Moments Like This
Author - Becka
Rating - G
Keywords - Tony/Carol
Category - Angst/Romance
Spoilers - For the fourth book 'The Torment of Others', but none that spoil the plot, only living arrangements and emotional stuff.
Disclaimer - They unfortunately don't belong to me, no matter how much I wish they did…
Summary - Carol decides enough is enough, confronting Tony in the process.
Author's Notes - I just finished reading 'The Torment Of Others' and needed to write something to finish the definite "Tony and Carol can't just admit the truth!" edges of the book :)
Carol stood outside Tony's door and knocked for a second time. She knew it would be easier to just go down to her part in his house, and go in through the connecting door, but the subject she wanted to talk about required that they forget their living arrangements. He finally answered the door.
"We need to talk. Now." she said. He motioned for her to come inside.
"Is something wrong?" he said closing the door.
"No, but every time we tried to talk there would be breakthrough on the case. I wanted to talk now so I don't lose my nerve later." She gave a small self-deprecating smile and headed towards the dining table. If they were going to talk seriously then she didn't need him to be too close to her, altering her judgment. He followed.
"It's obvious from certain other members of the team they think something is going on between us. I tell them there's not of course, but I'm not sure if that's a lie. What are we Tony?"
"What do you want us to be?"
"Don't try that shrink shit on me know Tony, I need to know."
Tony looked hurt at the comment, making him resemble a child whose favourite toy has been taken away.
"You know what I mean." she said quickly, fighting the urge to put her hand on him, to reassure him.
"I can't give you an answer if I don't know myself. I though you'd made that decision when you went out with Jonathan."
"Fuck Jonathan, he's out of my life. He was only interested in me because he thought he could save me. I don't want to be the maiden in distress."
You never could be Carol, he thought. "You're the saviour?"
"Not in a relationship. I think both people should be able to help each other. Each person is both the saviour and the victim."
"And that's why we never worked. I was the victim of torture, I was haunted, but now we're equal. We both have our demons." Tony said, more to himself than to Carol.
"So what do you think?" Carol pushed. She had tried for something more, so many times. She knew it was unfair to expect him to come up with all the answers, but as she'd though before, the final impetus would have to come from him. She couldn't put her emotions on the line any more than she already had.
Tony was silent. He found his eyes drawn to the back of the door, the one which had suffered his anger when he had hurtled his mug at it. It felt so much longer than two weeks ago that he had seen Jonathan's motorbike their during the middle of the night, alerting him to his presence downstairs. With Carol. Carol watched him curiously, and followed his line of sight to the slight dent in the door.
"What is it?"
"I threw a mug at that door." Carol looked at him quizzically.
"Why?"
Because you were with Jonathan not me, because I'm a poor excuse for a man and because you deserved someone better, and finally got them, Tony thought angrily. "I knew that Jonathan was here."
They were silent, neither wanting to acknowledge the truth that had hung between them since they had met, a truth that was threatening to engulf both of their lives if they did not act upon it.
"Can we do it? Work together and-" Carol stopped suddenly. She was going to say 'sleep together'. She knew his problem of impotence, and how it haunted him. She didn't want to put any extra pressure on him.
"I honestly don't know...but I'm willing to try."
"Me too...I better go and get some sleep. I've got a briefing in the morning."
"You could stay up here." Tony said, his voice not showing the hesitation he felt.
"It's tempting, but I better not. We both have some things to think through."
Tony nodded, and Carol pulled him into a hug. It was there first hug in a long time that hadn't been awkward from emotion and doubt. They stayed in the hug for longer than was necessary for either, but Tony as well as Carol knew that they drew their constant energy and drive from each other when they were working. Moments like this gave them the personal strength they both needed to continue.
"'Night Tony." Carol said as they pulled away.
"'Night"