My Two Dads Chapter 6: A Christmas party, A Name, A Spoof, and A Crazy Lady's Decision (not in that order)

Me: Thank you all for requesting names and it was very hard for me to decide, but I finally did.

Gaara: They're gay names aren't they?

Me: What would you care? You are gay.

Gaara: …

Me: Thought so.

Gaara: Just get on with the fic okay?

Me: Why? Maybe I'll just ramble on about how awesome you are.

Gaara: Though that would be okay, the dedicated readers would eat you alive and I want to be the one to kill you.

Me: … I will now spoof a lemon in this chapter!!

Gaara: Good Lord someone save me.

Me: Sorry, now on to the fiction!!!!

Gaara and Sasuke were just sitting watching TV one morning. The baby was on Gaara's lap once again trying to scalp Gaara.

"Damn it kid," Groaned Gaara "You better not ever become a barber because you'd be getting slapped and sued everyday."

"He wont become a barber." Stated Sasuke "He'll become a ninja. He is an Uchiha after all."

"…Right."

"Hmm, you know what Gaara?"

"What?"

"Maybe it's time we name the baby."

Gaara dodged another attempt at the baby stealing his hair.

"How about we name him something like a native American, what ever they are."

"What?"

"Yeah, we could name him 'He who pulls out hair'."

Sasuke then smacked Gaara on the head.

"Baka, how about we name him 'Kamui'."

"You wanna name him after an X character?"

"Not X, Gackt. Kamui Gackt."

"Argh, fine, we'll name him… Kamui… pansy."

"I heard that."

Sasuke smirked triumphantly as he had won the name fight and was now showing off his superiority complex. Sasuke continued to watch TV and Gaara continued to fight off Kamui's deadly, hair grabbing hands. All was quiet, peaceful, and boring until they heard the mail ninjas dropping off the mail. Gaara gently tossed the baby to Sasuke who luckily caught him and Gaara headed for the door to retrieve the mail. Gaara walked to the garbage can and rooted through the mail calling out throwing away things that didn't interest him.

"Junk, junk," Began Gaara "junk, junk, catalog, catalog, subscription renewal, fan letters, Itachi's pay check…"

"Don't ask." Said Sasuke

"Jury duty, jury duty, black mail from Naruto, blackmail from Itachi, chain letter, eviction notice…"

"What? I own this place, it's the old Uchiha house."

"I know, I just like it when you freak out and get that high pitched voice. Hold on, there's an invitation in here to a Valentines party. It's from Sakura."

Sasuke picked up Kamui and walked over to Gaara to see the invitation. He rested his head on Gaara's shoulder and looked at the invitation.

"You are invited to a Valentines extravaganza at the Ninja Academy." Read Sasuke.

"Hold on," Stated Gaara "There's more."

Gaara then completely unfolded the invitation and read it aloud.

"You are invited blah blah blah. It's a costume party. If you are going as a couple with someone the costumes must go together. There will be refreshments for free there. No store bought costumes. Costumes and attendance are mandatory under the will of the Hokage."

There was an uncomfortable pause for a moment as both boys took time to let the invitation sink in.

"OW!!" Yelled Gaara "Get Kauisa away from me!"

"His name is Kamui." Stated Sasuke as-a-matter-a-factly.

"Whatever, we can't go we don't have a babysitter and it says that no one under the age of thirteen is allowed in."

"That wont be a problem." Stated Tsunade.

"How did you get in here?" Asked Sasuke.

"I have the keys to all the houses in Konoha."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I will be your babysitter so you two can go to the party and I will make sure of it that you go, now I suggest you get started on that costume because the party's tonight." And with that Tsunade was gone in a poof.

After Tsunade had left, Gaara, Sasuke, and Kamui sat down and pondered about the costume. Kamui was surprisingly not pulling out Sasuke's hair like he always did with Gaara's hair. Gaara noticed and got even more annoyed than he already was, but he didn't do anything. They pondered more about the costume until Gaara got an evil look on his face.

"I have the perfect idea for a costume!" Exclaimed Gaara as he stood up and punched a fist in the air.

"Don't ever do that again. You're already too out of character."

"Shut up. Anyway, you know how you have a tendency to call me a panda connected with some other insult?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I can be a panda by wearing some black and white clothes."

"Mm'kay, but what about me?"

"I dunno. I guess you can be a sexy zookeeper or something."

Sasuke's face fell when he heard the part about the zookeeper. He pondered for a moment resting his chin on the hand that wasn't holding Kamui.

"Can zookeepers be sexy?" Asked Sasuke in a puzzled tone.

Gaara paused for a moment.

"… Yes." Replied Gaara with shifty eyes as he started to gather things for their costumes.

Gaara probably turned the entire Uchiha village upside down as he searched for something even remotely looking like something a sexy zookeeper would wear. He found some shorts and he decided that Sasuke could just wear boots along with it, but he needed a top to the costume. An idea hit Gaara like a ton of bricks as he stormed back into Sasuke's house.

"Your chuunin vest!" Exclaimed Gaara.

"What about it?" Said Sasuke as he was rocking Kamui on his lap wooing the baby to sleep.

"I can use that as the top to the outfit seeing as you Uchihas seem to only wear black and blue."

Sasuke set Kamui down slowly on the couch and then went to retrieve his chuunin vest (You didn't really think they'd be 16 and still genin did you?). When Sasuke came back Gaara quickly snatched the vest away from him and started to work on the costume using many sewing techniques to aid him for they didn't have long before the party and he still needed to work on his costume. Sasuke then confirmed that Gaara didn't need help so he flopped back down on the couch and turned on the TV while putting Kamui back on his lap.

"Done!!!" Exclaimed Gaara as he threw the costume at Sasuke hitting him right in the face.

Sasuke put the baby back down, shut the TV off, and took the costume to get changed. Gaara meanwhile was rummaging through his belongings looking for a few certain things in a particular. He would throw random things out as he desperately looked for the items he needed. He found a shirt that was white with black sleeves that went almost past his fingertips and some white shorts. He also found a pair of long black (non-hooker like) boots. Gaara got dressed in a flash and then found the finishing piece to his costume. Sasuke walked out of the room in his costume and was blushing madly.

"Found it." Said Gaara as he held up the last piece to their costumes.

"… A collar and leash?" Asked Sasuke as he stared at the final piece.

"Yup."

Sasuke didn't want to argue and they were running out of time before the party so he grabbed the leash and Gaara put on his collar and they waited for Tsunade to arrive. At about ten minutes until the party started, the Godaime finally arrived.

"Took you long enough." Said Gaara as he and Sasuke got up to leave.

"Yes, yes, I was late just leave now." Said Tsunade as she pushed them out the door and immediately closed it.

The panda and zookeeper exchanged uneasy looks and then headed off towards the academy where the party was being held. The walk was quiet until Sasuke couldn't keep in his question any longer.

"Gaara?" Asked Sasuke.

"Hmm?"

"…Can zookeepers be sexy?"

Gaara did a quick anime fall and then just kept on walking without saying anything.

"I mean," Started Sasuke "I just wanna know if they can."

"Look, Sasuke, baby, it was either a zookeeper or a gigantic shoot of bamboo."

That comment about the bamboo immediately shut Sasuke up. They both walked a little bit longer until they finally arrived at the academy. When they walked to the entrance, they are greeted by Sakura and Ino. Both of which are playboy bunnies. Sakura's a pink bunny where as Ino is blue.

"Lemme guess," Started Gaara, "Your mom gave it to you?"

"Rrr, just go in!" Yelled Sakura and Ino in unison. "Nice costume Sasuke-Kun!"

"I repeat," Said Sasuke "Can zookeepers be sexy?"

Gaara still didn't answer.

As they walked more toward the dance floor Gaara stopped thus causing Sasuke to stop and looked to his right.

"Well, I just found the bar, see ya." Said Gaara as he quickly grabbed a spot on one of the many barstools.

"We come here together and all you want to do is get drunk?!" Yelled an angered Sasuke to the already ordering Gaara.

Gaara received a martini and took a small sip as he looked at Sasuke lazily. Sasuke, knowing he couldn't win, walked over to the redhead and plopped down onto the barstool next to him.

"What the hell are you guys supposed to be?" Said Naruto who was a giant bowl of ramen and had Hinata, a giant pair of chopsticks, next to him blushing.

"Run for your lives, the killer tomatoes are back in the form of over-sized ramen bowls." Replied Gaara before taking another sip from his martini.

"…What?" Was all Naruto said as he tried to scratch his head, but failed due to the huge costume.

"They're even dumber too." Replied Gaara.

Naruto and Hinata walked off to talk with more people and maybe try their hand at insulting people. After they were gone Sasuke turned back to Gaara who was ordering another drink.

"You're only sixteen," Start Sasuke "Why do you drink?!"

"Hey," Replied Gaara as he ordered a Coke along with his drink "There's no drinking age in Konoha and I, for one, am taking advantage of that."

Sasuke just frowned and rested his back on the bar. Gaara scooted the Coke he ordered toward Sasuke hinting that it was for him. Sasuke picked up the drink and took a big gulp out of it finishing it immediately, though unknown to Sasuke, Gaara had spiked the Coke and unknown to Gaara was that Sasuke couldn't handle his alcohol and was soon drunk. Gaara was soon to regret what he had done for one tiny reason…

::Sniff:: "Everyone must hate me!" Whimpered Sasuke as he put his head on the bar.

… Sasuke was a sad drunk. The young Uchiha continued to wallow in self pity as the uncomfortable panda next to him just pat him on the back consoling him, face plastered red with embarrassment.

"Gaara," said a still sniffling Sasuke, "do you hate me?"

"Of course not," Said the shocked panda that was ordering two more martinis for himself.

::sniff:: "That's nice, because I love you."

After that statement Temari and Kankuro confronted Gaara and Sasuke. Temari was wearing a dress made entirely out of fans and Kankuro was a kabuki player (I couldn't think of anything for Kankuro except a Barbie).

"Getting drunk?" Bitched Temari, "How can you just get drunk at a party?"

"Easily." Replied Gaara quickly

"You are such an ass!"

"Stop your bitchin'. The only reason why you're so whiny is because you're pregnant with Shikamaru's kid."

Temari just stomped off madly dragging Kankuro after her.

After Sasuke had made hi earlier announcement before Temari interrupted to the now drunk red head next to him, he leaned out for a kiss but he missed and shortly fell asleep on Gaara's shoulder. After less than two seconds Sasuke's head sprang up nearly giving Gaara a broken nose. Sasuke then grabbed Gaara's hand and dragged Gaara out of the party. While Gaara was being dragged he felt like he was drugged for there were pink and blue bunnies (Sakura and Ino), meatballs (Chouji), and people in barrels (Shikamaru) all around him.

"I must be in the music video for Dope Hat by Marilyn Manson…" Said the hallucinating Gaara.

Sasuke dragged Gaara all the way back to his house. He picked Gaara up and pushed him against the door.

"Why are you so happy?" Inquired Gaara who was still drunk though you could never tell by looks or actions.

WARNING LEMON SPOOF

Instead of an answer Sasuke just smashed his lips against Gaara. The two boys went inside, past the sleeping Hokage and little baby, into the bedroom where they plopped down on the bed together, their lips never parting except for breath and to take off their shirts. Gaara climbed on top of the shirt-less Sasuke, kissing the boy's neck and nibbling at his nape causing Sasuke to make a small squeak. Gaara continued to kiss Sasuke as he reached over and turned off the light by the bed. Gaara and Sasuke started to get more into the moment and quickly discarded their pants. Gaara started to work his way down and began kissing Sasuke's chest, but while he was doing so, his hair started to tickle the ever-so ticklish Sasuke causing him to break out into laughter. Sasuke's laughing fit soon resulting in an accidental kick straight to Gaara's nards.

"I'm definitely gonna be feeling that in the morning…" Whimpered Gaara as he rolled off of Sasuke.

"Heh heh… oops." Replied Sasuke as he started to sit up.

"It's fine, I'm okay." Said Gaara as he started to climb back on top of Sasuke.

:: a few minutes later::

" Ow ow ow ow ow…!"

"What?"

"Move your leg."

"My eye!!"

"….. I can't breathe."

"Oh my God, Gaara! Where did you go?"

"Sorry, I fell off."

This went on for about five more minutes until one of the two turned on a light and both sat up and stared at each other.

"This night," Said Gaara "Never happened."

"Gotcha." Replied Sasuke

Sasuke then went to sleep and Gaara sat down next to him and started to read a book. The next morning Sasuke and Gaara got dressed and walked out of the bedroom only to be greeted by Tsunade and Kamui (actually, Kamui was still sleeping, Tsunade was just holding him).

"What do you want?" Questioned Sasuke

"I have news for you!" Replied Tsunade happily

"What is it?" Asked Gaara

"This baby's happiness shall never wane under my control!"

"Yeah…" Replied Sasuke "So?"

"I never want him to be lonely either therefore I command you two to have another baby!"

Gaara and Sasuke just stared at the crazed Hokage.

"If you two fail to do so by the end of the month I will exile Gaara from Konoha forever and you, Sasuke, will be put in jail for all counts that you have against you!"

"Including- "

"Including when you broke the water supply for the hospital with the chidori."

"Damn."

Me: Gomen nasai!! Gomengomengomen!!!! So sorry for the late-ness!!

Sasuke: What's there to be sorry for? I got a vacation.

Me: I'm apologizing to all of my friends and dear readers!!

Sasuke: … So?

Me: Shut up!! For all of you, do you think I should up the rating on this fic due to that spoof?

Sasuke: If it will get you to stop, then by all means do so.

Me: What did I say about shutting up? Also, I have two things to inform you all about!

Sasuke: ::sarcastically:: Oh please share.

Me: Okay!

Sasuke: -.-

Me: I will be working on a new fan fiction now and it will be titled "Death Whispers". Look for it. Also, I would love it if anyone of you could draw me a picture of Neji in his eye boxers from Chapter 4.

Sasuke: Lemme guess, I'm in "Death Whispers".

Me: Yup, and you die too. Reviews or you will be destroyed by the mail ninjas!!