:: one mother of a headache ::

The sun filtering through the curtained window of the room fell across the face of one Colonel in the United States Air Force, its warmth and bright light waking him from his unconscious state. With a groan, O'Neill shielded his eyes from the sun with his hands while his head throbbed unmercifully in protest against some trauma that had occurred. "I've got the mother of all headaches…" he announced to no one in particular, rolling onto his stomach to hide his eyes in the safe darkness of the pillow. As his face was smushed in the pillow, he used his free hands to gingerly touch a growing knot on the back of his head. The physical evidence of someone having hit his head hard from behind brought his faint memories rushing to the front of his mind and he quickly rolled back over and sat up, suddenly aware of his alien surroundings.

The bed O'Neill was in was large, plush and incredibly comfortable, although the sheets were covered with bright and garish yellows, oranges and reds. Looking around the room, O'Neill saw that the whole room was colored brightly and he winced as the vivid scene assaulted his eyes and made his headache worsen slightly. The walls were covered in Egyptian-style artwork and he briefly wondered which Goa'uld had brought the inhabitants to the planet he was currently on. However, he didn't dwell long on the thought for that was Daniel's area of expertise.

Reminded of the rest of his team, he shifted in the bed to get out and go look for them. It was at this moment that he realized he was naked. Although not a man easily rattled, he still clutched at the sheets on the bed and wrapped them around his waist as he stood, unwilling to run around an alien place as naked as the day he was born. Keeping one eye out for any other occupants of the room that might be present, he made a quick round and discovered that none of his clothes or his gun or anything else he had were to be found. He did, however, discover fresh, clean clothes draped over the back of a chair. Presumably, they had been set there by whoever had captured him in lieu of his own uniform.

After looking them over and realizing that nothing better was going to present itself, he put them on reluctantly, at least thankfully that they weren't too outlandish. The shirt was a pleasant green a few shades lighter than emerald and the pants were black, a color that deeply contrasted with the radiant colors that seemed to be the norm of wherever he was. There was also a bright red sash but he left that alone, opting for the darker colors that would not draw as much attention.

With the issue of clothing taken care of, O'Neill turned his mind to the problem of where he was and, more importantly, how to get out. He walked over to large door and slowly and as quietly as possible so as to not alert anyone that might be waiting on the other side for him to wake, turned the handle and pushed on it in an attempt to open it. As he had expected, the door did not budge.

Checking that possibility off his mental list, he turned to the window. Walking over to the stained glass image of a woman carrying a shield with two crossed arrows, he searched for a handle and, finding one, he tried to open the window. To his surprise, it did. He stuck his head out to see how high up he was and immediately pulled it back in. The reason for this was that the room he was in was at least six stories up and falling out of a window on accident wasn't on his "Top Ten Ways to Die" list. Making sure he had a firm grip on something inside of the room, he leaned his head out again to get a better look. It appeared that there was a small ledge underneath the window and O'Neill found himself hoping that he wouldn't have to reenact the scene from the first Matrix movie to escape.

He ducked his head back inside the room and took a seat on the bed to think over his options, the few that he had. He could either climb out the window and try to either scale down the building or find another window, and room, to hide in, or he could break down the door and escape that way. Of course, that would be sure to attract a lot of attention. And then there was the option of just staying where he was and waiting for his captor to come and gloat and take him off to torture him or whatever the villain felt like at the time. That would definitely be fun.

The colonel sighed, unhappy with his situation. "If only Carter were here," he found himself thinking aloud after a minute. "She always comes up with a better 'or'." He paused, reconsidering his words. But, then again, waking up in bed with a naked Carter or, god forbid, Daniel and Teal'c too, would have been definitely awkward, O'Neill thought to himself with a grimace at the imagined scene his mind played out.

As if in response to his voice, he heard someone moving on the other side of the door. He stood up and looked around for something to use as a weapon. Grabbing a foot-tall statue of a half-naked woman that was standing on a table nearby, he quietly crept to stand behind the door when it opened, ready to defend himself from whatever hostile entity happened to walk in.

…

Carter mentally thanked God as Patriarch Birant stood up and announced the end of the feast. The strange but yet edible parade of bizarre creatures and plants cooked and roasted and baked and prepared in other ways she couldn't even name had been non-ceasing for over two hours and she felt that if she smelt one more alien food, she would throw up. She and Teal'c had been discreetly eating very little, if any, of the foods presented, however, Daniel had been having the time of his life, trying a little bit of everything and remarking to her and Teal'c on how this dish tasted like smoked salmon or that one tasted like lamb chops with gravy or hey! That one over there even tasted like clam chowder… but with avocado. She couldn't help but smile as she recalled how the colonel had told her of when he and Daniel had first visited Abydos and Daniel had tried to communicate with Kasuf and Skaara how the food he was eating tasted like chicken. Luckily for the people of this planet, Carter had cut in and explained for him when Daniel was asked was asked what a lamb was.

Patriarch Birant clapped his hand and a host of male servants (or they might have been slaves, Carter couldn't tell) quickly cleared away the dishes. With a clear voice, he addressed the other men seated at the table, SG-1, and the other men present in the room. "It is time for us to be reminded of who are and who gave us life," he said, sitting down again. "Bring in the children."

In response, the doors through which Daniel, Carter and Teal'c had entered were opened and a procession of about forty young boys walked into the room. They lined up in front of the long table, which was situated on a platform, and bowed to those seated at the table. All of the people at the table were seated on one side with their backs to the wall so they were better able to view the children's performance.

One boy moved to stand away from the others and said with another little bow, "Honored Fathers, we are here to present to you the story of creation and of Mother Earth and Father Sky." Behind him, two tall boys stepped forward. One was wearing a green robe and the other wore a blue robe and a mask of what appeared to be a ram. "Reminds me of a school play," Daniel leaned over and whispered to her and she nodded in agreement.

The little boy, who appeared to be the narrator, spoke again. "In the beginning, there was only Mother and Father and Father's children, the stars." At this, about five of the boys wearing yellow robes broke away from the group and moved to form a circle around the boy who represented Father Sky.

"Mother watched Father with his children and was jealous and so she created the sun to burn him and hide his children from view." The boy playing Mother grabbed another tall boy wearing an orange robe and pushed him towards the boy playing Father, breaking up the circle of stars.

"In response, Father created the rainwater to heal his burns and the sky serpent to protect his children, who became the serpent's skin. At night you can see the serpent's white eyes and the days the sun does not shine, Father's serpent has swallowed it and it must wait until the next day to be reborn." A line of six boys encircled the sun figure, ensnaring them in the coils of the serpent costume they wore, which much resembled the New Year's dragon costume worn by the Chinese people of Earth. The boys who were supposed to be stars moved to stand around the serpent costume and its two large eyes were luminous replications of what appeared to be moons.

"Thwarted by Father, Mother looked upon herself and found she was bursting with new life, created by the rain. She begged Father to give her children of her own, as the gods they had born together had chosen to remain with him in the sky. Father felt pity for her and looked to his pottery wheel and the first man and woman sprang forth from the clay there." From underneath the large blue robes of Father, emerged two young boys, one wearing a long-haired wig which designated him as a 'woman', and they went to stand by the boy playing Mother.

"Father looked on Man and saw that Mother was happy with her new children. He promised Mother that he would leave her alone and so he returned to the sky through his Sacred Waters to tend to his own children." The boy playing Father exited the room through the doors, closely followed by the "serpent", "stars" and "sun".

"After many years, Man became powerful and with his civilization, forgot his Mother. She grew angry with Man and came to the Matriarch in a dream, demanding they return to their proper worship of her. When the Matriarch didn't listen, Mother created the temple and from its maw, fire rained down on Man and his city, destroying all he had created." While he had been speaking, the two boys had moved to stand by the last of the group but when he had spoken of the fire raining down, some of them had fallen to the floor, as though dead.

"Mother came once more to the Matriarch and told her to gather the women of Man. Then, she took them to Father's Sacred Water and taught them how to use it for she is the Opener of Ways and knows the paths to all places. On that day, Mother left Man to his own attendance and took Woman to a secret place where they might live together forever in harmony, only allowing Woman to return when she required the services of Man." The figure of Mother Earth gathered the original long-haired 'woman' and some of the other boys wearing wigs and led them out the door.

"From that day forth, Mother slept, only awakening every hundred harvests to bless her children and… um…" the little boy's voice trailed off and his eyes grew wide. Carter recognized the look of a panic-stricken actor who had forgotten his lines. One of the "men" came to his rescue and leaned down to whisper something in his ear. "Make sure we have taken care of her world!" The last words were let out in a rush as the whole group bowed and quickly exited the room. As the door closed behind them, Carter espied the tall boy reach over and box the ears of the little narrator, obviously irritated that the younger child had forgotten the last words.

"I apologize for the child's erroneous memory," the Patriarch said gravely, turning to look at SG-1. "He is still young and in need of a great deal of schooling."

"Thank you, Patriarch," Daniel said, making a little bow from where he was seated, "We enjoyed it, even with the child's small mistake." He turned to Carter, saying in a lower tone, "Well, at least we now know who took Jack and why."

"As well as why there appears to be no women present on this planet," Teal'c added.

"What?" Carter looked at him. "The women took him? Why?"

Daniel folded his hands in his lap and stared at them for a moment before clearing his throat uncomfortably. He looked up to meet Carter's gaze and said in a level tone, "Sam, think about it. What 'service' would women require men for that they couldn't do themselves?"

Carter's eyes grew wider than normal and captured on her face was the classic 'deer in the headlights' expression. "Oh…" she said, clearly lost for words. While she absorbed the information, Daniel turned to ask a question of one of the Fathers sitting next to him.

"I believe we should endeavor to rescue Colonel O'Neill as soon as is possible," Teal'c said after there had been a momentary silence.

Carter nodded, "Absolutely."

"I think we have a bigger problem than Jack's situation, Teal'c," Daniel said, turning back to look at his friends.

"And what is that, Daniel Jackson?"

"I just asked this guy when the next celebration of a hundredth harvest would be and apparently we arrived a week before it's going to happen."

Realization dawned on Carter. "So, in one week, we're going to have to deal with a Goa'uld?"

"Yeah, and I don't think she's going to be happy to see us," Daniel said.

"I believe that, if he were here, Colonel O'Neill would say that that is the 'understatement of the century', Daniel Jackson." Teal'c said, his expression and tone typically solemn.

"Yeah, Teal'c. He probably would," Daniel agreed.