Ch 3 A Journey Started
A journey started
With weary heart
A pain unending
Without his love.......
Rannel rode to the Inn the caravan master and traders were staying in. He wasn't riding his usual horse. She was back at the farm with Gedrun as a brood mare this season. He missed her, this horse while of Shin'a'in blood, wasn't as well trained as Shadow.
The gelding was pretty, he had to admit, a rich golden brown shading to red he was bred out of the first mare he had bought one of the few times he had made it to Kata' shin'a'in.
That was before Merren had been born he thought, he stiffened slightly in his seat. It was the only outward sign of the pain he still felt two years after their deaths.
It seemed he could go for a time without thinking of them and the dull ache would be in the back of his mind, then something would remind him and it welled up as fresh and sharp as ever. It was better when he was busy, when he had things to keep his mind on. It was one of the reasons he kept to the road so much, away from the memories.
But he had promised his brother that he would visit at least twice a year and the time had come to go back. He sighed and entered the Inn to collect his pay for this last trip as a guard.
"Could you do me a favor" Trader Leremy asked him after he put away his earnings.
"What did you have in mind" he asked.
"I haven't heard from my wife for about two months and she's always been good about sending a letter ahead to each town on the route" he said, he looked up at Rannel. "You of all people would understand my worry, I am just hoping you could check on them and tell her to write" he said.
Rannel closed his eyes briefly in pain then looked back at the other man. "alright where is she" he asked.
"Hensdard" He said.
It was out of his way, he would actually be traveling a week in the wrong direction, but he was in no hurry to get home "I'll do it" he told the Trader.
The next morning he turned his horse to the road to Hensdard. He traveled light, while with a caravan they provided rations and now he planned to use his earnings to pay for food and the like, it wasn't as if he had anything to save for anymore he thought.
The next few days went very well, the weather stayed dry, though he could see storm clouds rising high in the distance, they didn't come close to the road he was traveling. Often he would bypass towns entirely, he had found himself craving solitude, it was too much effort to push out the other.
He had found he could hear their thoughts and it gave him a headache to push them away. At first he had thought it was a from his bond with Graella being torn, but lately he wondered, it felt nothing like what they had shared.
All he knew was that if something didn't change soon he might end up going crazy. He smiled grimly, there were those who said he had passed that point long ago.
Once he found the trader's wife, he was relieved that all was well. She had had a child and was recovering from that. She promised to write her husband and hosted him for the night before he was back on the way home.
Remi made much slower time after they left the caravan, Mikel couldn't rest in a wagon so they had to make several stops a day. He was starting to worry, he eyed the heavy storm clouds that had gathered in the distance. If they didn't make the comb soon they would have to wait another year.
:Then we wait: Valana said with a sigh. She was hoping that they would make it this season, she missed Haven and the support of the other mares and was worried about Mikel. It wasn't often a foal would be born so far from home.
The next week they entered the start of the foothills and the going became slower yet, Mikel had lost the extra energy foals had seemed to always have, all of it was used to keep up with his mother and the packhorse Remi had been forced to buy to carry grain for Val and the nearly weaned foal.
:Tired: he complained for the third time in the last few minutes.
:I know dearling, but we need to make it to a good camp, then you can rest: she sent wearily.
Remi didn't even bother to point out that he could hear Mikel's voice.
Rannel rode his horse in silence, he was glad he was the only one on the road. He fell into brooding as he often did when alone, he didn't have to pretend, didn't have to talk to anyone. He rode for candlemarks with the memories flowing through his mind and the pain heavy in his heart. Sometimes he wondered how he would stand it, the years ahead without her, without them, his family. He even thought of Merrol, the brother who had killed them, and though angry he couldn't bring himself to hate his brother, only ache at the stupidity of it all. He blamed himself more than anyone else. If only he hadn't been so stubborn, they might have still lived, if he hadn't kept the account with the guild, his brother and his men would have gotten the money they had wanted and she would still be alive. It ate him from inside, the guilt.
As twilight descended he saw lights in the distance, a town he thought to himself. Shelter anyway. He debated stopping there, finally deciding in the town's favor as he was close enough to feel their minds anyway, he might as well have comfort of some kind. For the horse if no other reason.
The camp was cold, the small fire didn't warm much, but it was all they could make with the scrubby brush and grass that was all he could find on this hill. Remi eyed the neighboring hills sourly with their trees there would have at least been a break from the cold wind blowing down from the mountains
Mikel huddled against his mothers side where she lay to give him some relief from the wind. After eating and feeding them, he pulled out his blankets, laying them out on the other side of Mikel and rolled himself up in them, he was asleep quickly.
Sometime the next week Rannel rode his eyes closed enjoying the cool breeze of an approaching storm. The first heavy drops landing on his face woke him up from his doze and he looked for a place to wait out the rain. It was pouring heavily when he found the small cavern in the hillside. He was glad he had decided to take a shortcut through the foothills, in the flat lands he wouldn't have found this shelter.
He stripped the tack from his horse and rubbed him down with an old shirt from deep within his pack, he was glad he had bought these weatherproof packs last year, all of his food and clothing were dry, though he waited to change into dry clothes until he had found some dry wood for a fire.
He wasn't successful finding the wood, but it didn't really matter, he changed and pulled out some travel bread, dried fruit and jerky, he also pulled out a ration of grain for his gelding. Frowning at the state of his supplies he decided to find a town and pick up some more grain for his beast soon.
As small as the cave was the body heat of his horse and himself soon warmed them up and he rolled out his bedroll before finishing his supper and turning in for the night. As always it took him too long to sleep, his memories running through his mind before the dreams took over.
It was misty, and the silver light of the moon shone over the hillside as he sat. He stumbled to his feet as he saw her. "Graella" he cried, he rushed to her side and crushed her to him, tears running down his face. "I've missed you" he sobbed, he felt her arms around him before she pushed him back to look at him, a stern look on her face.
"What have you done with yourself, my love" she whispered, holding his haggard face in her hands.
"It's not the same without you, I feel dead inside" he said.
"You have to live" she said, a scolding note in her voice.
"How can I without you" he cried, his voice breaking.
"Our son needs you" she said gently.
"But he's dead" he said, confused.
"He's been reborn, he didn't have the chance to fulfill the destiny meant for him, this was his second chance" she said.
"I don't understand" he said confused.
"It doesn't matter, just do as you must and live" she said gently, she hugged him once more before everything started to fade and he cried out grasping only mist.
He awoke abruptly, tears still running down his face, though the dream faded and he couldn't quite remember what it had been about he still felt some little piece of comfort that she wasn't gone forever. He closed his eyes again and fell deeply asleep, this time without dreams.