My Two Dads Chapter 5: Bath Time Troubles and Gaara's Shopping Adventure
Me: I thank all who have reviewed so far but I still need name suggestions!!
Gaara: Or you could not suggest names and she'll stop this god-forsaken fic.
Me: Yeah, but that's not fun.
Gaara: My life isn't fun and look at how I turned out.
Me: Yeah, you're a psycho killer that's in love with a cold bastard hell-bent on killing his brother.
Gaara: Shut up...
Me: Why? Oh, I know.
Gaara: Stupid sick minded fan girls.
Me: At the moment I have no intention of writing a lemon. Although that doesn't mean I won't. Well, any way enjoy the fic! There is some fluff in this chapter!
Sasuke awoke later in the morning than usual seeing as he had the day off of training. When he awoke he noticed that his back was not against his sheets, but it was against someone's stomach and crotch. There were long smooth arms draped against his chest and were playing with his nipples and bellybutton. He was startled at first but then he remembered about Gaara and the Hawaiian print shirt incident. Sasuke looked up and was quickly greeted by Gaara's lips smashing against his own.
"Good morning." Said Gaara after their kiss had been broken. "So, I see you really like your clan symbol."
"Huh?" Replied Sasuke.
"You have Uchiha boxers, Uchiha blankets, Uchiha shirts, Uchiha swim shorts. The list goes on."
"So? Lots of people in Konoha have their clan symbols on some articles of clothing."
"Name one person."
"Umm, Neji!"
We now come to Neji who is currently brushing his teeth in his boxers and robe on. Both are decorated with little white eyeballs.
"Well, Neji's weird." Replied Gaara after picturing Neji's boxers in his head.
Without saying anything Sasuke got out of bed and looked out the window while resting his arms against the windowsill. Gaara then got out of bed as well and stood behind Sasuke and then with out provocation he reached out and grabbed Sasuke's ass making the young Uchiha jump.
"Ack! Hentai!" Yelled Sasuke
He then turned and tried to punch Gaara and it hit for Gaara had left his gourd in the living room next to the baby who was sleeping in a mess of blankets. Gaara put a hand to his bruised cheek and wiped a little bit of blood away from his lip.
"What are you?" Said Gaara "A woman?"
Gaara then left the room and picked up the now awake baby and plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. While Gaara was sitting on the couch Sasuke got dressed in his usual attire. Gaara just sat on the couch in his boxers.
"Oh, shit." Said Gaara from the living room.
"What?" Said Sasuke as he left the room
"Baby had an accident." Replied Gaara as he held the baby as far away from him as he could.
Sasuke face quickly fell as he remembered that 'baby had an accident' just means 'baby took a big shit'.
Sasuke took the baby from Gaara and plopped the little thing onto the table. He took off the baby's little shorts and just tried not to vomit. Gaara then walked over to the living room and picked up his gourd and some clothes. Randomly Gaara punched a huge hole into his gourd causing it to leak sand everywhere.
"Oh, silly me," Said Gaara "My gourd has an unexplained hole in it. Guess I better fix it before it makes a mess of everything. See ya."
Gaara was then out of the house in a flash. Sasuke just fumed and ran to the door.
"You fucking suck!" Yelled Sasuke "You fucking suck!!"
Sasuke then walked into the kitchen and rummaged around for an old handkerchief. He found one that Sakura gave to him a while ago and then put it down for later use. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed some bleach-free disinfectant wipes (what guy owns those?). He closed his eyes and then successfully cleans up the baby using the handkerchief as a diaper. When he picked up the baby he couldn't help but noticed that the baby well, stunk.
"Ugh, now you need a bath." Said Sasuke "Where's Gaara when you need him?"
Sasuke then took the baby to the bathroom and started to fill the tub. As the tub filled and warmed, Sasuke started to undress the baby, but the baby seemed motivated to stay dressed. Sasuke had to struggle very hard to just get the shirt off of the little nightmare. When he finally succeeded the tub was nearly about to spill water from being so full luckily Sasuke had shut it off with his super speed. He put the baby in the water and then turned around to take off his shirt, shorts, and boxers so they wouldn't get wet. He then bent down (sporting his Uchiha towel around his waist) to clean the baby and noticed that he wasn't there.
"Hey!" Yelled Sasuke as he followed the running birthday suit clad baby. "Get back here!!"
"Dobe!!" Yelled the baby in protest.
Sasuke caught the baby quickly and as he was walking back to the bathroom he noticed that Gaara was watching TV. Sasuke walked over to Gaara, took the remote away from him and shut the TV off.
"Don't make me snatch that towel off of you and throw you into the street." Said Gaara still eyeing the TV. "I saw a group of Sasuke fan girls out there and I think they're out for blood."
Sasuke put the remote on the kitchen table and then went back into the bathroom. As Gaara sat there he just counted down until something bad happened and in five seconds many profanities (not just from Sasuke) were heard. He also heard splashing, crashing, and screaming too. Soon the baby was running away from the bathroom again. Sasuke quickly followed and grabbed the baby, holding him like a football.
"Well," Started Gaara "I see he learned to walk quickly."
Sasuke then stood in front of Gaara and just glared at him. Unfortunately for Sasuke the towel he was sporting lost its grip on his hips from all of that running and fell to the ground. Gaara's nonexistent raised up immediately at the site in front of him. Sasuke looked down at his bare self and quickly grabbed the towel and covered himself.
"Now I see why you never got with a girl." Said Gaara still blushing.
"What do you mean?" Said Sasuke.
Before Gaara said anything Sasuke walked off to the bathroom and successfully cleaned the baby. After that Sasuke got dressed again, picked up the nightmare that was spawned from the stupid jutsu, and plopped down on the couch. Sasuke was very exhausted and immediately fell asleep next to Gaara despite the fact that it was only noon. Not even ten minutes later there was a knock at the door. Gaara got up and answered the door even though he really didn't want to. When he answered the door he was greeted by a mass of girls.
"Hello," Said Sakura, the supposed leader. "Is Sasuke-kun here?"
"Umm, he's asleep at the moment." Replied Gaara; unsure of why the girls were here.
"Then we'll just have to take you instead." Said Sakura as she grabbed Gaara's hand. "First, get the baby."
Gaara walked back into the house and brought the baby back to the swarm of girls who immediately pulled him away from the house and dragged him to the shopping district of Konoha.
"In order to help Sasuke-kun," Began Ino "We're helping you shop for the baby and get settled. We have also agreed to give up on him too."
All of the girls whimpered after Ino said that they were going to give up on Sasuke. When they got to the baby and kids part of the shopping district Gaara had to shield his eyes from the blindingly bright colors.
"Here we are!" Said Sakura in an excited tone. "First on the list is clothes and diapers."
They walked into a random store still dragging Gaara and the baby. They quickly found a few packages of diapers and put them in a cart.
"Holy shit. Don't you think this is a little much for one baby?" Questioned Gaara as he looked at all of the diapers.
"Are you nuts?" Replied Tenten "They go about six times a day at least."
"Holy shit!!!!!" Exclaimed Gaara after hearing that "This little thing goes six times a day?!"
"Y-yes." Replied Hinata.
"Hinata? I thought you and Naruto were together."
"That's true Gaara-san."
"Then why are you with the Sasuke freaks?"
After saying that Gaara received a few glares from the girls.
"I just thought I could help."
"Oh."
They moved on and were now in the clothing aisle. It was separated into two sections. There was the girl's side that was decorated in pink and purple and Hello Kitty. Then there was the bots side that was red and blue and ... Power Rangers. The Power Rangers made Gaara cringe, but the baby just cocked his head as if he were thinking. The girls rushed over to the clothes and started to squeal as they looked at the little clothes.
'Sasuke sounds exactly like them when he squeals.' Thought Gaara as the girls continued to pick out clothes.
"Hey Gaara," Said Sakura as she shoved an outfit in his face "Don't you think this outfit would look just adorable on him?"
"Umm," Mumbled Gaara as he realized that fashion wasn't his forte "How about we just stick with... black and blue...?"
"Okay, if you want a depressing baby."
Sakura then walked off to look for some black and blue clothes. Not even a minute later, Gaara was grabbed by the girls and was then dragged to a toy store to find little playthings for the baby.
When he got there and stood up he noticed that once again, one side was pink and bright and the other was red and power ranger-ish. When the baby saw it he squealed like a little baby that could make the most serious shinobi go "aww". The baby managed to wiggle free from Gaara and waddled (using his newly found walking skill) over to the toys and started to pick things up and play with them. All the girls let out their "aww's" and then started to throw things into the cart. Gaara walked over to the teddy bears and picked one up that looked exactly like his old one that he had when he was about six. Memories of Yashamaru and the kid that called him a monster flooded his mind. Suddenly the bear was yanked out of his hands by Sakura and thrown into the cart as the girls and the baby went of to get the food.
"..." Was all Gaara said in reaction to what Sakura did. "Note to self; kill Sakura"
Gaara rejoined them to see that they had already gotten most of the food. As the girls continued gathering food items Gaara picked up the baby and a can of baby food.
"Strained beets..." Read Gaara. "Strained beets? No wonder they take a shit about six times a day, because you feed them this crap."
The baby snatched the can away from Gaara and looked it over curiously.
"Is today 'snatch stuff from Gaara day' or what?" Pondered Gaara.
"Bastard." Said the baby happily as Gaara quickly looked at the giggling baby.
"You just said 'bastard' didn't you?" Wondered Gaara. "You couldn't have learned that from the clean freak who's sleeping on the couch now. Did you? Why is my voice lie this? Oh my God, I'm turning into a woman! You did this to me!"
Gaara pointed at the baby who just grabbed his finger and started to shake it up and down giggling madly.
"A better question: how did such a happy and giggling baby come out of us?" Pondered Gaara.
Gaara was snapped out of his pondering when Tenten called to him and told him that they were going to the cash register now. He ran, baby still in hand, over to where the girls were.
"Your total comes to $120.00." Said the monotone cashier lady.
"Umm, I didn't bring any money with me." Confessed Gaara.
"It's okay, we have it covered." Reassured Hinata "We didn't expect you to bring anything seeing as we just pulled you out of your house suddenly and took you shopping."
"Oh, okay I guess." Said Gaara as he continued pondering about those questions he brought up in the food section.
When they left the store all of the girls started to walk off in their own directions away from Gaara.
"Hey! Aren't you gonna help me with the bags?" Asked Gaara as the girls turned around to look at him.
"Sorry, I have a scheduled manicure that I can't be late to." Said Sakura.
"I have to help brother Neji with his sewing" Said Hinata "Oops, I wasn't supposed to talk about his sewing. (Sorry, I just love Naruto Primer)"
"Hair appointment." Was all Ino said in her defense.
"I have to... do non-character developing things." Said Tenten, sweat dropping.
Gaara's face fell as he was left to carry about 10 bags and a baby back to the young Uchiha's house. He then let the sand out to carry all of the bags while he carried the baby that was intent on yanking Gaara's hair from his scalp.
"Ow! You stupid baby! Stop it!!" Exclaimed Gaara as he opened the door to the house after the baby had gotten a good, firm hold on a lock of Gaara's rubicund hair. "So, how's our sleeping beauty?"
"Shut up." Said Sasuke as he peered over the edge of the couch at Gaara who was now putting all of the items in the kitchen and setting the baby down on the floor who then quickly waddled over to where Sasuke was.
Gaara then followed and their lips met. They really got into the kissing and Sasuke started to go backwards as Gaara went forward. Sasuke then lost his balance and so did Gaara and they both fell off the couch. Gaara landed on the coffee table as Sasuke hit his head on it.
"Ow." Muttered Sasuke
"That was smart" Replied Gaara
"Shut up."
Me: KYAHH! I am so sorry for the delay!! I was grounded and then I forgot about it and I am also working on a different fan fiction so please forgive me!
Sasuke: Don't forgive her1 It may make her shut up.
Me: slaps Sasuke
Sasuke: Oog.
Me: Review or die by rusty butter knives! REVIEW!