Thanks to:
Miss. Myxztipic – Sabretooth was Rogue14's idea, you should thank her for it. It never even occurred to me!
Raphaella – Scott/Logan would be pretty scary but it was the most requested pairing to date so how could I say no?
TheDreamerLady – That iron gets everywhere! No matter where Scott ends up he manages to be let down, lol. Your requested chapter right here, although I dunno if it's exactly what you were expecting…
UncannyAsianGirl – Yeah, I'm pretty twisted lol! Logan doesn't sound right talking about romance and I wasn't sure whether or not to leave it in but for some reason camp Sabretooth seemed right. I used one of your ideas here, thanks for it! I'll be using more Toad in other chapters and some of the ideas were weird – I'll use them!
Rogue14 – You're kinda right…this is REALLY scary!
Diaz F – I keep getting accused of having a twisted mind and I think you're right!
Lizzi – Always glad to disturb!
Talon-Draven – Thanks! And thanks for the review of When We Grow Up too!
Tara – You should never eat when reading one of my fics – put down the food now, because this one's worse!
LadyEvils – I'm glad I could aid your recovery! Hope you're feeling better soon.
Todd Fan – Forge and Sabretooth…they never explored that in X-Force!
DragonMaster02 – Glad you liked!
Spyder616 – I'm glad you enjoyed all the chapters and could make you feel differently about humour fics!
Heartsyhawk – Should Scott ever get back to his own world, I think he'll hide from the other X-Men forever! I am planning on 15 different dates for him although whether or not he'll get back to Jean is still up for debate…
Miss Ginny – Scary yet compelling, that's the kind of reviews I like!
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and I'm sure they're profoundly grateful for that!
Author Note: This is the most disturbing chapter I have ever written. It's distasteful, twisted and may scar you for life. You have been warned!
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Scott opened his eyes cautiously, wondering what was in store for him this time. He doubted he was anywhere good after trying to snatch the gun from Forge and getting blasted. But the tuft of red hair sticking out from the covers beside him made him grin in relief. Finally, back in the right universe!
He grabbed the sleeping figure and shook them awake. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you!"
"What are you talking about? I've been here all bloody night!"
Scott's jaw dropped as Pyro put his head above the covers and regarded him sleepily.
"Pyro!?"
Pyro grinned. "I'm glad you're pleased to see me. You were really pissed when I blew your iron up. Nice of you to finally forgive me."
"I, uh, yeah. Forgave you." Scott tried not to look at Pyro's naked chest. "I've got to, uh, go somewhere."
"Don't leave me!" Pyro wrapped both arms around Scott and bore him back down to the bed. "We've no training session today, let's just stay here!"
"GAAAH!" Scott stared up into Pyro's face and wondered if he'd died and gone to hell.
"I bought an entire tub of chocolate ice cream!"
"GAAAAH!"
Pyro frowned. "Is something wrong?"
"Uh, no! No, nothing wrong, not a thing! But I need to, uh, run an errand."
"Fine then," said Pyro sulkily, getting off Scott. "Be like that."
"I won't be long," said Scott in what he hoped was a soothing tone.
"I don't care. You be as long as you want. I guess I'll just eat the ice cream out of the bowl instead of off your body. No, don't try to change my mind!"
"I, uh…oh forget it." Scott yanked the blankets back and froze as yet another figure was revealed beside him.
"Good morning Scott," said the Professor calmly. "Could you be a dear and undo the handcuffs? My arms have gone to sleep."
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHH!!"
Scott leapt from the bed and fled the room, crashing blindly through the mansion, not even thinking about where he was going.
"This is not happening. Gotta find Forge. This is not happening. Gotta find…"
A figure stepped out in front of him and he hurtled into it, knocking them both to the floor. Scott glanced up, expecting to find that Pyro had somehow got in front of him only to realise it was…
"Forge?"
"Well duh." Forge picked himself up and brushed irritably at his clothes. "Why are you running around the mansion naked? You can't be that desperate for ice cream."
"I can honestly say that I think I'm never gonna eat ice cream again." Scott covered the family jewels with his hands and tried to look nonchalant. "You know the trans-dimensional gun you invented?"
"I invented something?" Forge laughed. "Unlikely!"
Scott looked more closely at Forge. He'd been too worried about the recent turn of events to take much notice, but he wasn't sure how he'd missed seeing the goatee, the mechanical leg and the extra twenty years that Forge had gained.
"You're old?"
"I'm mature," replied Forge, hurt. "Like a fine wine."
"But…but…how else am I gonna find a trans-dimensional device?"
"Lance might have one," replied Forge.
"Lance? Avalanche?" Scott scoffed. "He couldn't invent a good excuse to be late for class!"
"Are you sure you're feeling alright Scott?" Forge raised an eyebrow. "His inventions might be a little off sometimes but if he managed to invent that machine that can see through clothes, he should be able to get you a trans-dimensional device. Although I fail to see what you want with one."
"It's a long story," said Scott.
"Oh Scotty!" Pyro's voice floated through the corridor and Scott jumped. "Chucky wants to know where you put the keys to the cuffs! Scotty! Scotty!"
"Gotta go!" Scott fled in the general direction of the door before realising that once again he had no pants on and this time not even a towel. No way was he going to the Brotherhood house without pants on. Fortunately there was a laundry room close to the kitchen, perhaps he could swipe some pants from there. Even a skirt would be better than nothing.
He sneaked into the laundry room hoping that the Professor wouldn't decide to summon him back telepathically if Pyro couldn't find the keys, throwing open the door and diving inside quickly before he could be seen.
"You know bub, you could knock."
"GAAAH!" Scott started as he realised there was some one else in the laundry room. Two some one else's in fact. Logan was giving him an evil look, wearing only his boxers. Rogue was sat on the dryer, trying to cover her naked breasts and her skirt hiked around her waist.
"I, uh, I just needed a pair of pants!"
"I don't care what you, Chuck and the Flamethrower get up to but this party is for two only. Get out of here!" Logan growled threateningly at Scott.
"The thing is, I really…"
"I said get out!"
"I'm going, I'm going." Scott noticed a stray pair of jeans on the floor, grabbed them and fled the laundry room.
"Come back here with my pants!"
At the sound of Logan's voice, Scott doubled his efforts and ran even faster.
"Leave him alone sugah," he heard Rogue saying. "With tackle like that, wouldn't you want to cover up?"
Scott stopped dead. "There's nothing wrong with my tackle!"
There was no reply, the door to the laundry room slamming closed. Frowning, Scott yanked the jeans on and groaned. They were a good four inches away from his ankles. He looked ridiculous.
"Oh Scotty! You down here?"
"Not any more!" Scott headed for the front door and made his way from the mansion, praying that Pyro wouldn't follow. As hard as it was going to be, he had to go to the Brotherhood house and beg Lance for help.
This was going to be hell.
The Brotherhood house was as dilapidated as ever, trash blowing around the sparse garden and two broken windows. Dread rising in his stomach, he knocked on the door.
He wasn't prepared for who answered.
"Jean?"
"Oh. It's you." Jean gave him a disdainful glance. "What do you want?"
"I, uh, need to talk to Lance."
"Hang on." Jean turned and shouted, "HEY LANCE! THERE'S AN X-MAN AT THE DOOR FOR YOU!"
"Don't say it like that," said Scott. "You're an X-Man too."
Jean gave him a startled look and began to laugh. "Me? An X-Man? Shit, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard!"
"Wait, you mean you're with the Brotherhood?"
"Of course! I'm the leader of the Brotherhood you moron!"
Lance walked up behind Jean and draped a casual arm over her shoulders. "What do you want Summers?"
"Uh…" Scott was aware of his cold feet and chest, but mostly he was aware that his archrival was touching his would-be girlfriend. "I'm from another dimension and Forge sent me here with a trans-dimensional gun and now he says he can't get me back and you might be able to because in this dimension you're the gadget whiz not him."
"Right." Lance gave Scott an amused look. "Jean, did that make any sense to you?"
"None at all," replied Jean cheerfully. "I don't think you should help him."
"But you have to!" Scott tried desperately to think of a way to convince them. "Jean, read my mind if you don't believe me!"
"Fine then." Jean frowned in concentration as she entered Scott's thoughts – then shuddered and withdrew her presence.
"Lance, sent this guy away from my dimension now."
"Why?" Lance folded his arms and glared at Scott.
"Because he's trying to get back to his own world and there he's dating me and I'm all goody-goody and self righteous and I'm an X-Man! I want him away from me before I puke."
"Dating MY girlfriend?" The floor began to shake, but Jean stopped Lance's tantrum with a look.
Scott followed them inside the house and waited in the living room with Jean while Lance went to his room. There was an uncomfortable silence while they waited.
When Lance returned, he was holding a device that didn't look much like the one Forge had used. It looked more like a very expensive silver hairdryer rather than the cheap pink one that Forge had favoured.
Jean glared. "Is that my hairdryer?"
"Uh, maybe?"
"You asshole! You said you hadn't seen it!"
"Can you two argue about this later?" Scott really didn't want to witness a lover's spat between them.
"Why don't you shut your mouth?" Jean rounded on Scott. "I know what you and Pyro and the Professor get up to!"
Lance looked disgusted. "Do you have to bring that up? I just ate!"
"Can we just send me home?" Scott was wondering if coming here was such a good idea. Maybe he could have learned to live with the strange romantic situation.
"Fine then." Lance aimed the gun at Scott.
"Wait," said Scott. "Don't you need to know which universe I'm from?"
"Hell, I don't care where you go once you leave here." Lance shot Scott and he vanished in a flash of blue light.
Jean blinked. "Do you think he's back in his own world?"
"I hope not."
Laughing, Jean leapt into Lance's arms. "If this is what you get up to with my hair appliances, you can use as many as you want!"
"That's good news," said Lance. "Because you'll like what I did with your curlers!"