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Chapter Three

Live Sacrifice?

The skies are dark. It's not only night, but it's also raining. And so far, I've not received anything warm, but only cold stares from the clerks behind the counter. I pretended not to see them, but I couldn't prevent my heart from breaking. I felt so unwanted. I could feel tears wanting to burst out, but of course I couldn't. Actually, I could, but then the Sayu I knew would never let tears roll if she could help it. I was cold, lonely and hungry. I had no idea what else to do. But then again, what I wanted most was to turn invisible. I wanted them to stop giving me such cold stares. Was that how others, like Pam, usually felt when we teased them cruelly and had our fun? Our fun of torturing their poor souls? I was equivalent to being a bully. I held no respect for their human souls. I would be cheeky to them, say things that would touch their most sensitive part in their bruised soul and do all sorts of horrid things. Things that I wouldn't want to be done to me. I sighed and wiggled deeper, if I could wiggle any deeper, into my coat.

I was ready to sleep, stay the night in the guest lounge at the hotel. At the same time, thoughts and questions flooded my mind. I think somebody had blocked my account on purpose – my very own blood mother. You see, I had a quarrel with her before I decided to fly over to Japan. She wanted me to stay. I had wanted to get away for a while. I told her she was caging me – I needed my space. Then she said, in quite a hurt tone, that we never did anything like a proper family should and I told her she was right. She told me to stay so we could. I told her we shouldn't need to plan. Proper families do stuff proper families should – they don't plan it. Then it becomes abnormal. Weird. My mother continued, saying that she had specially moved the whole family over to this town so we could be a little more together, but instead, I took to flying overseas as and when I felt like it, making things worse. That was when all my emotions rushed to my head as I remembered how I had to leave my friends and everybody else in the city when we had to move here. But my mother? My mother didn't quit her job. She couldn't bear to. Of course she couldn't bear to! I was so angry. I couldn't bear to leave my friends but yet I had to. It started with her going to the city every monthly to do her job. But now, she's taken it to a whole new level. I get to see her only once each month. Sometimes even once for three months. It's been so many years and it's as if I didn't have a mother. She'd just come home for a week at most, say hi and then retreat to her room to do her work, come out for meals and that's the most. She doesn't even know little things about me. Like, for example, I hate French fries. Or that I hate myself. And I didn't feel like telling her. And then there's my father, stuck in between both my mother and I. He'd fly over here and there, too, because he's a businessman. I mean, he does sometimes come back to see me, even more often then my mother does. But still, he flies everywhere around the world. Talk about our family getting even more together. I was so mad when she told me she wanted us to be like a normal family. Yeah, normal my foot! I gritted my teeth in anger.

Suddenly, I felt a finger tapping my shoulder lightly. I looked up. "Excuse me," a clerk guy said in halting English, "But we'll be closing soon. I must tell you to leave now or else you'll be trapped here in the night. No air-con, no food and if you should feel ill, nobody would be here. Plus, we never let simply anybody stay the night."

He was right. But wouldn't being outside, in the streets, even worse? "Please," I begged him in Japanese, "Let me stay the night. I promise, I'll leave the next morning. I have nowhere else to go! I … I can't go out there," I admitted. It was raining. The streets will be dirty. "And you know how dangerous it is for young ladies to sleep out in the streets at night," I decided to add, batting my eyelashes at him.

But the look on his face was stern – it said what I didn't need to hear. How could people be so cold? I mulled over. But then again, I guess he needed to keep his job. If he allowed me to stay the night when the rules stated that they couldn't simply allow anybody to, he'd probably get fired. And I didn't think I wanted anymore people hurt because of me. And my selfishness. Reluctantly, I slowly edged out of my seat and tried to find my umbrella. I found one! I thanked my lucky stars that I had even brought it. In circumstances like these, it never does you any good to think negative. It's just like a situation when you lost an arm during an accident. Thinking of it positively, you'd have to thank your 'lucky' stars that you didn't loose your head. I gave the clerk a weak smile and proceeded to get out of the hotel. I sighed as I slowly trod out of the hotel gates. Actually, trying to look at my situation positively was kind of ironic. I didn't even have a home to go to. Positive? I didn't think so.

As soon as I spotted a bus stop, I quickly rushed to it. I probably had to spend the night there. I didn't even know what else to do the next morning. Probably I'd stink. I sighed. Then I perked up a little – when I realized that I had relatives in Japan! But … it's only useful if I could remember where they stayed. I had no clue. I hunched my shoulders as a sign of defeat. I can't even remember half of my relatives. Now, come to think of it, my father always avoided talking about his family members as much as he could. And since nobody forced anybody to say things they never wanted to say or talk about, he didn't tell us a single thing about his side. Even mother supported his decision. Every time I ask him something as trivial as, "Dad, d'ya have any siblings in Japan?" He'd look lost for a while and then my mother would snap, "He does, he does. Now continue eating your dinner." Dad would place his hand on mom's arm gently. "Don't be mad at her for asking," and then facing me, he said, "Yes, I do. In fact, a number of them. Around twelve. You know, we'll usually have these big family gatherings …" He'd tell me a lot, but he never once attended one. Perhaps he did, but he never told me, then.

"Girl," I heard a rough voice call. I turned to my right, where the voice was coming from. And sitting upon a seat was a guy, looking as if he hadn't bothered to look into the mirror for days. His hair was all over the place. He had an untidy stub on his chin. He had smears of mud or dirt all across his face. Not a good sight. Not a good sign, either. I started to panic, but thankfully I didn't show it. Thanks to lots of practice. I kept my calm, straight face. I made so much effort, yet felt so tender. It was as if I just twitched a little bit, my whole mask would crack and what I felt would really show. My heart started to pound. I could hear every beat loudly in my ears. "You're not deciding to sleep here tonight, are you?" he asked roughly.

"N-no," I lied, "Of course not!" Then I pretended to look at my watch. "Oh! Look at the time. I really must get going." With that, I jumped of my seat and gathered all my belongings.

"To where?"

"Oh, you know, home."

"Yeah, right. You're obviously a traveler." He eyed my big backpack.

"I … I'll be going to my aunt's home. I'm just visiting. Dropping by, you know."

"Wait!"

"No, I'm really late …"

"Don't think you can just …" his voice was starting to sound sinister.

"Bye!"

Suddenly, a dark figure emerged from the foggy and unclear background. "Don't let her," the figure said. My heart nearly jumped out of its ribcage. My mind told me to run immediately, but my feet was numb! "You'd better do as I tell. I can sense the Kami getting angrier and angrier each moment we delay his live sacrifice." My heart practically stopped beating for a whole few seconds. I was soon going to be live sacrifice! I was not only scared, but angry. What did I look like, a chicken? To be cut up into pieces and placed in front of their God? And then my meat would deteriorate. And then flies would start eating up my flesh. I shuddered at the thought. Stop thinking, I scolded myself, and get on with running! It's your life to save. If I couldn't make it … then my mother would really regret cutting of my connection with my account, I thought. But what the heck, it's my life! Quickly, I sprinted as fast as I could. I could hear them take after me. All I could think of was that if I died, I would be dying in the hands of insane men who only saw me as food.

"Come back here!" I heard them yell. They were crazy – asking me to go back to them when I knew I was going to be live sacrifice. I almost couldn't believe my luck. Was I in a dream? It couldn't be, right? As I ran, I ran further and further, I got more and more lost. Soon, I couldn't see the road, or the bus stop, or a glimpse of light from the city anywhere. I was lost. In a place full of trees, quiet roads and some hills. I didn't know whether the psychos were still after me. I couldn't hear anything, except the rain and my shoes squishing the muddy ground. I was so scared. I could feel my fingers tremble. It wasn't a holiday anymore. I dropped my umbrella, letting the rain wash down on me and I cried.