Uh-d!!! Ike-lay, Ullooo-hay!
I'm not even gonna bother translating that....
OKAY!
Raven-Marss2000: I know! I already got it and am on High Charity! Thanks! I think I am slowly improving... (typing, writing, imagining, whatever.)
MASTER CHIEF45: Oooh yes, I had already planned and was looking forward to those parts! Thanks for that, I really needed it!
M.E.R.: This time, it was a stalmate! I couldn't decide who was more encouraing!
Note: This is my Christmas present to the site, for anyone who cares. I will make this a nice, long chapter... I hope (re re re re!)
To the story part we go, to the story part we go! Hi, ho, the darry oh! To the story part we go!
merrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmasmerrychristmas
Jacob sat there, still rubbing his temples, when all the toys stampeded past him.
"Stay calm... ah, screw it. Just get outta my sight." Some toys were still celebrating.
"WAHOO!(to the tune of Jolly Good Fellow) Floodie is replacing us! Floodie is replacing us! Floodie is replacing USsssssssssss... AND NOBODY THINKS THAT SUCKS! HEY!" Everybody who didn't want to be replaced crowded around the window. About five flood forms stood in front of the house, vandalising a car.
But one normal child, while glaring at the others, fixed her hair and pointed her nose in the air. Her hair was in a HIGH ponytail, and she was wearing a shirt with a daisy on it. Oh, and the most noticible featue about her had to be....................................................SHE WAS HUMAN!!
" Holy burning crap...Floodie invited... a girl? And she's...human? (Lay off the damn periods!)" Flam gasped. "How much do you wanna bet he luvvvss her?" chuckled Grunty. " Now that is really disgusting Gruntie." Jacob groaned.
" Yeah, he's only in 4rth grade!" "And... she's, like, human? And he's, like, not?" prompted Jacob. They ignored him. " Dude, that's like forbidden love or something!
Ya know, like when they're not supposed to... but they do anyway?" "Please excuse me while I go throw up." Jacob mumbled.
Suddenly, all the Flood forms finished what they were doing and pulled something out of their pockets. 4 of them held brightly wrapped presents, but one of them held a dagger. One whispered something in his ear. Jacob strained to hear what they were saying, but all he could hear was 'not ambush' and 'party, you dumbass'. The Knife-boy said oh, and swapped is knife for his own present. Jacob could pretty much understand what that meant from there.
The mayhem upstairs restarted, and the toys strarted running and screaming completely random things such as ," HOLY PUMPKIN CRACK AND TURNIPS!! (Thank my brother for that one. ) "
" Guys, would it soothe your frazzled nerves if I sent the marines down there?" Jacob asked patiently. " Yes! YES !!! SEND THEM DOWN T-T-THERE! We WILL RELAX, WE SWEAR! AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahem." Elitey-Face screamed. Nobody noticed among the chaos.
"Sergeant!" A marine climbed out of the bucket 'o 'rines. "Sir! What the hell do you want, SIR?!!" the marine bellowed. "Establish a reacon post on the P.P. sector! Take your most elite men, and this ba- COMMUNICATOR!"
"SIR YES SIR!!" The marine yelled something to his men, and turned to jump off the table. Jacob stopped him. " Two things, Johnson! What will you do if you come across any resistance?!!" " I WILL PERSONALLY UNLOAD A FULL CLIP OFF ASSAULT RIFLE FIRE INTO THEIR STUPID A$$!, SIR!" "Good. And Johnson"
"SIR!" "Stop using CAPS LOCK." " SIR- Sir yes sir!"
The marines left, and Jacob rigged up the bab- COMMUNICATOR to the proper setting. The rest of the toys watched nervously from the window. The
(F-five L- lunatics O- out of O- orbit D- Dumbasses S- as in plural)
F.L.O.O.D.S knocked on the door. Simultaneously. Which made an extremely loud sound ring through the house. And of course, extremely loud sounds either annoy, scare, or entertain babies. For the little infection form, it did the first two.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" The mother (woman flood form)
grabbed the baby and cradled it.She rocked it, sang to it, and tried to walk to the door at the same time. But since the damn thing would not shut up, she got so pissed she simply threw it on the floor, where it popped like a crackler. Floodie stared. "Mom, if I had colic, would you have done that to me?" "You did have colic,
and the only reason you are alive today is that I was still slightly sane when you were a little infection form." " That makes me feel real warm inside."
For the marines witnessing this, that made the mission more dangerous. A marine pulled out a tape recorder. " Note to self," he whispered," the maternal form is easily aggravated and will readily kill it's own. Suggested hints of menopause."
"If you're finished bein' Shakespeare, then get your self in front of the P.P. zone Dubbo!" Sergaent Johnson asserted. (Normally, you know, it would be yelled.
But since they don't want to get their butts fried by a menopausal Flood form,
they gotta keep their voices low. Dur. l)
They traveled to the P.P. zone (potted plant for those who haven't got it yet)
They got about half way there, when the F.L.O.O.D.S. finally were let in by the M.M. (menopausal mother) . The marines had to freeze and pretend to be inanamite. "OK, who wants some grub? I've got human and elite!" Floodie's mom called. Unfortunantly for Dubbo, M.M. stepped on him. "OW! MY FRIGGIN' FOOT! FLOODIE YOU DUMBASS!! HOW MANY TIME HAVE I TOLD YOU TO PICK UP YOUR CRAP AFTER YOUR STUPID SELF"
She used her tentace to swipe the marines out of the way.
Of course, they went flying down the stairs. (twee) Most of the marines were flailing and yelling their squelly toy yells. But Johnson stood upright and flying, either like a toy or like the true-to-the-core marine he was. (sniff that is so cool! In the face of death, he stood strong! sniff At the end, we will pay tribute to this fine example of a marine! WAHHH! cries)
And, the most obvious thing of all is that: they landed. "AAAAaaaAAAAaaahhhh hhhhhhhhhh....... AAHH!" they all screamed (except Johnson) as they dropped to the floor. Most of them groaned, rolled over, and stood again. But Johnson (who was already up) barked out something. All the marines formed a single-file line.
.....Except Dubbo, who was laying on the floor. " Ug.....go on without me"
All the marines stood there, barely able to believe the state of their teammate.
At least, that is, until one of them said, "Sure, whatever." Then all of them shrugged and marched on. But Johnson walked right back up there and said,"A good soldier never leaves a man behind!" He threw the injured man over his shoulder. "HOLY CRAP! " He threw him down. "What the hell have you been eating?" "Ummm... fudge bars"
Johnson glared. " Well, I won't leave you behind..." He pulled out a shotgun.
He shot Dubbo in the head 3 times. " Let this be a lesson to you! Think about your crazed teammates before you go eating fudge bars!" Johnson told them.
"SIR YES SIR!"
They journey down to the P.P., and planted the ba- COMMUNICATOR into the post. They climbed up to the top of the wicker basket and waited. Sure enough, the F.L.O.O.D.S stampeded past them, pushing and shoving.
" I WANNA GET iN THE MIDDLE!" "NO, I DO!" This bullcrap went on until M.M. screamed, "FLOODIE IS GETTING IN THE MIDDLE, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE ABOOUT IT WHATSOEVER!" So, they all meekly sat down around Floodie. Except for the girl. She was standing up, but she was only placing her present in the pile. She delicately set hers on top, and then skipped to the spot directly behind Floodie and sat down, tucking her ankles under her bottom.
Some marines pulled out books, crosswords, or word searches. The rest turned on the 'municator. All except one. He pulled out a magizine entitled 'Fems Monthly'
One caption said 'Getting in Touch with your Feminine Side: Here's How!' (How educational) Sergeant Johnson shook his head, let his eye twitch, and spoke in the communicator.
roomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroomroom
In a crackly voice the communicator said,"Papa ship, come in, papa ship! This is fire team zulu-"
"Cut the crap Sergeant. I know you're there and you know I'm here." Jacob responded in his typical cynical-like way.
" Oookay. The thing has been placed. Now we just have to wait. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,
10, and a big fat hen! OK! He's opening the first present!" Everyody leaned closer in anticipation. "It's a... a lunch box!!"
"A lunch box?" Flam asked. "A lunch box?" One-Eyed Flud echoed. "For lunch, you dumbass!" Grunty laughed. Suddenly, incoherent screaming was heard (thanks to Floodie) and a quick flury of words in response. "And what the hell was that?" Jacob questioned.
The communicator crackled. "Translation; someone gave him bedsheets, and he screamed, quote, 'DO I LOOK LIKE I WET THE BED AND NEED NEW BEDSHEETS TO YOU????!!!' unquote. The response was, ' No, I just thought they looked cool and would be awesome on your bed.' Floodie has calmed down,
and even looks happy about the sheets."
"Well, Floodie can't replace us with bedsheets." Jacob grumbled. Few toys looked relieved.
The list went on and on and on. Nothing seemed of any importance, but there was two things Jacob did notice. One, was that nobody bought him a TOY toy. Second, was that the only real toy anyone got was a Michael Jackson action figure, and EVERYONE knew that was going in the trash. (haha :P) all it did was say random things like, " Babies are cool! Especially when dangled out 10 story windows! Those are some of my favorite things! Now I don't feeeeeeeel sooooooo bad....!" (Flowgo! Go there ! MJ's Favorite things is the name! don't own that, either)
"....Floodie is opening the last present!" "Noooo! Not the last present!!! MORE DAMMIT MORE!" Jacob wailed. Elitey-Face looked relieved. Flam looked ready to hurt someone. Flud just looked like he was going to cry.
".......It's a..... SHIP? Floodie got a sailboat! Repeat, It's just a sailboat!" "Who the hell bought him a sailboat?" Jacob yelled. " It's a model. The girl bought him a model sailboat."
Jacob looked very angry for a second, then smiled evilly. " That means quality time boat rides into the lake... WITH A WHIRLPOOL! HAHA!!" "Actually, they got rid of the whirlpool last week." Grunty told him, filing his nails.
"........." plantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplantplant
"Wow! Thank you Daisy! Now I can take my toys for quality boatrides in the lake...without a whirlpool! We will have so much fun!" Floodie said.
"Don't mention it," the girl (Daisy) said."...Does this mean I get to be paper moniter this week?" Before Floodie could answer, M.M. threw something cube like at him.
"Here, since all these gifts suck, you have the only thing that doesn't suck."
"Papa ship! Come in, Papa ship! M.M. just pulled a suprise present!"
Jacob snapped to attention. " WHAT IS IT? What issss iiiiiitt?" "It's a..." Sargeant Johnson was cut off as a loud uproar shorted out the communicator.
"DAMN! DAMN! If this is good, he'll come up here to play with it! GET IN YOUR POSITION"
Everybody ran into the place they were last seen. Jacob, the bed. Flam, the window.
Flud. the fake town. Cortana, with her gigabites. Everybody else ran to the toybox.
All was quiet...for about 5 seconds. Suddenly, a stampede of Flood kids and one human girl ran upstairs, trompling anything in their path. "MOVE IT"
"I WANNA SEE THE ACTION FIGURE!" " IT'S MY TOY, LET ME IN"
Believe it or not, Floodie made it in first. (Oh. My. God.)
" Hey! Look! His gun actually shots! OW!" "Take that freak!" "MAKE SPACE! This is where the pod lands!" One of the kids swiped Jacob off the bed and set an oval shaped object in his place. "I'm gonna try his action phrases!" M.M. broke the bedlam. "GET DOWN HERE IF YOU WANT TO BE FED FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR SO!" Of course, everyone hightailed it back down there,
leaving all Floodie's presents behind. The girl didn't though. She lingered by the bed,
opened up the lunchbox, and set something tiny and beeping inside the case. "Tomorrow, lunch. He'll never know... until tomorrow anyway." She smiled evilly and left the room.
Slowly, everyone came out of their hiding spots. "Jacob, who's up there with ya"
Elitey-Face called. Everyone was suprised when Jacob fell from the window. He was obviously drun- DIZZY. "Guess the kid swiped me too hard!! HEHE! That doesn't sound right, ya know? Swipe? Where did that come from? HEHEHEHE"
Everybody rolled their eyes.
Finally, when Jacob regained his senses, he started to climb up the bed. He stuck his head above the top of the bed. An oval was sitting there, in all it's glory. "HAHAHA! THIS is what Floodie likes so much? That kid is getting more retarded everyday!" He walked up to to it, and began poking it. "Come on, even Floodie's not that stupid. It has to do something. What, does it fight evil, shot lasers or fly?" Suddenly, when Jacob actually compressed a button, a hiss was heard.
Fog seeped out of the opening 'oval'.
Noblely, something stepped out. A hollow breathing sound was heard. The 'something' was a deep sage green. It was shaped like a man, but the body was bulky and it had a helmet on. It had it's head up high, and majestic music was playing. It would have been a perfect movie moment, but the thing whirled around shot a violinist. The rest of the band screamed and ran in different directions.
Cortana climbed up and looked at it admiringly. "We've been trying to get rid of them for ages. What are you, anyway?" It hesitated. " I," it said,"do not want to be called an it anymore." It sounded male so it will be a he. Seeing that he was now animate, he also added, " I am Spartan 117. You can call me Master Chief"That's my new type of break!
It's a cliffie! Kinda, I guess. I have three important notes.
1. That was DEFININTLY my longest chapter yet! Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
2. Remember Daisy? They DO NOT like each other, and she hates him. I just needed to find some character dialog. (And someone besides M.M. that would plant a mini-
bomb in Floodie's lunchbox! :) )
3. REVIEW! I need reviews! I am breaking down, and my schedule for school just changed,
so HERE I AM, MOVING TO MAJOR ADVANCED CLASSES, TRYING TO FOCUS ON A STORY ONLY 1 PERSON REGULARLY REVIEWS ON!! (Very nice reviews, might I add :) ) Sorry, I had to get that out. No offense, by the way.
So PLLEEASE review! The better the reviews are, the better the chapter will be!