came back so I stayed with Spike. It was all your fault, I waited and waited for you and you just…left me again!" the tears fell on her checks as she suddenly sobbed desperately trying to avoid his eyes.
Angel was beyond words, he cursed himself for being such an idiot as realization hit him; Buffy went to Spike because of him, because he had left her with no explanation. Left her for Spike to collect as his prize and oh, what a prize she was.
He grabbed her and hugged her tightly, trying to take away the pain, to ease her mind, to comfort her and to show her how much he loved her how much he will always love her.
"Oh God Buffy, I didn't know." She cried, buried her face in his broad chest, wanting to believe him, wanting the pain to go away. She wanted to tell him that she had lied, that she had never truly moved on, that she never would. He was all she thought about, all she loved. Spike couldn't be compared to him, that no one could ever be compared to him.
Angel stroked her golden hair. He wants to tell her he's sorry, that he'd do anything for her.
Buffy cried in his arms, she knew he will tell her now how sorry he is and they'll be together, that everything would be all right now.
"Buffy, baby, I just want to tell you that I'm so sorry and if you'll forgive…"
Promise me you'll stay tonight
Promise me you'll never leave me
For the rest of both our lives
"Dad?" Connor burst into the magic box, watching his father with the petit girl, looked like this other girl Anne, apparently the Buffy girl he was talking about before, she was crying and he comforted her. Obviously he had intruded on a private moment.
Buffy lifted her eyes, disconnecting herself from Angel, she heard someone say something? She turned in the direction of the voice and as if in slow motion her eyes locked with blue eyes, dark blue and she felt a tingle of familiarity, closely observing the kid she realized he reminded her of her Angel. Hell he probably looked like him when he was at the same age the boy is, he looked like Angel, same dark features, same dark hair and the way he smiled…oh god, his word sank in, this one hurtful word, he had a son? Some woman gave birth to his son? But how? Vampires can't have children, or can they? Who was the mother? It should have been a while ago since this kid is at least sixteen, and how come Angel never told her about it? Unless… he didn't know? But the boy said 'dad' and that meant that Angel knew, knew and didn't say a word! All his pretty words of apology and love and understanding, all while he was keeping this big secret from her. So many conflicting thoughts ran through her mind as she continued to glare in disbelief at the teenager in front of her. She looked at Angel questioning.
"Buffy I…"
Anya burst into the store second after Connor, "Oh great, your son was looking for you."
"Son?" Buffy managed to stammer the word, she turned to Angel, questioning, "So it is true? You have a son?"
Lie to me and tell me everything is all right
Lie to me and tell me that you're stayin' the night
Tell me that you'll never leave,
and I'll just try to make believe
that everything you tell me is true
"Of course he does." volunteered Anya.
Buffy ignored her, "But how can that be Angel? He looks about sixteen or so, how…"
"Well," Anya volunteered again, not giving Angel or Connor a chance to explain. "He was raised in a different dimension, after his mother died, Holtz kidnapped him as a revenge for what Darla and Angelus did to his family".
"Revenge?" Buffy was puzzled, "What does Darla have to do with it?"
Connor didn't say a word, apparently his father never mentioned him to Buffy. Angel was about to say something when Anya quipped
"Darla was his mother. You see, as I understood Darla was…"
Buffy just stared, not believing, she interrupted Anya, hurt and confused she denied her story "I…you're wrong Anya, Darla is dead."
"No she's not", Anya chatted, "You didn't know because well, returning from heaven and screwing Spike and all but Wolfram and heart resurrected Darla and she slept with Angel. I personally think it's a miracle…I mean the son of two vampires not the sleeping with Darla thing. Well that could be considered a miracle if you slept with Xander after…"
Anya babbled on and on but no one was listening to her. Buffy couldn't even speak. Nothing was making any sense. There was only one way to find out. She turned to Angel, her heart beating fast. Never before in her life had she been as scared of facing something as she was of facing this.
"Angel, tell me that what Anya just babbled isn't true?"
Come on baby won't you just
Lie to me, go ahead and lie to me
He looked away from her, casting his eyes down. He couldn't tell her the words, but he knew she knew. He also couldn't bring himself to see the pain and disappointment in her eyes, the agonizing realization that another woman had given birth to his child. And not just any woman at that, but the woman who had been his lover for centuries. A woman who gave him what Buffy had always desired, the one thing that would make her complete and connect her to Angel, a son. As he lifted his eyes he saw the most pain filled look he had ever seen in all his life. Buffy's green eyes where now covered with tears, green as the ocean. She didn't say anything, hot tears sliding down her cheeks and she quickly fled the store, without looking back.
Lie to me, it don't matter anymore
It could never be the way it was before
If I can't hold on to you
leave me with somethin' I can hold onto,
for just a little while won't you let me dream
To be continued
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