A Glimpse of light through the night by Dark Blaze (2003)
Timeline: Takes place right after 'Hello, Goodbye'.
Summary: Three weeks after leaving Logan and Seattle behind, Max comes back to find things have changed and Logan has gone missing.
Disclaimer: Dark Angel and its characters are copyright 2000-2002 Twentieth Century Fox Studios and James Cameron and Charles Eglee. The original fiction and additional characters noted here are copyright 2003 Dark Blaze.
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CHAPTER 01
Logan's Apartment, Fogle Towers
She didn't know when it happened. She wasn't sure how she got there really, she just did. After climbing down Space Needle, Max found herself driving towards Logan's apartment, accelerating faster and faster as she rode along the dark streets, mechanically avoiding cars and pedestrians, not really noticing them.
Deep in thought, she was certain
that she could let her Ninja drive her there, having visited that very same
place countless of times.
A little after a half hour she arrived at her destination and sat back on her
bike, glancing upwards at Fogle Towers, searching for movement in the Penthouse.
(She had decided to walk her bike the last half-block in case he was sleeping at
this late hour.)
Wheeling her motorcycle into the garage, she casually parked it beside Logan's
Aztek, not surprised the least to find the garage attendant missing 'Guess he's
sleeping again, who would be up at this hour?'
Walking up to the elevator she pulled out the electronic card Logan had given
her for access to the garage and elevator along with the access to his apartment
floor. Ever since the incident with Zack the tenants wanted security upgraded to
ensure that similar events would not repeat themselves.
She swiped her card through the card reader, punched in her code, and waited for
the elevator to arrive.
She couldn't really confront him at the current state she was in, but she knew
she had to; she had to try and fix that mess between them, a mess that she had
caused through lies and deceit.
Max's motorcycle ride gave her plenty of time to contemplate the reasons as to
why she was heading to Logan's place, but she still wasn't sure about it all.
She wanted to know what was going on between them. She knew they were certainly
friends, but were they more? Before the whole Manticore incident it certainly
looked that way.
It was hard to pin down her emotions when she didn't know where to place them.
Or more precisely, whether her emotions would be welcomed once she did place
them into a particular man's hands.
After all the pain she had caused him, caused them both, she wasn't certain if
he would want her back, if with what she had done, she had blown her last chance
and had ruined the even the faintest possibility of them ever being together,
regardless of the virus that started this.
The elevator arrived, but Max was so lost within the depths of her thoughts that
she never acknowledged its arrival; instead she unconsciously walked in and
pressed the button for the penthouse.
The virus… The retrovirus that was injected by Manticore into her bloodstream
and was targeted directly to Logan's DNA as means to terminate Eyes Only had
originally brought all this pain and distance between them, but they still had
each other.
But some time or another along the road she decided to give up, hadn't she? She
had chosen to give up on the search for the cure, to give up on any possible
relationship or future with Logan.
He however never gave up; he kept going, kept searching, kept helping her when
she needed it, regardless of if she wanted the help or not. And how did she
repay him? She pushed him further away, to the extent of telling him not to call
her anymore, lying to him, telling him they were through and that now she was
with Alec.
Sure, she could have just said that they were over or that she was with someone
and be done with, but she wanted to cut all links, to try and block away all
feelings and emotions that she felt even at the slight mention of Logan along
with the hurt she had when she yearned to touch him and remembered that she
could not.
She knew that Logan would never buy something like that, she needed something
substantial, something that he would, although reluctantly, believe. That's how
she came up with the 'Alec-idea'; Logan would hurt for a while, but he would
recover and move on with his life without her endangering his life by mere
touch.
So why all of a sudden the second thoughts, why was she feeling this way? There
were never words of kindness or affection exchanged between them, there weren't
any promises of 'wants' and 'loves'. There had never been such things between
Logan and her.
The only thing close to intimate between them were a few kisses, hopes for a
better future together, and when they were finally finding out their feelings
for each other and figuring out what was that between them, all hell broke loose
and she 'died' in his arms, only to return from the depths of hell and nearly
kill Logan with just one kiss, a kiss of death.
Before she met him, she had never wanted such things as love, it was all a
sentimental lie to her; she was just looking out for herself, number one and no
one else. For a while she experienced some of what she could have; she wanted to
belong, to be loved.
After the virus nearly being fatal again to the love of her life, she had
managed to convince herself that she didn't need such things, that they only
brought pain and misery.
But then why all of a sudden did she want them now?
Because she was tired; exhausted from pretending she didn't need emotional
baggage, exhausted from saying they 'weren't like that' and using the virus as
an excuse because they 'were like that' dammit.
She cared about Logan, a lot. She couldn't place the time of when it happened or
how but somewhere along the way their friendship grew past the 'just friends
limits', he broke through those high walls she had built around herself. And now
she knew that her life would never be the same without him it. He had become a
very important part of it and she wouldn't have it any other way.
Max longed for the sight of Logan's deep blue eyes as they lit up every time she
entered the room, the way they showed her thousands of emotions just for her,
emotions that neither dared to place. But it was more than that. She loved the
way he smiled at her, the way he could make her feel warm inside by bringing out
a look designed to make her melt, causing her heart to do a quick leap every
time she received it.
Every time she heard him call her name she could feel her heart swell with joy
at the way he caressed the sound of the word "Max" with those lustful lips of
his.
Even though they both knew she could very well take care of herself, she longed
for the concern she saw in his eyes as he spoke to her two words "Be careful".
To someone else it would seem like a casual non important show of concern, but
to her it was more, it made her smile knowing that someone actually cared, truly
cared for her. When her eyes would find his, she always felt secure, being in
his presence made her feel safe, knowing that she wasn't all alone, not anymore.
Thinking back to the beginning of all of this, a while after they had met each
other and Max had a sudden case of seizure, she remember that she hadn't felt
vulnerable seizing, because he was there, he was looking after her, taking care
of her. She always hid her weaknesses from others because she didn't want them
to be used against her, but Logan was different, he saw past them and he didn't
judge her, he was simply there for her.
What did that mean? Max didn't really know. Was that love she felt? She couldn't
really tell. But if the way he looked at her and supported her when she needed
it the most were of any indication, let alone his evident concern for her
wellbeing at all times and the words of love he gave her on the beach, she knew
that she felt exactly what the meaning of those words were, the same way he felt
for her.
So again it came down to how she truly felt. Was it love that made her stomach
tighten in a knot, made her want to reach out and touch him so badly that it
hurt her to her very being? If it was, then that was just fine because she no
longer was in the mood for running away from the thought. But then again it
wasn't just fine. Her body kept reaching out for warmth, craving the feel of
touch, but not anyone's touch, Logan's exclusively.
Above all uncertainties one thing was certain, Max enjoyed Logan's presence.
Happiness dwelled within her when he was around and her face literally glowed
when their eyes met. It wasn't anything in particular that drew her to him. She
just was, simple and complicated at the same time as that. There was something
different about him. There was something different about the way she felt about
him. It was different than her usual non-heat attraction to a guy. It was… deep,
making her feel elemental emotions, as if visceral, if one could acknowledge
primal desirability. Then again, she was part feline.
Thoughts of being drawn to Logan forever appealed to Max. If they could just
overcome certain obstacles, it could might well happen.
It felt wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Was there such a thing as
true love? For the first time in a very long time, Max let herself believe that
maybe there was. For her. For Logan. For the two of them. Together.
But what about Logan? Was he just as drawn to her as she was to him? Max didn't
know, although everything he did and said made her feel that he was, but could
she be certain? Would he still feel this way after all that had happened, after
all this time? One way or another, she was about to find out. There would be no
more running away. Her mind could scream all it wanted with Escape and Evade
tactics that would advise her to take off when she could no longer handle the
situation. No more living with their business partnership status of quid pro
quo. Tonight they would find out each other's emotions and face up to them. And
tomorrow they would live with the consequences of what tonight would reveal.
The doors of the elevator opened suddenly and Max was somewhat pulled out of her
reverie, only to be struck with a feel of worry, hesitation for what she was
about to face.
Just as thoughts of running away crept into her mind, music of Valse Triste
invaded her thinking, bringing with it memories of the dream she had of dancing
with Logan. She smiled to herself. It felt as if they had shared that dream; had
they truly? Her heart was saying yes and there was only one way to find out; she
would have to ask Logan some time.
With the intention of confronting Logan, Max made her way out of the lift and
towards Logan's apartment.
She knocked on his door. Once. Twice.
Nothing happened.
She waited a bit.
She knocked again.
She waited some more.
She knocked again. This time the knock was louder. This time there was no way it
could not be heard.
'Sleeping?' She thought turning to leave. 'I shouldn't bother him at this hour.'
But the strangest of things happened to her, she wasn't moving forward towards
the elevator again. She turned around again, this time facing the door and
almost systematically reached at the back of her outfit, her hand digging into
the deep pocket that her small lock picking tools resided behind the hidden
flap, powerless to stop herself from picking the lock.
Finding no resistance whatsoever Max turned the knob and found the door give
way. 'That's odd, Logan always locks his door'
All thoughts of how she would find Logan, the possibility of him being happy to
see her or mad, or even indifferent flew out the window, concern filling her
senses.
As the door opened silently, Max stepped into the apartment. The silence that
reigned upon Logan's residence was daunting. She had never felt like this
before, not at Logan's; here she always felt safe.
Scenarios of what might have happened came rushing to her, and for the first
time ever she was afraid, afraid being in Logan's home, afraid of what might
have happened to him.
Concern completely evident in her voice, she called out for him.
"Logan?"
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