Rating: Probably PG-13 for language I rarely do sex scenes
Genre: Humor/Angst/General Shonen-Ai (actually it's man love but I don't remember the term for that one)
Summary: This is a story I originally titled Stepford Elicoorians. I wrote this after watching The Stepford Wives and could not resist
Notes: Okay this started out straight Star Ocean---then it went somewhere else all by itself…seriously! I have characters that I haven't thought about in literally years making appearances. --;
"Welcome Fittrs!"
Albel barely acknowledged the woman leaning into the car window.
"Electro shock?"
"Pills."
"Ahhh. Wakey wakey little achy achy!"
Albel cringed, her voice was so sweet he wanted to rip her vocal cords out with his real hand.
"Er, he's had a long trip…so you must be Mrs. Miller?"
"That's right. Please come on in—I'm sure you're just dying to see the house—it just went on the market last week. It's the last one available on the lake you know? And of course you have easy access to the golf course and the community center—oh it has it's own pool and even an adorable little koi pond—oh dear why don't we let you out of the car there first. My—my you're big strong fellow aren't you? What a wonderful catch you have here er—I'm sorry I forgot your name."
"Good." Albel growled and stalked towards the front door leaving the chattering woman and Cliff behind.
"Oh my we're Mister Grouchypusspanties today aren't we?"
" Er my Albel's had a rough year…"
She tsked and tapped Cliff on the chest. "Ahh stressful—we have to take good care of our delicate half Mister Fittr."
Albel turned from where he was trying to figure out how to open the door. What the hell was wrong with having a fucking door knob it was a nice invention! It worked! "Did you just call me delicate?"
"Pardon? Oh my—" Mrs. Miller approached Albel with her arms extended—like she was going to touch him…TOUCH him. Lucky for her Cliff caught up with her first and pulled her back to safety. "Is something wrong Mr. Fittr?"
"Can someone open the damn door?"
"Ohhh right! So very sorry where is my brain?"
"In a small jar full of pickle juice. Wait that's where it's going to be if you don't open the damn door in two seconds!"
Cliff cringed and tried to hurriedly explain away Albel's comment.
Mrs. Miller wasn't affected, she just smiled brighter and waved airily. "Oh Mister Grouchypusspanties is a feisty one! I'm sure he'll fit right in Stepford." She moved around both men ignoring—or genuinely not noticing when Cliff grabbed Albel's shoulder and growled in his ear to try and not be so much of a bastard.
She also ignored Albel's less than polite request that Cliff stick his request up his nose and pull it out of his ass.
"Here we are! As you can see it's got a lovely view of Lake Stepford right from the living room—and a HUGE kitchen for all the cooking you will undoubtedly be doing right Mister Albel? I mean with such a strapping man in your life, he must keep you so very busy just keeping him fed?"
Albel snorted. "Yes he's built up quite an immunity to arsenic I must move on to stronger things. This kitchen will be perfect for my experiments."
It was strange how her face froze for a moment then she laughed, " Oh what a sense of humor you have Albel--oh may I call you Bel? That's a much nicer name and we here in Stepford don't do formal—we're all one big happy family!"
"No."
"Wonderful now Bel I'll be by tomorrow morning to show you around! I guess your movers will be here in an hour to set everything up for you. Oh I'm so excited! Now lets take a quick lookzee around shall we? Despite appearances you have every convenience of modern life in the cities. Everything is electronic and hooked up to the houses very own mainframe. It monitors everything in the home from the temperature that's just perfect for you individually—to how much milk you have left in the fridge. And if anyone is on any prescription medications it will remind you of that as well."
"Nice—isn' t that nice Albel?"
Albel glared at both of them and stalked off to the next room.
"Oh good choice Bel, this is the game room as you can see it also has a view of the—Bel where are you going?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Mrs. Miller blinked and turned vacant eyes to Cliff, " Do you think I said something to offend him?"
"Er—he's had a long year."
"Do you think introducing him to the knitting circle will be to much excitement for him?"
"Uh."
Albel had been through war faced the apolocypes and come out alive and victorious—but never had he ever been faced with a challenge like this. Never did he think NOT killing could be stressful. His hands were shaking as he opened the bottle of pills that Fayt had sent him the night before.
Something about suppressing his KI2 gene—he was supposed to take one every time he felt homocidial. He'd promptly sent three large jars of the things as emergency backup.
Cliff found it amusing. Albel…not so much, but he found himself very grateful.
"And on Sundays we all get together after church for a community picnic! I was thinking about bringing a nice cheeseburger pie. What do you think? Oh it will be wonderful—it'll be a good chance for you to get to know everyone."
Albel wondered if he grabbed the wheel and steered them towards one of those light poles that lined the street if the car would blow up. If so would they die instantly like in those movies Cliff loved so much…maybe her head would pop off or better yet explode in a shower of blood and gray matter. The thought made him smile…he took a pill.
"Oh good I'm glad you're excited about it, I'll be by to get you tomorrow for the Hoe Down!"
"The what?"
"We're here! Come on in everyone has been dying to meet you!"
Albel looked up at the sparking windows of Stepford Day Spa and community center—a fountain of some fat winged babies gurgled happily in front of it.
"Today is aerobics day. All the la-er homebodies gather to work out."
Albel arched a brow at the high-heeled shoes and paisley lace dress the woman wore. Her hair was done to perfection just as her makeup was. "You exercise in dresses?"
She paused and blinked at him, "Of course—we'd never want our men to see us in frumpy black clothing and horrible highlights. I'd just die." That said she walked swiftly into the center.
Albel blinked, had he just been insulted? For one thing the blond was NOT highlights. It was his real hair color—sandy blond just was not intimidating. He'd die before he told anyone that, and the black pants and turtleneck had been Cliff's idea! He took another pill, and went in after her.
"Good morning darlings!" she called cheerfully.
A mass of smiling floral and pinks turns to her as a unit, "Good morning Doreen."
"Everyone I'd like you to meet our newest person to Stepford. His name is Albel but you can all call him Bel!"
All those vacant eyes turned on him then—the women sported lovely (huge) summer hats, and the men wore refined pastel and white linen shirts and pants. "Good morning Bel."
Albel took another pill.
"You have to forgive our Albel here—he's been through a lot lately. I'm under strict orders not to over stimulate him."
A collective coo of sympathy and Albel was ready to scream—he took another pill instead.
"Okay darlings lets get started! Everyone grab your poles. Bel would you care to join us?"
He just growled in reply.
Cliff sat back in the plush leather couch and watched the men make absolute asses of themselves with toy robots.
"Get the bra get the bra!"
What the hell was this? High School?
"Not enjoying yourself sport?"
Cliff looked up at the older extending a cigar to him—he took it. "Yeah I'm having a great time. Just thinking about Albel—wondering if he's making any friends—and if he's killed anyone."
He laughed, " I'm sure he's making lots of friends."
Obviously the man had not met Albel yet. "Yeah—sure…"
"Ohhhhh good job Mitch!"
Cliff looked to where Mitch held the yellow bra up high proudly. He snorted.
"So tell me Cliff? What brought you to Stepford?"
Cliff shrugged. " Albel. It's just one thing after another. He had a mental break—a deep depression we just got his chemical imbalance flushed and straightened out. Only to discover that imbalance was a genetic protection for the rest of the world."
"Wha?" Several of the other men had wandered over to where Cliff and the older man sat. Someone gave him a beer—he hated human beer.
"Sounds like you've had to pour a lot of money into this horse huh? Why haven't you traded for a new one?"
Cliff looked at the man that spoke. Short and stumpy with a comb over—bleary blue eyes peered at him from a greasy face. "Because I love him. Isn't that why you all moved here to save your relationships?"
The men laughed, "Yeah that's it. And just look what Stepford has done for us." Mitch spoke and gestured towards the window.
"So uh what were you talking about before with the chemical imbalance?"
Cliff popped open his beer and took a sip before he remembered he HATED HUMAN BEER. " Blair this is crap—oh well while running some tests we discovered that Albel has the KI2 gene."
"The what?"
Killer Instinct second anomaly gene? That is extremely rare."
Cliff looked at the pale man that spoke.
"Okay for those of us that aren't dorks what the hell is that?"
"Everyone has heard of the Killer Instinct—sometimes called berserkers when they are enraged or faced with a hostile situation they become violent and narrow in on the task immediately before them which is usually killing whatever has upset them. After accomplishing the goal they tend to not remember what happened. People with the KI2 anomaly do remember—but after the kill they experience a Euphoria that is almost orgasmic—and in some cases addictive. I heard a few centuries back that the government was trying to breed an angry of KI2 soldiers. It failed miserably because of all of the other disorders that come with the KI2."
Cliff stared hard at the pale man that spoke, "You know a lot about it—what do you do for a living?"
The man smiled, " I'm a scientist –I specialize in genetics."
"Cliff Fittr—recently retired diplomat."
" Seph Rogers." The man replied and wandered away from the group.
Cliff shrugged it off.
Home again
Cliff watched Albel pace like a caged animal in their living room—he'd been mumbling to himself about crazy people for over an hour. Cliff didn't dare mention the fact that he looked like a crazy person himself.
"Bel."
"There is something wrong with the people in this town Cliff I'm telling you! These people are deranged! Haven't you gotten one of your hunches yet? Can't you feel it?"
Cliff sighed and stood up, " Bel there is nothing weird going on here! These are genuinely friendly country folk that's all!"
Albel growled something that sounded like fool and stalked out of the room.
Cliff followed him. " You know it wouldn't kill you to try and get along with these people!"
"No but it might kill them."
Cliff smirked, " Is that what this is all about? The stupid KI2 gene thing?"
"No. I'd want to kill these people if I was still my normal self—or the sick version of me. DAMNIT Cliff I want to leave—lets just pack up and go."
"Go where?"
"Anywhere. I don't care just not here with these unnaturally friendly people."
Cliff nodded, " Fayt said this would happen."
"Oh. And what did Doctor Quack say now? I'd become paranoid and-"
"He said that you'd be uncomfortable without the constant chaos in your mind—so you'd look to make a different kind of chaos."
"What? That doesn't make any sense! The fact that I hate it here and I hate these people has nothing to do with my brain juices! The fact stands that something is wrong in this hell hole and I want out!"
Cliff shook his head, "For once can you think about someone that isn't you? You think this slower pace of life crap was something I really wanted? Huh? No it's not but it's what YOU need right now. We're here because I care about you even if you don't give a damn about yourself! Has it occurred to you yet that within the last year you've had a COMPLETE AND TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN? You should be in a hospital somewhere drooling on yourself in a corner from that alone—but you're not. You've help pave the way for more productive treatments of chemical imbalances—"
"He drained the fluids from my brain and put them back at the levels of a 'typical' elicoorian. Woo."
"Nel to be exact."
"NEL! I think like that red head harpy now?"
Cliff wrapped an arm around his waist and smirked, " That's beside the point-"
"And I don't think Nel is typical she's a little off her rocker too you know! I can't believe you bastards—"
"She volunteered!"
"Volunteer—and no one asked me if I had a problem with this? I should kill-"
"Let's get you another pill huh babe?"
"DIE WORM!"
"Yeah…can I get one last good lay before you subject me to a slow and torturous death?"
Albel seemed to think about it for a second. "Okay. Bring the vanilla icing I like."
The hoe down…yeeAHHHHHHHHHHHH help!
"What is that noise?!"
Cliff cocked his head to the side, " I think it's a called a fiddle."
"It should be destroyed." Albel's smile suggested that he'd be more than happy to do so.
Cliff opened his pill bottle for him. Albel took one then looked around at the milling people and children.
"Five minutes."
"Huh?"
Albel glared at him, " You heard me. We do five minutes get ourselves seen and then get the hell out of here."
"Come on! Stop being such a pain in the ass, I swear you're turning into Fayt slowly but surely."
"Well whose fault is that hm?"
Cliff didn't get a chance to reply because a battilion of fluffy skirted women and two paisley wearing men with giant vacant smiles were approaching them from two different directions.
"Cliff don't make eye contact! Just put your head down and keep walking!" Albel hissed close to his ear.
Naturally Cliff looked up to see what all the whispering was about.
"I told you not to make contact damn it! Walk faster!"
"No. This is the perfect opportunity for you to make some friends!"
"I don't want to make any-"
"Good morning Bel! My your skin is lovely today…have you been getting more sun?"
"I love your sweater Bel it's so not black."
"What pretty shoes you're wearing today Bel…are those the new Rossetti line? I love the Rossetti line."
Albel was certain he felt Cliff flinch he didn't have a chance to gloat when as one they turned their attention to Cliff.
"Good morning Cliff you look absolutely edible."
"I love your pants they really show your assets very well."
"Bel is so lucky."
A unigiggle finished off the round and Cliff elegantly replied, " Er…I have to go. Bel have fun with your new friends."
And before Albel could mumble a 'don't leave me with these freaks' he was gone.
Albel took a deep breath and turned back to the small group behind him. They all had disappointed looks on their faces.
" It's so good of you to make it Candy wasn't certain you'd come." A blond woman with bright blue eyes spoke her hand on his shoulder. Something about her grip felt—very not pampered housewife. " Oh I'm so sorry I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Quistis—that's my husband that your Cliff is talking to."
Albel looked over his shoulder to where Cliff stood with another man around his own age—a smirk on his face that made Albel want to rip it off. By the scar that ran across his nose someone had already tried.
"Isn't he wonderful!"
Albel cast another look at man with Cliff—he was laughing and Cliff was flexing his right hand like he always did before giving into the urge to plant someone's nose in the back of their skull. Good let him get a taste of these people. "Inner chaos my ass."
"Pardon?" Quistis asked.
"Er. Yeah he's great."
That was a mistake because the rest of the giggle squad decided he was friendly enough to approach.
"I'm Cloud!"
"I'm Mara!"
" I'm Mindy."
"I'm Lina" a shortish pretty redhead spoke up.
"I'm-"
"I'm nautious and certain that he is to!"
Albel looked at the smirking young man that bounded up to him and eyed him critically. "Are you human?"
"I'm from elicoor II."
"Good enough." The young man grabbed his arm and dragged and unresisting Albel away from the homemaker droids. " Names Duo! Man it's good to see another normal person around here!"
Albel found himself nodding and doing something he never thought he'd do. " Thanks for the rescue. My significant other threw me to the wolves to make his escape. He shall pay dearly when we return to our residence."
Duo just looked at him blankly. " I know what ya mean Heero dragged me here by my ponytail then ditched me for the shooting range. Oh so what's your name by the way?"
"Albe—"
"Excuse me are you normal?"
Both men turned to the softly spoken woman. Her dark blond hair was pulled up into two ponytails and she wore a long wide black dress. She blushed at their silence. " I apologize that was terribly rude of me."
"Nah welcome to the sane club. I'm the current present and founder Duo Maxwell this here is the VP er—what's your name?"
"Albel."
"Albel and you're now the secetary Misses…."
"Robin, and it is a pleasure to meet you both."
"As well as you!"
"May I join as well?"
"Me too man!"
Duo blinked at the two other women that approached them. One was a quiet brunette with mismatched eyes and the other was a short slightly grumpy looking black haired girl."
" That depends is baking cookies the end all say all of a good time for you?"
"No."
"Unless it's the kind that will save the world…no."
"Welcome to the club ladies."
"Yuna."
"Akane. So what's the first order of business? Smashing the infidels? Or smashing the idiots?"
Albel arched a brow. Hmm. Maybe he was going to like it here.
"What is this again?"
"The Stepford's women book club meeting. They meet once a week apparently at Candy's place."
"Lovely."
"Got your pills Bel?"
"KI2 killers at the ready. What about you Robin?"
"Oh nothing so drastic just a valium before I left home."
"Ahh wussy."
"Pill head."
" Oh welcome Stepford newbies!" Candy (Mrs. Miller) bounced excitedly inside her front door. Per usual her outfit was impeccable in lemons and creams.
"Please we're out on the patio in back. The others and I were waiting for you all!"
The sane club exchanged a glance then started in behind Candy, it wasn't long before they were stepping out into a backyard straight from a painting. White lattice gazebo and all.
Akane smiled and leaned on Albel's shoulder. "Is it to late to run?"
" That depends have you unpacked?"
"Yeah?"
"It's way to late."
She laughed.
"Oh so good to hear you laugh Akane I didn't think you knew how!" Candy offered with a generous smile.
"Down girl."
Okay thoughts anyone? Yes I am crazy next question please.