DISCLAIMER: Neither Sirius or Remus are mine, however unfortunate, and the beautiful song 'All coming back to me now' is by the ever talented Celine Dion. So that's not mine either.
WARNING: Yes, I can even make a Celine Dion song slash. So if you don't like it, don't read it. Celine won't mind and I don't either.
SUGGESTION: Read story while listening to 'All coming back to me now'. It will make it so much better!
ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW
By Elizabeth Tears
He hadn't thought of him properly in years. Well, that was a lie, really. A blatant lie, actually. He thought of him everyday. Every hour, every minute was devoted to his memory.
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever
But this was the first time he had allowed himself to remember, to think, to feel.
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
The moment he had received that owl from Dumbledore informing that he had escaped … it had all started coming back to him.
Every touch, feeling, desire, was recreated behind his eyelids as he lay alone in bed curled up in a tiny ball.
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
Sometimes the pain didn't wait until night. It would claim him as he traversed the streets if he caught sight of a flash of black hair. His breath would catch in his throat if he smelled a suggestion of his aftershave. His heart would give a small leap if someone with the same physical type strode past.
There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
It was tearing him to pieces.
And then he was there.
There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
Standing guiltily in the corner of the familiar shack with his wand pointed at a huddle of schoolkids and a traitorous rat.
He couldn't move for a moment, paralysed by his presence, by being under his gaze again.
"Hello, Remus." He said softly, his eyes speaking what his lips couldn't.
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
Remus had moved then, and almost without intention he was back in his arms. Arms that still fitted exactly around him the way they always had. The way they always should. He was back home.
But Sirius pulled away, his mind filled with vengeance.
"He's here!" The growl broke from his lips.
The rat escaped and they tumbled around the shack like the mischievous teenage boys they used to be so long ago.
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
And now … now it was two years later and they were in the same house together. Trapped forever within the confines of society.
Thrown together like that they had much time for talking. Reminiscing over pranks, laughing sadly at James, sorting out what had happened that night. And always, always avoiding the topic foremost on their minds.
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
Until the day when they were left alone in the house. Retiring to the drawing room near Remus' room as was their custom, the fire burned brightly in the grate.
They had fallen into silence, their conversation supply exhausted.
Sirius leant back in his chair, one foot lolling casually on the rest he commandeered every night. His third bottle of Firewhisky was tipped towards his mouth but not quite there when he suddenly spoke.
"Do you remember our first kiss?" He asked quietly, his eyes glazed as he stared at the fire.
Remus head jerked up from its recline on his hand where he had unconsciously been watching Sirius. He stole another glance at his companion and then averted his eyes to the safety of the cracking fire.
"Of course." He replied, his voice deep.
"You actually instigated it, if you remember." Sirius said. "I thought it quite daring that you would borrow a classroom on a whim without permission."
"I had permission." Remus said absently. "I told McGonogall we were practicing Transfiguration."
Sirius chucked, the amber liquid in the bottle rollicking dangerously close to the neck as it shook with his movement.
"So it wasn't a whim, then." He mused. "My, you can still surprise me, Moony, even after all this time. I never thought you'd have the guts to make the first move."
"It wasn't a matter of bravery, Sirius." Remus told him, a smile playing around his lips. "It was due to the single fact that I was being driven crazy by you and couldn't concentrate on my exams." He shrugged. "I had to do something about it or face failing my NEWT's."
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
"Drive you crazy, did I?" Sirius asked. "How?" He seemed to be enjoying this.
Remus threw his hands up and rolled his eyes, laughing.
"What didn't you do to make me crazy? I watched you every second of every day, wishing you were mine. Your devilish smile used to make me want to ravish you right there. That look you used to give no one but me, like you were really very sorry for what you'd done but you'd do I again if given the chance, used to drive me crazy. It was torture to be under that blasted cloak, you know."
Remus broke off and laughed.
But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
"Your smell sent me wild, your touch put me on fire and when you fell asleep by the fire and wouldn't let anyone but me help you to bed, that was so endearing it actually hurt." He leant forward and picked up his Butterbeer. "Then that day in the Transfiguration room when I kissed you and you told me you loved me too …" He trailed off and sipped his drink ruminatively.
"It was as though all your Christmases had come at once." Sirius finished quietly and dipped the bottle further forward and drank before returning to its precarious position. "You keep talking in past tense." He said abruptly. "Is it?"
But you were history with the slamming of the door
Remus blinked at him and gave him a queer look.
"Of course. Hogwarts was years ago -?"
"No!" Sirius cut in. "I mean your love. Is that in past tense?"
"No." Reus replied after a moment. "No, it could never be in the past."
"Then why the hell don't you do something about it?" Sirius demanded ferociously.
"Because I didn't know you bloody well wanted me to!" Remus responded heatedly, shooting to his feet.
"Of course I bloody wanted you to!" Sirius cried, the Firewhisky bottle slamming onto the arm of the chair as he glared upwards at Remus. "I didn't survive on your memory and the promise of your kiss for nothing!"
"How was I supposed to know that?" A livid Remus demanded.
"I gave you every opportunity to touch me, kiss me, say what I want you to say!" Sirius replied in agitation, the bottle swinging wildly.
"Why didn't you do something, then?" Remus asked, humour in his face and tone at the deliciously rare sight of Sirius wildly flustered.
"Because you're so distant and formal!" Sirius ejaculated wildly. "It's like we're strangers not past lovers."
Remus crossed the space between them in an instant and looked down at Sirius who was still glaring moodily alternatively at Remus and the fire.
"So you want me to try something on you, then?" Remus asked with a smug smirk Sirius could have been proud of in his right mind.
"Well, duh!" Sirius exclaimed. "Isn't that what I've just been telling you?"
He looked ferociously sulkily up at Remus and folded his arms, the bottle nestled in the crook of his arm.
"Okay." Remus shrugged and in the next instant he was sprawled full on Sirius, his mouth carefully fastened on his.
Sirius gave a surprise squawk but then he was returning with passionate embrace with as much gusto as Remus.
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
His Firewhisky soaked lips played teasingly on Remus', the puffing noises proving he still had the knack. They broke away and Remus' lips found Sirius' neck and stayed there, their owner highly amused by the noises he could elicit from the man attached to the neck.
Sirius gave a growl and his hand fumbled at the tie on Remus' dressing gown. At that, Remus broke away and leant back.
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
"I am not continuing this here." He half whispered, half panted.
He slid off the chair and thus Sirius and held his hand out to the latter. Clasping it gratefully, he staggered to his feet.
Remus laughed and leant around Sirius, plucking the Firewhisky from his hand.
"This is not coming with us." He told him firmly, smiling.
"That's okay, you're all I need." Sirius said and grinned roguishly.
Remus kissed him quickly and then hurried him down the short passage to his room.
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
Once behind closed doors, he turned and kissed Sirius, over thirteen years of pent up longing pouring out.
Sirius returned the kiss and resumed his activity of earlier; attempting to relieve Remus of his burdensome robe. Once he had succeeded in this, Remus pushed him towards the bed.
"You're being very forceful again, Remus." Sirius panted, hardly complaining.
"I managed it once before when I didn't know you loved me." Remus managed between kisses. "It's a lot easier now I know you do."
Once Sirius was divested of his own robe and lying helplessly in the middle of the bed, Remus' kisses slowed and became soft and tender.
But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
He pressed his lips to the hollow of Sirius' throat and ran his fingers gently down his chest, following that trail with tiny kisses. Sirius' hands tangled in Remus' hair and he pulled the man's lips up to his own.
"I'm sorry, Remus." He whispered. "I'm sorry I left you. I love you, I love you so much!"
If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
"I know." Remus breathed, touching his lips to Sirius' eyelids, the lashes beading with moisture. "It's okay. I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know."
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
Sirius caught Remus' lips again, determined to possess the man for whom he had survived Azkaban, the man he literally lived for.
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
A lock of hair fell down into Remus' eyes as he rose up and looked down at Sirius. Sirius felt a tear roll down his cheek as he took a mental photograph to replay again and again. With a long, gentle finger, Remus wiped the tears away and one of his own splashed down to replace it.
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
"I love you." They whispered to each other as their bodies moved together. They could only hold onto each other as a flood of emotion swept through them.
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
Hours later, Sirius lay slumbering peacefully in Remus' arms. Remus looked down and could not image a more beautiful sight.
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
They were back together, Sirius was in his arms and Sirius' arm was wrapped possessively around his waist.
He had forgotten what it was like to be loved, to be appreciated, to be touched in the way Sirius touched him.
If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that …
But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that …
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that …
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back …
It was all coming back to him. Slowly but surely, the forgotten memory of how to love, how to be loved. The memory of Sirius was coming back.
All coming back to me …now.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Yeah! Something completely different and right out of left field! Totally random, huh? I never thought I could write anything like that and it's not particularly explicit or anything, but it feels like it to me, because I wrote it. Is this actually classified as a song fic? I couldn't figure it out.
Do you want to know the story behind it? I'll tell you anyway. Okay, I put the Celine Dion cd on because I wanted to listen to 'The Power of Love' to compare it with the original version and then I just let the cd play through and when this came up, I've sat bold up right on the chair and gone 'Omg, I have to write a Sirius/Remus to this' and I did. I actually got tears in my eyes when I went through it in my mind first as I always do. Stupid me.
Anyway, this is dedicated to Sanguisiphiliac because they said that if I wrote another fic, I get promoted to the Favourite's list, so I wrote this. Lol, and because I tried description in this. Lol, usually I write heaps of description, but this is harder because they're not my characters, not my usual genre (meaning slash. All original fiction is straight), I've never been kissed (Sob sob lol) and they're only short fics, so I don't see the need. They're only fun drabble things. Anyway, there, you have a story dedicated to you! Lol.
Thanks muchly to all who reviewed 'Irresistible Detention'. I love you all! Lol.
Lizzy :D