Summary: One-shot. What happens when Voldemort's leading Death Eaters fall into a drunken stupor at the dark force's pub after Harry's just dealt them a major blow?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters—JKR. Song—"Larger than Life" by the BSB.
We Want Your Life
"Pour me another one," a rather drunk looking Death Eater ordered, slamming his empty glass on the counter.
It had not been a good day! They weren't up in the war to begin with, and then that damn Potter went and led a huge bust, landing thirty or so of the dark forces best witches and wizards in Azkaban! The kid had been enough of a pain when he was still in school, but ever since he graduated he had dedicated seemingly every waking moment to the war effort—and it was showing.
For the first time since the war started, Voldemort's forces were on the defensive. It was positively disgusting how one pathetic little boy could be the key ingredient in the war. If there had been any questions in his mind as to whether or not the prophecy was true, they had been dashed long ago.
Giving an irritable sigh, the Death Eater slammed his fist on the bar, "Damn it, Skeltz! I said pour me another!"
"Hey! Shut it before I have to come over there and deal with you myself!" came a voice from the other side of the room.
Pushing himself shakily to his feet, he struggled to not fall over, "Want to come over here and say that!"
"Don't mind if I do!"
And the Death Eater soon found himself sprawled out on the floor, his nose leaking blood, "What was that for!?"
"For being a damn idiot! You think you're the only one in trouble. The minute we arrive at the meeting tonight, Voldemort's gonna let all of us have it, so just suck it up, Wormtail! You're a Death Eater, you bloody well better act like it!"
Wormtail pushed himself into a sitting position and, "What would you know about it, Lestrange? Everyone knows you're Voldemort's second in command. I'd be damned if you get anything more than an earful."
Bellatrix rolled her eyes, "You are an idiot, Wormtail. As Voldemort's second, I get to deal with his first bouts of fury. What you get is nothing but the leftovers."
Wormtail scowled. He wasn't a fool. He knew when he was being insulted. Scrambling to his feet, he drew back his arm to slug the woman when he found he couldn't move his arm. Struggle as he might, he couldn't seem to break free of whatever it was that was holding him.
"What the hell is—" he started.
"Cool it, Pettigrew. You hurt her, you're asking to be Voldemort's target to let his anger out on."
"What do you care about it, Lucius? One hit! That's all I want! It'd be worth it!" Wormtail struggled against Lucius' grip.
Lucius glanced at Bellatrix who nodded her head. In the same instant, Lucius released Wormtail and Bellatrix stepped to the side. The result was that Wormtail rammed headfirst into the bar.
A hearty laugh echoed throughout the room as Wormtail shakily got to his feet, "You got lucky this time…all four of you."
Then, sitting back down on his stool, he hailed the bartender, "Skeltz! What's a man have to do for a damn drink around here!?"
Bellatrix and Lucius simultaneously rolled their eyes, but sat down on either side of the man nonetheless. Ordering two more drinks, all three sat there in silence for a long moment. It was only as an owl dropped a copy of the Daily Prophet in front of Lucius that conversation struck up again.
"Damn that Potter," Lucius muttered, dropping the paper and taking a long swig of his firewhiskey.
Wormtail reached over and slid the paper in front of him. The cover page held a large picture of Potter and his two friends loading the captured Death Eaters onto the boat that would take them to Azkaban with the headline: Potter Does it Again: The Largest Bust to Date.
Upon reading this, both Wormtail and Bellatrix followed Lucius' example and took large gulps of their drinks. Apparently, they weren't the only ones to have received the paper, for a sudden outcry for more drinks filled the room.
As they received their drinks, Draco arrived at the pub, accompanied by quite a few fellow Death Eaters. After having a short conversation with them, they dispersed, Draco making his way over to his father.
"There're Aurors swarming all over the place. Took us a good hour just to get from the Ministry to here. What happened?" Draco asked irritably.
Lucius shoved the newspaper into his son's hands. Draco glanced at it for no longer than a second before slamming his hand onto the bar, "Skeltz!"
Once Draco had received his beer and settled down next to his father, the quartet spent the next hour cursing Potter again and again and coming up with solutions to their problems that only drunk people would believe could actually solve them.
Somewhere along the way, Wormtail left to go find the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, he returned with slightly moistened robes.
"What happened to you," Bellatrix asked.
Wormtail muttered something about not finding the bathroom in time which caused his companions to burst out into drunken laughter. Wormtail, however, merely shrugged and ordered another drink.
Several minutes later, Pansy Parkinson burst into the pub, her face bent in fury, "He's done it again! Potter set another damn trap and caught another fifty six of us!"
There was an uproar of curses and other such vulgar comments as this news sank into everyone. Wormtail really had been right. This was not a good day! If they lost many more, there would be no hope of defeating Potter's army.
"What the hell are we supposed to do now!?" Lucius roared.
"I have to go to the bathroom again!" Wormtail squeaked as he stumbled off his seat and scurried off to the other side of the room.
Bellatrix shook her head, "Voldemort is not going to be happy about this."
"I could've told you that!" Draco barked.
"No one was asking you!" Bellatrix bellowed back.
"Then you shouldn't have said it to me!"
Lucius lowered his head, "Oh, my head."
"I didn't say anything to you, you useless slug! It was a general comment!"
Lucius stumbled to his feet, "I have to go to the bathroom, too…"
"Then you should expect someone to respond!"
"Damn you! All you Malfoys are infuriating!"
"Better a Malfoy than a Black!"
Bellatrix's jaw dropped and she glowered at the boy, but before she could say anything, music filled the room. Confused, both looked around for the source of the disturbance. What they saw, however, certainly wasn't what they had been expecting.
On the opposite side of the room, Wormtail and Lucius were standing on the karaoke stage that had never been used before. Bellatrix and Draco glanced at each other as if to ask if they were seeing things, and, after determining that they were not dreaming, they stared unbelievingly at the duo.
Wormtail and Lucius bobbed their heads with the music, laughing drunkenly all the while. It was as the two started to clumsily dance that the reality of the situation hit all the others in the room. And, just as it did, Wormtail actually started to sing:
"I may run and hide
When you're screaming my name, alright"
Lucius jumped in front of Wormtail, holding his microphone close to his mouth:
"But let me tell you now
There are prices to pay, alright"
The two of them threw an arm around each other, continuing to bob up and down, and motioning with their free hand in wide circles:
"All of your time spent
Flashes of li-i-i-i-i-ght!"
Breaking apart, both of them broke out into clumsy dancing again. One more than one occasion, they fell flat on their faces, though this didn't really seem to have much of an impact on their demeanor:
"Damn you, Potter, can't you see, can't you see
How your hate's affecting all our villainy
Every time we're down
You just make it worse
And that makes us want your life"
Back at the bar, Draco climbed onto the bar, thrashing his glass of beer around, consequentially drenching everyone within five feet of him:
"Looking at the crowd
And I see you're leading them, oh no!"
Spinning around in her seat, Bellatrix barely managed to stay on her feet as she jumped off the stool and raised her wand:
"Wishing I could kill you
With a spell or two, damn you!"
Both the elder Crabbe and Goyle, as well as their sons, clambered to their feet. Taking one last swig of their drinks, they all threw them to the side and raise their arms:
"Cause all of your time spent
We want your li-i-i-i-i-fe"
All six of them jumped around rather ineptly, all their harsh voices blending together into one drunken slur:
"Damn you, Potter, can't you see, can't you see
How your hate's affecting all our villainy
Every time we're down
You just make it worse
And that makes us want your life"
Lucius, still on stage, sank to his knees, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he belted out the words to the song in a horribly off key voice:
"Want your life!"
The music quieted down briefly and Wormtail giggled childishly as he skipped about on stage:
"Yeah, that's right"
Pansy, Draco, and the younger Crabbe and Goyle all stood on the bar, glaring at a Harry Potter that wasn't there:
"All of your time spent
We want your li-i-i-i-i-ife, ow!"
As the four jumped off the bar, none managed to stop themselves from falling flat on their back, where they remained for only a few minutes before springing to their feet. Meanwhile, Bellatrix hoped from table to table, not caring as she spilt beer everywhere:
"Every time we're down!"
By now, the rest of the pub's occupants had gotten into the song and all danced around drunkenly as they attempted to sing along with the music:
"Damn you, Potter, can't you see, can't you see
How your hate's affecting all our villainy
Every time we're down
You just make it worse
And that makes us want your life"
As he tripped over his own two feet, Wormtail toppled off the stage where he landed in a heap on the floor:
"Yeah, every time we're down"
Lucius jammed his arm forward, his face screwed in fury:
"Yeah, you just make it worse"
Now solely occupying the bar, Bellatrix had taken control of the beer dispenser and was currently shooting it out into the crazed mob of drunk Death Eaters:
"That's what makes us want your life"
All the Death Eaters danced around in the spray of the beer. Far too frequently, they tripped over each other, falling and scrambling to get back to their feet, all the while either laughing in their stupidity or scowling in anger:
"Damn you, Potter, can't you see, can't you see
How your hate's affecting all our villainy
Every time we're down
You just make it worse
And that makes us want your life"
Bellatrix dropped the hose, though beer continued to spray out of it, and started dancing on the bar as everyone in the pub contributed to the chaos:
"And that makes us want
That makes us want
That makes us want your life"
It was as they were all laughing and cheering that the doors to the pub burst open and all the members of the Order of the Phoenix, the DA, and quite a few Aurors rushed in. Leading them was none other than Harry Potter.
Ironically, however, no one seemed to notice him, Wormtail had reset the song and they were all going at it again. It took the light forces a few moments to realize that they weren't going to have to fight any of them. Instead, they all stood dumbstruck their adversaries sang the chorus.
Harry, whom the song was about, merely bit back a laugh, bringing a hand to hide his smile. Ron, on the other hand was laughing freely and patted Harry on the back, "Bloody hell, Harry. I think you drove them all insane!"
Shrugging, Harry let out a laugh and motioned for those with him to start rounding them up. Gathering them all took little more than ten minutes—most being too drunk to realize what was happening, and those who did realize it either didn't care or could do nothing about it.
Perhaps the trickiest part of the whole situation was trying to get a hold of Bellatrix and Draco who had taken to the horrifying pastime of stripping under the steady shower of the beer. Both were reluctant to leave their activities, but were content to do so with the promise of more beer where they were going.
Once the building was clear, Harry looked around at the mess that had been created. Only when music sounded from the front of the building did Harry notice those on stage.
Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny, Neville, Luna, and Tonks, were all laughing hysterically as they danced around on stage:
"Bless you, Potter, can't you see, can't you see
How your power's aiding all our victory
Every time we're up
You can make it last
And that makes us love your life"
Harry shook his head and laughed at his friends' antics. This certain hadn't been what he was expecting when he learned of the Death Eater's pub. No, this was much better. The war would be over soon…and then he could have his own karaoke party…
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Bit odd, I know. But I heard the song playing in my sister's room and this just sort of popped into my head. It was so amusing for me that I decided to share it with you all. Hope you liked it!