Chapter 11

Dedicated to Abbyland who's writing the greatest fic "Bad Angel" You are the best Abby!!!

Thanks for the great reviews from everyone especially the wonderful Bri (Britanyca site Enchanting Place: ) who waited for the next chapter.

I don't remember whom but someone asked for Buffy and Angelus moments so this is for you whoever you are!!!

The song "Ballet Of The vampire, Untouched" by Dorling and "Betrayed by life" by Hatebreed

Special thanks for Keri.

Beta by Amy, thanks a lot Amy you turned this chapter to something, well…better!

Now on to the fic…

Anne walked slowly on the beach; the sound of crushing waves and smell of salty water brought a smile to her face. She closed her eyes and let the wind wash her face with warm tangling breeze. The sun, just about the right height in the sky, bathed her with warm and happy thoughts.

'Happy.' she thought bitterly to herself; when was the last time she felt truly happy? When was the last time she felt the wind brush away her long hair as it danced around her face, strands of hair tingling her lips and nose?

*A strong arm came behind her and held her possessively, and as she felt the strong presence of him, her body relaxed and leaned against his broad chest. For just a pretend second she was safe again--she was with him once more. It didn't matter that it wasn't her true love, her lost love--what mattered was the fact that for a brief moment she felt normal, alive. No demons, no vampires, and no hell on earth--just the two of them together in the sun. When she turned to look at him she could almost pretend that it was her old love again, almost…

'You are thinking about him again, love' he accused, dangerously, deadly; she could almost hear a jealous tone in the faint growl.  She looked into the brown chocolate eyes that now held nothing of the gentle human spark.  No soul possessed them, yet it held something that he always insisted was love for her. Although demons were not capable of love he possessed such enormous power--as the master and ruler of the world--that perhaps, in his own way he loved he. Still, it was a sick and twisted love.

'I know I will never have him back' she admitted, not really caring if she pissed him off by reminding him of his better half. He shook her slightly, and then lifted her face as their eyes locked--her emerald with his black-brown orbs. His lips suddenly captured hers in a devouring kiss as if trying to erase her memories; she kissed him back, moaning as the sensation traveled down her body driving her crazy. He always did this to her: making her yield to him, despite her strong initial rejection.

'You are mine, darling! You better remember that. Your pathetic excuse of a love is gone, and he will never come back, never.  I'm all you've got baby!  We have eternity together and nothing you do or say will ever change that. I advise you to stop pretending that I am he; it will only be harder for you, my love. You are my wife now and I will never let you go, I think you know that by now'.

'Yes' she admitted bitterly as tears slide down her perfect, tanned face.

'And you can't run from me Buff', he taunted her. 'You know I'll find you, wherever you go. You'll never be able to escape me; nothing will keep you away from me!  Just remember that if, by chance, you do manage to get away from me, I guarantee you that you'll pay dearly for your betrayal!  You'll wish for a quick death that will never come.

I will wreak havoc--hell on earth--and each creature on this planet will know my wrath, and at the end I will have you and howl you back to me, where you belong, to be by my side as my mate'.

She didn't answer him; she knew exactly what he meant.  She could not run away from him physically, or even mentally, for he would always drew her back to the dark of his world.  He would always twist her thoughts and objections into siring desire and passion, unimaginable passion and forgetfulness, always the forgetfulness.

He kissed her again, more gently this time, and slowly brought her body down on the golden sand as his weight pressed above her. She would never admit it but, as he lay there above her, it felt right, as if she was truly with her mate...and that was her worst fear.  What if Whistler was wrong and Angelus, not Angel, was her true soul mate...what if that was the way it should have been all along?

She stopped thinking as she felt him remove her clothes and press his bare skin against hers. He made passionate love to her: loving her pliant form lying underneath him; his hands roaming her perfect body; her vanilla smell making him wild and hot for her.  'Mine!'  He growled to himself, as he possessed all of her right there on the sand, the sound of crushing waves and salty water surrounding them. She closed her eyes hard; the light made it harder to pretend that he was her Angel.

His silky voice whispered in her ear, cold and threatening, 'Open your eyes lover, I am here, and if I were you I wouldn't dare to pretend--it upsets me' he whispered seductively in her ear.

He licked her silent tears and heard her moan in agony; she tried to push him away now that the magic was gone, now that she couldn't escape anymore, now that the bad memories have returned.

'No.'  She tried to deny him, but he ignored her. His strong arms gripped her forcefully as his tongue traveled down her body, tasting every curve of golden skin.

She closed her eyes again as he forced himself on her, forced her mind to acknowledge his mastery over her, his control, his thrall.

Soon her cry turned into an agonizing scream as it melted away with the crushing waves.

Build me up and tear me down

You love to have a try

Do whatever the hell you want

You're not gonna make me cry.

My life is gone There's nothing left

You sent my friends to die

You've done things unimaginable

And I haven't even sighed.

My soul, it is unbreakable You won't get inside

My will is strong and my temper Is the longest you will find

Afterwards she just lay there in his arms as he held her possessively, tenderly stroking her hair as if they just made love, as if he had not brutally raped her body and her soul.

You want to make me mad So I can be one of you,

But to live forever with no soul I just don't want to do

It's not a blessing, you stupid fools It's a curse from the depths of hell

What is life Without grief or love or joy?

She tried not to think anymore, and to enjoy the warmth of the sun instead. It would soon be lunchtime and then they would probably go to sleep.

Angelus had taken her to his private beach, trying to give her a semblance of a vacation. Walking in the sun was no longer a problem for him, since he had the gem of Amara, and he had insisted that they share a holiday together. Most of the vacation went pleasantly as Buffy bathed in the sun and occasionally swam.  However, when she had to share her body and soul with Angelus it was entirely different...

It wasn't all bad. Angelus was intelligent and knowledgeable--they'd spent hours walking along the beach, watching the sun set as he recited poetry to her.  It all seemed so perfect...until the memories returned. He always knew when her thoughts wandered--her eyes were distant and empty, her body limp. He tried to draw her back from this sadness; sometimes it worked, while at times he just let her be.

You say that you're invincible

But daylight burns instead

I can live with pain and fear

It's better than being dead.*

"Anne!"  Someone was calling her name.

She turned around to face Willow. She smiled at her and received a warm smile in return, the younger girl's red hair shining in the light of the sun. Anne missed the smile of her auburn-haired friend.

"Hi Will, I…um…I was just taking a walk, thinking". She felt as if she needed to apologize, as if Willow read her mind and thus knew of her ambivalent feelings for Angelus. Anne felt shame that she let herself feel free and enjoyable at times with the demon.

In a cold unforgiving world,

alone with fear and weakness,

oppressed and dying slowly.

Countless people have been betrayed by life

"It's o.k., you don't have to explain yourself to me. How do you feel with all that's been going on here?"

Anne sighed and looked away, deeply mortified that while her best friend Willow was worried about her, she was remembering the passion she shared with her dark lover.

No one is exempt.

No one is safe.

So many lives will be taken.

So many lives been ruined.

So many live hang is balance.

So many lives have been lost.

Betrayed by life.

"I guess I'm feeling a bit guilty...after all I brought you 'the Voice of Venum', and Angelus is probably on his way here to take me back…" her voice faded as she said those last words.

Willow didn't know what to say, It was Buffy, her Buffy, strong and witty Buffy, hard and stubborn Buffy, always fighting back, always with a smart-ass clever comment to throw around, and yet this girl little resembled the Buffy she knew.

"Don't worry Anne, there's no way we'll let Angelus take you away".

 "I'm sorry", Anne cut her off.

Willow mumbled something and tried to comfort her, "It's o.k. Anne, you don't have to be sorry, you coming here was a good thing, it'll prepare us for what's to come, after all this is our future and…"

"No, I mean… I'm sorry that I turned out to be what I am…" a frightened, helpless girl, she mentally added but did not say aloud.  "I am sorry that the girl you once knew doesn't exist in my world anymore."

As survivors we are left to try there tears.

We are left to mend their wounds.

We are left to pick up the pieces of those who have been

betrayed by life.

"No Buf…Anne, God, no, of course I…we…we just glad that you are here with us and that you are safe now, among friends and family. O.k., I admit it's hard to see how…how much you've changed but I am still your friend, Xander is here for you, Giles and Dawnie, well Spike is Spike and Angel is…"

"No!"  Anne burst out, standing, her green eyes flashing fire, "Angel is not for me anymore! I failed him and I can't face him, never again, I'd rather die!"

For a split second Willow saw the old Buffy, the same reaction she received years ago when Buffy always stood her ground, and it made her smile.

"Are you laughing at me?" Anne accused, hurt.

"No Anne, no, I…you just reminded me of an old friend of mine from high school, a friend that taught me to stand on my own, to believe in myself."

Anne smiled shyly and relaxed, her eyes brightening as a faint smile crossed her beautiful face.

They set silently for an hour--each with her own thoughts.  Finally Willow spoke

"I miss her, you know, sometimes at night I dream about her…us…" she was talking about her beloved Tara as Buffy thought about her lost Angel.

"Me too Will," Anne gave her a sad smile, "I remembered things we did, things that your Buffy will not remember

 *Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge…Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter…By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart…A minute? No. No, it's not enough time…How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had…You won't. No one will know but me…It did. It did. I know it did… I felt your heart beat…No! Oh God. It's not enough time…No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget…*

"Anne?" Willow looked at her friend cautiously, she seamed miles away distant.

"Sorry" Anne stifled a sob that threatened to escape her throat.

"What things Buffy won't remember? Maybe it's important and she should know about it?"

"No! I…I mean, it's not important, what's important now is how to stop Angelus from destroying yet another world."

"Yes, you're right. Hey, I'm meeting Xander for lunch--do you want to come?"

"No, Thanks, I…I need to sort thins out; there is someone that I need to talk as well."

Willow gave her a warming smile and a hug.

"I'll see you at the magic box tonight, 'k?"

Anne smiled her yes and both girls parted.

As the sun sank into the sea, she walked slowly towards the mansion, knowing that it was time to face her demons--one demon in particular.  She had to see Angel, despite her desire to avoid him.  She had to explain things to him: perhaps they could avoid the nightmarish future. But how would she look him in the eyes after all the things she had done and shared with her dark lover?

TBC?