Xander looked down at Faith underneath him as he felt all of his muscles in his body finally admit to their pleasant fatigue. In his distraction he realized that he hadn't really looked her in her face for… well, since either of them had shed their clothes and he had found more pleasant, less personal, personals to feast his eyes on. There was no commitment in looking at her body as there was when he actually tried to look into her eyes. That was something he had learned even without being in a bedroom with her. But even during the brief moments when he had looked into her face, he wasn't focused. His thoughts were further from his body than he could ever remember them being. He felt disconnected and far from everything except the pain inside of him.
Now that he was looking at her face, and actually looking, he saw that she was probably further from that bed than he was. He couldn't help but feel his ego slump when he saw her expression, which no matter how he looked at it seemed discontent and unsatisfied. It wasn't simply towards him though, that he could tell, but for some reason he had fallen into her long used mindset that this kind of sex gets rid of that feeling. Her head was tilted to the side and her eyes were barely open. Feeling for the first time all night – or at least allowing himself to admit to it – he felt pangs of guilt and pain run through him. He paused momentarily, then fighting his hesitation – for which he didn't understand, since he had just touched her everywhere – he raised his hand up to her face and gently stroked her cheek. Faith turned her face away from his touch.
"Good," she stated. Her tone was tired and indifferent, despite her attempt at a compliment. He was confused by not only her tone but that it was directly followed by her motioning for him to get off of her. He moved off of her and settled himself beside her. She turned onto her side facing the other direction and pulled the blanket over her, going to sleep instantly. She didn't move for several long moments and Xander stood from the bed and pulled his boxers on.
"A little too much J.D., huh, baby?" he muttered condescendingly. He gathered the rest of his clothes and walked towards the door, but then glancing back at her lying peacefully asleep, he turned back and laid down next to her again. He didn't know why he did that but for some reason he just couldn't make himself leave. He even felt uncomfortable being there with her but there was also a large part of him that wouldn't allow his departure. He tried to figure out what he would say if Faith woke up and saw him still sitting there, or worse yet, if someone else walked in to get Faith. What would be his explanation then?
His answer to that question was one that he had never ever anticipated himself ever having. He thought on his plan for what he would do and he simply resolved that he didn't give a fuck. He didn't care who came in… it could be Kennedy or Giles or even Dawn and he'd answer to their questioning stares, it's none of your business, or more likely, fuck off, I did. And, with a little more deliberation, he realized that if Faith said anything he'd answer her with the same type of answer.
Where had this newly found… confidence, he decided to call it confidence, come from? Was this his way of dealing with Buffy's death? Or had Faith done as promised and fucked some sense into him? His eyes hadn't left her and he felt a pang of guilt creeping up inside of him. He quickly suppressed it, impressing himself in his ability to do so. On a normal day he probably wouldn't have been able to live with himself knowing he had slept with her when she had been that drunk. Faith could handle her liquor and the girl knew what she was getting herself into, drunk or not. She was one of the rare people that actually grew more aware of her surroundings and herself with each drink. But clearly, he had to admit looking at her passed out on the bed, that her only true lover, Mr. Jack Daniels, had caught up with her tonight and given her a nice kick in the ass.
Xander heard some noise and realized he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes and saw that Faith had turned around and was now sleeping facing him. He felt his heart sinking with every tear he saw falling down her cheeks. He felt his heart softening and his arm wanting to reach out and hold her and a vicious part of him shut him down and caused a steel wall to erect all around him. I don't care about her, he reminded himself repeatedly.
The sun was up, but still he didn't want to leave the room. He could hear some activity going on downstairs and decided to kick his butt into gear. He stood off of the bed and to his surprise Faith woke with a start. She looked up at him and he returned it with his new resolute, cold, indifferent look. She played it off quite nicely, completely insulting him even in his new façade when she dropped her head face first into her pillow groaning,
"Fuck."
"What? It was that good?" he asked, trying to also play off the insult. She sat up slowly, pulling the sheet around her skillfully, and answered,
"You know, one of these days, can't I just get drunk and wake up next to Brad Pitt or something?"
"Sorry to disappoint."
"At least you're consistent."
"Which is more than we can say for you, huh?"
"I need to go throw up now… maybe while I'm gone you can disappear."
"Oh, you mean work up some magic and poof for you?"
"Yeah, Xander," she answered sarcastically, "use your magic fucking legs to poof yourself out of my fucking room. Cool?" She grabbed a towel off of the dresser and headed for the bathroom.
"Bitch."
-----------
Faith walked downstairs, showered and dressed, heading directly for the kitchen which contained two heavenly items, coffee and aspirin. As she descended the stairs she thought she might've actually been lucky enough that no one was around. The house was usually swarming with activity by now and everything seemed quiet. She walked into the kitchen and had to catch herself from stopping suddenly. All of the Potentials along with Dawn, Willow, and Andrew were in the kitchen, sitting in complete silence with a uniform scared and lost expression.
All of them looked up at her as she entered the room. The weight of the world had not only been given to her, but it she could feel it, at that very moment, dropped down right on top of her.
"Hey," she muttered, trying to mask her discomfort. She walked over to the coffee maker, disappointed and more than a little pissed off that no one had made it yet. She kept her grumbling on the inside knowing that was the last thing any of these girls needed to deal with right now. It was her issue, not theirs.
"Faith, tell them they have to eat something," Dawn said to her. Faith turned to all of the girls about to just repeat Dawn's words and stopped herself, wanting to return back to that place where nothing mattered and nothing hurt her.
"Do what you want."
"I would eat," Rhona answered, "but there's no food in the house."
"Yeah," Molly added. "You're going to get us food and stuff, right? Buffy usually took care of that…" Xander walked into the kitchen hearing the room's shift from utter silence to quite animated conversation. Faith turned to face the window and then back to the girls pointing out the window,
"It's light outside. Go feed yourselves."
"Okay," Vi answered encouragingly, "we can go get food. You'll come with us though, right?"
"Yeah, Buffy wouldn't let us go anywhere without her or someone to-"
"Well, Buffy's gone," Kennedy snapped. "We do things Faith's way…"
"Yeah," Faith agreed, pleasantly surprised by the support.
"And what way is that?" Rhona asked.
"Grow up fast and take care of yourself," Faith answered, reflecting her own life.
"And what if we get killed?" Rhona demanded to know.
"That's really not my problem… it's yours."
"What about the First? What about fighting?"
"You guys gotta learn how to take care of yourselves," she repeated, "I've got enough baggage to keep me completely occupied in a fight. I don't need to be taking care of all of you too. Learn how to hold your own in a fight and you'll be cool. I'll help you guys train and fight and I'll help you get ready but I'm not your fucking babysitter. All of you got to grow the fuck up."
"But…"
"Rhona, do I look like the fucking motherly type?"
"No."
"That's cause I'm not. You want a mom, go find one. You want to learn how to fight, do what I say." With that, Faith turned to the coffee maker and poured herself a large cup. Everything she had said sunk in for a moment with all of the girls and finally Kennedy said,
"Alright, let's go get some breakfast. We'll start training when we get back."
"I like her," Faith admitted to anyone who was listening in the kitchen.
"You gonna be so supportive if she gets killed?" Xander asked cruelly, speaking for the first time. Both Faith and Willow snapped their face over to Xander.
Done fixing her coffee just the way she liked it – two and a half sugars and enough milk to make it the same color as coffee ice cream – Faith headed out of the kitchen. Without disturbing the rhythm of her walk she glanced up at Xander and asked,
"Do you have anything that you do yet?" Uninterested in any reply he might come up with she continued out of the room.
"I always told her to go into standup," he answered. He didn't get quite the reaction he was expecting from Willow, even if he did factor in the situation. "What?"
"The first time I was a little slow to catch on, but I did. And now, well, Xander, I'm not slow anymore. I kind of wish I could go back to being slow though… If you're going to sleep with her, can you maybe, not make it so obvious?"
"Wil-"
"But, not even that," she said cutting him off. "Just… don't be such a pig about it. You want to hurt her, fine, we all have a little of that still in us, but don't hurt everyone else in the process. And I don't really understand your whole, sleeping with her to hurt her thing, but I know that's why you're doing it… and I don't like it, but that's not my call."
"You're right, it's not," he agreed curtly.
"Xander, just don't turn into the type of guy that Faith is so eager to prove all guys are."
"And what's that, Dr. Rosenberg?"
"Complete assholes that only want to hurt people."
-----------------
The Potentials piled back into the house and found Faith lying on the couch in front of the television smoking a cigarette.
"Fuck," she groaned.
"What?" Kennedy asked, confused.
"Me and my severe hangover were kind of hoping you'd all have gotten killed or something."
"Sorry to disappoint!" Rhona answered angrily.
"No, it's okay," Kennedy answered, "if you're not up for it, we can just train tomorrow."
"I don't need to be up for it, you do."
"I think you underestimate us," Kennedy answered.
"I don't think she does," Molly added.
They walked out to the backyard and awaited Faith's instructions. They were shocked when she didn't even glance any of them over.
"Faith?" Kennedy asked, again confused.
"What? You guys planning on death by boredom? Beat me up."
"Which one of us do you want to go first?" Faith laughed and answered,
"I think if you're going to any chance it's going to take all of you." None of the Potentials motioned towards her, not even Kennedy. "Wow, Rhona, you were right. You all are going to die." They looked at her quizzically, lifting themselves onto the balls of their feet as if actually preparing themselves to act. Faith went to Vi and picked her up by the front of her jacket and sent her flying into two other girls, sending all three of them to the ground.
Kennedy finally sprung into action and attempted a roundhouse kick at Faith's face. She blocked it and sent the girl to the ground with one side swipe to the face. She ducked another charge, flipping the girl behind her into another approaching two and then swung her leg under two other girls, knocking them to the ground. Vi and Kennedy were up again and charged, Kennedy again aiming for Faith's face, this time with her fist. Faith sent a strong kick to her stomach, knocking the wind out of her and sending her back into Vi, also causing her to fall.
Faith landed her hits almost one hundred percent of the time. And she noted that the only time any of them were able to get her off of her rhythm was when she caught a blow to her stomach and then the lot of them were able to jump at the opportunity. She knew it took them all a couple of serious hits to realize that they shouldn't be holding anything back when they fought her.
The girls continued, desperately trying to at least stay on their feet long enough to blink. After about an hour, the entire group – excluding Faith – was exhausted.
"Wow," Faith said sardonically, "you girls last about as long as a teenaged boy." Several girls had that comment fly right over their heads, but some definitely picked up on Faith's penchant to relate everything to sex.
"Okay," Rhona said, still panting, "you just kicked all of our asses."
"I'm drenched in sweat," Molly admitted.
"If you ain't sweating, it ain't good." Faith answered. "Alright, unfortunately even fighting has thinking involved in it. You've got to come up against who you're fighting and know what their stitch is. I knew in the first ten seconds what each of your weaknesses are. You three hesitate in your hits, which kills you. You four girls have absolutely no balance, I mean, I felt like I should be teaching you how to stand instead of punch. All of you don't change up your routines enough, it's the same punch, the same kick, the same charge, each and every time. Not that I'm surprised," she admitted, "but you guys fight like B."
"Are you saying you don't like the way Buffy fights? Well, fought…"
"Not at all," Faith answered quickly. "I'm just saying that I can tell she trained you. Without her speed, strength, and experience, those monotonous fighting skills ain't shit."
"What's the biggest thing I need to work on?" Kennedy asked, wanting to better her fighting. She knew Faith could help her, she could help all of them, and she wanted to get the full advantage.
"You don't have anything to work on," Molly answered. All of them knew Kennedy was a rung above them on fighting.
"You always aim high," Faith answered. "You all should've realized by now that you can learn a lot about a person by how they fight. Kennedy aims high… not necessarily a bad thing, but when you concentrate so hard on the high stuff in life, the lower stuff tends to crumble to shit. Kennedy kept aiming for my face and-"
"I knew you were stronger than all of us so I figured if I could get your face I would be able to stun you and gain the upper hand," she explained, thinking Faith would get angry and see her aiming for her head as a personal assault.
"Good approach, but you should've realized when it didn't work the first time that it wasn't the approach that was going to get me. You've got to get inside your opponents head, and I promise, it's a scary fucking sight. You kept aiming high and ignored the lower stuff and each time I landed you right on your ass. You aim high, you leave the low stuff open. And Kennedy," she began on a lighter note, "you should know I wouldn't have let anyone touch this sexy face of mine… it's the last thing I'm going to leave open. Well, second to last…"
"What's the last?" Kennedy asked.
"You tell me. I just listed your weakness; hell, I could analyze any of you after that little rumble."
"For someone who claims to not like to think you sure do a lot of it during a fight," Kennedy added, defensive but also impressed, after Faith's analysis on her.
"That's what Buffy hated the most about me. She hated that I understood her and why she did things. I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't fought beside her, and also sometimes against her. During a fight you see the way people tick… you see what their aims are, their fears, and you see what their impulses and reflexes tell them to do."
Everyone heard what she was telling them, and unlike all of the speeches Buffy would give on fighting, it actually sunk in. They had learned so much from Buffy, but most of what she had verbally taught them, they could only repeat. What Faith had said made sense and she didn't want them to be able to repeat what she said, she only wanted them to think about it.
"So," Faith began again, "since you guys all spent most of your time on your asses, who can play Dr. Shrink with me? Well, let's not even get into that. That's a darker place than I want any of you thinking about, so who can just tell me what my weakness is.
"Lacking guilt when kicking other people's asses," Rhona muttered.
"Always been a part of my personality," Faith agreed with an indifferent shrug.
"You didn't seem to have one," Kennedy answered. "I guess that comes with time, right? After training for so long you've strengthened all of your weaknesses so they don't exist anymore…"
"Kennedy, you ain't talking to Buffy. I've got shit I suck at – what is it?" She scanned the crowd waiting for any of them to get it. "Come on, girls, you can't tell me that all the demons and dumb fucking vamps I've fought are smarter than you. I'm sure some of your parents spent more money on your school than I'll ever see in my life. Come on!"
"It's not your balance," Vi answered, "you barely even moved from the spot you started in."
"And it's not your aim," Molly answered, rubbing her cheek.
"You definitely mix things up, too," Rhona answered, "I think you succeeded in bruising me everywhere."
"So what is it? You guys landed a couple of hits, where were they?"
"Mostly your arms," Kennedy answered.
"And your back, I got a few in on your back," Rhona added with a laugh.
"But when were you all able to do that? There was a first hit that made it so all of you could jump on me."
"Your stomach," Kennedy answered, it all clicking suddenly in her head.
"And we have a winner. Tell me why."
"I think it was Vi who hit your shoulder and I was punched you in the stomach. You lost your focus after that hit."
"She's right," Faith answered.
"Isn't that where Buffy stabbed you?" Molly asked.
"Buffy stabbed you?" Kennedy asked quickly.
"Deserved it," Faith admitted, "and now it's a weakness. It was always a weakness in my fighting but since then its become a bigger issue. You girls have to start keeping your eyes open. I can tell you right now, your enemies will. I don't think I've been in one big fight since that happened when the demon hasn't haven me some serious damage to my stomach. They find your weakness and they aim for it."
"You train a lot different then Buffy did," Vi added. "She never beat us up before."
"And when she would spar with us," Molly piped up, "she'd go to hit us like this," Molly made the motion with Vi, "she's stop just before hitting us or do it real gently and then explain what we did wrong."
"Well, I was only hitting you gently," Faith warned. "And words are something you'll think about while you're training but for the next couple of days, each time you bump into something or move the wrong way and you hit a sore spot, you'll think about how to avoid it next time. It's how I learned."
----------
"Nice, Faith's beating up kids again," Xander mocked as they all piled back into the house. Spike had come up from the basement and now was sending a steady glare in Faith's direction. Everyone grew more tense once they noticed it but the Potentials were once again in awe of her when she asked jovially,
"How's your neck?"
"Piss off…" She laughed before jogging up the stairs. "She's one saucy bitch," he said to Xander.
"Yeah, kind of crazy too."
"That's for sure… she stands there all like, push my buttons, please sir, then you push the wrong one and she's fucking snapping like crazy."
"Yeah, she'll kill you as soon as she'll fuck you."
"You would know," Spike added with a laugh.
-----------
"I guess it works… I'm just not good at it yet."
"It does," Kennedy defended. "I mean, at first when she explained my personality I didn't believe her, but I've been thinking about it and she's completely right. I understand exactly what she meant."
"Well then explain her," Vi urged.
"Yeah, I'm confused by her personality. Her training is pretty straight forward, I'm not going to lie, but her personality is a puzzle," Molly admitted.
"Well, I'm not saying I've got her figure out, but it's kind of funny when you realize… everything she does is like sex." Half of the girls looked at her unclear of how and the other half tried to maintain neutral expressions because they had never had sex and didn't want to say anything stupid. "No, really," Kennedy continued, "I mean, her fighting… well, her training was all about tiring all of us out and throwing us on our backs. That says something and just the way she fights, hell, the way she fucking walks and talks. Willow told me she said years ago about Faith and she was completely right, 'Faith's the do that girl'. I just think it's funny how obvious it all becomes once you see that."
-------------
"Hey," Kennedy greeted, walking over to the couch where Willow was sitting with a book.
"Hey."
"You're looking a little stressed."
"Then that's a good day if I only look 'a little' stressed."
"What's the matter…"
"I don't really want to talk about it."
"Okay. Then can we talk about how weird it is that Xander's sleeping with Faith?"
"How did you know?" Willow asked with a jump.
"Do I look dumb?"
"No, definitely not, but you don't know Xander that way and you only just met Faith, and…"
"Will, even if I was dumb, I'm not deaf," she admitted with a grin. "They're not exactly quiet."
"I guess they're not, huh?"
"Definitely not."
-----------
Xander sat in the kitchen with his eyes transfixed on the clock. The minutes ticked by and once they hit ten-thirty he rose and walked to Faith's room. The door was slightly ajar so he walked slowly in without a knock.
"What do you want?" she asked from the other side of the room. She was folding up some clothes and putting them back into her duffle bag in a more organize sort of pile. He stood there in silence with his hands in his pockets. She looked at him from where she was for several moments then walked towards him. "You know, as a general rule, you should only come back to a girl for a second run when you were actually worth it the first time."
"That might be true but I'm a hell of a lot better than anything else you've got offering to be with you. You should be grateful that I can deal with you for that long."
"Don't kid yourself, it's really not that long."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Faith, but I think it was you who shortened things up last night, you know, passing out and all."
"Faith," Giles said walking into her room. He was confident that she would be the only one there so he stopped suddenly when he saw Xander. Probably far more suddenly then he should have, he concluded. "I didn't mean to interrupt."
"You weren't," she assured him, "he was just leaving." She threw a glare in his direction but he ignored it and remained standing there.
"Well, it's actually good you're here, Xander. I came to unfortunately discus with you the funeral arrangements and if you had anything you wanted to have done."
"That's not my call," Faith said quickly. A little too quickly.
"I disagree," Giles answered.
"It's not my business!" Faith said again.
"I really believe that Buffy would've wanted your involvement and-"
"No she wouldn't!"
"Faith," Giles defended again.
"Hey! She doesn't want to," Xander defended. "She doesn't have to. Buffy would've understood."
"Alright," Giles answered, realizing that Xander was right and that, in his stress and grief, he had pushed too hard. "What about you?"
"I think I'm going to take a back seat in this one too."
"Very well. I'll go and take care of everything on my own then." Giles exited the room, closing the door behind him, wanting to continue in his grieving as before.
"Thanks," Faith said softly without moving. Xander walked slowly up behind her and kissed the side of her neck. She took a deep, soft breath, probably for the first time all day. He dropped his hands to the side of her waist and squeezed her tightly. A soft whimper actually escaped her lips as he rode his hands up her sides then cupped them under her breasts and squeezed as he had before.
He brought one hand up to her face and tilted it to the side as he continued to kiss and bite at her neck as his other hand undid her jeans. As they slid to the floor he raised that hand back to her breast and, listening to a pent up feeling inside of him, he bit her neck hard, positive it was going to draw blood. She didn't even flinch. He turned her around to face him and she ripped his shirt off. As soon as he lifted hers off, she swung her leg under his feet sending him straight to the floor.
It was just as it had been the night before, but higher in its intensity. The night before both had felt that they vented but they quickly realized that there had been hesitations on both ends for whatever reason. Tonight lacked the hunger for one another and it almost flaunted the fact that neither needed the other. It was all about their individual needs with no regards to the other's.
A couple hours later, finally having someone get her out of breath, Faith got off of him and walked over to her clothes. He remained lying on the floor, far more out of breath than her, and waited to regain it. Once he had he grabbed his boxers, still looking over at her.
"Beat it," she stated. He looked at her angrily, but un-shocked. Grabbing his things off of the floor he gave her a last look and answered,
"I really do hate you."
"Good," she answered. He left the room, slamming the door behind him. She tired desperately to hold them back, but the tears soon streamed down her cheeks. She climbed into bed and gripped her pillow tightly, crying herself to sleep.