Harper's Flaw (comic)
"I'm telling you the boy is not right, and I think it has to do with the ridiculous amount of product he puts in his hair!"
Trance giggled at Dylan's most recent pronouncement on Harper's mental state and the possible reason for some of his recent less-than-brilliant engineering attempts. "Dylan, don't be angry with Harper, he promises to have your jacuzzi-whirlpool-bathtub thing fixed in the next couple of hours. He thought you would like the bubblebath. He didn't know that once the bubbles started they would fill you entire quarters and make the place smell like a Nightsider sidewalk walker."
Dylan glanced sideways at Trance trying to determine if Trance's innocent smile was genuine or if she was just playing with his mind. He never could tell. "Nightsider streetwalker Trance. Streetwalker. And don't ask me what the difference is right now. You can have Harper explain it to you after he finishes fixing my, ahh, cleansing system. I swear I am going to cut off his beauty supply allowance!!"
It was Beka's turn to chuckle as she entered the room just in time to hear the last sentence. "Aw, come on Dylan we can't all be as naturally beautiful as you. I assume you are talking about our little engineer? First of all, he has a beauty supply allowance?!? And why are you going to cut it off?"
"Dylan thinks Harper's hair gel is to blame for his bubblebath idea," explained Trance, still smiling.
Beka broke down in laughter, as close to a giggle fit as Beka Valentine was ever going to come. Dylan continued venting his frustration, "People I'm telling you it is just not natural to have 3 inches worth of hair sticking straight up! It defies the laws of physics!" More laughter from both women spurred Dylan on. "It's not right. The excess is seeping into his brain. And why does he do it anyway? Its it some sort of defensive tactic? Is it to make himself taller? He can't believe it makes him more attractive to women can he? Because his recent track record would seem to be pretty good evidence to the contrary...unless he can't see that because of the brain damage from the hair gel overdose!"
Beka was very nearly rolling on the floor now, but Trance was frowning at Dylan. "I like Harper's hair. I think the spikes are cute." Dylan looked at Trance in shock, stunned into silence.
Rommie chose this moment to enter the room, though she had been following the entire conversation in holographic form. "Dylan I don't know why you look so surprised, look Trance's hair, is it really all that shocking that she would like spiky hair? But I do have important information about Harper and his hair gel."
As Dylan was still too stunned to speak, Beka pulled herself together to ask what Rommie meant. "So Rommie, what is it? Has our engineer finally overdosed on the stuff? He hasn't run out has he? Because Trance and I have seen Harper when he running low and a Harper worried about his hair is not a pretty sight."
"No, he is not running low. Quite the opposite actually, he spent almost his entire cache of thrones on 12 cases of hair gel at that last drift. Which he is probably regretting right now. I came to tell you that Harper slipped in Dylan's tub while trying to fix the bubble bath problem." Rommie pre-empted questions about Harper's well-being quickly. "He's fine, at least medically speaking. Unfortunately he had a Sparky Cola in his hand when he and his hair fell into a large puddle of the bubble bath. The combination of hair gel, Sparky Cola, and bubble bath produced a powerful chemical reaction that had unfortunate consequences for Harper's hair." Feeling a little evil, she paused a moment for dramatic effect. "Sorry Trance, but it's gone. Down the drain, literally. Harper is taking it badly and has hidden himself from my internal sensors. I know he is in the conduits somewhere but I cannot locate him. And I'm sorry Dylan, he never finished fixing your tub, and now a massive hair clog has blocked one of the central water distribution junctions. Very few of the showers are working now, and the ones that are have residual bubble bath running through them. I hope that Harper's hair grows back quickly and he comes out of hiding or you will all be very popular with any Nightsiders we meet but not with anyone else."
Trance burst into tears and fled the room. Dylan muttered something about banning all hair product from the Andromeda as he slowly left the room, trying to figure out what he had done to piss off the Divine that particular day. Beka shrugged at Rommie, "Maybe we can trade in some of that hair gel for hair tonic at the next drift?"