Summary: One-shot. As the Yule Ball approaches, the jealousy between Ron and Hermione reaches a breaking point and leads to the ultimate showdown.
Disclaimer: Characters—JKR. Song—"Who do You Think You Are?" by Sailor Moon.
Who Do You Think You Are?
Harry Potter sat pensively in his favorite chair in the Gryffindor Common Room, staring intently into the flames which crackled merrily. No one was quite certain how long he had been sitting there, but, for all they could tell, he didn't look as if he would be moving any time soon.
Of course, it was rather obvious to assume that his mind was occupied with thoughts of the Tournament—that was really all he had been thinking about lately. So, with all the respect they could muster, Harry's fellow Gryffindors left him to his thoughts, studying quietly or leaving the Common Room to ensure that he would have his peace.
Unbeknownst to all, however, the Tournament was the farthest thing from his mind at the current moment. Instead, his head was filled with the many problems that had arisen from the upcoming Yule Ball.
He supposed he shouldn't really have expected Cho to agree to go with him, still, with every moment that he thought on her going with Cedric, his heart gave a painful lurch. If his competition was Cedric, he would never stand any chance. Not that Harry had anything against the Hufflepuff. Out of all the original Champions, Harry liked Cedric the best. As it appeared to him, Cedric was the only one of the three who didn't hate him for having his name chosen—something that he, more than the other two, had a right to do.
On the bright side, at least he had been able to find someone to go with. Parvati, though not anywhere near his ideal partner, seemed truly excited to be going with him…though he suspected this might have something to do with his being a Champion. Nevertheless, he considered himself fortunate to not have to go report to Professor McGonagall that he was unable to secure a partner.
Heaving a sigh, his thoughts turned to the other problem to have emerged as a result of the Ball. Ever since Hermione had told he and Ron who she was going with, Ron had been ranting and raving none stop. If Harry had held any doubt up to this point as to whether Ron fancied Hermione, it had disappeared the moment he had seen the look on Ron's face.
Unfortunately, being his best friend earned Harry the exclusive right to hear most of Ron's frustrations. Indeed, it had become a rare moment when he was able to keep company with Ron without hearing at least one sharp comment directed at either Hermione or Krum.
Hermione, while not quite as bad, was much the same. All of Ron's outright objections to her going with Krum had uncorked a tidal wave of frustrations she had held to herself up until this point.
Separately, they were difficult enough to handle, but when they were all together…Harry shuddered. If they put all the time they spent bickering to creating world peace, there would never be another war for the remainder of the world's future. In fact, this had become a running joke amongst all the Gryffindors. Some had even gone as far as to start bets as to when one of them would break down and tell the other how they truly felt.
Harry, knowing both of them better than anyone, didn't see that happening any time in the remote future. Both were far too stubborn and proud to risk embarrassing themselves so irreversibly—no matter that it was perfectly clear to all others that there was obviously some sort of attraction underlying all the fighting. Fighting, Harry had noted numerous times before, that never seemed to end.
Why, just that very morning an argument had broken between the two at breakfast. In all honesty, Harry had no idea why it had started. One moment, he had been asking Seamus to pass the butter, and the next Ron and Hermione were shouting at each other. It had become rather embarrassing for him when they could seemingly never go anywhere together in peace anymore.
At the moment, Harry wasn't quite sure where the two were. He had come straight here after breakfast, and hadn't thought to check with his friends' plans—not that he cared very much at the moment. Both were probably still cooling down from that morning's fight and would take him as the ideal opportunity to vent.
No sooner had this thought crossed his mind, then the Fat Lady's portrait swung open and in stormed the two who had been occupying his thoughts. And, what a shock, they were fighting.
"I'm going with Viktor and that's final! Get that through your head, Ron!" Hermione screeched.
Quite a few of the first and second years decided it was high time to study in the library and quickly grabbed their books and slipped out past the bickering pair. Ron and Hermione tended to have that impact on the younger students. Harry supposed they did look rather formidable and, were he not used to their fighting, might have found it unsettling as well.
"That sadistic pig! Hermione, you don't even know him! Who knows what's going through that head of his!" Ron shouted incredibly, his face screwed in anger.
Hermione's eyes narrowed to mere slits, "That's rich! Coming from the guy who's pet for the last four years turned out to be some lunatic working for You-Know-Who!"
Harry frowned. Whatever started this fight must have been big if it was causing Hermione to speak freely of Pettigrew—something all three of them had sworn to keep quiet about.
"Well, sorry I didn't suspect a rat to be in league with the bloody madman! At least I'm not some brainy know-it-all who always has to be right!" Ron glowered, his arms crossed defiantly.
"Better a know-it-all than a flake!"
"Flake!? Flake!? What exactly—"
"Come on, Ronald! You aren't exactly the most reliable person, and you know it!"
Harry flinched. This was not going to end well. They hadn't been nearly this bad at breakfast.
"What do you reckon set them off this time?"
Harry shrugged, "Who knows. All they do is fight now. I'm beginning to wish the bloody Tournament would just end now so things will get back to normal."
Seamus laughed, "I don't think there ever was a time they got along."
Sighing, Harry leaned back in his chair, glancing at his fellow fourth years who had all congregated in the chairs next to him. They all looked as annoyed at the whole ordeal as he was, though Neville winced every time there was a particularly loud outburst.
"I agree with Harry. I'll be glad once things are back to normal and Hermione isn't keeping us up to all hours of the night complaining about Ron," Parvati shook her head irritably.
"It's not like Ron's any better," griped Dean, "He argues with her even when he's sleeping."
Harry nodded, "We took to putting a silencing charm on his bed…but then he started to sleep walk…woke up one night to find him pounding Neville with his pillow over and over again."
Neville blushed and scratched the back of his head, "He kept calling me 'Krum.'"
The other five burst out laughing, and soon Neville joined them. Something really did have to be done about the two of them. That much everyone agreed with.
"I do to belong in Gryffindor!" Hermione's fresh shriek drew all of their attention.
Ron was smirking triumphantly, his arms still crossed. He seemed to have thought that he had won this argument. How exactly they determined who won, no one was entirely certain, but apparently someone always did, because the winner would brag about it endlessly until yet another disagreement broke.
Hermione's fists were shaking silently at her side, her face red with fury. All the room's occupants, sensing the danger emanating from her, gulped and took a step back. And, in an instant, a wave of insults, irritations, and anger shook the very tower. After a exhibiting a moment of disbelief, Ron soon recovered and proceeded to join in Hermione's ranting.
Ten minutes later, the two had apparently run out of breath and of things to say. Both were red-faced, breathing heavily, and glowering at each other.
Back at the fireplace, Harry slowly closed his mouth which had fallen open in shock. That, by far, topped all other arguments he had ever witnessed. He was fairly certain that those first and second years who had left could hear every syllable exchanged between the two all the way down at the library. In fact, he felt safe in thinking that even those down on Durmstrang's ship could hear them perfectly.
Straightening up, Ron sneered slightly at the brunette before him. He didn't even seem to notice as Fred, George, Ginny all came to a halt in the doorway to the Common Room.
As his breath returned to normal, Ron once again crossed his arms and scowled:
"You say you're smart and belong
You say you'll plan and I should go along
But would cry? Ha! You'd be a mess
If one measly test was less than best"
Hermione quickly closed her mouth which had opened slightly in indignation. Eyes narrowing, she stormed over to the redhead where, upon reaching him, she shoved him:
"You say you're brave, Weasley
But it's too late to tell me that you don't flake out
'Cause spacey things that you've said
Prove that you have rocks rolling in your head"
Brushing her hair over her shoulder, Hermione placed her hand son her hips and gave Ron a look as if daring him to try her:
"Who do you think you are?"
Out of no where a chorus of voice rang out, surprising all the observers of the quarrel who looked around for whoever was echoing Hermione's words:
"Who do you think you are?"
Hermione, unaware of the voices that mystified the others in the room, continued to glare at Ron:
"Who do you think you are?"
Once again, the chorus of voices echoed off the Common Room's walls, though no one was closer to noting where it was coming from:
"Who do you think you are?"
Laughing at the absurdity of her next comment, Hermione only succeeded in further angering Ron who was shaking in fury as she sang:
"You say you're the best by the far
Who do you think you are?"
The two broke out into a short exchange of insults until Hermione spun around, her wand outstretched, pointed directly at Ron:
"When it's time to do what's right
You'd rather pine for that French girl that you met last night
And when you're jealous
You run back home"
Conjuring an ice cream, she didn't so much as hesitate before throwing it at Ron, hitting him squarely in the face:
"Solving every problem with an ice cream cone"
Ignoring the others in the room who couldn't help but laugh, Ron bitterly wiped most of the ice cream from his face, smearing the rest of it all over Hermione before laughing:
"You're all talk, non-stop
You think that it's so cherry in a Weasley's spot
You say your way never fails"
Ron took a quick spin before landing neatly in a nearby chair. Taking out his wand, he conjured a small model of the Durmstrang ship sailing away, casually smirking as a bolt of lightening hit a figure on the ship's deck that looked suspiciously like Krum:
"Well I might as well sit home until 'Vicky' sails
Who do you think you are?"
Everyone jumped at the chorus of voices who had appeared for Hermione now echoed Ron's words:
"Who do you think you are?"
Shoving the chair away with his foot as he stood, Ron stalked over to Hermione who was still trying to get the ice cream out of her hair:
"Who do you think you are?"
As the echoing voices appeared again, the occupants of the room finally resigned to forget about it and concentrate, instead on the fight:
"Who do you think you are?"
With on hand on his hip, Ron motioned the other wildly in the air as if to say the whole idea was preposterous:
"You say you're the best by the far
Who do you think you are?"
A slightly longer argument interrupted the two's singing this time. Indeed, it appeared as if this one might go on all day. It wasn't until all the fifth years simultaneously jumped to their feet, "ENOUGH!"
Hermione and Ron were shocked into silence and soon found themselves being pulled apart. While Lavender and Parvati reprimanded Hermione, the Gryffindor boys begged Ron for an end to the endless fighting.
Then, as if the whole thing had been planned, Ron and Hermione were shoved back together as their classmates joined those at the door to pray for success.
Both Ron and Hermione had their arms crossed and looked as if they were being forced to do something the both of them would rather never have to do:
"I hope you know
If today it doesn't show"
For a moment, the two lightened and actually smiled at each other, placing a friendly hand on each other's shoulder:
"You are my friend"
Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief as it looked as if the fight might finally be over. However, not but two seconds later, the friendliness disappeared and the two were shouting at each other at the top of their lungs:
"That doesn't mean that when we've had it
We won't go at it again and again"
Ron looked begrudgingly at Hermione, his arms crossed in reluctant admission:
"You've got brains"
Just as Hermione was beginning to smile at this, Ron grew a nasty look in his eyes and pointed importantly at himself:
"But I've got guts"
Scowling, Hermione crossed her arms:
"If I'm a pain"
The look Ron gave was all that was needed to set her off again, and Hermione stomped her foot and shoved Ron as hard as she could:
"Well you're a klutz"
Turning away from each other, Ron pulled at his hair while Hermione thrashed her arms into the air:
"Oh it's insane
How we drive each other nuts"
Making Ron and Hermione jump, every single person in the room shouted as loudly as they could:
"It's true!"
Scowling briefly at them, Hermione turned back to Ron:
"Who do you think you—"
The both of them shouted so loudly that their bodies bent in the effort to out shout the other:
"Who do you think you are?"
Ron jabbed his finger accusingly at Hermione who simply rolled her eyes as he yelled at her:
"I can't believe that you think you're going with Krum!"
Hermione snorted, jabbing her finger back at him:
"Yeah? Well I am going with him, and it's because you were too slow to notice me!"
Opening and closing his mouth several times, Ron finally crossed his arms looked at her smugly:
"Oh yeah? Well I've gotten you out of plenty of messes before!"
Smirking, Hermione didn't bother to hold back a laugh:
"That's nothing compared to the mess you make when you eat!"
Ron's mouth dropped open in indignation:
"I do not!"
Hermione looked at him, not believing he was daring to deny such a well known fact:
"Do to!"
Ron stalked forward, his arms shaking at his side:
"I do not!"
Arms crossed, Hermione shrieked her reply:
"Do to!"
Scowling, Ron emitted a low growl before crossing his own arms:
"Well you're not going with him and that's that!"
Hermione dropped her arms:
"Well why should I listen to a jerk like you?"
Ron said nothing for a moment before nodding in agreement with himself:
"Well maybe because I'm your friend, and I know what's best!"
Hermione rolled her eyes:
"Well all I know is that you must have your robes too tight!"
And with that, the two resorted back to the never-ending bickering. Groaning in frustration, Harry turned back to his companions, "Anyone up for a trip to Hogsmeade? I could go for a large Butterbeer."
There was a low muttering of agreement and the nine of them left the Gryffindor tower in hopes of finding a way to ease the migraines that had settled in. Harry, lagging behind a little, turned to Fat Lady's empty portrait—she, too, had apparently been driven away by the fight—and shook his head. Hopefully things would quiet down after the Tournament was over. Until then…
Uttering a spell under his breath, a sign appeared on the vacant portrait. Sighing, he turned to catch up with everyone. Hopefully no one would disturb them until they had worked it out. Casting one last look over his shoulder, he smirked.
Do Not Disturb:
Relationship in Progress
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I always felt so bad for Harry…having to put up with Ron and Hermione's incessant bickering...and I always thought it had the possibility to make a great fanfic. Then I heard this song and viola! Next thing you know, I've finished, at least what I consider to be a very amusing story. Hope you all like it too!