Author's Notes: Once again, thanks to Aja for pointing out some of my early mistakes. I hope this version is a bit better. It's written from Tatsuha's point of view, meaning minimal concern about Ryuichi. Deal.
Chapter 6
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Every stroke was wrong, yet right. Strange scenes began to appear on canvas, as pink watercolor bled over the warm tan of a tree branch. The blue water of the pond reflected the sky, yet faint ripples of bolder colors disturbed the reflection's serenity. The images shown in the pond were cut and distorted, as if someone had skimmed a rock over the pond's surface, disturbing the water. Tatsuha, Eiri and Mika. Tatsuha glanced at the blurry portraits found within the painting's pond, with no people at its edge to account for them.
This shit was always happening, since Ryuichi. There was no such thing as a solid plan. Paintings came when and how they wanted. Tatsuha rested his paintbrush to the side. They were always the worst subjects too, such as the Sakura tree. It was a symbol of a lost childhood. Ryuichi still retained everything Tatsuha lost, yet the singer was many years older.
As a kid, Tatsuha was always the bad one, but in an innocent way. He angered his father because he liked the attention. He gathered temple donations from old folk for the purpose of buying candy.
Little things. At the end of the day, they never mattered. He shared his candy with Eiri, and apologized to his father. Mika tucked him in at night, along side of Eiri, after a tiring day at the temple. No matter how pissed off Mika was, she'd still say goodnight. Their father would check in on them around a half hour later, to make sure they were actually asleep.
Long ago, Tatsuha locked away those memories, never caring to dwell on why he stayed at the temple with his father. It was just a duty, and yet his painting said otherwise. Even with all the disrespect he gave to everyone, there was still some fondness left in his heart. Still some goodness... so they might say.
The leaves rustled, gentle and steady like soft percussion. The trees seemed to keep the temple forever in shade, just as they always had. Today, tomorrow, from season to season, always faithful...unlike the children.
Soft humming sounded like music amongst the clatter of dishes, and the chatter of people. Sunlight shined down, beating onto the umbrellas of the outdoor café. It was no surprise that Ryuichi wanted to meet in such a place. Cheer like this could suffocate some people. Ryuichi sat at a table, near the middle of the café, humming to himself or Kumagoro, almost as if he was tempted to sing.
Ryuichi wore green tinted shades, and the same blue baseball cap Tatsuha recognized from before. His attire seemed perfectly normal for an outdoor café.
"Hey Ryuichi."
So empowering to call him by his first name. Some days it felt too good to be true.
Ryuichi turned his head, a smile gracing his face that seemed to shine happiness though his eyes. "Tatsuha-kun! We saved you a seat!" A pink bunny paw waved in the air. Ryuichi was good at gathering attention. The people sitting at the next table were staring. Who wouldn't stare at someone who played with a stuffed animal at Sakuma-san's age? Even if they thought he was much younger, like 16, it still would have been strange.
Kumagoro looked like he could have used a bath, Tatsuha thought, as he neared the table.
"Thanks, this is my seat, right?" Tatsuha took it before Ryuichi could answer. To hell if it mattered which seat was Kumagoro's, as long as he seemed concerned about it. Somehow, when he turned to Ryuichi, the bunny's sloppily-stitched eyes looked murderous. "Hey Kumagoro!" Tatsuha gave the bunny a few friendly pats on the head, which could have been mistaken for skull-crunching blows.
"How have you been? ...I figured you were busy since it's a long way to Kyoto and back."
Ryuichi was avoiding talking to everyone. People like Ryuichi didn't do that sort of thing without a reason, Tatsuha thought, as he watched the singer. Yesterday, after his phone conversation with Ryuichi, Tatsuha called Mika, and asked her if anything happened with Nittle Grasper. She said she didn't know, but that didn't mean that something hadn't happened. They could have quietly broken up, just as Ryuichi was afraid of.
Maybe it was wrong to prod Sakuma-san so soon. It was such a basic question, yet it seemed to drain some of the happiness from the singer's face.
"I haven't been busy. Kuma and I aren't busy anymore," Ryuichi said, his voice sounding soft, as he spoke down to the table cloth. His voice was smooth, far from the high-pitched pleasantry Tatsuha had been greeted with.
"I don't feel so happy when I think about it."
It was like deflating a balloon. Things changed that quickly.
Tatsuha watched as Ryuichi took off his sunglasses, folding and placing them on top of the table. Kumagoro sat limply in Ryuichi's lap, his head bent like Ryuichi's, as if he shared in his friend's sadness. Maybe Ryuichi wanted understanding rather than sympathy? It was stupid to take cues from a plush bunny, but at that moment Tatsuha felt like it was appropriate to try to see things through Ryuichi's eyes.
"Sorry... I didn't mean that you had to tell me anything. All I want is for you to feel happy, okay?" Happy. That simple word again. Probably one of the first words any kid ever learned, yet it was one of the most complex. "You don't have to tell me anything," Tatsuha repeated, not realizing he'd already said it. Ryuichi didn't have to say a word and he could guess what was wrong. The silence between them felt... bizarre. A few minutes without Sakuma-san's stupid antics and Tatsuha felt out of his realm. Sometimes Ryuichi Sakuma became exactly who Tatsuha first expected to meet... the lead singer of Nittle Grasper... a person in complete control.
The sound of a sniffle startled Tatsuha from his thoughts. Now was not one of those times of control for Sakuma-san. Though a bit tentative to get involved with a crying fit, Tatsuha gave Ryuichi a half-hearted hug. People were looking, after all.
"Ryuichi, don't cry here, okay? It'll be all right. Can't you hold it in?" he whispered into his ear.
Just then the damn waiter decided to show up. "Are you ready to order?" His bright, practiced smile, in place. He was probably a nice guy, but he picked the wrong time to show up. Tatsuha shot him a glare to rival that of Eiri.
"I'll come back in a few minutes."
What the hell would make Ryuichi shut up? Tatsuha tried to think fast. Kumagoro sat lifelessly in Ryuichi's lap. Tatsuha grabbed the ratty plushie by its ears, and stood it up, getting a feel for animating it the way Ryuichi did.
"Don't cry Ryu-kun! Tatsuha and I are here for you." Tatsuha imitated the voice Ryuichi used, as best he could. It sounded really, really fucking stupid. He could feel himself blushing.
Ryuichi looked up, face red from crying. With a free hand, Tatsuha gave him a cloth napkin. At least he had Ryuichi's attention, though he had trouble reading Sakuma-san's expression.
"Uhh... Tohma isn't that great anyway. He's--" That was as far as Tatsuha got before Ryuichi started tearing up again. Fuck.
"I mean- we'll paint rainbows when we get home, Ryuichi! It'll be so much fun." Kumagoro's arms waved around frantically. Maybe Tatsuha got a little too carried away, because he could have sworn he heard the faint sound of a rip.
Tatsuha's words seemed to have the opposite of the intended effect, as Ryuichi's crying became... louder. "Shit... Shut up!" Enough was enough! Tatsuha dragged him up from his seat. It was a fucking spectacle. It's like when a parent whacks a kid, the kid starts wailing, then everyone stares. Child abuse. Tatsuha took Ryuichi's hand and dragged him out of the restaurant. It would have been easier to shove Kumagoro in his mouth to shut him up... but that would have been insensitive.
"You know, you don't have to make such a scene," the dark-haired teen griped, as he pulled at Ryuichi's hand, annoyance ruling his actions. "I get it. I can guess exactly what happened, and you don't have to keep crying about it like it's the end of the world or something. Everyone loves Nittle Grasper, but that doesn't mean they don't love Ryuichi Sakuma too. Tohma can be a bastard, but I know he wouldn't purposely try to hurt you..."
No. Tohma wasn't that kind of person... to those he loved, anyway.
Tatsuha slowed down, his grip on Ryuichi's hand weakening. From Tatsuha's other hand, Kumagoro pitifully dangled, a puff of off-white fluff bursting from the seams of his pink shoulder.
"You know what I mean, right? ... If you're lonely, you can come see me." Tatsuha handed Kumagoro back to Ryuichi. The bunny was the least of his concerns. "Nittle Grasper broke up. That's life. It's reality and you can't keep running from it. Even the painting... you don't need some painting of a concert because you'll keep on performing concerts... because you love it, right?"
"Kumagoro." Ryuichi's eyes filled with new tears, as he examined his friend's injury. "You didn't have to hurt Kumagoro to say that, Tatsuha!"
"I didn't do it on purpose..."
Tatsuha frowned as he watched Ryuichi. Tears trickled from Ryuichi's eyes, but he wasn't looking at Kumagoro, or playing with the bunny's damaged arm. Maybe, yelling about Kumagoro was only a distraction.
It didn't matter that it was the middle of the day, with the sun up high overhead. Tatsuha stood with Ryuichi, in the shade, and pulled him close, arms wrapping around his waist. This was how he might hold a lover, yet he was comforting an upset friend. He pressed his forehead to Ryuichi's, sighing half for Ryuichi, and half for himself. How the hell do you get someone to stop crying? He thought, closing his eyes. The dull feeling of pain. He wanted it stopped.
He thought back to how Mika used to comfort him as a child. She'd draw him into a hug, smoothing back his hair to kiss his forehead.
And a kiss it was. Strange how things never come out how you intend.
Barely a touch, but so soft. The purpose of comforting Ryuichi was all but forgotten. Ryuichi's warm breath, so close against his lips... was bliss. He touched Ryuichi again, kissing him more passionately, as though it were a natural action... as though they'd been lovers for years as many as Nittle Grasper's existence.
Taking advantage of Ryuichi Sakuma. A fine day in the life of Tatsuha Uesugi.
